Everyone knows that there is a word called "mother-child connection of heart". When children are in infancy, their dependence on their mothers is relatively high, and when they can climb and walk, they will become their mother's "fart worms" and "sticky essences".
However, this sense of dependence of children exists at a stage, and with the growth and change of their psychology, children are more and more eager for independence in personality, and the degree of dependence on their mothers will also decrease.
Therefore, when the child enters puberty or the mother is absent for a long time, there will be a slight estrangement between the mother and the child.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" Data-track="13" > children should not be closest to their mothers? </h1>
Late at night is a new mother, because the family conditions are not particularly good, so she hurried back to work after taking maternity leave, entrusting the child to the care of her grandmother.
Later, the company temporarily had a project that needed to travel for a period of time, and the main person in charge of the evening could not refuse, so he had to leave after repeatedly telling his mother-in-law before the business trip.
Although there are also calls to the mother-in-law to inquire about the baby in the process of traveling late at night, because most of the time she calls is at night, the child is either asleep or drinking milk, which is not easy to disturb.
Therefore, when he came back from a business trip late at night, he found that the baby who was 8 months old was very strange to him, and when he expressed his desire to hold him every night, the child hid in his grandmother's arms.
This evening did not understand: "Shouldn't children be closest to their mothers?" Why is it that when you are only away for a while, the little one is like not knowing himself? ”
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > in fact, "mother-child affection" is not innate</h1>
The "mother-child relationship" is actually a very "mysterious" relationship, which is close and distant.
In fact, any kind of relationship requires both parties to work together to maintain, although the baby has established contact with the mother about 280 days in advance before birth, but if the mother can not correctly grasp the way to express "love", it will gradually drift away from the child.
Internationally renowned parent-child communication expert - Adele. In the book "How to Say Children Will Listen", Farber mentioned that through many research tests organized by parent-teacher meetings, it was found that the closeness of the relationship between children and parents does not lie in the age of both parties, but in the way they communicate with each other.
Moreover, a study on the relationship between mother and child has also shown that families where children and mothers have maintained a state of closeness from childhood to adulthood have such a characteristic, that is, they communicate equally when encountering problems, and most mothers who can get close to their children will have these three qualities.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > don't label children casually</h1>
Many parents claim to know their children very well, and in the process of their children's growth, they put various labels on the name of his good. For example, some parents will say that their children are "disobedient"; some parents will say that their children are "too skinny": some parents will say that their children know that they do not like to learn and so on.
Parents think that this is the child's shortcomings, deficiencies, only point out the child may be corrected, but they ignore the impact of these words on the child's inner feelings, parents often use a negative attitude to look at the child, will have a very negative impact on the child's self-confidence from an early age.
Therefore, when the child has some shortcomings and deficiencies, what we must show is not to severely point out and criticize the deficiency, but to feedback his shortcomings to the child first, and then work with the child to sort out how to change and adjust his current state.
★ What is the advantage of such a mother?
Can listen to the child's voice, respect the child's inner needs and feelings, only let the child feel the sense of identity and belonging given by the parents in the family, they will be willing to be friends with the parents, the corresponding parent-child relationship will become closer.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > mother who can accept her child's bad feelings</h1>
We all feel that the child's world is carefree, there is no excessive sadness, and even if there is, it is a lollipop that can be solved.
But it's not, bad emotions are ageless.
When children express negative emotions, if they just blindly accuse, then not only can not help them solve the problem, but also give them an unpleasant mood to "sprinkle salt", naturally will naturally push the child farther and farther.
In fact, it is particularly important for parents to channel their children's emotions, so it is easier for mothers who can accept their children's bad emotions to gain their children's favor.
★ Coping tips
When the child has bad emotions, what the mother has to do is to train the child's emotions, within the scope of understanding and acceptance, clarify the boundaries of things, and feel empathy with the child while seeking solutions to problems.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > does not treat children as mothers of marionettes under the banner of "good for you"</h1>
Some parents' educational concept of their children is "packaged", often under the banner of "I am for your own good", let the children do some things they don't like, as if for parents, the child is like a "marionette", can not have their own ideas and freedom.
When they find that their children's future plans are obviously not in line with their own requirements, they will suppress their children, cold violence and other behaviors, but such parents will actually push their children farther and farther.
On the contrary, some mothers have a more "Buddhist" view of parenting, and they prefer to let their children develop freely and find the direction of their lives, so that mothers who are good at talking but do not interfere too much will naturally make their children closer.
This kind of mother's love for her child is not limited to putting the child in the greenhouse for protection, but letting the child bravely cope with the wind and waves.
This kind of practice is to help children grow, but also to avoid the emergence of "glass heart" and too weak ability to resist pressure, so it is naturally more popular.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > Mommy has something to say:</h1>
As mentioned above, "mother-child affection" is not the relationship between the child and the mother after birth, which also needs to be maintained by both parties.
If the mother's parenting style is not right, it will also polish this family affection a little bit, and finally let the child get farther and farther away from you.