Wilson, German: I'm not going to buy a house for a Chinese wife, we're trying to get the right view of marriage
My name is Wilson, from Germany, is a physics teacher, my wife is a Chinese, like me, are teachers, we met at a discussion meeting, she is a very knowledgeable woman, we know each other, and finally under my sincere pursuit, we become husband and wife.
I know a lot about China, Chinese is very patient and the purpose is clear. What Europe did not expect was that everything in China was developing very rapidly, and the Germans were there for all to see.
China is expanding its influence around the world, they have enough time and wealth, and resources, which is why I like China, I see hope, a hope that is being healthy, just, friendly, I like every city in China, I will try to go to more places in my lifetime.
In the eyes of many countries, China is not willing to accept foreigners, in fact, it is not the case, China is a very wise country, their work is very passionate, but also full of creativity, but I am not very accustomed to some of China's customs.
I've had three marriages, my wife is the third, we have a child, and since I've known her, we rarely talk about material things, first of all we are good teachers with objective and stable incomes; secondly, our view of things is universal, not focused on small problems in one area, and finally I think we should advocate for some healthy ideas.
China is a superpower with a population of 1.4 billion, whether it is the population base or wealth, is one of the best in the world, we have to admit that in such a huge country, there will be such an advanced civilization, which is enough to show that China's rise is not only based on creativity, their insight into future things is also very advanced.
However, the cost of marrying a wife and having children Chinese far higher than my own creativity and wealth, and the first time I went to my father-in-law's house, they would ask me if you had a house, whether you had a car, how much savings you had, and when they talked about marriage later, they would ask me for a bride price.
bride price? What？
I really didn't know what a bride price was. Later, my wife explained that this is an ancient Chinese custom, when a man marries a woman, the man is required to pay a dowry money to his father-in-law and mother-in-law, which is usually in auspicious figures, such as 66,000, such as 88,000.
Germany didn't have that, it didn't even exist, but I'd heard of dowries.
We have discussed this, although my wife's parents are educated, but in the face of traditional culture, they are still conservative and have habitually passed on this culture.
In the end, I still paid 66,000 yuan, equivalent to about 6,000 marks, of course, our wedding was simple, but very happy, at that moment I was happy.
After marrying his wife, he has children, and Chinese grandparents have a habit of taking the initiative to help their children with their children, but Germany, there is no such tradition, but grandparents will also help to bring grandchildren.
Our children have always been with my grandparents, my children only began to learn German when they were four years old, at one point the child was very broken, and then I gave up, I said that since I live in China, it is better for my children to learn Chinese.
The child was a little older, and my wife said that her parents suggested that I buy a house for my wife, and I was surprised, why did I bring up such an incomprehensible thing?
Later, I learned that the house is a sense of belonging for women, but everyone should also be clear that buying a house in Shenzhen is not something I can afford, and I cannot satisfy, so I resolutely refused this request.
I know that my wife dreams of a house of her own, we have been renting in Shenzhen for 11 years, I am not a businessman, I am just a teacher, my monthly salary is basically handed over to my wife, she knows how much money I have.
Moreover, I had to pay a part of the money to raise my first two children, and I couldn't take care of too many people.
My wife understands my difficulties, and I am happy now as a Chinese.
My wife and I have discussed the bride price, the house, the car, etc., which I think is unreasonable in this day and age, and my wife agrees with me.
Here's how I understand it:
Most of the young people's income is not very high, there is also a word called "moonlight tribe" in China, can not save money, and then when they get married, they will use their parents' pension money, which is immoral, even if it is a Chinese tradition, but I think that this is the material age, more wealth needs to be created by themselves, for the pension problem of parents, children seem to rarely participate in construction, there is no advance plan, I think it is disrespectful to parents.
Moreover, many people have debts because of marriage, which is ultimately borne by the family, plus the mortgage of the house, which is paid by two families, which I think brings great obstacles to life, and it is not perfect to do so.
Work is for life, and life, all hope is happy, if every day is faced with a bad work and life, how can marriage be happy?
I would like to sum it up in one sentence: as much ability as you can, you can play as much as you want.
Thanks for looking at my sharing, I'm Wilson, a German who teaches physics in English.