This is a "social death" problem, written according to the real experience of the parties, the content has been processed, please feel free to read.
Written by Mr. Shu
Folk clouds: "Lao Tzu earns money and his son spends, rejoicing and rejoicing is a family; sons earn money lao tzu spends, don't split up in three days." "Why? Isn't that ironic? In fact, this is the sadness of the Chinese "father-son relationship", which reflects the "degeneration and unconsciousness" of many young people.
①
Social phenomena
Nian Jiewang is 62 years old and has 2 sons, the eldest is 40 years old, and the second is 38 years old. The two children are upright and mature, working outside for many years, and the heavy responsibility of raising 4 grandchildren falls on the body of Nian Jiewang and his wife.
Nian Jiewang is a township civil servant who worked in the town's cultural center for 40 years before retiring in 2019. He said that he was still "relatively well-off" in the local countryside, but "suffering" was not less at all.
Nian Jiewang married at the age of 21 and had an eldest son the following year, and since then, his days for the next few decades have been "all handed over to the children".
"From the birth of my eldest son to the present, I have found that my life has been running for my children." Nian Jiewang said. When the two sons were young, Nian Jiewang spent all day planning for their future, but when the children graduated from college, society changed. College students have been influenced by the trend of "migrant workers" and have become hit workers.
In the face of changes in social forms, Nian Jiewang did not complain. But the problem of children getting married and buying a house has once again become a problem for him. I thought that raising children as adults would be liberating, but the reality made people helpless. He had to "give in" and had to raise money everywhere to plan for his children's lives.
When the children were stable, the burden of raising grandchildren fell on Nian Jiewang and his wife— a common phenomenon in Chinese society. For the sake of their children, Nian Jiewang and his wife have no complaints and no regrets, and the "return" they can get is not complaining, or complaining.
②
Family phenomenon
Everyone has their own "romantic" thoughts, and Nian Jiewang often has the idea of going out for a walk, but no more than 10 cities he has visited in his lifetime. "The peers in the village are worse than me, and most of them have been to three or five cities in their lifetimes, and they are all running for their livelihoods." Nian Jiewang said proudly.
Nian Jiewang is proud on the surface, but his heart is full of grievances, because the children do not know how to be grateful. Both sons work in Shanghai, 4 grandchildren are carried by Nian Jiewang and his wife all year round, managing 4 children is not an easy task, and everyone can understand the hardships.
But the sons and daughters-in-law are still always "pick not", occasionally make a video call to come, except to ask the children about food and clothing, blame them for not taking good care of them, and do not even care about the two elderly people. Every New Year's Festival, the holidays, the son and daughter-in-law return, the old two as "guests" treated. "But they rarely stretch out their hands, and they don't sit at the table until the meal is not good."
"Although it is very comfortable to watch them eat, this is not the result I want." In the face of the child's return performance, Nian Jiewang said sadly.
It is said that raising children to prevent the elderly, but it is not difficult for us to find that in most Chinese families, very few old people can enjoy "Qingfu". The vast majority of the elderly are: live to be old, busy to be old, worry about their children and grandchildren until they are old.
Because most of the old people's lives are like this, Nian Jiewang does not complain. But the family's small contradictions made him unbearable. He loved literature and art all his life, and after retirement, he went to the county town with his wife to take his grandchildren, and during the day he bought vegetables, did housework, and sent his grandchildren to school to fill the day. At night, he wanted to go out and hang out and dance square dances, but his sons and daughters-in-law quarreled with him many times.
After a long time of resentment, there was a rift in the feelings. The more Nian Jiewang thought about it, the more sad he became, and he felt that he was wronged: "I have spent most of my life for my children, but what is the picture?" ”
He tried to reason with the children, but the result was even greater sadness. Because children have long taken "nibbling on the old" as a matter of course!
③
Father and son break up
Family conflicts have intensified, and Nian Jiewang proposed his idea to his sons and daughters-in-law during the Spring Festival in 2021, and he wanted to take his wife back to the countryside. "Whoever has children raises themselves." Dropping this sentence, he resolutely left, and has never been in contact with each other since.
Nian Jiewang said that he wanted to live for himself for the rest of his life, use his retirement salary to take his wife outside to see, and hope that the children can have family responsibilities.
Nian Jiewang also told some friends about his family conflicts, some people said that he had no way to teach his children, and some people said that his children were nested. But all the communication can not unravel the knots in his heart, because he believes: "Your own children should be raised by themselves, this is the family responsibility, but also the social responsibility, if the parents get you everything right, what is the meaning of your life?" ”
Nian Jiewang also believes that children are "too selfish", "lack of education", and "no virtue".
"They only have themselves in their eyes, they rarely think about the people around them, the eldest son and his two sons divorced last year, neither of them wants to have children, this selfishness makes people shameful."
"When we were young, we got married and relied on ourselves for everything, and we never complained about our parents."
"In the past, it was said that respecting the elderly and loving the young, the elderly have the highest status in the family, but now, I find that most elderly people have grandchildren more than grandchildren."
"Now that I've figured it out, I'm going to live for myself for the rest of my life..."
④
One point of view
The situation of the elderly is actually very common. Young people's "nibbling on the old" was originally a disgraceful phenomenon, often regarded as "not doing the right thing" and "losing the family", but in the past 20 years, it has become "capital" and "brilliance". In particular, the error of the "rich second generation" cognition makes panbi prevail, and the old man naturally becomes a "slave" in this "cognition".
The boss believes that this is the "degeneration" of young people and the evil result of the corruption of social atmosphere. As a social person, the most important thing is to take responsibility, and without responsibility is no different from walking dead. If people's lives are only a few decades, if they are only for "reproduction", how can civilization progress?
I would like to conclude this article with a few words, hoping to bring you thoughts:
First, if you choose to get married, you should bear the corresponding responsibilities.
Second, in society, in addition to survival, you also have a life.
Third, what sustains human hope is not only primary substances, but the most important thing is emotion.
Fourth, there is no previous generation, there will never be a next generation, infinite magnification of love of children, respect for the elderly has become.
Ask yourself: What is your life for? Compared with your parents, what can they pay for you?
The pictures and texts are irrelevant, and the pictures are for reference only.