A person's energy for love is limited, how long can the feeling of loving a person last?
When love becomes affection, and those former hearts and passions are no longer possessed, should we choose to separate or choose to continue for the sake of responsibility.
But no matter what kind of choice, in love, the most important thing is sincerity, even if you don't love, you have to confess, rather than ending a precious time with the youth of both sides in a cold and violent way.
In one episode of the variety show "Friends Please Listen Well", a girl called to reveal her emotional crisis.
After talking about her boyfriend for ten years, he said to her when the two sides were getting married: "I don't seem to have that kind of love and passion for you, I treat you like I get along with my parents, it's very bland, if you are willing to marry me, I still marry you, but the only thing I can give you is time." 」 ”
It's clear that the girl's boyfriend wants to put the decision to break up in the hands of the girl so he doesn't have to feel guilty about breaking up.
This seems too cruel for a girl who has given ten years of youth.
But not to break up, for them there is no point in continuing to go on, for that decade of youth continue to spend more time in each other's future, it is a kind of harm to both sides.
You may be generous enough to admit that you don't love anymore, but please don't pretend to be a high-ranking saint to pity a girl who really loves you.
Ten years is more than half of a girl's youth, and how many decades can we squander?
As Eason Chan sang in "Ten Years": "Lovers inevitably become friends in the end." ”
All the sincerity of giving, whether it can go to the end or not, should be worthy of being cherished, protected, carefully guarded, and blessed by each other to go to the next stage of life.
01
People who are scattered in time
If there is anything in the world that cannot be predicted, many people will say that it is the human heart.
In the world of feelings, all love is a good beginning, and all departures are not necessarily the end of tragedy.
Some people want to use time to prove how deeply they love each other, but in the end they are hurt by the people they once loved deeply in time, so we ask the world: What is eternal true love?
Whether it's five years or ten years, or decades, the time two people spend together doesn't prove how deeply two people love each other, it just proves that it was a good time to be owned by each other.
Two people who have been separated in time should say goodbye well, rather than abandoning each other's last decency in exchange for a mutual non-interference.
Similar to the girl who submitted the article on the radio, friend K had a boyfriend who had been talking for five years, and suddenly one day called to say that she had broken up, which made the girl who was still dreaming about the future of the two people suddenly blindfolded.
K does not know, in fact, this breakup call is her boyfriend's long-planned ending.
A week before this breakup call, K was still preparing birthday presents for her boyfriend, and together they were planning where to travel for their next vacation.
And after only a week, all the plans were nothing more than plans, and all the sweet words were disguised in retrospect.
Confused, K asked her boyfriend, whom she had loved for five years, "Why?" ”
The boy gave a bunch of answers, "Inappropriate. "I'm looking for something better." "My mom doesn't like you very much."
There are only three words behind these seemingly ridiculous reasons: no love.
So, why should we find a reason for our breakup, because we can't find any reason to comfort ourselves in a truly giving relationship, and we can't admit that we love the wrong person.
You always have to remember: you deserve to be loved, always worth it.
You just don't deserve to waste time and grieve for the person who hurt you, as Yi Qianxi said in the show: "You only care about excellence, and the other heavens have their own arrangements." ”
02
Passion and love, or responsibility?
Remember O'Henry's "Maggie's Gift"?
A couple living in poverty gave each other a precious gift in order to give each other a Christmas surprise, and sacrificed their most important things to buy gifts.
Wife Della sold one of her hair to buy a bracelet for her hard-working husband, while husband Jim sold his precious gold watch to buy his wife a comb.
When they are all full of love for each other and take out the gifts carefully prepared for each other, they find that their love for each other is the best gift for each other.
So what exactly is true love?
Is it love at first sight at a glance, or is it a long stream of water that is not disgusted by seeing each other and seeing each other, how long will passion and love stay in the lives of two people?
Luo Xiang once said: "If love is just a feeling, then when he encounters a challenge, this feeling will soon disappear, because we can easily get this feeling in different people, so the most common statement of empathy is: I have no feeling, but true love must not be a feeling, but a responsibility." 」 ”
Because of love, we will have responsibility for each other, and if we do not love, there is no responsibility.
So true love is responsibility, it is the sacrifice of each other, the equality of each other's achievements.
But such love, in such a world, is so scarce that if you had it at that time, please cherish it.
03
Love is concrete, not abstract
A question that many older men and women today are asked: What kind of person do you really like?
Some people may know exactly what kind of person they like, but it is difficult to meet such a person in a short time.
Most people in life don't know what kind of person they like, they like the one they imagine to be the one they/she is.
The Russian writer Dostoevsky said: "Love concrete people, do not love abstract people, love life, do not love the meaning of life." ”
The person we love must be concrete, vivid, someone with strengths and weaknesses, who will bring you happiness and joy, but also pain and sorrow.
But even so, you will still love him/her for certain qualities that you like and appreciate.
My friend Z recently entered the halls of marriage with her boyfriend of many years, and I asked her, "What made you choose to spend the rest of your life with him?" ”
Z smiled and said, "In addition to being good to himself, there are many good qualities that I appreciate, of course, he also has flaws, but his strengths are more attractive to me than his flaws." ”
This is probably the real expression of loving a specific person, and what we love is not only the appearance of this person, but also the qualities that attract you to him.
Often it is difficult to love specific people, and we unconsciously magnify the shortcomings of our loved ones, just as we can never clearly examine our own flaws.
We are also a concrete individual, and the essence of life is to fall into concrete reality, specific to the small things of life full of chicken feathers and chai rice oil and salt.
And the person who truly loves you is willing to find the meaning and happiness that life gives to you in these specific things.
04
epilogue
I have always believed that good love is to make each other better and better, he/she will give you courage, confidence and strength, and it is the mutual support of two people who love each other to live in this noisy world.
Neither time nor distance can change the nature of love.
Those loves that have been lost in time, let them become the dust of your life, because you deserve better love.
May those who are looking for love find a true place to belong.
Author: Zhou Yao, a member of the Intensive Reading Friends Association. Cultivate in the dust and survive in the world.