"Mom, how many more times do you want me to die?": Silent murder in the name of love is being staged in thousands of families

It has been said that the biggest lie in the world is "I'm good for you." Under the banner of love, he manipulates the child's life, stifles the child's mind, and finally makes him an obedient puppet.

This high-scoring TV series in Taiwan, with the most unbelievable plot and the closest to the real core, reveals the most silent murder in Chinese education in the name of love.

Author: Lizheng Mom, Blue Oak columnist. Senior Children's Emotional Intelligence Guidance Consultant of the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security of the People's Republic of China, and Promoter of Children's Reading of the Library Society of China.

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My husband cheated on me and had problems at work...... After the divorce, as her only hope in life, her son, who has always been well-behaved and obedient, actually deceived her with a fake transcript in order to participate in the graduation trip!

Feeling that her life was collapsing and angry, she couldn't bear to "kill" her son, over and over again.

Yes, this mom, by chance, got a remote control. This remote control can control the child's time, as long as the son does something that she is not satisfied with, she can choose to turn back time, go back to the original time, and let him "change".

If she doesn't change it or doesn't change it well, she keeps rewinding until her son realizes his "mistake" and does what she asks.

You falsify your grades for your graduation trip, okay, I'll repeat the cycle for you a dozen times, and go back to the day when you falsified your grades again and again, until you "know that you can change your mistakes" and give up cheating.

Your grades are not good, you are not serious about making up classes, you don't study hard enough, it doesn't matter, keep repeating until I am satisfied. "If you can't learn, you can learn 10 times, if you can't do it 10 times, you will learn 15 times, and if you can't do it 15 times, you will learn 20 times."

From food and clothing, to spiritual thoughts, if they do not meet the requirements, they will be overturned and restarted.

A boy who falls into the abyss of pain, meets a girl who grows freely, and finds in her a rare light in life. Who knows, Mom took out the remote control again and forced them to separate - "It's okay if you hate me now, in the future, you will definitely thank me." ”

The boy who broke down and completely lost hope in life. Cutting his wrists, being electrocuted, jumping off a building, he tried every means to commit suicide, just to get out of his mother's control.

However, he was "rescued" by his mother with a remote control again and again.

The life of being manipulated made him unable to survive or die.

Finally, he asked in despair, "Mom, how many times do you want me to die again?"

Mom was indifferent:

"You were born by me, you were raised by me, you can't think like that. ”

"In this world, only mom will always be by your side. ”

"Why don't you think about your mother? Why don't you fight a little harder?"

The boy gave up the fight completely, because his life was in the hands of his mother's remote control, and there was no hope.

He survived, and only an empty shell remained. Every day, like the walking dead, according to my mother's requirements, studying, going to college, working, and repeating everything my mother asks me to do in an infinite number of rewinds.

Until this day, he went to meet the blind date according to his mother's arrangement, and heard the sentence in the girl's mouth: "Life is our own, and we should be responsible for what it looks like." "It's like a growth booster that gives the boy the courage to rebel.

Finally, he stole his mother's remote control, thinking that he could end his life of being manipulated. However, just as he excitedly shouted, "This is not your remote control, it is mine!"

The creepiest thing happened. Mom sneered and said-

"Do you think I only have one remote?"

The biggest lie in the world is "I'm good for you"

"Mom's Remote Control" is one of the stories of the Taiwanese TV series "Your Child Is Not Your Child".

The title of the play comes from Gibran's poem:

Your children are not your children.

They are the children born of life's desire for itself.

They came into the world through you, but not because of you,

They are with you, but they are not yours.

But the poster is more thought-provoking than the title of the play, with its own ironic meaning, and even chilling.

An umbilical cord binds the fetus to its mother, and the fetus's hands are locked, and even if the umbilical cord is cut later, he will not be free.

The part of the fetal brain is the silhouette of the mother's side face, which is both kissing and eroding. The "eaten brain" seems to indicate that his body and mind belong to his mother and are not at his own disposal.

The mother's control in the name of love has long "castrated" the child's mind, leaving only an empty shell without self.

Just like in "Mother's Remote Control", under the mother's long-term brainwashing education, compromise, obedience, and dependence have programmed the background of the boy's life. He was completely under his mother's control and became a "mother's child".

The recurring cup villain and a sea of oceans in the film.

The villain is a child who does not grow up in the eyes of the mother, and only by keeping it in captivity in a water cup can the surrounding environment be clean and safe.

This control in the name of love makes the child slowly sink and lose his breath due to "doting" and "imprisonment" in the cup of water.

Of course, the boy will envy the sea outside and want to breathe free air, but the deeper his mother's love, the heavier the pressure on him. So much so that he couldn't break free even if he wanted to struggle, and in the end, he could only suffocate in the dead sea of maternal love.

Psychologist Li Xue once said: "A body can only bear one soul, if the parents' desire to control is impenetrable, the child seems to be alive, but in fact has died spiritually." ”

The overly strong and domineering love of parents is a spiritual poison, and many people die mentally before they reach adulthood.

In the name of love, ruined the child

"Your Child Is Not Your Child" is known as an educational film that "all parents should watch". In the film are five independent short stories, namely "Mother's Remote Control", "Cat's Child", "Jasmine's Last Day", "Peacock" and "Must Be Overmoving".

This drama can be called a Chinese-style magical horror reality, and every little story in it shows the clamping down of parents in the name of love. In the parent-child relationship of Jackie Chan, the parents' desire for dissatisfaction and condescending desire for control are vividly depicted.

Among them, "Jasmine's Last Day" is about a mother who sacrificed her career and freedom for her daughter, but she didn't expect her daughter Jasmine to face her daily aggressive reprimand, and couldn't bear the heavy high expectations and high requirements, so she chose to jump down from a high place.

When the party scolded Jasmine every day for her poor grades and unsatisfactory behavior, her mother never understood Jasmine's thoughts. She didn't know how many tears her daughter had secretly shed, how many grievances and pains she had suppressed, and how many times she had cut her wrists.

She would never have thought that the moment Jasmine climbed the railing, the desperate cry in her heart -

"No one loves me anyway, poor and no one loves Jasmine Lin, goodbye. ”

Since I can't be the good boy you want, I can only "kill" this bad boy for you.

"Cat's Child" tells the story of a high school student, Ah Yan, who was forced to develop schizophrenia and hallucinations because his family blindly pursued high scores, and began to abuse the cat to vent, either poisoned or drowned.

It's just because every time he vents all his pressure in such a cruel and violent way in the "parallel world", and then returns to the real world, he can get a good grade, get his mother's smile, and get the appreciation of her relatives she wants.

And Ayan's mother, who is obsessed with good grades, firmly believes that as long as you force your child hard enough and let her work harder, she will definitely be able to get a full score, if she doesn't get it, it must be that she hasn't squeezed enough.

"I can do it, but I don't work hard enough" are the words she always says when she scolds Ah Yan.

didn't know that the sensitive and introverted Ah Yan had been forced to the brink of mental breakdown in such a high-pressure study load.

Even when she realized that her son was deliberately killing the cat, she just said: "It's good that you have made progress in your homework, I can't control it so much." ”

When Ah Yan was found abusing and killing stray cats on the street again, on the way to the police station, he met his mother who was driving in a hurry, and in an instant, the accumulated grievances broke out, and he roared and asked the words that had been suppressed for many years-

"Do you really love me, and why don't you see my efforts?"

Ah Yan never understood what he had done wrong. Why is it that when he needs love, there are only scores and sticks, when he needs to understand, there is only blame and blame, when he needs a hug, there is only detachment and indifference.

Born as a human being, why is it that just because of bad grades, it is judged that he has failed in life, and everything is wrong?

Behind every cat that Ah Yan killed, there was actually the desperate self who died.

The scenes in the play look so morbid and absurd, but they are so real and scary.

Because, every line in the play is familiar, and even angry, and the words we blurt out are sharper than the mother in the play.

"If you don't feel comfortable watching it, it's precisely because it's true. Those children are so uncomfortable, and in reality, there may be more children who are just as uncomfortable!", but when the audience reported that the film was too depressing, the director revealed the hidden truth behind the reality.

Wu Xiaole, the original author of the play, once served as a tutor and has seen too many cases that are beyond the limit. After the book was published, it received a lot of comments from readers——

"My mom is even more terrifying. ”

Under the banner of "for your good", it stifles the child's independent will, poisons the child's view of life, and extinguishes the child's hope for life. In the end, he blamed the child for being "unassertive", "ungrateful", and "disobedient".

American psychologist Diana Baumlind once proposed the theory of "arbitrary parenting style".

That is, "refusal + control", on the one hand, it emphasizes strict control and unconditional obedience of children, hoping that children will grow up according to the development blueprint they designed for them, and at the same time, the needs and wishes of children are rarely considered.

A sentence of "for your good" and a sentence of "you will thank me in the future" will allow parents to control and rewrite their children's lives as a matter of course.

I don't have 100 points,

Can you be your child?

We often comfort ourselves that our children don't need a mother with a score of 100, as long as they score 60.

But few people say that children don't need 100 points, and it's good to have more than 60 points.

"Wonderful Story" once had a debate called "If you could customize your child's perfect life with one click, would you press the button?"

No need for a chicken baby, no need to go through a long period of parenting, and directly customize the perfect life for your child with one click.

Since he was a child, he has been a top student, and he was admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University, and he can choose a good major at will.

Take the civil service exam, or enter a big company, live a rich and happy life, and give me a long face.

The girl marries a rich man, does not worry about food or clothing, travels every day, and does not need to cook.

The boy has a successful career, marries Bai Fumei, and gives birth to a boy and a girl to make up a "good" word. ......

It's so beautiful to think about it that I can't control my hand when I want to press the keys. After all, if you can easily achieve a child's successful life, who wants to have no limits and force your child so hard?

Parents often complain that we are also poor people who are oppressed by this era of involution. The general environment does not allow us to stop, in order for the child not to fall behind, we can only wave the whip ruthlessly and drive the child forward. Having to run, not daring to stop, and anxiety following you like a shadow have become a common problem of this generation of Chinese parents in parenting.

In the era when grades are king, it seems that there is an invisible ruler that requires children to grow only according to one mold. Those children who do not meet the standards will be spurned like defective products produced on the assembly line.

As a result, grades have become not only a measure of whether each child is excellent, but also a measure of each parent's success.

In the play "Your Child Is Not Your Child", there is a dystopian story called "Must Be Active".

This illusory story based on the background of science fiction is like a mirror projecting reality, reflecting an extremely sick society that uses childbirth as a tool and people's scores as a class division, as well as the harm to children under the assessment of a deformed society.

The story depicts a world where the quality of housing and jobs are assigned according to children's test scores. If you have good grades, you can live in an urban mansion with your mother, and children with poor grades can only live in a slum with your mother in a pigeon cage. And the children whose grades do not meet the minimum standard of 20 points will be sent to "improve", which is actually destroyed.

The mother in the story, in order to preserve the gold medals, honors and benefits received for cultivating the first high-quality "embryo". specially asked the second daughter, who had poor grades, to pretend to have "hyperactivity disorder". What the daughter who obediently did not know was that once she was diagnosed with a "defective product", what was waiting for her was to be destroyed. When she was still worried that her poor grades would cause her mother to be driven to the slums, she didn't know that her mother had decided to "kill" her.

The story is unimaginably absurd, and many people will shout "impossible" when they see it. After all, that's the child he has to protect with his life, how can he be willing to abandon him because of his grades?

But the paradoxical reality is exactly that. When he was born, parents who said "as long as he is healthy and happy" will unconsciously attach more and more expectations to his child as he grows up. I hope he is obedient and sensible, I hope he has excellent grades, I hope he has a successful career, and I hope he gets married and has a baby step by step...... If the child can't do it, he can't help but be picky, blame, beat and scold, and label the child with all kinds of labels such as "scumbag", "not angry", "garbage", "waste" and so on.

The seemingly selfless love of parents is wrapped in too many demands.

It is precisely because I love children that I am too afraid that my children will make mistakes in life, so I can't help but point fingers and want to use my life experience to point out a broad road for my children.

When parents exert too much effort on their children's "love", "love" becomes heavy and unbearable.

When it really can't bear it, the child will get "sick" and even go to extremes.

In 2022, the National Blue Book on Depression showed that 69% of student patients were prone to depression in family relationships, and 63% of student patients felt harsh, uncaring, and conflicted in their families.

Last year, there was a very popular report "Your children can't live anymore, you are still thinking about tomorrow's exam". It's talking about the children who are physically and mentally exhausted under the current high pressure, and the parents who still don't know it.

Although the drama "Your Child Is Not Your Child" seems so absurd, it warns us: when your love is too extreme and turns into harm, it is a silent murder of your child.

We need to recognize that the essence of parenting is to help children become themselves, not to be puppets in their own hands.

In this voyage of life, only when the child is at the helm can he truly experience the stormy waves, drifting ups and downs of life. In order to exercise courage in every great wave, choose the direction at the fork of each channel. The accumulation of experience again and again is the confidence that they have the ability to move forward freely in this journey of life.

The love of parents is an escort rather than a navigation.

Remember what Gibran wrote in "To the Children":

"Give them love,

but thou shalt not give them thoughts,

Because they have a mind of their own.

Because their souls belong to tomorrow,

Tomorrow that you can't even dream of. ”