There are always double standards, demanding the strictest and harshest conditions from others, and then indulging oneself with peace of mind.
Although a selfish person is inconspicuous in the crowd, as soon as you get close, you will find his double standards for others!
And you're going to scar yourself because of them.
The relationship between two mentally mature adults should go both ways.
This means giving to each other and being able to take responsibility for their own efforts, rather than blindly emphasizing what they have done to create a "sense of guilt" for each other.
Doing so is just an attempt to get some of the "love and warmth" you want by making the other party feel indebted.
Although this approach is both naïve and does not solve the problem.
The so-called double standards are just an excuse for interests.
Have interests/biases first, and then find reasons that are beneficial to you/satisfied.
There are always high-sounding and eloquent reasons.
To put it bluntly, Tian is shameless and proud of it.
Same thing, same people.
Why is it right for you to do this and wrong for me to do it?
For such people with double standards, they often feel that they are very reasonable.
Later, you will find that the reason why these people are like this is only because they can't get what they want, and they only have themselves in their hearts, so they expect to press others to death, and feel that everyone is wrong, and only what they do is harmless.
They believe that it is their unique right to come and go as soon as they are called, and they have too much sense of privilege to imagine that they can do whatever they want to do with others without consequences.
When it comes to playing victims, narcissistic personality disorder is unscrupulous, a cover-up, a temptation, a trap, and a control.
NPD is terrible, a vampire in reality, a hypocrite
NPD人格(自恋型人格障碍)
This personality mainly reflects the characteristics of no empathy, good at squeezing out the people around him by manipulating and deceiving double standards, jealousy of others, and satisfying their own desires.
Do narcissists know about their narcissism and being difficult to get along with?
Narcissists are insecure, do they know it themselves?
The answer is: yes.
Narcissistic people have a bit of delusions, but they can actually foresee the consequences of their actions, and they know that some of their actions don't look so good.
Their impulsiveness and sense of privilege means that they do not restrain themselves.
If they don't feel the need, if they don't say the offensive words, they will be unbearable, as if they are going to blow up, this is his pressure relief, and the pressure is his whirlpool of shame and anger.
They know that their behavior will accumulate over time, but they continue to rationalize their behavior, quibbling, explaining, and glorifying.
In an area of their brain, they know that what they are doing is not a good thing, and sometimes in the counseling room, they confess that they can't restrain themselves – it's so uncomfortable to hold back in their hearts that they have to say bad things.
They know in their hearts that what they really think will sound stupid.
What they think is: Why can't I just say what I want?
I'm not serious, I have to say it, and if you don't let me say it, you're against me.
Life is so unfair to me, and my judgment is always the most right.
Why can't everyone tolerate me and accept my temper?
These words cannot be spoken, they understand, they think so in their heads.
In every narcissistic relationship, there is a key point of change, and this point is that they find that you understand, yes, you understand the other party's path.
When they say they want to break up/divorce, you stop putting yourself in a very low position, and when they belittle and attack you with negative words, you don't feel so anxious anymore.
Interestingly, after this phase begins, your relationship will be more anxious because the narcissist will behave worse than ever.
It's as if you've spied on their insecurities and seen through their tricks, and they don't like to be seen through this way.
Once the blood pack starts treating NPD the greystone way, things are going like a curve, like an ascending roller coaster, and the narcissist's temper grows bigger and bigger, because they can't beat you to pieces with the same tricks.
You don't take the bait anymore, remember, they need your muscles to bulge and behave insanity, and they can say gracefully, yo!
You're excited again! You're too emotional! And then they're themselves, feeling better.
So they start to be meaner and meaner, they start to belittle you, they even start to belittle your friends or family, they start to count the topics that can blow you up, they might make fun of your job or your family, everything becomes more and more toxic.
The first stage of NPD manipulation - typical love bombing, has only one purpose, which is to get the other party in hand as soon as possible, because NPD can't play that long.
The second stage of NPD is the debasement period, and after you succeed, you start to dislike the other party for not being perfect and unworthy of Ta.
The third stage of NPD is a cliff-like breakup.
NPD will leave when the blood packet is sucked and unsucked, i.e., it takes a person from sparkling PUA to eclipse.
There is another important characteristic of people with NPD, that is: unself-awareness
1- Always right.
Always correct, always correct with a capital in bold, TA never has any mistakes, any flaws, any imperfections.
2- Apologize and reflect on incompetence.
Saying "I'm sorry" is also almost impossible for TA.
3- Compassion test.
When you have known him for less than ten minutes, or three or five days, and he tries to arouse your sympathy with his own experience or story, then you have to be careful.
4- Unconscious of their own double standards.
They use this standard to belittle and negate you one second, and the same standard to flaunt and elevate themselves the next.
5- Bursting superiority. All those who are mentioned in TA's mouth are inferior to TA, and in TA's world, TA is the supreme god.
6-Extremely fast heating and rapid binding. As soon as they meet, they are eager to confirm a relationship with you even before they meet.
7- "I-ME" All topics, no matter how they started, will always come back to TA .
8- Makes you start to doubt your feelings and intuition.
When you get along with them, they will always try to deny everything you perceive and make you question your intuition.
There are many classifications of NPD, among which there is a large classification that can be divided into two types: explicit and implicit.
Dominant NPD
Since they are narcissistic personality disorder, their biggest characteristic is narcissism, which is extremely self-centered.
The characteristics of dominant NPD are more obvious:
For example, they are happy to talk about their achievements and like to focus all the topics on themselves.
Stealth NPD
Invisible NPD is more difficult to detect than overt NPD because both their characteristics and the way they are emotionally abused.
Their explicit performance is inferiority, not as boastful as explicit NPD, but rather humble, not exaggerated, closer to avoidant attachment in attachment style, their usual methods in the demeaning period are not as obvious as PUA, but such as gaslighting, reactive abuse, obedience testing and other implicit abuse.
How did NPD come about.
NPD is not developed in a day, but is developed step by step from childhood, because children are the most receptive group to stereotypes.
Man NPD:
As a child, I have long experienced the education of dwarfing women, such as women are used to give birth to children and do housework, while men are to do big careers.
Men should not be emotionally involved in their children's private affairs, everything should be centered on their own needs, if a woman needs you to invest in emotions and labor to maintain the relationship, instead of submissively surrounding you as a satellite, she is not a good woman.
It is mainly manifested in machismo.
Female NPD: The education you receive is not worth mentioning emotionally, and only those who can make you step on the upward path are important.
That is, personality and material are completely separated, and if a person has material, then it does not matter if he is morally corrupt and extremely evil;
If a person does not have the material things they can see, then his personality is not worth mentioning, and he is not enough for her to treat people with an attitude of extreme utilitarianism.
It is mainly manifested by unusual arrogance.
It is also difficult for a counselor with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to work with them unless there is some form of external push. This type of counselor gives me the impression of being "arrogant and vulnerable".
It is undeniable that everyone will have narcissistic tendencies, which is unavoidable, because we ourselves need to have a certain self-protection function to ensure that the self spirit is strong and not hit by the outside world.
Narcissism is the ability of an individual to maintain a positive self-image through the regulation and processing of self and emotion.
It is the basis of individual self-validation and affirmation.
But when narcissism shows extreme situations, such as being highly concerned about oneself and having little empathy for others, etc., it is a legendary narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder is quite different from narcissism in general, which is a defense mechanism to protect oneself from harm;
Narcissistic personality disorder, on the other hand, is a defense that bottoms out, forming extremes, creating a perfect world and ignoring all imperfections.
How can you tell if the other party is NPD?
If it is not easy to judge NPD from a professional point of view, first of all, the possibility of NPD volunteering to do the diagnosis is very low, because very few NPD will admit that they have a personality disorder, which will cause narcissism to be damaged, what we can do is to pay attention to our own feelings first, and focus on our own feelings.
If you experience the feelings mentioned above, then such people should stay away regardless of whether they are NPD or not.
Secondly, he is different from ordinary people's ideal period, debasement period, and abandonment period, lacks constancy, and will have illogical "turn his face when he says he will turn his face", as well as unfounded determination and indifference, which is also one of the main reasons for the survivors who experience NPD to be hit.
Quickly identify NPDs
There is a kind of person in life who always lets others do it even though he can't do it himself, and has low requirements for himself and high standards for others.
Are they really motivating others, no.
This kind of person does not have the capital to crush others, so he uses the aura of successful people to suppress the ordinary people around him, and absorbs the energy of the people around him through the inability of others to harvest a short-term false sense of self-satisfaction.
Their essence is weak, hollow, and powerless.
Such people, you don't have to fight back against them at all, they are pitiful, just screen out such people in the social circle.
Why did you meet NPD?
Although NPD is very different from ordinary slag, being able to be attracted to NPD and being emotionally abused step by step is also the same as the "slag sucking" physique.
For NPD, people who are simple, kind, sunny, sincere, willing to give, and even have a "heart of the Virgin" are the easiest to become their emotional source (blood pack).
A netizen said:
I can't tell how hard it is to find out that my mother is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), a secret horror, and a great mother who outwardly manifests herself as selfless devotion.
When I finally got out of the quagmire and had the strength to develop myself, after an ordinary phone call from my mother, after ordinary words, my state was not right the next day, and I felt a sense of distraction.
Unlike dominant NPD, recessive NPD looks normal on the surface, but it buries NPD personality traits deeper.
Parents with implicit NPD tend to be those who are seen as "good parents" by others, who have a good reputation, have a good temper with outsiders, and seem to give a lot to their children and family.
As a child, there is often an unspeakable discomfort, and if it is serious, it will feel breathless.
In addition, some mothers who are overly controlling will fit the characteristics of implicit NPD, especially single mothers or widowed marriages, which will make them "perfect victims of public opinion".
7 typical characteristics of some NPD mothers
1. Pretend to be pathetic
-Accustomed to presenting herself as a victim, she will act in a very exaggerated way that she is "having a miserable life", evading her responsibilities, making others think that she is really having a miserable life and constantly helping her in order to achieve her goal of sucking blood, if you don't help her, congratulations on becoming the target of discredit.
She will convey to her children "I have done so much for you, I am like this because of you, you owe me", such as "How hard I work all day, can't you wash the dishes at home" "I have done so much for you, you can't ......"
All problems are children's problems: as small as breaking a bowl, as big as a mother's failure to find a job, all failures are caused by children, they are all caused by the drag of children, and the mother is never wrong.
2. Over-controlling, unable to accept different opinions
3. Treat others as tools, even if they are your own children
4. Lack of empathy
Instead of doing the comforting and soothing behavior of a normal mother, she will feel that the child is a problem/trouble, and will even say things like: "Why are you creating a problem again!!" and "Get over it yourself." ”
"Don't cry, your is nothing compared to my experience.
5. Always elevate yourself and pull on others
6. Strong jealousy
She can't accept the happy and sparkling looks of others, which will provoke her jealousy, and she will compare herself to you even if you are her child.
7. Not only will she take advantage of her close friends and relatives, but she will be an emotional, material vampire to her children. For example, when the children grow up, they are very demanding, asking for money, gifts, companionship, and all kinds of spiritual and material needs.
Normal parents expect their children to grow up happily, have a stable job, and if there is time for the family to care for and accompany each other, these are normal basic expectations.
NPD mothers will suffocate their children, such as asking to live together, such as asking for money regardless of their financial situation, buying a house, traveling, etc.
The best thing to do in the face of such family members is to leave, and not to expect their parents to change!
If you are underage and cannot be financially independent, what you can do is not expect, do not respond, and do not argue.
About the author: Berlin
Psychological counselor, tarot card soothsayer, planetary energy singing bowl healer, free coder, trainer.
The Burrow listens to people's warmth and coldness, and the love and affection are all fate.
The red dust comes and goes without a trace, and the cooking words heal people's hearts.
I met you, and then I met myself, fate is like a knife, let me learn with you.
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