Rural female teachers cannot speak of pain

I am 30 years old, have been working for 10 years and have been separated from my husband for a long time. Usually can not take care of children, children grow up day by day, only on weekends can see. So I haven't seen my children for a long time, and quiet children are becoming more and more unfamiliar with me. Want to give up the current job, and afraid of going out after not finding themselves, but also almost into middle age, do not give up to miss the growth of children is really a confirmation of the now very popular saying, there is no job where there is a home, there is no home where there is a job. After thinking about resigning countless times, my family members were opposed, afraid that they would not be able to find a job after coming out. They all think that teachers are iron rice bowls, and there are two long holidays, many people can't get in with their heads broken, all kinds of persuasion, and I can't decide whether my family doesn't understand, only I know that this job is not as decent as outsiders look. And it is very inconvenient to work and live in rural areas. Winter is coming, and there are too many people with electricity to cook even rice. Usually, when I am sick, I almost always drag myself and stand up, and there is no doctor. I was tired of this kind of life, when I was studying, I dreamed of getting bigger, and my life seemed to be going against the grain all the time. From one mountain to another, the quilt lived such a life, I was not willing. I've been feeling lost lately and have thought about resigning countless times. But it still seems that there is no courage, because I am already the mother of the child, and there is no wayward capital. Please always wonder, if I go back to 10 years ago, will I still choose the exam? Whenever it was late at night, I asked myself countless times. I really want to spend my whole life here, I am not willing. If you want to go outside and see, the outside world may be wonderful. Many people have told me that stability is actually a kind of happiness, and the reason why I am not willing is because I have not been beaten by society. In fact, I don't like this sentence, I hope to do what I like. No matter how tired and tired, I am willing to live the life I want without scruples. But it seems like just my wishful thinking, too much bondage and pressure. I know I can't take this step. Because I have a family behind me, there are too many expectations. It is everyone who has the right to dominate his or her own life. For example, I am a good example.