In a quiet, remote mountain village in Hebei Province, there is a woman who is known as "the most beautiful rural female teacher" - Gao Yanmin. She was also named one of the "Top Ten Moving Figures in Hebei" in 2007, but what is unexpected is that Gao Yanmin's other identity is "abducted and trafficked women".
In May 1994, 18-year-old Gao Yanmin was abducted by two traffickers on the pretext of "looking for a job" while queuing up at the Shijiazhuang Railway Station to buy tickets. Later, in just four days, she was sold three more times, and finally sold to this remote village in Quyang County.
In the second year of being abducted, due to the shortage of teachers in the village primary school, Gao Yanmin, who had the highest education in the village and graduated from junior high school, became a temporary teacher in the village primary school.
In 2000, because no teacher wanted to come here to teach, she became a substitute teacher in the village. People in the village call her "Teacher Gao". In 2005, a photographer who came here to collect her style stumbled upon her and reported online about her dedication to education. Therefore, in 2007, she was named "Top Ten Moving Figures in Hebei".
Gao Yanmin thus received various "honors" and "praises". However, the rush to report in the media has also caused great controversy on the Internet. Netizens are indignant about her trafficking, and they all denounce the punishment of traffickers and buyers on the Internet.
At this time, what is surprising is that Gao Yanmin wrote a letter asking the media not to disturb her peaceful life and not to hurt her family again. She said that although her in-laws bought her, they were the good people who saved her from fire and water.
Why? Is it because she was one of the lucky women who were trafficked and did not suffer any hardships? Of course not. When it comes to trafficking in women, it's not as simple as we think. It would be good for the traffickers to trick people out and sell them.
The whole process of trafficking has a very mature set of experience, and it is divided into several processes. The first traffickers are usually women, who are more likely to be approachable and feel that there is no risk in contact. Then use rhetoric to win your trust and make you let go of your defenses, thus luring you into deception.
Then I will hand you over to the second trafficker. The second traffickers are usually men, and they will use violence to keep you alone in a dark room, ravage, bully, and prevent you from committing suicide.
In this way, after being deceived and humiliated many times, when the real buyer comes, the abducted girl will naturally regard the buyer as a savior in order to escape the bitter sea. Instead, he forgot that he had only entered another sea of suffering.
Gao Yanmin also experienced such a fate, being imprisoned in a black house and being ravaged, experiencing unbearable torture every day, even if she was sold to Xia'an Village, but because she was a daughter-in-law she bought, she would still be monitored and beaten by her husband.
In an interview, gao Yanmin recalled the dark time, she said: She did not want to admit her life, and ran over, but she was caught again and beaten fiercely. She committed suicide three times. The first time was diving, the second time was sleeping pills, and the third time was rat poison, but they were all saved.
In the whole process, she fought and struggled, but in the end, she succumbed to the fate of being abducted and sold, and gradually became a virtuous wife, a filial daughter-in-law, and a capable mother in the eyes of others.
She finally confessed her fate.
So, why did she, who initially resisted, still choose to admit her fate?
There is a famous experiment in the United States: put the dog in a cage to give an electric shock, the dog can not escape, after many experiments to cancel the escape barrier, still give an electric shock, at this time the dog itself can escape, but instead of escaping, but do not wait for the click to appear first fell to the ground, desperately waiting for the pain to come.
Psychology calls this phenomenon learned helplessness, and subsequent experiments have shown that this learned helplessness can also occur in people.
When a person finds that no matter how hard he tries, no matter what he does, he will end up in failure, he will feel that he cannot control the whole situation, so his spiritual pillar will disintegrate, his fighting spirit will be lost, and eventually he will give up all his efforts and really fall into despair.
It can be said that learned helplessness is the devil that makes you achieve nothing, destroying your value and existence step by step. What are the manifestations of learned helplessness?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > cognitive dissonance: Why am I always doing well? </h1>
No matter how I reviewed the test results, I always didn't get ideals; I wanted to learn to cook but made a dark dish; I worked hard why my colleagues and leaders still didn't like me.
The common characteristic of this type of person is that they always use negative language to talk to themselves.
People's senses of the self are derived through cognition, and this perception has an impact on us as children, and being abused, over-disciplined, or over-coddled in childhood will make them not have the correct understanding of themselves in adulthood.
When they become adults, they often unconsciously classify traffic congestion and rainy days as negative experiences, in fact, this kind of thing is extremely common in Nissan life, there is neither negativity nor positivity to speak of, and the evaluation of external things depends on the way you think about problems. The moon has yin and sunny love, and people have sorrows and joys, which is normal.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > low self-efficacy: Forget it, I can't</h1>
In the parent-child relationship, children who are often hit by their parents will gradually become unwilling to try new things;
At work, if we try to rush forward, but we have not been encouraged, and we have been suppressed and criticized many times, we will eventually begin to doubt our own ability;
In a relationship, if one partner frequently hits the other, the person being hit will also feel that he is worthless, not worthy of being loved, and not worthy of love.
They are a group of people who have lost their sense of self-worth, and what they have in common is that they have a very low sense of self-efficacy. They don't dare or think they can't afford to try to do anything, and the first thing they think of when they encounter difficulties is not how to solve it, but choose to escape.
But avoiding problems only escalates, and avoiding pain only doubles the pain.
This kind of person seems to have a disease of anxiety as soon as he tries. Instead of focusing on how to achieve their goals, they spend their time convincing themselves and constantly attrition.
The writer Erdje Krive once said, "If you can't solve the problem, you will become the problem." ”
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > uncontrollable life and can only sit still</h1>
A baby elephant can't break free of the trainer's rope when he is a child, fails N times, learns the experience of failure, grows up with the strength to break free, and will not try.
A person in the workplace, who always fails in a job, will give up his efforts in this work and set limits on himself. Feeling like "this can't work, that can't work", is hopeless. Even if one day his abilities increase greatly, he would not dare to try again in this work.
An ignorant teenager who always encounters rejection, failure, and breakup in love will think that he will never get love happiness. Even if you meet the right person one day, you will feel inferior and think that you are not worthy of love.
Socrates once said: The unexamined life is not worth living. Then an uncontrollable life is to sit still.
The dog in the experiment will eventually have a chance to escape, and will also turn a blind eye to the opportunity.
Gao Yanmin eventually succumbed to reality, and when netizens were indignant about her abduction and denounced severe punishment of traffickers and buyers, Gao Yanmin wrote a letter asking the media not to disturb her peaceful life.
Learned helplessness ultimately leads to the person's numbness to the life of the present, the inability to control the future life, and the need to sit still.
So, how can we get rid of the sense of fatalism that comes with learned helplessness?
First of all, adjust your own cognition, things do not achieve the desired effect often has many factors, do not put all the responsibility on yourself, do not label yourself negatively. Self-confidence is often based on self-knowledge, with good self-awareness, in order to confidently accept themselves.
Second, try to start with a small thing, experience the joy and achievement of success, and feel the sense of security that comes with being in control of your life
Finally, if you still can't get out of the shadow of being a garbage, please see a psychologist in time.