Sanmao and Wang Luobin
In the early morning of January 4, 1991, a sad message came from the airwaves.
The famous Taiwanese female writer Sanmao committed suicide. The matter of rolling red dust is still playing out in this world, and she should have been discharged from the hospital on this day. However, she ended her tortuous but colorful life in the most incomprehensible way.
Not long before, Sanmao always felt that his lower abdomen was a little uncomfortable, but he couldn't describe what kind of feeling it was. She became a little nervous, even suspecting that she had endometrial cancer like her mother.
When she entered the hospital with a worried heart, she found that it was just a false alarm. The discomfort she felt was caused by hypertrophy of the endometrium. The doctor recommends a minor surgery.
So the day after the diagnosis was confirmed, on January 3, 1991, Sanmao was pushed into the operating room.
When she woke up, the doctor happily told her that the operation was very successful. After two days of observation, you can be discharged if there are no other problems.
On the afternoon of that day, the sun shone through the glass into the ward, emitting a colorful glow. Sanmao lay quietly on the hospital bed looking at the scenery outside the window, and could not see a trace of her abnormality.
However, the next morning, when the medical staff came to check the room, Sanmao disappeared. The medical staff looked around and never found her.
It wasn't until someone pushed open the door of the bathroom that her cold body was found.
Sanmao when he was a student
Sanmao twisted his body and leaned against the wall half-dangling. A pair of flesh-colored stockings were wrapped around the iron hook used to hang drip on the wall, tightly strangling Sanmao's neck. On the other side of her body was an iron pillar used by patients to support her.
It was within reach, and as soon as she reached for it, she could break her neck out of her stockings.
She was determined to leave in this way the world that was somewhat indifferent to her, the red dust that always left her in pain.
Wang Luobin, 78, froze after hearing the sad news in Urumqi. A man stood silly in place, tears rolling down after a few turns in his eyes.
All this came too suddenly, and he was still unwilling to believe that Sanmao would make such a move.
In Wang Luobin's eyes, Sanmao is a person full of enthusiasm and expectation for life. At least a few months ago, when they were together, she was like this.
Wang Luobin picked up his old guitar. Looking at the hairpin pinned to Sanmao's guitar, he choked up and sang "Olive Tree" in his voice.
Wine became the best way for Wang Luobin to anesthetize himself. He took a sip of his wine glass and drank it, trying to dilute the figure of Sanmao in his mind with alcohol. But the more he drank the wine, the clearer Sanmao's appearance became.
He couldn't be sure what those months of getting along were. Is it each other's red face confidant, or a real feeling. But he knew that in Sanmao's last years of life, he hurt her the most.
He drank heavily all day, using alcohol to numb his heart and using alcohol to release his inner regrets. So much so that alcoholism was admitted to the hospital.
Wang Lobin
The story of Wang Luobin and Sanmao began at the end of 1989.
Sanmao, who was idle, picked up a copy of the Taiwan Daily. An article in the newspaper titled "The Story of Old Man Wang Luobin" caught her attention. Because the article wrote that the two songs "In That Distant Place" and "The Girl of Dabancheng" were written by Wang Luobin.
These two songs are Sanmao's favorite songs when he was a child. She began to wonder what kind of person Wang Luobin really was, and what made him create these two songs that sounded so good.
"If I can, I must find an opportunity to meet this old man."
Sanmao found the author's name in the newspaper. At the end of the article, she saw the words "Xia Jie". This made Sanmao even more pleased. She and Xia Jie are acquaintances, she is a Hong Kong writer.
A raid of white-clad Sanmao
Sanmao dialed Xia Jie's phone with some excitement. Before the other party could speak, she asked eagerly, "Where are Wang Luobin?" What is his contact details and address? ”
Xia Jie was naturally clear. Before writing this article, she had just visited Robin Wang. Therefore, she told Sanmao about Wang Luobin's situation, and told Sanmao what she knew about Wang Luobin' story.
In early April 1990, Taiwan's Ming Dao Literature and Art simultaneously published Sanmao's articles and Wang Luobin's character stories. When Sanmao saw it again, she couldn't suppress the joy in her heart at all.
"This old man is so cute. I didn't know where he was, it turned out we were already together. I can't wait to see him anymore."
Wang Lobin
Just a few days later, a friend helped Sanmao hear about a tour group from Taiwan to the mainland. Impatient, Sanmao chose to register at the first time and couldn't wait to go to Wang Luobin's side.
The president of "Ming Dao Literature and Art" heard that Sanmao was going to visit Wang Luobin, and he also deliberately found Sanmao and asked her to help hand over a manuscript fee to Wang Luobin's hands, which became the best "excuse" for Sanmao to knock on Wang Luobin's door.
After arriving in the interior, Sanmao first visited Dunhuang and Turpan with the group.
Seeing that the time to return to Taiwan was getting closer and closer, Sanmao's heart became more and more anxious. As soon as the tour group arrived in Urumqi, she left the group. Her heart was moving faster than her people, and she had already flown to Wang Luobin's side.
Middle-aged three cents
On April 16, 1990, the afternoon sun sprinkled into the apartment of the Urumqi dry rest house. Wang Luobin squinted his eyes, enjoying the comfort after retirement.
A rhythmic knock on the door rang out. Wang Luobin, who was still ignorant of Sanmao's arrival, stretched out his waist and walked lazily in the direction of the door. The sound of the lock falling sounded and the door was opened.
A woman wearing a top hat, riding boots on her feet, and a gold rim on her belt appeared in front of Wang Luobin's eyes, and she looked like a cowgirl in a Western movie.
Wang Luobin's eyes looked at the woman's body, and he also searched the memories in his mind, as if they had never seen each other. At the moment of hesitation, the other party spoke first.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Robin?"
"Yes, please come in".
Sanmao is in writing
Wang Luobin let the woman into the house and immediately went to pour her a glass of water. At the moment when he turned back with the water, he saw the woman standing in front of the mirror of the piano.
Only to see her take off her top hat and undo the flower scarf around her neck. Shun shook his head as his hair fell, his long, curved hair draped over his shoulders.
Wang Luobin looked a little confused. A lyric flashed in my mind, "Lift up your hijab, beautiful long hair shawl, like a cloud girl in the sky, shaking away the dense sorrow."
Isn't this an action that only a fairy in a dream has?
Wang Luobin didn't know how to speak, looked at the woman in amazement, and forgot to ask the other person's name.
"I am Sanmao, entrusted by Ming Dao Literature and Art to send you a reward."
Sanmao in the Sahara
Sanmao's name, Wang Luobin, had heard of it. Although I don't know her very well, I also know that she is a well-known writer in Taiwan. Wang Luobin nodded and let Sanmao sit down.
Sanmao glanced around at Wang Luobin's apartment and asked curiously, "Aren't you lonely living here alone?" ”
Wang Luobin politely replied, "You have been wandering, are you lonely?" ”
"Is wandering a way out of loneliness?" The two men looked at each other and smiled, and the distance was pulled closer. Immediately, there was a feeling of meeting and hating each other.
Sanmao sang "Olive Tree" for Wang Luobin, and Wang Luobin also told her the story of him and Dolma behind "In That Distant Place".
Sanmao took a rickshaw
In front of the 30-year-old man, Sanmao did not hide his enthusiasm. She seemed to be confiding her past to an elder, and she poured out the pain buried deep in her heart, undisguisedly.
However, time will always pass slowly and inadvertently, and by the time they realize it, the afternoon sun has set. After Sanmao gave Wang Luobin a deep hug, he reluctantly turned away.
As he walked, Sanmao suddenly turned his head back. She shouted loudly to Wang Luobin, who was watching him, "You wait for me, you wait for me to come back to see you in the autumn." Her face was filled with a simple and cute smile.
Because of the advance booking of the ticket back to Taiwan, Sanmao stayed in Urumqi for only two days.
Wang Luobin had an unspeakable liking for this suddenly visiting female writer. On the evening before leaving, he took the initiative to come to the hotel where Sanmao was staying and sent her off in advance.
When he knocked on Sanmao's door, he was once again amazed by Sanmao. She changed her clothes from yesterday and changed into a long dress, and her whole body exuded the smell of intellectuality and gentleness.
The two men sat facing each other and talked deeper.
Wang Luobin talked about Du Mingyuan's betrayal, and also talked about Huang Yulan's sadness, as well as the beautiful memories of his affection and courtesy with Dolma. His whole life has been in the sadness of love. What feelings give him is sad in addition to sadness.
Sanmao
This kind of sadness is something that others cannot understand, but it is exactly what Sanmao can feel.
From the last moment to let go of her hand, leaving her alone to go to her first love abroad, to Jose who left her due to a diving accident. Her emotional experience is so similar to Wang Luobin's, but in a different way of experiencing.
While she is sentimental for Wang Luobin, she is also feeling sad about her own life. While she sympathizes with Wang Luobin, she is also sympathizing with herself.
In a world of empathy, time always feels fast. Unconsciously, a few hours have passed. The night was already a little deep, and Wang Luobin turned away with some reluctance.
When he walked out of Sanmao's room, there was a scene in front of him that made Sanmao feel a little helpless. The entire corridor was filled with hotel staff, clutching stacks of books and asking Sanmao to sign autographs for them.
Sanmao
This trouble was brought to her by Wang Luobin, and this seems to foreshadow the end of the two of them.
That evening, when Wang Luobin walked into the hotel lobby with an uneasy heart, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten Sanmao's room number. He could only find the hotel front desk and ask them to help with the inquiry.
But the staff went through the entire stay record and did not find Sanmao's name. There was only one Taiwanese traveler named Chen Ping. At this time, everyone suddenly realized that Chen Ping was Sanmao.
The staff was so excited that they danced to the point of dancing. It turned out that most of the young men and women in the hotel were Sanmao's book fans. Wang Luobin realized how popular this female writer was.
Wang Luobin is playing the guitar
He naturally knew the reason why Sanmao did this. Therefore, he repeatedly asked the staff not to disclose the news that Sanmao lived here.
But how could they miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? As soon as the door opened, Sanmao was surrounded by people, and she and Wang Luobin had no chance to talk and say goodbye.
Looking at Wang Luobin's fading back. She made no secret of her feelings and said loudly: "You must write to me, and write when you go back, so that I can see your letter as soon as I return to Taipei."
Wang Luobin did not renege on his word. He sent the sentence for Sanmao: "Like a cloud girl in the sky, shaking away the dense sorrow." ”
Sanmao also made no secret of her feelings for Wang Luobin:
"Thousands of miles, in order to know you, this love, not accidental, is the destiny can not resist." 」
"Close your eyes, it's all your shadow." There's no way."
Sanmao's reply to Wang Luobin
However, this simple and straightforward way of expression made Wang Luobin a little afraid. He didn't seem to understand the meaning of each word.
If it is a friendship like a confidant with a red face, it seems that it should not be expressed in such a word. But if it's love, it comes too suddenly. The two of them were exactly 30 years apart, and the time they spent together was less than a day.
After experiencing too many times of torture, Wang Luobin did not have extravagant expectations, let alone dare to think.
He wrote a reply to Sanmao, using a story to allude to himself at that time.
George Bernard Shaw had a worn-out umbrella that had long since lost its function of sheltering from the wind and rain. But he also took him out the door every day and used it as a crutch. And I am the worn-out umbrella in Shaw's hand. ”
Sanmao and Wang Luobin
He seemed to want to express something to Sanmao, hoping to sort out the emotions between them more clearly. However, Sanmao wrote in his reply: "You are so cruel. You made my life lose the crutch of life. ”
For more than three months, they exchanged more than a dozen letters. Originally, the correspondence was dense, but gradually Sanmao found that the interval between Wang Luobin's replies to her was getting longer and longer.
Her heart became more and more anxious, and she wanted to return to Wang Luobin's side and enter his life as soon as possible. She began to contact the tour group frequently, hoping to fulfill her agreement with Wang Luobin when the mountains were full of autumn leaves.
When she learned that the passage for Taiwanese to travel into Tibet would be closed in September, Sanmao was a little panicked and had to arrange her itinerary in advance.
On August 23, 1990, Sanmao boarded a plane from Beijing to Urumqi. She envisioned the reunion with Wang Luobin at the airport, whether they hugged each other tightly or shook each other's hands.
Sanmao and Jose
However, when she saw Wang Luobin, she was a little disappointed.
Although he walked towards himself with flowers in his hand, there was a camera team behind him. This was something Sanmao hadn't expected, and she didn't like this way of meeting, and even a little disgusted.
This time, Sanmao had enough clothes and was ready to spend three months with Wang Luobin. Wang Luobin was also full of expectations for her arrival, and also purchased a Simmons bed for her.
As soon as he entered Wang Luobin's home, Sanmao packed up, as if transforming into a housewife, cleaning and cleaning up the room.
She and Wang Luobin rode their bicycles side by side, going to the market, going to the street, and going to the vegetable market. Back at home, Sanmao cooks for Wang Luobin and takes care of his diet.
However, this calm was still destroyed. At that time, there was a unit filming a documentary about Wang Luobin, "Luobin Symphony".
Wang Luobin attended the event
The arrival of Sanmao caused a sensation in the entire film crew. They always hoped to be able to shoot more pictures about Wang Luobin and Sanmao, who was forced to become the heroine of the film.
However, this was not what she had hoped, and the similar plot at both ends of the three days made her a little annoyed.
She finally couldn't help it. He shouted loudly, "I just came to you King Robin alone." And this sentence also shows the parting of this time.
The planned three months of getting along ended only half a month later.
On September 7, 1990, Sanmao secretly pinned a hairpin to Wang Luobin's guitar. Under Wang Luobin's reluctant gaze, he boarded the plane flying back to Taipei.
In December of that year, Sanmao wrote his last letter to Wang Luobin.
Sanmao and Wang Luobin
She made up a lie in her letter. She said she was about to marry an Englishman. She also spoke of the winter in Tibet and of Wang Luobin's life. Every word in the letter was bland, but it revealed everywhere her concern for Wang Luobin.
At the end of the letter, she did not use the pen name of "Sanmao", but used her real name "Pingping".
More than 20 days later, the news of Sanmao's suicide came from the other side of the strait. Maybe it was too heartbreaking. Soon after this, Wang Luobin chose to take refuge in Buddhism.
Is this friendship between the two of them love? Probably no one but the two of them could say it clearly.
As Wang Luobin himself said: "The combination of our feelings is not the same as the feelings between ordinary men and women." ”