Looking at the marriage and love choices of Mr. Yiduo and Liang Shiqiu, you will feel that in a long marriage, temptation is inevitable, but what makes the marriage stable is never how many flowers to send, how many voices to love you, but the responsibility for responsibility and the self-discipline that is born.
Smell a lot: "Emotionally blowing up a little ripple"
Wen Yiduo's mental journey of marriage is almost similar to Lu Xun's, the gifts given by his parents are not liked, but they cannot resist, so they began to talk to their parents about the conditions: when they get married, they do not worship the church, do not worship their ancestors, and do not make a marriage room; after marriage, they cannot interfere with married life. Even though he received assurances from his parents one by one, Wen Yiduo still wrote to his brother to reveal his fear of marriage, "I will never be free, no life."
His ideal life is to take poetry as his wife and painting as his son, rather than saying that Wen Yiduo is afraid of arranged marriage, rather than saying that he is afraid of marriage. I am afraid that such fear is in the youth of any era. While he was afraid, he entered the marriage, and after marriage, he sent Gao Xiaozhen to the girls' school. That era was really wonderful, some people, such as Su Qing, went to school in school, were forced to go home and get married; some people got married and were sent back to school. Undoubtedly, Gao Xiaozhen is lucky, but also extremely intelligent. During their time at school, the two began to pass on books to Hongyan, and Wen Yiduo discovered Gao Xiaozhen's cuteness and talent, and they became a real couple of lovers.
But in that era, wars continued, universities continued to relocate, Wen Yiduo arrived in Qingdao, met fang Lingru, who was talented but frustrated in marriage and divorced. Fang Lingru has a lot of personality, nine sisters, eight are wrapped in their feet, only she resists. Regarding his marriage, Fang Lingru reflected that "although the classes are the same, they despise each other, and their lives, habits, and thoughts contradict each other." Friends around me confirm this reflection. According to Jiang Biwei, Fang Lingru's ex-husband "has a scientific mind, meticulous thinking, orderly work, and the most orderly"; Zhao Qingge once was a neighbor of Fang Lingru, and she said that Fang Lingru "has a very heavy temperament as a poet, she has both an open-minded and open-minded side, but also sentimentality, loneliness and pride." I don't like to socialize, and I often stay alone in the house meditating and meditating, and suddenly weep with dignity."
Fang Lingru's troubles may also be Lu Xiaoman's troubles, the other party is not wrong, it is too rigid, and life is boring. After the divorce, Fang Lingru met Wen Yiduo at Qingdao University. Before coming to Qingdao, she had exchanged letters and admiration with Wen Yiduo because she liked new poems, and at this time she refused to let go of the opportunity, often asking Wen Yiduo for advice on new poems, and Wen Yiduo often dragged her to participate in the liquor bureau of "Eight Immortals in Wine" composed of professors from Qingdao University. Fang Lingru was called Xiangu. In frequent contact, for the delicate and very individualistic Fang Lingru, Wen Yiduo developed love, in liang Shiqiu's words, "a little ripple in the emotion."
Wen Yiduo's "Miracle", Fang Lingru's "Let You" and "Poem One" all have the love of the two people flickering, but there is more inner struggle. Liang Shiqiu said in "Talking about a Lot": "Of course, both of them have a toss in their hearts, and they are still so angry when they write poems." In this relationship, it is impossible to say who is more active, but it is increasingly revealed in the eyes of the world, so that it is discussed.
It then ended with Fang Lingru finally resigning and leaving Qingdao University. On November 13, 1931, Shen Congwen, who was teaching at Qingdao University, wrote a letter to Xu Zhimo, saying: "Fang Lingru left this place on Tuesday, and at this time he may have seen you. She was afraid that she would be embarrassed to return to Qingdao this time, because there were also some women's tragedies as usual... She is the one who really needs a lesson from her 'godmother'. ”
Wen Yiduo woke up from the wandering, let go of himself, he wrote an English poem, and attached this Chinese on the back, "People are not grass and trees, who can be ruthless." As Fang Lingru left, Wen Yiduo took Gao Xiaozhen and the child over. This storm has passed.
It is worth saying that after a few years, Wen Yiduo arrived in Kunming, and Gao Xiaozhen was still in Wuhan at this time, refusing to follow Wen Yiduo, and Wen Yiduo's letters were very fleshy, "Honey, I am not afraid of death, as long as the two of us die together." My heart and liver, my dear sister, where are you? From then on I will not let you leave me for a day. My flesh, my heart and liver! Your brother is thinking about you, thinking to death! ”
Where is the hairy boy who is afraid of marriage, nor the middle-aged man who blows up a little ripple, this is a naked son who does not hesitate to show love to his lover! He once said the most impressive sentence, "Since you have entered into a marriage relationship, you must live this life well." ”
Liang Shiqiu: "I am a mortal - all I have is feelings"
Any reader who has seen Liang Shiqiu's "Dream of Huaiyuan" should be moved by it. On April 30, 1974, Liang Shiqiu and his lover Cheng Jishu were shopping in Seattle, USA, and Cheng Jishu saw that Liang Shiqiu's shoelaces were loose, so he bent down to tie them for him, and suddenly, a ladder next to the scaffolding on the street fell down, just smashing on Cheng Jishu's body. That's how the accident came. Cheng Jishu, who entered the operating room, hastily bid farewell to the world. Liang Shiqiu fell into grief, and in order to express his feelings of longing, he began to write "Dream Memories of Huaiyuan".
"Dreams of the Garden" is the longest of the memorial articles I have read to a limited extent. To show solemnity, Liang Shiqiu first wrote about Cheng Jishu's grandfather, and then wrote about the process of their marriage. The luckiest thing about Liang Shiqiu and Cheng Jishu is that their marriage has an arranged component, because before this, Liang Shiqiu's mother and sister have already seen Cheng Jishu, and at the same time, the two have the sweetness of dating before marriage.
Liang Shiqiu said that he disliked girls the most, "God gave you a face, but you made another one yourself", and Cheng Jishu just happened to be a girl who did not like to apply grease and powder, and she looked beautiful and lovely among the girls, and she was very simple. After getting acquainted, the two often met at the Taimiao Temple, and although decades had passed, Liang Shiqiu still remembered "entering a large cypress forest, and countless gray cranes stopped at the top of the tree after the spring warmth."
However, just after the two determined their intentions, Cheng Jishu's uncle came forward to say that Cheng Jishu had reached the age of engagement and already belonged to a suitable family, and at this time, Liang Shiqiu had gone abroad for further study, so the two solved the matter according to the agreed meaning. Liang Shiqiu went abroad for three years, and they maintained relations by correspondence. Liang Shiqiu said that a letter takes more than twenty days to arrive, but except for the first twenty days of not reading, after that, there are letters to read every day, because they write letters every day, and a letter can be read for most of the day, because they want to say a lot to the other party. These letters, Liang Shiqiu said, were not ready for public publication, so they were burned in the winter of 1948.
Later married. Of course, there will also be cases where someone invites you to drink flower wine. Liang Shiqiu told Cheng Jishu in advance that he could not go, and Cheng Jishu said, "You go, see and see." Liang Shiqiu said that he was very embarrassed at that wine game, and that the owner forgot what the note of the appointment was like, what its name was, and felt that "the affairs of men and women, if there is no real emotion in it, are ugly."
During the teaching period in Qingdao, some people also advised Liang Shiqiu not to always hide at home, and to run outside alone in the summer to change the air. But Liang Shiqiu believes that "in a harmonious home, the air does not need to be changed; if needed, it is also more necessary for wives who are busy with household chores."
During the Anti-Japanese Period, the two were separated for six years. In the past six years, Liang Shiqiu has cleaned himself and has never passed on a scandal, and said, "I am stubbornly displaced, poor and sick, Ji Shu serves her mother-in-law and mother at home, raises children, and presides over family affairs, and her hardships are even worse than mine."
The two young people met, supported in middle age, and went to the United States in old age, preparing to spend their old age in peace, but the result was a sudden accident, and Cheng Jishu died suddenly.
"Dream Memories of Huaiyuan" carries Liang Shiqiu's full of affection, but less than a year after its publication, Liang Shiqiu met Han Jingqing, who was 28 years old. The two saw each other as they were. Since then, they have often met up to talk about literature and art, state affairs, and eat together, and gradually have a good feeling. So much so that when it comes to marriage, Liang Shiqiu said to the hesitant Han Jingqing, "Don't talk about the cliff now, even the volcano must jump, we hug and jump down." Han Jingqing was touched by Liang Shiqiu's enthusiasm, and finally put aside all worries and prejudices, and the two got married.
Liang Shiqiu said when reviewing this relationship, "I am just a mortal - what I have is feelings, and I have nothing but feelings. I don't want to become immortals, buddhas, nor do I want to become sages, I just want to fall in love with my little baby, and in love, people become immortals and become Buddhas and become sages. ”
Many people criticized Liang Shiqiu for not being single-minded enough, and his wife had only been dead for less than a year, so he was anxious to fall in love with other women. This is perhaps the only place where the world can blame Liang Shiqiu in the state of marriage. But I would like to say that he is not cheating in marriage, did not play with feelings, and gave Cheng Jishu the rejection of temptation and concentrated on the family; to Han Jingqing was full of love and extreme support. That's enough. Those who like to point fingers, when they return to their hearts, ask themselves whether they have looked directly at the essence of life, touched the texture of life, and done so affectionately.