During the epidemic, I fell in love with Trevor Noah, a witty American talk show host, whose hosting style is humorous and funny, and vivid and sharp.
So I read his autobiography, Born Guilty, which is his autobiography, about how he went from the boy in Johannesburg who was chased and beaten by his mother to the host of one of the most popular talk shows in the United States, and I wondered, what kind of upbringing made him?
Contrary to imagination, Trevor was not born in a prominent family, but grew up in South Africa, his mother was a black woman, his father was a white man, in the society at that time, black people and white people intermarried, it was not allowed by law, but Trevor's mother, a great single mother, resolutely gave birth to him and raised him, became a great and loved host, I have to say that behind every successful person, there is a great mother, Trevor's mother really did "what kind of person you want your child to be, what kind of person you become first." ”
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Trevor
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > the bravery and optimism of mothers and is the most valuable asset given to children</h1>
If you want your child not to be bound by fate and to be any kind of person he wants to be, you first make yourself a brave and fearless mother.
Trevor's mother is a brave, independent black woman: she wants children but does not want to get married, so she has a white child trevor, and does not care about prison or the pointing of others. She found a job as an office typist through her studies under apartheid and enrolled Trevor in a predominantly white Catholic school.
If she wanted to do something, she tried to do it, and she did. You have to have the fearless spirit in her to make the decisions she makes. If you hesitate a little, if you worry a little about the outcome, you can't do anything. ”
Trevor described her mother as fearless, never hesitated to do what she wanted to do, brave enough to do something difficult and challenging, and was an out-and-out "prodigal girl" (in South Africa in the 80s of the last century, it was a rebellious spirit that transcended the times).
Trevor's mom when she was younger
The book tells a story like this:
Trevor's mother, a devout Christian, took him to church every weekend to pray, and on this day, the only car in the family broke down, so they had to take a minibus and take another 9-hour drive to get to their destination.
Under the apartheid system, the government did not allow black people to take the bus, and it was also the mother who decided to take the hitchhiker, and finally a driver was willing to take them for a ride, but at this moment, a minibus stopped them, the minibus driver was a Zulu (and they were another ethnic group with a very serious contradiction), and he also carried a Zulu weapon, which was generally used to break the skull of the enemy, so Trevor and his mother could only get on the minibus under duress. The driver discovers that Trevor's mother is a "Xhosa woman" and Trevor is a mixed-race child, they are in a very dangerous situation (driven to no man's land and then killed), at this time, Trevor's mother remains alert and calm, when the car turns, with Trevor and his brother jumped out of the car, the mother and Trevor were seriously injured, but fortunately, they saved their lives.
Mom was still thankful to God reverently after she was safe, and a big smile still appeared on her face, and Trevor was also brought by Mom to laugh together.
Trevor's mother uses her words and deeds to pass on to her children the belief that no matter what kind of things happen in life, they choose to face it bravely instead of complaining.
A group photo with my mother when I was a child
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > mom's choice makes him inherently guilty, and mom's education makes him born with love</h1>
Don't love because of the suffering in life, know that suffering can also be beautiful because of love, and love is the most creative act in the world.
"In the middle of the night, we stood together, a little boy and his mother, their arms and legs covered with blood and dirt stains, the ninjas were in pain, laughing together" (after jumping out of the car to escape)
"Those kids... Throw mulberries at me..." I laughed not because it was funny, I thought you were injured, I thought it was all blood, I laughed because it was just mulberry juice... You're really half black and half white now. (After I got into a fight with other kids)
"My boy, you have to see the good side." "What, what are you talking about, 'the good side'?" Mom, you've been shot in the head by a bullet. There's a good side to that? "Of course there is. From now on, you are officially the best looking person in the family. (Mom after being headshot)
You can see that living in such a dangerous, violent, and discriminatory environment, this black mother, in the face of the darkest things, no matter how painful things, she uses humor to resolve. Although life has left them bruised, her mother still chooses to use laughter to eliminate fear and hatred. In such a brutal environment, he raised Trevor into a sunny, warm big boy.
A person with love in his heart will always have the strength in his heart to face the problem of life, no matter whether it is sunny or rainy, it is always good weather; a person with love in his heart, his performance will not be afraid of his hands and feet, his heart is rich and loving, he believes that he is a person worthy of being appreciated and loved; a person with love in his heart will know how to communicate with others, and he will be more comfortable with life and establish relationships.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to raise a child with inner sunshine and high "reverse quotient"? </h1>
We want the future so that every child can find their own talent, shine their own light, and find their own social value.
Not letting your child make their own decisions will turn them into dependent adults, and as they get older, they are likely to look for a relationship that is completely controlled by others.
How to cultivate children with independent personalities and sunny and cheerful personalities?
Always support your child in making his own decisions
Living under the unilateral planning and arrangement of parents is never the life that children want. The child's life needs to be experienced and created by himself, so that he can realize the value of himself, know what he wants and what he does not want, and find the meaning of life.
Cai Zhizhong, a well-known cartoonist, said when talking about his experience: Always support the child to make his own decisions, the child's life, the child's own decision. From an early age to cultivate the child's ability to make his own decisions, he will become an assertive and decisive person, adhere to his inner voice, will not follow the tide, people are cloudy, and take responsibility for his own growth and life.
Of course, respecting and letting go and letting the child make decisions is not the same as indulgence. On the issue of principle, children should not be allowed to do whatever they want, according to their own nature, and some rules need to be clear, so that children can "be autonomous within a limited range".
2. Love your children unconditionally
Trevor's mother was only a woman from a humble background, but she never skimped on giving love to her children.
Love yourself and become an optimistic and cheerful mother first. Just like the love that the sun gives to humans and plants, the sun is just being itself, it likes to shine and heat up, and by the way, it cares for all beings.
Only if you love yourself well, can you have the ability to love your children well! If you are full of negative energy yourself, how do you ask him to be a sunny, life-loving person?
3, trust their children, he can believe in the world.
American psychologist Joyce. Bradez said: "The best proof of love is trust, and trusting each other is the best love for children." ”
Every time you believe in a child, the love your child feels will be one point heavier, and the energy to move forward will be enough.
Lu Qin once wrote in the book "Good Parents, Good Children": "Trust can make people have a strong sense of responsibility, fully tap their potential, and release energy." Believing in children is the most "simple" investment for parents in education.
You don't have to do anything, just stand firmly behind your child and silently support him spiritually.
Every trust you give your child will be like a stream of energy, pushing your child to gallop on the road of life and constantly make self-breakthroughs.
Trevor and Grandma