Today's recommended book is Find Your Place in the World by Julie Liscott-Hyams She is a former provost at Stanford University.
Book 36 of 2023
He wrote a super practical adult survival guide for adults who are using his own life stories combined with real growth cases to help young people stand alone in the adult world.
This book is very well written, make a recommendation, if you have a child who is just about to become an adult or you have just entered the workplace, it is very worth buying a copy and reading it carefully several times.
1. Prepare well.
"First, get to know the company, get to know the people interviewing you, understand their roles and backgrounds. Know where they're from, what their perspective is, what they care about, and then go and talk to them face to face. It's a conversation where you want to treat the other person as distinct individuals.
Second, don't tell them what you know, show them how you learned some skills. For example, instead of saying, 'I'm really trying,' say, 'I think I'm good at this because last summer I moved two million bricks from this place to that place, and it was a hard job.'" Instead of saying, 'I'm very good at Excel,' it's better to say, 'I have to create models in economics class, and I just do a lot of forms and macros with Excel.'" Showing your credentials through stories is more convincing and can also make a deeper impression on others. ”
2. Get along well with others.
Once you have a job, it's inevitable to deal with other people. According to Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist and author of the best-selling book "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," the number one priority in the workplace is relationships.
She said: "Do people like you? Can they count on you? Do you have a good attitude towards people? "To work well with others, you have to show respect and kindness to everyone, and especially those who are older and more experienced. Sometimes people say, "People respect me first, and then I respect people", but I want to say here that this statement is the opposite. If we all do this, then no one will actively give respect to others, and everyone will wait to be respected first.
The correct way to understand "respect" is to "if you want to be respected, you must first give respect." Lori also said that if you are neurotic and anxious very easily, it will bring this energy to the workplace; If you're a perfectionist and can't stand any flaws, it will drive the people around you crazy. I'm not trying to make you hide your anxiety, but I'm trying to show that it's important to regulate yourself at work.
3. "Man can be cattle, but not floating."
It was said by Rachel Simmons, a brilliant writer who wrote "Odd Girl Out" and "Enough as She Is." Her work focuses on adolescent girls. She has written that many young people, regardless of gender, feel that their intelligence and qualifications mean that they should only be responsible for the most interesting and important work, regardless of gender. This is not the case. When you were a child, you sat at a table with other children every New Year's holiday, and now when you enter the workplace, you still have to sit at a table with other colleagues who are also juniors. This means that you should do the seemingly unimportant work within your subordinates. Positively, it also means that hard work makes work easier, simpler, safer, and more satisfying for those around you. You will receive "career points" for this. As long as you work long enough, someone will come and help you!
4. Learn the trick.
Lori Gottlieb advises you to learn how to do the basics on a down-to-earth basis and to be diligent in thinking. If you're in charge of outreach, she says, you need to know what formal format to use for correspondence between adults. Don't think "I don't have to learn, don't learn, it's okay with me."
If you always think you're awesome, but you're not, your boss will think that you're just trying to show off your talents, rather than actually listening to what you need at work. Don't feel impatient with the necessary learning. Don't have the mentality of "whether this thing is tested or not". There are no exams in adult life, but learning never ends.
5. Join the circle.
Any workplace is an organizational form, an ecosystem, an intertwined network. You might think that the big boss is the most important, his deputy is the second most important, and so on, right up to yourself. But as I said, it's important to respect those who are higher in the org chart than you, but never forget that all individuals deserve respect.
Most of us crave attention and want others to realize our importance, whether at work, at a cocktail party, or at a family dinner. The best way to judge a person's importance is to ask him to talk about his situation. Don't ask him where he went to school or what job he has, but ask him if he has any good news to share in recent days. Sometimes, a person who seems less important at work can provide the most information and insights because everyone communicates with him. These people are important, so meet them, respect them, and make friends with them. They can know what others think of you before you do, and if you try to build a good relationship with them, they're likely to come out and support you when others start complaining about you.
6. Find a mentor.
Each of us needs someone other than our parents to truly trust us. Imagine someone who is smarter and more experienced than you are, who can illuminate your path and even point out things you didn't see. Find this person and nurture and deepen your relationship with him. Work closely with him to figure out what he cares about most at work, making himself reliable and irreplaceable. Ask him for a cup of coffee and ask him how his life has been going lately. Sometimes, he will ask you, and you can share it with him. After that, write another thank you message to send him. As the years go by, send him a message every now and then to show your concern. Share your struggles and successes with him, and don't forget to ask him how he's doing.
When you're frustrated at work and don't know if you should move on, ask for his advice and listen well. A good mentor often won't tell you what to do, but he'll ask you valuable questions that will give you a better understanding of what you really want. Of course, there is also a cycle, that is, as you mature, you will also become a mentor to others.
7. Work hard.
Roll up your sleeves and get the job done. Ask yourself if you have gone to great lengths to envision every possible expectation of the client for the project, every question that needs to be answered. Work hard and make results. Putting the work ahead, you need to prove that you are not only competent in the job, but also understand the resources required for the work itself and the importance of each task. Even if you hate the current environment and want to go further, don't joke about your current job.
When it comes to work ethics, I've heard people think Cornell is "at the bottom" of the 8 Ivy League schools. (I think college rankings are pure, so I don't mention this to emphasize anything, just because the story is funny.) Then I also heard from recruiters at companies that Cornell graduates were aware of this stereotype and felt they needed something to prove themselves. As a result, they work harder, come earlier than others, walk later than others, work more than others, and are more eager for outside feedback that will help them improve. They proved to be the better employees.
8. Ask for help.
This advice comes from my dear friend Donovan Somila Israel who is a senior health education instructor for mental health and well-being at Stanford Health Center. When Donovan conducts a student workshop, he asks, "Who of you is helpful but reluctant to ask others for help?" He then asked, "Did you know that Michael Phelps has a swimming coach, Simone Beers has a fitness coach, and Serena Williams has a tennis coach?" He concluded, "So, are you so good that you don't need help?" "The boss doesn't hire you because you're the most perfect, amazing person. Your boss hires you because you can work hard, get up when you fall, and get along with others. Ask for help when it's time to get help so you can solve the problem faster!
It's better to find a way to use something than to destroy it; It's better to find the crux of a situation than to apologize for a mistake you made. Nevertheless, we need to balance the importance of asking for help with the need to work independently.
9. Gradually take responsibility and become more independent.
Getting help and advice is important, but if you act unopinionated, your boss will probably be very annoyed. The business world has a five-stage theory about the maturity of employees,
Stage 1: Sit and wait for the assignment of tasks.
Stage 2: Proactively look for tasks.
Stage 3: Recognize that some work needs to be done, think about potential tasks and solutions, and move forward.
Stage 4: Keep working and inform the boss or team of their work trends in time.
Stage 5: Maintain work and report trends and problems in regular work reviews.
If you stay stuck in the first stage, sitting and waiting for assignments, your boss will be frustrated. The senior partner told me, "I feel like some of our younger employees are too much told what to do and don't even know how to look at the environment to see what exactly needs to be done. If they don't get specific instructions in advance, they certainly won't think of what to do. But some very motivated children will be very confident, because they have done more things independently in life, and they are more willing to say, 'Hey, I think this thing has to be done', "Hey, I see you're embarrassed, do you want to help" or 'The customer called and asked this question, I think so, what do you think?'" "So, if you're stuck in the first phase all the time, you have to use your brain and find something to do, which is called taking the initiative." As long as you don't go overboard or forget to report to your superiors. After all, you're not in charge yet!
10. Don't shy away from challenges.
You may have to take on some administrative tasks when you're not ready. Maybe it's a new group of interns who need to report to you, maybe an administrative assistant has become your direct report, maybe you just take over an entire team. As a manager, your goal should not be to hold your subordinates with a stick, but to help them learn and grow. This means that when they experience life's setbacks and challenges, you have an uncomfortable job – giving them feedback. I would like to confess my vulnerable side to you again: in my career, I have sometimes been very afraid to give feedback to others, and even really silenced because of it.
Subsequently, the situation with them became more difficult, and my untimely feedback became part of the problem. Humans need feedback so they can learn and grow. You can be kind enough to provide feedback and express your concern for their growth with honest words and body language. But it is still necessary to be decisive, not to be inconsistent, oblivious and vague.
A colleague of mine in the Stanford president's office likes to say, "It's better to get an axe than to read a file." "It means he prefers to cut through the mess quickly. Most of the time, you're not really going to cut anyone, it's important to be clear and clear no matter what the feedback is. You're not judging them, you're giving feedback on their actions. If they feel valued as individuals, they are better at receiving feedback when confronted with tough messages from you. One of the proudest moments of my career was when I had to fire a man, but he thanked me for the kindness and respect I showed during the dismissal.
11. Apologize for your mistake and move on.
This advice also comes from the senior partner mentioned earlier. If someone messes up, the boss wants him to apologize. The best thing a young person can do is walk into their boss's office and say, "I'm very, very sorry." It looks like you're busy right now, but if you'd like to talk further, or have any suggestions for me, please let me know, I'm very much looking forward to your feedback. "Be aware of the subtleties: You may want to talk about the details to learn and grow better, but maybe your boss is not available at the moment. So you need to sincerely apologize to your face and tell your boss that you know you are wrong and will not do it again. It also means that you've accepted their feedback, put them at ease, and haven't taken up much of their time.
Note that we're talking about how a specific person can effectively apologize. With keen observation and a few trial and error, you'll discover what type of apology your boss needs to regain confidence in you. Once you discover this approach, you can create a more comfortable and trusting relationship in the workplace. (Pro tip: your colleagues have preferred apology, and so do you!) ）
12. Don't involve your parents at work.
I feel compelled to point this out because it has become a concern for many employers. Your parents will most likely want to attend your interview, help you negotiate salary, benefits, and bonuses, or talk to your boss about difficult matters. Even if you don't mind your parents getting involved, think about what others think! They'll think you're not old yet, so you're definitely not fit for the job!
So, don't let your parents get involved. If you wish, you can consult them beforehand and report back afterwards. This is doable and even beneficial, especially if you're just starting out in the workplace and lack ideas.
13. Keep building your network.
Even if you love your job right now, maybe one day you'll change careers, and that's when it's time to activate your network. Don't take "networking" for anything bad. A network is a group of people you know who don't necessarily have a deep relationship with you, but if you want to find new opportunities in the world, you need to communicate with them. The construction of human networks is not rocket science, but it is more sophisticated.
I turned to Christina Bracken, founder of a leadership development and communications consultancy. Christina shares some tips for effective networking.
· Don't keep your profile low, don't cast a wide net. The purpose of creating a network is to make some deeper connections with others, rather than stuffing business cards down to everyone. By creating genuine connections with a small number of people, you are likely to find more long-term reciprocal relationships.
· Ask interesting questions. The questions you ask can influence the conversation and help you better find commonalities with the other person in their daily life or work, creating better relationships. Don't just ask "what do you do", here are some of my favorite questions: What do you think of our event/presentation/organization right now? Why did you join this project/job/industry now? What you're working on right now, is there anything that excites you? How long have you lived here and why did you move here?
· Don't let your bag get stuffed with business cards. Don't let potential relationships end on hold, don't collect scrap business cards that end up in coasters or eating ashes in bags and houses. On the second day of acquaintance, use a simple sentence to continue your communication with the other person. If you don't have a business card or don't have a business card, it's even better to leave each other's email or phone messages so that follow-up is easier.
· Don't be the kind of friend who "goes to the Three Treasures Hall for nothing". In the process of deepening your relationship with someone, don't just call them when you need help. If you see them in a new job, congratulate them, share them online and encourage them. Check their dynamics from time to time and learn about new trends with each other. In general, you want to be a curious and supportive person, not the kind of person who sends random messages and unabashedly asks for the privacy of the other person. When you build a genuine relationship with someone you admire or like, a mutually beneficial relationship can come naturally.
· Express gratitude and gratitude. One of the things I love to do is to thank the people who have influenced my career and thinking and let them know I'm thinking about them. These include my high school teachers, professors, former bosses, former colleagues, and friends. A short email lets the other person know that you're thinking about them, that they influenced or inspired your life path, and your circumstances. It's also a great way to keep in touch with people who are particularly vulnerable to estrangement due to distance and time. Even contacting once a year can make a difference, which makes a great experience for both parties recreating the relationship.
What I've just given you are some very specific guidance on how to learn and grow in the workplace that will help you be a good employee and even make you a better person.