01
Adults ask us to be good children, but ignore us are happy?
In my memory, my hair was a lively, cute, carefree little girl from a young age, and no matter where we went, she was always a well-behaved child preferred by the elders.
She was more cheerful than me, and whenever she saw the elders, she would go up to say hello very politely, and the most fatal thing was that she would immediately show a smile that the elders would smile when they saw the aunt.
From elementary school to junior high school to college, she will always be the child of other people in my eyes, always ranking in the top three in academic performance, obedient and hardworking.
After graduating from junior high school, she was admitted to the best high school in the city with the top three in the school; after graduating from high school, she was admitted to the best medical university in the province with excellent results.
The most enviable thing is that when we were all staying up late to burst liver to prepare for graduate school, because of her university credit score ranking and scientific research experience, she obtained the postgraduate research qualification of West China Hospital of Sichuan University, which once ranked first in the country.
If it happened to me, I might have to wake up laughing in my dreams.
However, since college, Fa Xiao has no longer been as whole as we were when we were young.
Every time we came home from vacation, we still laughed and played like when we were children; she was still the same well-behaved and polite when she saw the elders; but every time she sat down after a play, she always gave me an indescribable feeling of sadness, as if she had finally removed her disguise.
02
Everyone is a walled city, and the people inside the wall can't get out, and the people outside the wall can't get in.
By chance, I talked to her and realized that she had never really been herself.
I asked her if she was happy? Bao Yan such a good university, and congratulations to her future.
She only replied lightly: "It's just a siege of the city." ”
Then, he said to himself, "The people outside the city want to go in, and the people in the city want to come out." ”
Sensing her abnormality, I said, "You' are going to Chengdu for graduate school soon, are you ready to be a life-saving doctor?" ”
I know better than anyone the joy and helplessness of being an angel dressed in white, and when the words come to my mouth, they all come out of my mouth.
She was stunned for a few seconds, and then she said she didn't know what it was to like.
When she was a child, her mother said that she should study hard, so she followed their expectations, the exams were all aimed at the first place; then, when she graduated from high school and volunteered, her mother said, study medicine, be a doctor, work stably after graduation, and have a secure future, so she applied to medical university.
Growing up, she never made decisions for herself or really considered what she liked.
She said that until I graduated from high school, she watched me go to the city I loved; saw me in college, doing what I loved, watched me travel and make interesting friends, watched me learn musical instruments, watched me go to concerts by my favorite writers, watched me find my joy in the library, watched me find my own home in the team.
She said she began to feel a little envious.
The phrase "envy" came out of her mouth, and in addition to being shocked and surprised, I understood the meaning of this sentence better.
It was that day that I first knew. It turns out that she doesn't care about everything except studying, she also has her favorite city, her favorite major, and her favorite hobbies;
It was only in the face of studying that these personal preferences of her instantly dimmed. Because her mother always said that it is important to study well, and learning is important.
So, all along, learning has become the most important thing in her life for more than 20 years.
I can see it. She's not happy right now. At least not as brash and lively as little girls of the same age.
At the age of 20, it is our most free age, and our parents no longer force us not to stay up late, not to play with mobile phones, not to fall in love, not to do this, not to do that...
And in college, every day in the classroom, library, dormitory, her gentle and kind, helpful personality, did not let her get the like of the classmates around her, but brought her a lot of distress.
This is the instinct of human nature, sometimes, too good to talk to people to take for granted, the "good old man" personality sometimes makes her feel disappointed, she began to become withdrawn.
03
Hearing her say this, I can't help but think of the heroine Lydia in Wu Qishi's novel "Silent Confession", because of her mother's expectations, in the name of love, she bound her children and let her children fulfill their expectations.
The novel begins with the death of the heroine Lydia. "No one knows that Lydia is dead, they only know one innocuous fact: Lydia is too late for breakfast." Her parents were convinced that Lydia would help them achieve their unattainable dreams.
In the process of exploring why Lydia died a little bit, let us see such a family, Lydia's father is a Harvard bully, in order not to be discriminated against, seeing that the three children in the family are disobedient, she pinned her expectations on the most obedient Lydia. Lydia's mother, who grew up in a single-parent household, wanted her to marry a Harvard graduate.
No matter what Her mother said to Lydia, she said yes, and her father always wanted her to make more friends. However, she did not know that she did not have any friends, and no one had actually asked her what she liked.
As parents, they always pin their hopes on their children and never ask them what they really like? Such a home tied up in the name of love made the three children want to quickly escape from this breathless cage.
In the end, Ness's departure was the last straw that crushed Lydia. She wanted to flee, she wanted to resist, but eventually drowned in the water.
After Lydia's death, her father felt guilty, her mother was bent on revenge, and Lydia's brother blamed her death on others, only her sister knew everything, and she may be the only one who knew the truth.
04
You have to be yourself first.
Although the background of the novel is in the United States, reading the whole book, such a family is also common in China, and children carry such a "love expectation" and grow up bitterly and repressively.
It was as if the little mother had expectations for her future, expecting her not to marry too far away and work close to home; and even, in the future, what kind of husband to marry. This means that even if the school she graduated from is good, she will eventually choose to listen to her mother's words and complete her life step by step according to her mother's expectations.
Such expectations may appear in you and me, growing up under the pressure of other people's children from a young age, not daring to resist, just wanting to escape. One ring after another, dead and dead.
Recently, there is a very popular sentence on the Internet: "Woman, you are first of all yourself, you are the daughter, the wife, the mother..."
All our lives, we have been exploring our own selves. You have to be yourself first, don't have to think about who to make happy, and most importantly, try to make yourself happy first.
If you don't want to smile? What if I can't always be happy? Wu Qishi wrote: "You don't want to smile? What to do? Force yourself to laugh. Pretend to be happy, and you will be really happy in the end. “
Girl, I hope you can become your own little sun, a small sun that can both shine and give yourself energy.
#Emotion##不让女性露皮肤? Iran broadcast the Olympic ##郎平: I have been very good in these 8 years ##Reading ##婚姻 #