The behavior of some people fleeing the circle of friends is more like a kind of self-awakening after people have used the circle of friends for a long time.
Text | Shinobu
Edit | Wang Zhuojiao
Recently, the circle of friends has brought me some confusion. The reason is very simple, first two married friends gradually faded out of the circle of friends, it is difficult to understand their lives through this social function. Coupled with the busy work and school, the three of them have not been together for several years, which makes me fall into the anxiety of losing my friendship.
Gradually, I realized that I had also become a difficult person in the circle of friends. Many times, when I perceive the shock of daily life, I obviously have the urge to upload a circle of friends, but I think about the risks of comments and likes, and I give up the hair ring.
These two events are frustrating and gradually lose interest in the circle of friends. There are not a few people in the circle of friends who have similar experiences. This social phenomenon has also attracted media attention and discussion, including some views that sing the decline of the circle of friends. However, the behavior of some people fleeing the circle of friends is more like a self-awakening after people have used the circle of friends for a long time.
Some people have indeed quietly left the circle of friends for various reasons, while some people are still holding out. All kinds of indications show that today we are re-understanding the meaning of the circle of friends in real life based on the existing experience.
"The circle of friends makes me depressed"
Zhang Yang used to work at a newspaper, and as early as a few months ago, she was a severe patient in the circle of friends. In the eyes of friends, the publicity in the WeChat world is enviable. Because of the relationship between work, she often has the opportunity to go out to play, like the attractions and food she has eaten in the circle of friends, and more than twenty messages can be sent a day, saying that she is rolling on her work and life.
The problem was a year ago. Zhang Yang changed to a new job, because he and her current boss have been Friends on WeChat for many years, and the other party knows some of her past work situation, which cannot help but have high hopes. Unfortunately, due to his lack of expertise, Zhang Yang was unable to successfully cope with the challenges brought by his new job.
Not only is there pressure at work, but Zhang Yang's carefully built personality in the circle of friends is also a problem. More depressed is still behind, because the untimely punching behavior just hit the boss's anger, and was criticized many times in front of colleagues.
After these things happened, Zhang Yang said that she would no longer experience the joy of sending a circle of friends. In her opinion, the crazy circle of friends in the past was not out of show-off psychology, and there was a little desire to alleviate loneliness. In this strange city, more often than not, it is a person who goes to work, eats, and sleeps, and no one listens to you, and the circle of friends has become an outlet. Zhang Yang is obsessed with sharing the bits and pieces of daily life in the circle of friends, and seeing some people like and comment, it is not for someone to care about themselves, but to feel that it is finally possible to talk to others.
Slowly, she also fell into the cliché of decorating the circle of friends, and gradually learned which should be sent, which should not be sent, and what kind of personal image should be displayed to the outside world. In Zhang Yang,the circle of friends has become an auxiliary tool for social interaction.
The series of blows brought about by the collapse of the human design is not good, she began to learn to escape this state, every night at ten o'clock on time to turn off the mobile phone, weekend out of the activity without mobile phone, do not brush WeChat, block colleagues when the circle of hair, in the discovery page to close the circle of friends in an attempt to stay away from it, spend money to buy the service to delete all the circle of friends.
The habit of indulging in the circle of friends for a long time makes it difficult for Zhang Yang to get rid of the temptation of socializing in the circle of friends. When she recommended me the service to empty my circle of friends, I asked her if deleting the past really freed herself from her troubles. I got a no answer, but she told me it taught her another skill – deleting a circle of friends. When you find that the sharing behavior is inappropriate, delete it in time to avoid causing trouble to yourself.
"Loading" for a long time will always have a qualitative change
Hua Zhixing is the other extreme in the circle of friends world. At a new book sale, he took three female colleagues to take pictures holding books. When I asked him how he felt about people's keen behavior of taking pictures and dozing at writers' signings, he quoted an online phrase: "What kind of person you want to be, pretend to be what kind of person you are." ”
Every morning, Hua Zhixing would share a book excerpt in the circle of friends under the title of "Morning, Joy and Reading", and match it with a photo taken by himself. Hua Zhixing is said to have started doing this in 2014, when he was inspired by a professional photographer who saw others post a photo of himself in the circle of friends every day, and he felt that doing so could force himself to progress. In order to write the circle of friends, Hua Zhixing gradually maintained his vision of discovering the beautiful things in daily life, and he believed that even if the process was deliberate, it was also progressing.
Another experience brought to Hua Zhixing by the circle of friends is the thrill of encountering. "As long as you like something, you can easily meet something." The sharing of the circle of friends has provided him with a lot of information on public activities in the city, and every time he participates in a book club and a movie party, he can meet and communicate with different people. Hua Zhixing does not think that there is anything wrong with sharing photos of activities in the circle of friends, first, this can save the cost of others to obtain information, and second, it can let others understand themselves more quickly.
Hua Zhixing said he never locked the circle of friends. He regards writing the circle of friends as a way to keep a diary, "Now looking at the circle of friends sent before, it is a very happy feeling, and there is a feeling in it." There are also bosses who reminded him that frequently sending circles of friends seems to be not doing business, and Hua Zhixing responded to the leader: "If you don't like to watch, I can use the grouping function to block you." He never heard such advice again.
"In the circle of friends", "pretending" for a long time will always have qualitative changes. Hua Zhixing does not deny the fact that the circle of friends is performed for others to see, he insists on showing himself and setting up people in the circle of friends, that is, he wants to live like a circle of friends. To this end, he is willing to post the things he wants to express to others every day in the circle of friends.
Re-understand the circle of friends
Zhang Xiaolong, the father of WeChat, once expressed that from the origin of social networking, sending a circle of friends is to push your own personality into the heads of others, but this personality is often not the real state of the user. Some people are entangled in setting up a person in the circle of friends, or being themselves? In fact, there is no need to be so entangled, after all, the establishment of people is not an absolutely bad thing, just like Hua Zhixing in the story, he has turned the circle of friends into a driving force for self-improvement.
For a while, there was a popular saying that true loneliness could not be uploaded to the circle of friends, and what we saw was a carefully crafted side. Some people will say that it is better to show the bright side to others than to be glimpsed in a chicken feather in life, but this statement ignores the trouble caused by excessive whitewashing of the circle of friends - the more carefully maintained the person, the easier it is to fall into social anxiety. Zhang Yang's encounter just confirms the flaws of virtual social networking, as she herself said, to get out of this bad state, you need to embrace reality and face yourself.
The impression of the virtual world is not an isolated existence, and the self-expression in the circle of friends is presented on the basis of understanding real life. Therefore, if we want to understand a person, we first go through his circle of friends, which makes some sense. However, after all, the circle of friends is the embodiment of the creativity of the writer, and there is a suspicion of modification and rewriting. Therefore, it is almost impossible to fully glimpse his life world through a person's circle of friends.
To understand the circle of friends, the emphasis is on a "circle" word, and "circle" means the existence of a boundary. Literally, the circle of friends is supposed to be a circle of friends, but in fact we have not only friends in WeChat, but also colleagues, leaders and elders. The circle is becoming more and more complex, which brings us new challenges to dealing with intimate relationships, and also makes us caught up in the heavy concerns of whether to send a circle of friends.
A person who does not have the habit of writing a circle of friends says that the lifestyle you like may not be liked by others, which may seem like a kind of show off to some people; and there is no need for others to know about the life you like, because it may bring unnecessary trouble to others. In his view, your life does not have to be seen by others, and friends who really care about you will not only live in the circle of friends.
In the era of rapid economic development, everything is fast and efficient. Communication and communication are no exception, and mobile Internet technology ensures the status of "always on" and makes social networking more and more cost-effective. We are no longer willing to sit down and talk with people in the same time and space as before; instead, we regard the self-presentation of the virtual world and likes and comments as a new social means, and think that we have gained recognition and satisfaction here. And this seemingly efficient, low-cost interpersonal communication method actually obscures the empathy of people when getting along with each other, and also makes the relationship between us and our friends increasingly alienated...
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