The different responses of parents have such a great impact on the child's personality......

Text丨Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

1

Many parents think that boys are born to be braver.

And the boys did behave more aggressively, not as delicate as the girls.

If you touch the boy's hand, you will definitely find that the little palm is a little rough.

Little Fish's hand is like that, I can feel it sometimes when I hold his hand.

Because they often rub and grasp all kinds of things.

Who knows what their little hands experience in a day?

And you'll find that their knees will have all kinds of scars, or bruises and purples.

It's all bumped up.

Most parents have the same impression of boys.

It is possible to be bold and stock-free, and their hearts will not be so sensitive.

Before you know it, there are fewer responses to them, but there are many, many demands.

One night I took Xiaoxiaoyu to the property to pick up the courier.

When he went out, he was a little excited, and rushed straight towards the rolling door next to him.

Behind the curtain is a glass door frame.

I didn't even have time to hold him because I was carrying a big courier in my hand.

He crashed into it and stepped back, stunned.

Now that I think about it, I'm glad I didn't say anything like okay to comfort me.

And he didn't say anything like "don't cry, be brave".

Instead, he asked him, "Did it hurt?"

When he heard this, he began to cry loudly.

In that environment, he thought he had made a mistake.

Even though it hurt, I didn't cry.

But after getting a response from me, he began to express his feelings.

Then I asked him where he had crashed?

After resting outside for a while, I rubbed him.

At this time, his emotions calmed down, and I told him to be careful outside, especially when the glass door is transparent.

Sometimes children don't dare to cry because they have made mistakes.

And parents' responses often give children different feelings.

It also affects the formation of the child's personality.

2

I don't know if you have noticed, but children will always make some movement to attract your attention.

Because you are paying attention, you will respond to him.

So that he will feel your love.

What happens if parents keep neglecting them?

For example, on the way to the cinema with a parent, the child sees an ant and says to his parents: Look, there is an ant there!"

If Dad looked at his phone at this time, he would definitely respond: "Hmm!" or even as if he hadn't heard it.

And mom may respond: "Hurry up, hurry up, the movie is about to start." ”

There is also a common situation.

When the child comes home from school, he chatters with his parents about what he has seen.

But busy mothers don't necessarily care about what their children say.

Instead, I was thinking about how to arrange tonight's meal.

What is given to the child is a perfunctory feeling.

When children pay attention to the content, it is completely different from what parents pay attention to.

Psychologists call this reaction "extraneous reaction." ”

Children often receive irrelevant reactions from their parents, or even indifferent responses, which can lead to a huge sense of nothingness, inability to confirm their own existence, and fragmentation of themselves.

To exist is to be perceived. So says the British psychologist Rhine.

He called this deficiency "existential anxiety."

If a small child has this anxiety.

Then his childhood will almost be covered with a haze.

He can't feel sunshine and love in his heart.

will also slowly lose the ability to love someone, and even become withdrawn and inferior. 

3

There are also many parents who feel that listening to their children's chatter is a waste of time.

Therefore, when you listen to a child's words, you think you understand them.

Or simply not listen.

I once saw a story like this on Zhihu, which touched me very much.

There was a little girl in the third grade of elementary school, who for a while said that she was afraid of ghosts and did not dare to sleep alone.

The child's mother thinks that such a big child should be bolder.

She told the child that there are no ghosts in this world.

Then he didn't ask any more questions, thinking that the child was just suspicious.

But one night when she was going to bed, the little girl came to her parents' room again and said that she was scared.

This time, her mother comforted her as before.

Dad hugged her that day, but he didn't tell her, "There are no ghosts in the world."

Instead, I talked to her for a long time.

He asked her, "What does that ghost that scares you look like?"

The little girl said, "It's black and you can't see it, and when you see him you disappear." ”

Then Dad continued to talk to her for a long time, and he got a very important piece of information:

Children often see this ghost on the way out of school.

This alarmed the father, and he went outside the school for several days in advance to wait for the child to finish school to see what was going on.

As a result, he saw a middle-aged man with a black hat stalking his daughter.

He decisively called the police, but his parents were still scared and glad they found out early.

If this middle-aged man suddenly made a move one day, the consequences would be unimaginable.

And what kind of dad is this father?

Here's what the child's mother said:

In his daily life, he always has the patience to listen to the child's nonsense.

He will never dismiss the child at will, no matter how absurd the child's words are from the perspective of unthinking common sense.

If you love your children.

It is necessary to learn to listen to your child and respond patiently.

4

If a child has a good mother or nurturer who responds positively to him and understands him.

Then he is lucky, because his feelings are confirmed, his self will become whole, and his heart will become rich and warm.

And this starts as a baby.

Why do some children cry all the time?

Because they are not understood, or their calls are not answered.

Sometimes your child wants to drink water, but you take him out to play, shaking and shaking.

And sometimes the child wants to play, and you think he is hungry, and then give him food.

I remember staying at my aunt's house at that time.

Every night my little cousin had to cry.

Every time my aunt hurried to breastfeed, my sister still cried.

Then I drank milk and wet the bed.

At this time, she was even more angry.

A snap is a few butt hits.

My sister cried loudly in protest.

Actually, she just wanted to pee.

But my mother didn't feel right.

Slowly, the mother and daughter became aligned.

There will be no more crying like this.

When a baby smiles at its mother, the mother's heart is joyful.

Also respond to a heartfelt laugh.

And when the baby cries, the mother will also come to them as soon as possible to respond.

It's the response that makes the child feel his presence.

Moreover, children are more likely to empathize with the people around them, have good empathy, and have a strong sense of presence.

Ma Yili once published a parenting experience on Weibo, reflecting on her intuition of giving up her motherhood, which eventually led to some undeserved situations in the process of constructing a child's sense of security.

As my sister grew up, I regretted more and more the crying immunity training I had given my horse when she was one year old, even though it took two days for her to learn to sleep well.

But when she was one and a half years old, she would always wake up again, crying and clapping her hands for a hug, and then she had to cry and fall asleep again after finding that no one paid attention, and I stubbornly hoped that she would fall asleep in the dark, numbing myself to ignore her helplessness, and even thinking that she would not remember these crying nights when she grew up.

This torment was a great torment for me, for her, and for the whole family, and finally I listened to my mother's advice, put her bed next to my big bed, and when I woke up in the middle of the night, I reached out and patted her, and from then on we and she slept very soundly.

If you remember your childhood, you can definitely love your children better.

Sometimes when I look at the little guy in front of me, I think of my own experience when I was a child.

It's the same naughty, it's the same impatience.

There are the same needs and desires.

Then don't suppress the little child in your heart.

Don't be indifferent to the little children in front of you.

When you think about it, I'm not good enough.

What about you, my dear?