The children's grades are mediocre, and the parents of Kochi are also anxious! These three thunders are easy for ordinary families to be recruited

37 degrees warmth

2024-04-29 10:38Published in Hebei

Text/37 degrees warm dad

During my time as a training institution, many of the trainees were from Kochi families. What is surprising is that children from Kochi families and teachers' families often have average grades.

After in-depth interviews with 5 Kochi families, I summed up the characteristics of Kochi and teacher families, they stepped on three thunders, and ordinary families are easy to be recruited.

I'll use psychology to reveal the reasons for this.

The first thunder: emotional exhaustion

The profession of a teacher is really not easy! We have a child at home, and we often have about 50 students in a class. If you think about it, you can understand the pressure on teachers to manage students.

From the perspective of professional attributes, the profession of teacher is not only a manual worker - standing and lecturing, but also a mental worker - preparing lessons and correcting homework, or an emotional worker - providing emotional value for children.

The concept of emotional labor was first proposed in 1983 by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochsheld.

Emotional labor refers to the fact that workers must strive to adjust their emotional state to meet the requirements of the position. For example, professions such as hotels, banking, nursing, flight attendants, teachers, etc., all need to provide emotional value to the groups they serve.

Emotional labor will produce psychological pressure and exhaustion on an individual's emotions, leading to the exhaustion of emotional resources and difficulties in emotional regulation.

In the event of a stressful event, it can also accelerate the emotional output of emotional workers. For example, encountering unreasonable customers, or medical troubles under the guise of rights protection.

When the teacher gives all the patience to the student, the emotional resources are exhausted, and the TA will not be in the mood to give his child a "good look" when he returns home.

Kiki's mother, a homeroom teacher at a local elementary school, said: "In front of more than 50 students a day, I have to collect homework, deal with fights, and swear. You have to look at it, don't bump it, touch it, and now parents come to the school when they have something. ”

It can be seen from Kiki's mother's words that her emotional consumption at work is very serious.

A person's emotional resources are limited, and if they are just non-stop output, without input, there will always be a time when they are exhausted. When I finished my day's work, I returned home, and I returned to my own turf, and I took off my disguise.

Mom gave her patience to the students, leaving Kiki with only anger and accusations.

Suggestion:

1. In front of the house, pat yourself, or hug yourself, and say to yourself: I am not a boss, an employee, or a teacher...... Entering this door, I was just wife/husband, mom/dad.

It's a psychological cue to yourself to isolate your home from work.

2. You can confess to your lover and children: I am in a bad mood today, maybe I am too tired from work, let me slow down and come back to help you with your homework. (You go to help the child with homework first, let me take a break)

3. You can increase your psychological space capacity by reading, chatting, listening to lectures, watching movies, etc., so that you can have more emotional resource reserves.

Second Thunder: It's too simple

From the perspective of adults, especially teachers and Kochi parents, children's homework is indeed simple. However, it doesn't have to be easy for children!

Xiangxiang's parents both have master's degrees and teach at the same university.

Xiangxiang's mother said: "It's such a simple question, and I still have to read it for a long time? Oh, I really worried to death when I looked at him, what if there were so many subjects in junior high and high school?"

If parents look at their children's learning from their own perspective and always think that it is simple, it may cause the child to have a negative self-perception: I am stupid, not smart, and it may be difficult for me to learn.

There is a concept in psychology called "mirror reflection".

To explain in the vernacular: parents are like a mirror of children, and children obtain the outside world's perception of themselves through their parents' language, expressions, actions, attitudes and other information.

Under the influence of years of mirroring, the child gradually transforms from external evaluation to a stable personality core. That is, we often say, self-confidence or inferiority?

Suggestion:

1. Accept that the child can't learn, and the TA just doesn't understand it for the time being, and it's not the result.

2. Understand the child's development stage and look at the problem from the child's perspective.

3. If necessary, patiently explain to the child and pass on positive information to the child.

The third thunder: I don't have a good relationship with learning

Our country is an exam-oriented education system.

The college entrance examination is like thousands of troops crossing a single-plank bridge. Knowledge is a weapon in one's own hands, and killing tens of thousands of people in one point is by no means just talking!

If parents are miserable when they are studying and have not experienced the joy and satisfaction of acquiring new knowledge, and they study simply for the sake of grades, it will lead to a poor relationship between parents and learning.

When we become parents, we will unconsciously project our relationship with learning to our children. In turn, there is supervision, supervision, demand, and even control.

Behind these behaviors, it not only reflects the poor relationship between parents and learning, but also reflects the distrust of children.

The logic of the behavior is this: I don't have a good relationship with learning, so I don't think you (the child) can have a good relationship with learning either. Therefore, I must supervise your studies.

Xiaozhe's mother and father are also master's degrees and college teachers.

Xiaozhe's mother said: "My father has been strict with me since I was a child, when we were at that time, where were the conditions good now? We all worked so hard, what should we do if our children don't work hard? You know that now the undergraduate degree is all over the street. ”

If the relationship between the parents and learning is not good, it is easy to project it to the child, and the child feels that learning is difficult and hard, so I may not be able to handle it.

Once a child is afraid of learning, coupled with the uneasy supervision of parents, it is only a matter of time before they lose their learning autonomy.

Suggestion:

1. I believe that children can do a good job in learning by themselves, and I believe that every child is developing for the better and upward.

2. Provide supervision and help to children appropriately, rather than having to supervise and help.

3. I believe that learning can bring children a sense of gain and achievement, and children will experience happiness in learning.

Conclusion: I believe that from birth, whether it is physical or intellectual, children are developing upwards and for the better, and no child is born a "bad seed", they all want to be a good student and a good child.

The difference in academic performance may be due to the fact that parents do not treat their children properly, or that their children are slightly behind their peers in development.

In any case, parents should learn not to create problems for their children, or to minimize the probability of creating problems for their children, so that every child can be treated appropriately.

Focus on marriage, family and parent-child relationship, pay attention to me, and understand a little psychology every day.

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