Science now tells us that we are more inclined to love people like our parents. Although this conclusion is still highly controversial, scientific statistics and experimental testing have repeatedly demonstrated the correctness of this conclusion. Therefore, our controversy about this is only because of our subjective will.
So here we put aside our subjective insistence and look at the scientific explanation for this: Why do we, consciously or unconsciously, choose someone with a strong connection to our parents as a partner?
In 1873, the British biologist Douglas Spalding discovered that some newly hatched chicks would actively follow and imitate his mother's walk. Scientists are indeed more sensitive to knowledge than the average person. Douglas felt that this might be a common biological phenomenon, so he found kittens, puppies, and moving toys and placed them next to the newly hatched chicks, and found that the chicks were completely unaware of the danger, and whether the moving object was a living body or not, he would choose to follow the imitation.
Douglas thought it was a biological instinct and recorded the experiment in his notes.
Later, the German biologist Oskar Heinroth named this behavior "Insubort". The scientific definition of insubordination refers to creatures that are born free to move and follow the behavior of imitating the action objects they see at first sight. The indian behavior can be accompanied by animals after adulthood, but it is still difficult to change, and even has a certain impact on the animal's choice of mate.
Later, this concept was further developed, and it was found that humans have similar simulated behaviors, namely "genetic simulations" (simulating the behavior of parents) and "sexual simulations" (guiding our future mate selection orientation).
According to the "simulation" theory, we choose people who are similar to their parents' appearance, behavior, or personality as our partners. This is almost an irresistible "instinct," namely: unconscious, controllable behavior. If you go against this instinct and make the opposite choice, the "adaptation" you develop from an early age will create permanent pain for you, prompting you to revise your choices to conform to the "instinct."
Here are the specific aspects of the impact of the "simulation" theory:
1. Appearance:
Appearance is the first reaction of our brains when we first meet someone. A Hungarian researcher studied the facial features of 52 families and found that a woman's husband's appearance had a lot to do with her father's, while the wife's appearance was similar to her husband's mother.
The recognition of appearance focuses on the shape and function of the five senses, especially the shape of the eyes, the frequency of the tone of voice when speaking, and even the tone and content of speech, will have an impact.
Another scientific paper on "studies that mimic human phenomena" even points out that this identification can be based on the color of the eyes or hair.
2. Personality:
In addition to the characteristics of appearance, another important factor that affects our choice of mate is personality characteristics. I have a friend, mentioned in a previous article, a couple who have been in love for seven years and married. The girl said: I had just known him for a week or so, but I always felt as if we had known each other for a long time, and I always felt that he was very familiar. Sometimes I can even predict his next words, the next move, and it's magical!
I believe that the world is so vast, there should be many partners or lovers who have felt this way with each other.
Psychotherapist Erin Savage attributes this phenomenon to the shaping of intimacy at an early age. If you look closely, you will find that this sense of familiarity comes from your childhood nurturer.
Third, other influencing factors:
A 2002 study by the Royal Society showed that people raised by elderly parents were more likely to choose older partners.
A 1980 study of divorce and remarriage, interracial marriages in Hawaii showed that 67 percent of respondents would choose a partner of the same race as their father or mother, no matter how many times they had been married. This means that men tend to choose partners who are of the same race as their mothers, while women choose partners who tend to choose their father's race.
This suggests that other factors such as age and ethnicity can also influence the mate selection process.
In addition to the effects of "simulation". Scientists have also found that we are even more inclined to marry people with the same character flaws as our parents, which scientists believe is a "plot of redemption" formed by the "helplessness" we feel from childhood. This phenomenon is common in people who have been rejected or abandoned by their parents at an early age.
However, if the "persecution" suffered at an early age is relatively deep, so that it is still impossible to get out of the shadows after adulthood, such people are often more indifferent to their emotional awareness, and it is very likely to cause the phenomenon of "fear of marriage" or "indifference" to marriage.
There is also another category of people, aware of this "simulated" phenomenon, will deliberately avoid, or even do the opposite, which will cause a lot of discomfort, but there are also strong willpower, reverse fate.
The Indian philosopher Krishnamuti said: Awareness is the beginning of change. Hope you are aware!
The traditional culture of our country has always flaunted the greatness of our parents. In fact, parents have such a deep impact on their children's lives that they naturally give their parents a great mission.
However, our education, the great teaching of parents, is still only on the grace of birth and maintenance, and many parents have almost zero understanding of the importance of education and the professionalism of education.
Some people are like animals that rely on human instincts to raise and educate children, so that many children are almost doomed to the tragic fate of life after birth, all of which stem from the ignorance of their parents.
Around me, a heart-wrenching thing happened, the mother left the sleeping child alone in the room late at night, ran out to party with friends and drank, and the child woke up with a lonely fear in the night, crying and going out to find his mother! Now that I write it down, I feel that the cold air in my chest is eroding my lungs!
I would like to say to parents like this:
How ignorant are you?! What did your friends bring to you, as for making you leave your own children behind? As for investing your time, energy, and money in this way? For material returns? For emotional returns?
Stupid, stupid!
If you have a trace of human wisdom, you should firmly remember: invest your time, energy, money, enthusiasm and patience in your children, then the children can return to you in the future is more material and emotional, this is the most secure investment in the world! Otherwise the child will also reciprocate your troubles and indifference.