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The fragility and helplessness of life touched me deeply at that moment, and also made me realize the ruthlessness and vastness of the years. I traded my prime-like beauty for the whiteness of my mother's temples.
When she was forty years old, her mother still faced life and death and did not give up failure.
One meter of sunlight
Wang Xiaopei Wen
Gently opening all the pictures in the depths of my memory, my mother's smile will always be like a meter of sunshine shining on the road in front of me, silently illuminating every corner I pass through, until I burst into tears......
(a)
Fourteen years ago, in the summer, the bright sunshine was like a cheerful song, urging me to hurry home, but I had experienced life and death in my life. I laughed and sang along the way, because my father was coming back today. But from afar, I saw a lot of people gathered around my door, what was wrong? My mind was full of doubts, and my pace slowed down. When I got closer, when I arrived, everyone ran over and surrounded me, including the third uncle, the fourth uncle, and my aunt, who burst into tears and hugged me and cried. "Your dad died!" Suddenly my eyes went dark, and I felt like I had lost all my strength. I didn't want to believe that life was so ruthless that I lost my father in an instant, and it wasn't until the aunt next door cried and hugged me in her arms that I burst into tears.
That year, I was 10 years old, my sister was 8 years old, and my younger brother was 6 years old. My father is gone, almost all my relatives are far away from us, and my uncles and aunts have cut off contact with us for fear of being dragged down, so family affection has become a stranger in my eyes.
(b)
I snuggled into my mother's weak embrace, and her tears rained down. For us, Mother's bosom is the only place we can rely on. I thought that there would be darkness in my future life, but when I turned around, I saw a meter of sunlight shining directly, penetrating my vision, illuminating the road under my feet, and opening up my happiness and happiness tomorrow, this is a meter of sunshine from my mother, it is she who gives us all her love, and it is she who persistently accompanies us with the most difficult steps! My mother often taught me that I can't be a good person completely, but at least don't be a bad person, although good people will suffer, but we will live with peace of mind. It is precisely because of my mother's influence that I have always been kind and grateful in the long wind of the years. Until now, my mind is filled with my mother's strong concern and earnest entrustment, and my first dream has bloomed into a moist goose yellow, and in my mother's halo is my bright green and bright green life.
Under the gray sky, there is no sunshine, I can't remember what happiness is like, some people say what is the longest road in the world? It seems to be able to go far beyond the definition of life, endlessly stretching, with no end but hope. My father is gone, but life has to go on, and since it can't be changed, the living people still have to work hard, survive tenaciously, and constantly pursue light and happiness.
(c)
Since then, my mother has become the pillar of life for this family and our three siblings, and she has used all her strength to make our three siblings happy and happy.
So, I saw a meter of sunlight shining directly from the gloomy sky, and suddenly the whole house was filled with laughter, but there were faint traces of my mother's tears in this laughter. I often wake up in the middle of the night, my mother is still sewing clothes for us under the lamp, her red eyes are full of care and expectation for us, she sighs for us, worries about our food, clothing, housing and transportation, she has done a mother's responsibility, but also bears the obligation of being a father......
Did she ever feel frightened and lonely on a cold night without starlight? These are things that we as young people did not know and understand. The poverty of life kept her busy with the seasons, but never thought of taking a break or taking a breath. She bears the most pain, carries the most pressure, swallows the most tears, and still faces us with love and smiles, giving us a sunny love, and mother's love is a meter of sunshine behind me.
Ten years later, we grew up. Yes, we grew up. But my mother fell ill and needed surgery, although I was able to bear the pressure, but when I heard the news, I fell into the bottomless abyss, and I began to sleep all night, thinking about my mother's suffering and tears, thinking about her dedication to us, thinking about my ignorance......
Tears wet my eyes. On the day of the decision to have surgery, she was lying alone on the hospital bed like a child, her pale face looked so helpless and lonely, she bowed slightly at me, and her smile was a little weak. At that moment, my heart suddenly hurt so much that I couldn't help myself, I hated myself for not being able to be sick for her, if I could, I would be willing to do it for her a thousand times and ten thousand times. I am afraid of losing, if there is no mother, my sky will be dark, that one meter of sunlight will disappear, and I will lose the confidence and hope to live.
I couldn't stop crying. My mother, who has always been strong in my heart, made me feel that she was weak and helpless at that moment. I turned my back to my mother, tears flowed freely, and the bits and pieces of holding hands with my mother surfaced one by one......
My heart was empty, thinking of my mother, who had always supported me, encouraged me, and doted on me......
The fragility and helplessness of life touched me deeply at that moment, and also made me realize the ruthlessness and vastness of the years. I traded my prime-like beauty for the whiteness of my mother's temples. When she was forty years old, her mother still faced life and death and did not give up failure.
Perhaps God is blessed that the operation was very successful. After returning from the hospital, I sat with my mother, and my mother said slowly: "Actually, I'm not afraid at all, but I'm afraid that you will have no one to take care of you in the future." Staring at my mother's calm and calm face at that moment, I was speechless and choked. Yes, my mother was still thinking about us at the last moment of being tortured by illness, and never thought about her future, and in the ten years since she lost her father, she used her own hardships in exchange for my growth, and she herself is already full of wrinkles and gray temples! Today, my mother is still dragging her sick body, and she does not seek gains or losses in her beloved education as always. Her mother's hoe still hung heavily in the corner, and many stories polished her brightly.
When we were young, we were just a dependence on our mother, and now, we have a deep understanding of our mother, a deep love, with the pace of life, when I stand in front of my mother who has a corner of crow's feet and feel her suffering, I can't tell, is it our mother who is old, or she has blood and tears? For the mother, this must be a very heavy memory, when the mother's sacrifice really experienced, we finally grew up, and our mother is looking at us with a kind of infinite love, infinite care, infinite concern gaze behind us, this love, like a meter of sunlight directly into the depths of our sister and brother's heart, maybe in her eyes, we will always be the ignorant child in her arms.
(iv)
Walking on the bustling street, the passing pedestrians are so cold in my eyes, the indifferent eyes, the hurried footsteps that come and go, I can't bear it, every day is like this, why can't we give the world a little smile. When I turned around and saw the one meter of sunlight shining towards me, I felt a kind of happiness in my heart, which lit up our sky and guided me to walk easily in this world.
Standing under the sun, the mood is also warm, I only feel that winter is not cold, but there can also be a moment of relaxation and the opportunity to take off the heavy cotton clothes, isn't it? The blue sky and white clouds, like the dignified face of a thinking poet, just like the life we perceive, isn't it just like this one meter of sunshine from our mother, which makes us forget the cold and forget the pain? No one knows what the weather will be tomorrow, but I will be accompanied by a clear sky, with the cold, to meet the brilliance of a meter of sunshine, and strive to move forward.
I wish there would be a screen made of crystal soft water, which can block the cold and melt. Even though mother's love is a meter of sunshine, it is also my warm haven, and it is also a paradise where I can be coquettish, confide in, and rely on. If there is an afterlife, I only wish to have this rice sun, and when the sun is setting, accompany me to wait for a feeling from the sky.
Standing under the gloomy sky, I felt extra warm, turned around and looked, a meter of sunlight came directly, that was my mother's expectant gaze, the direction of home, the source of happiness, my strong backing, and the nest where I returned day and night.
Yin Wuping Photography
About author:Wang Xiaopei, a native of Jingtai, Gansu Province, a grassroots female writer born in the 80s, loves life, has published many essays and essays in literary journals in recent years, and is a member of the Baiyin Writers Association.
Editor in charge: Rong Feng
Image source: Internet