There are always people in this world who are of the same frequency
Like - you and me.
This article is 2600 words and takes 5 minutes to read
Frankly speaking, as a person who pays attention to growth, desires to grow, and has been growing, I have read a lot of books like "Reliable", and the mental methods and methods of successful people are similar to the underlying logic. But even so, it didn't prevent me from just reading the first article of "Reliable" and inspired the urge to write this experience.
The subtitle of the book "Reliable" is "Become the Top 5% of the Crowd", and its author, Hou Xiaoqiang, has served as the deputy editor-in-chief of Sina, the chairman of the starting point Chinese.com, the CEO of Shanda Literature, and the chairman of Golden Shadow Technology, and has been known as the pioneer of Chinese social media, the first person in Chinese IP, and has been nominated for two Oscars. He named his book "Reliable", presumably these two words represent his core values, so in the first article in the book, he defined what reliability is.
This short article is called "Reliable, that is, continuous delivery and certainty". To summarize the core content of this text, there are mainly the following two parts:
First, there are 3 meanings of reliability
Always get things done, do what you say
Always complete the instruction,
Received to do it
Always solve problems, think of doing it
Second, reliable people have the following 7 characteristics
Self-driven
Reflection
Ability to play bad cards well and keep it open
Courage and audacity, rise to the challenge
Clear goals, focus all attention and resources on the achievement of goals
Adverse quotient high: can create miracles in adversity
Trustworthy
01 Cognitive breakthrough
The definition of "reliable" directly subverted my previous cognition - in my past cognition, reliable is an evaluation, mainly referring to a person's "trustworthy and responsible", but Hou Xiaoqiang expanded and clarified this concept. His definition is reliable not only in the fulfillment of his commitment to others, but also in the achievement of self-goals and the courage, determination, and tenacity in the process of achieving them.
In my opinion, most of the reason why there is a phenomenon of "knowing a lot of truth, but still living a bad life" in this world comes from the latter, that is, the lack of courage, determination and tenacity. Faced with "knowing but not being able to do it", most people adopt two wrong coping methods: either blame themselves for guilt or admit their fate, and as a result, they go further and further down this wrong path. And there are very few people who have really broken through this psychological barrier and grown into a reliable person.
Regarding growth, Hou Xiaoqiang has this description:
As we all know, success and growth are two different things, and success is the gain and loss of one city and one pool. There are cycles, accidents, and easy gains and losses, and growth is the process from the bottom of the mountain to the mountainside and then to the top. Once people grow, there is no possibility of regression. But in a sense, worldly success and recognized growth may be essentially the same thing: how to deal with information? How to decide? How to profile opportunities? How to profile the risk? It's all about cognition.
So the question arises: what is reliable and what are the characteristics of reliable people? Where is the "stuck point" to achieve it?
02 Break through fear
The characteristics and performances of reliable and reliable people listed by the author can be summarized in essence in one point: having super self-drive. In this article, among the "7 characteristics of reliable people" mentioned by the author, the first characteristic is self-drive. The latter few characteristics can actually be used as a specific manifestation of "self-drive". For example, "clear goals, focus all attention, resources on the achievement of goals", "can create miracles in adversity", "courage and courage, face difficulties", these behaviors are directly related to internal drive.
So, what is self-driven? Psychologists Desi and Ryan have proposed a CAR psychological needs model, where C refers to competence, A refers to autonomy, and R refers to belonging. They believe that if these three basic psychology can be satisfied, it can prompt a person to change from an "extrinsic motivation" drive to an "intrinsic motivation" drive.
A person with self-drive will show many qualities that we ordinary people desire to envy, such as perseverance, tenacity, perseverance, perseverance, and so on. Among them, courage, especially the courage to face difficulties, is crucial and precious.
Take myself as an example.
After I wrote the previous paragraph, I habitually touched my phone and couldn't help flipping through it, although the time was very short, only 2 seconds, but if you look closely, you will find that behind this behavior is the escape of difficulties and the greed for pleasure. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this, because driving away easy refuge and greedy for pleasure is human instinct, but growth itself is precisely an "anti-instinctual" thing.
Why do I flip through those two seconds of my phone during the writing process? The answer is very simple, because I felt a little stuck just now and didn't know how to write, and at this time, I unconsciously flipped up my phone.
From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, when faced with danger, we instinctively adopt two modes of response: fight or flight. To fight is to face the battle head-on, to escape, naturally is to turn around and escape. In fact, the emotions and feelings stimulated by encountering difficulties are essentially the same as when encountering danger, and the underlying feelings are fear (hence the term "fear of difficulties"). So the question arises: why do people who are weak in action, difficult to persist, like to evade, and shirk their responsibilities choose not to fight, but to flee when facing difficulties?
The answer comes from the "cognitive map" of the past.
When encountering danger, we will judge the power contrast between ourselves and the danger at the first time (unconscious intuition), and if we feel confident that we can win the other party, we will generally choose to fight, otherwise, we will choose to escape. Therefore, most people who choose to escape in the face of difficulties have an interpretation of the automation of difficulties - the difficulties are too great to overcome. And this interpretation comes from the solidification and distortion of past experience.
Speaking of which, we have to mention "learned helplessness",
The source of the phenomenon of learned helplessness is the experience of many defeats in the past, the dog in the "learned helplessness" psychological experiment, was locked in a cage, at first it did not know to be afraid, and wanted to run out, but every time it came out of the cage it would be shocked, for a long time, its brain gradually formed a "cognitive map" - out of the cage = electric shock = pain, and later even if the electric shock was canceled and the cage door was opened, it did not dare to escape. At this time, it is successfully trapped in the cognitive map constructed in its own mind.
From this point of view, there is no essential difference between human thinking and dogs, and many times they are drawn as prisons and self-limits. The reason why we say self-limitation is because this fear of difficulty and ambiguity, although real and clear, does not stand the test of reality.
Returning to my own example, except for the stutter in the middle just now, all the words I have typed down so far have flowed naturally, and it is not particularly laborious, how to put aside the quality of writing first, but at least there is nothing difficult about "writing out". But if I had just been trapped in the "feeling of difficulty", the likely result would be to sink into my phone and come back and leave empty hatred.
From this point of view, the so-called drawing the ground as a prison is essentially using past experience and cognition to judge the current risk, and this judgment is unconscious and automated. At the same time, it is precisely because of its automation that we are deeply puzzled and unable to extricate ourselves.
This is probably an important reason why the "top 5% of the population" is destined to be scarce.
[Written at the end]
Awareness is certainly important, but change (action) is even more important. When I work and study now, I usually mute and lock my phone. I think that consciously "choosing" to be a reliable person is the beginning of the trend towards reliability.
Near the end of this article, I had to interrupt and go out to the studio, where there would be a fixed time for a long consultation, but it turned out that I did not wait for this visitor, and she replied with the message: "Sorry, I forgot today's consultation, I can't go today." ”
Seeing her reply, three words appeared in my mind: "unreliable", I think, not so much reliable is a moral quality, but it is a psychological quality, in other words, people who can be "reliable" must be strong in their hearts, and a strong book is actually self-responsibility.
So, what are your options? Do you want to be a reliable person, or do you just want to be in the "top 5% of the crowd"? Perhaps, different choices determine different directions.
I am "Don Candy with Dreams"
Scorpio
Personality is cold on the outside and hot on the inside, keen on cognitive dry goods
National second-level psychological counselor
Publication of "Being an Emotionally Stable Parent"
Multi-platform signed authors
One Psychology Certified Writer
Network-wide unified ID: Don Candy with dreams