Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
Talking well is the best feng shui for a family, and talking well to your children is also the easiest way to change your children
A few days ago, while having dinner at a relative's house, my cousin and sister-in-law next to me suddenly started a tense quarrel mode
After listening carefully, I realized that it was my cousin-in-law who was holding the child and it was inconvenient to get up to make milk powder, so I motioned for my cousin to clean the bottle
As for my cousin, I was chatting with my relatives at the time, and when I was washing the bottle, I was directly perfunctory, and I washed it with water casually
After the cousin-in-law on the other side found that the bottle was not cleaned, she began to complain: "This is your daughter, and it is not picked up, so it is so perfunctory for you to wash the bottle, and there is still a little bit of being a father?"
As soon as my cousin heard this, he was emotional, and shouted loudly: "It's your business to take care of the child, it's good if I can wash it"
So, what followed was a constant quarrel between you and me
The mutual refusal of the two people made the surrounding relatives embarrassed and persuaded to fight, and even the child in his arms was frightened by this posture and cried
I thought that my cousins and sisters-in-law who quarreled at every turn were tempered and emotional, but after the turmoil, I found that they often smiled at outsiders, but they were harsh on their own families
Especially the cousin with an impatient personality, don't look at his impatience when talking to his cousin, in fact, he is always polite and gentlemanly when chatting with others
Privately, I also asked my cousin, "Why do you leave your smiling face to others and your emotions to your family?"
My cousin hesitated for a while, and then told me, "Because family members will understand and tolerate, while outsiders are more interested in friendship and behavior."
But is that really the case? Not really?
Whether it is a husband and wife relationship or a parent-child relationship, the biggest pitfall of a family is: "external relatives and internal alienation", and the biggest sorrow of a family is: "leave the smiling face to others, and leave the emotions to the family"
01
Any relationship needs to be managed
Talking well is the foundation
Language is a bridge of communication, a basic need to maintain a relationship, and speaking well is also a necessary development to build a harmonious relationship
My uncle, who was injured in a fall from a high altitude on the construction site, has been in a particularly irritable mood recently
Yelling at his wife, criticizing and blaming his children, and having an impatient expression on his parents...
A lot of times, I often say a lot of things that make everyone sad
And the reason for all this is because during the recuperation period, my uncle thought that he was recovering well and drove for a ride, but accidentally crashed into someone else's car
The responsibility is divided into the uncle's full responsibility, and the most important thing is that he only purchased compulsory traffic insurance
As a result, after everyone knew about this matter, they were all concerned about it
Grandma said, "You are the way you are now, you haven't recovered well, what kind of car do you drive?"
My aunt said: "It's really worrying, you are the only labor force in the family, and now life is so tight, now the compensation alone costs 10,000 or 20,000 yuan, where can you make up so much money?"
Auntie said: "You can't drive yet, something happened, see if you still have a long memory, we don't know how many times I have been told, you just don't listen"
…
In this way, the successive criticisms and accusations made the uncle, who had always been shy and silent, become irritable
Nagging with my grandmother, arguing with my aunt, and even arguing with my aunt
In the end, it was my grandfather who told the truth:
What is there to quarrel, you can solve this matter by arguing, when he was injured and living in the hospital with a sigh of relief, didn't you all say: as long as you can get a life back, no matter if you are a fool, a cripple, or something in the future, God will take care of you and accept it, how can you quarrel about this matter endlessly
To be honest, if you talk about the relationships around you, you can find that no matter what kind of family needs to be managed, 80% of any conflicts, bad and quarrelsome relationships come from: not being able to speak well
I also accidentally collided while driving, and I remember that Lan Ma accidentally hit the steps when she was a novice, and she was in a terrible mood at that time
When I called my husband, who was far away, to tell me about it, he first nervously asked me, "Are you okay?"
Then he told me gently: "It's okay, don't feel so much pressure in your heart, the car should be driven, as long as you are okay, nothing else is a problem"
Fortunately, Lan's mother encountered this attitude of "talking well", and since then, she has put aside her psychological burden and practiced her driving skills, which are still quite good
This is true for driving, for life, and even for educating children
Every time I feel stressed and emotional, my husband, who knows how to "talk well", can quickly help me get rid of anxiety
It can be seen that when you meet someone who speaks well, you can avoid many emotional detours
This is also the luck of a family, a marriage, and an education
02
Half of the family is talking
Inclusion also expires
Some people say that half of the warmth and coldness of marriage is in the speech
What about families and children? Tolerance expires
There is such a mother, who has dedicated most of her life to her family
The husband is a person who often abuses domestic violence and likes verbal attacks, and he has spent his entire youth for the family, but he is always said by his husband to be useless
In the past ten years, I have often heard a sentence that is: "What is the use of you? You have no interest at all, you can't do housework well, and you can't even educate your children."
Even my son, who has always given wholeheartedly, always says in annoyance: "Leave me alone"
In fact
As a mother, she tolerates all the shortcomings of her children and uses all her patience to accompany her growth
As a wife, she also tolerated all her husband's emotions and used all her hopes to get better
But things did not develop as scheduled, and the repeated tolerance was exchanged for worsening damage
For a while, her depressed heart could no longer be suppressed, so she left her children and family behind for a road trip
I thought that through the time of absence, my husband and children could change their attitudes and be better to her
But at the end of the road trip, the first scene when she returned home was actually a meeting gift for her husband to "drop pots and bowls".
even blamed and said: "Why take my money to be chic and free, and pay it back quickly"
Seeing that her husband's attitude still did not change, her mother had no choice but to file for divorce, and this marriage also came to an end because of the attitude of "not being able to speak well".
Regarding the meaning of "why do you want to speak well to your family", I remember that Lan's mother once asked me a question
She said, "Mom, why are you so gentle with others and so fierce with me?"
I replied, "Because you are my daughter, I am responsible for you, and I don't want you to go further and further on the road of making mistakes, but I also hope that you can remember it for a long time and avoid making mistakes again."
The daughter continued, "But you can also talk to me well, just as you are gentle with others, so that I dare to come near you and talk to you more."
After listening to these words, I realized that the easiest way to solve problems and change children is to talk well
If we always leave our smiling faces to others and vent our emotions behind closed doors on our own family members, whether it is our spouse, children, or parents, we will have bad pessimism
Especially for younger children, their ability to digest emotions is often very weak, and the differential treatment of "relatives and relatives" will only make him feel: "Mom and Dad don't love me", and they will become more sensitive and vulnerable
Therefore, half of the warmth and coldness of the family is really reflected in the speech, and tolerance will expire
If you don't want your family to be broken or your child to be rebellious and difficult to manage, then speaking well is the language attitude that parents should pay the most attention to
03
Home is a haven for one's soul
Children are no exception
The key to changing a child is to make them feel loved, and this is a concept that all parents should recognize
There is such a girl, who joined the job after graduating from university, and her internship salary is only 2,000 per month, and she can barely make ends meet every month
But she was filial, and on her mother's birthday, she gritted her teeth and bought flowers and necklaces as gifts
At that time, the girl pushed open the door expectantly, intending to surprise her mother
The first thing I said when I saw my mother was: "Mom, happy birthday, I give you romantic flowers, necklaces that look good and show temperament"
As a result, my mother did not show excitement after seeing these gifts, but accused with some disgust: "What are you doing with all the bells and whistles, spending money indiscriminately, if you have more money to spend, I will save it for you."
After hearing this, the girl lowered her head in disappointment, said, "I don't like to throw it away" and went back to the room
But when she returned to the bedroom and turned to take a look, she found that her mother was taking pictures with her mobile phone
It was also such a scene that made the girl understand that her mother did not dislike the gifts she gave, but instinctively did not want her to spend too much money
Later, although the girl also knew her mother's good intentions, and understood that her mother never expressed her real needs, she rarely gave her mother gifts again
This is not a gamble, nor is it a lack of filial piety
For a girl, home is her spiritual harbor, and what she needs to buy gifts for her parents is not a "thank you" and a touching expression, but to share what she thinks is beautiful
If this sharing is not understood, and is always accused of spending money indiscriminately, the result is nothing more than enthusiasm being extinguished, and many of the episodes that were originally considered touching have also evolved into the silence of "unwilling to speak".
Therefore, the mouth is the bridge between us and the ear, and the ear is the channel that connects directly to the window of the soul
For the reserved family, we should accept gifts generously and praise them with joy
If you can, you should try your best to be "intimate and distancing", and treat your family members more intimately, caringly, and trusting than outsiders
As long as this is done well, then family harmony is a strong force against all external enemies
As the saying goes, "When all people work together, their profits will be ruined", and if the family is united, it will be the same
04
No one is born an island
Home is a soft lean
Home is the softest support in everyone's heart, the support of the years, and the tacit understanding of mutual respect, understanding and tolerance
Indeed, no one is born an island, and whether a person can talk openly and honestly depends on whether he or she is cared for and supported
For example, the following three examples are a good illustration of what a real home is
• Husband and wife relationships, "cold" couples, and as a result, broken marriages
There is a mother who has experienced three marriages, her first two marriages gave birth to sons, and after life was not going well, she was willful, and she left as soon as she said, and she didn't even care about her son who was waiting to be fed
Later, when he was a little older, he gave birth to a daughter in his third marriage
is also unladylike, often betrayed, abused, and hit by her husband, this time in order to have a complete family for her daughter, she chose to forbear
But behind the "cold" relationship between husband and wife, there is no way to escape the broken marriage, it's just that the disappointment has not saved enough
When her daughter was eleven years old, she filed for divorce because of another quarrel, and insisted: "Instead of guarding the broken family and letting my daughter be depressed, it is better for me to brighten her life alone"
• Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, a mother-in-law with a "broken mouth", and a daughter-in-law who turns out to be unfilial
Once, people have always envied the cousin who "married well".
originally had a sweet and beautiful marriage, my cousin-in-law, and I almost held my cousin in the palm of my hand
However, I don't know which one came first, and my cousin's father-in-law died unexpectedly, leaving my mother-in-law at home alone
In order to avoid the old man not being able to think about it, he specially received to live together
But in a year, when I met my cousin again, she complained to me: "I will definitely not live with my mother-in-law in the future, I can't get along with her at all"
I don't understand the reason, and I feel that my cousin is not sensible, but after I really understand, I know the pain of being broken all day long
No matter what you buy when you go home, you will be accused of being a loser and not going to live, mopping the floor and washing dishes and warning: "Water doesn't cost money, put it smaller", and you can't even sleep for a while, otherwise you will be taken out and said everywhere that "I still sleep lazy in the daytime"...
So, in the case of where everything is not pleasing to the eye and everything is blocked, the result of the mother-in-law's broken mouth is that the daughter-in-law is not filial
• Parent-child relationship, "grumpy" parents, as a result of which the child is injured
There is a female writer who is superficially beautiful, but she always wakes up in a nightmare every night
And these dreams are all related to my mother
It turned out that she had an emotionally unstable mother since she was a child, yelling at her every time something unpleasant happened, and she also threw things at her to vent
Usually she either quarrels with her father and divorces, or she is mentally beaten
Once, because he was standing side by side with a male classmate, his mother choked his neck and said, "If you dare to fall in love, I will strangle you directly"
Similar threats were almost commonplace in my childhood experiences in the past
It is precisely because of this that she grew up with fear and nightmares
Judging from the above three different family relationships, a good family is one who has a degree in each other's mouths and a harmonious relationship, which is also the most important appearance of a family, and speaking well is also the best feng shui for a family
From now on, I hope that everyone can be a person who "keeps a smile on his family".
From now on, I hope everyone can "speak well" to their families
From now on, I also hope that everyone can be more understanding and tolerant of their families
Protect our family with warm words, and also use beautiful words to illuminate the hearts of every family member......
So, about the biggest sorrow of a family: "leave the smiling face to others, leave the emotions to the family", what are the different suggestions and opinions? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!