I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
Zhou Guoping: "The so-called maturity of many people is only worn away by customs and has become sophisticated and practical. It is not maturity, but the premature aging of the spirit and the death of personality. True maturity should be the formation of a unique personality, the discovery of the true self, the spiritual result and harvest. ”
Although this statement sounds very reasonable and sublimates "maturity" to a higher level, it is flashy.
From the spiritual, psychological, philosophical and other metaphysical aspects, maturity of course revolves around one's soul. But the problem is that in the reality we live in, many times there is no room for so many flashy things, and sometimes we can only use sophisticated and practical methods to treat people and things.
In other words, we can divide "maturity" into two kinds: one is the maturity of the spiritual world, and the other is the maturity of the real world. There is no distinction between true and false, but they go their own way.
The following woman's encounter in marriage can explain the above problem.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
My mother-in-law borrows money and does not repay it, what should I do?
Many people on the Internet have had similar experiences and listed many solutions, but none of them worked for me.
When I first lent her money, she was very enthusiastic, very attentive, and did not look like someone who borrowed money and did not pay it back. In addition, because we are mother-in-law and hinder my husband's face, I think that if she is let to make an IOU, it will seem too foreign and too angry, so there is no evidence left.
After that, my brother needed money to buy a house, and I felt that I could take this opportunity to let my mother-in-law pay back the money, so as to avoid the embarrassment of me making up excuses and asking her for money.
However, things are not as simple as I thought.
I asked her, "My brother needs money to buy a house, when will you borrow me to pay it back?" ”
She stared at me with wide eyes and a fierce look: "What does your brother's lack of money to buy a house have to do with me?" When have I ever borrowed your money? You want money crazy, right? I also said you owe me money! ”
Although I was angry, I did not have a seizure, but patiently helped her recall when she borrowed my money and how much money I borrowed. But the result was the same, she said that she had never borrowed my money: "There is no basis for saying that there is no evidence, if you insist that I borrowed your money, then take out the evidence, take out the IOU." ”
I was dumbfounded, stunned, because I had no evidence, no IOUs, not even transfer records, when I gave her tens of thousands of dollars in cash, when I gave her no audio and video recordings, no surveillance.
In the evening, I told my husband to ask his mother-in-law for money, and the reply was the same as during the day.
He said that if only his mother-in-law had made an IOU. Oh, yes! If you make an IOU, there will not be so many things, and you can't tolerate her playing tricks, and you can sue her if you really can't do it.
To comfort me, my husband said to me, "How much is the difference between your brother's house and the house?" I'll come out! The stupid account between you and my mother is now like this, and there is no way to be angry! If I force her to pay her back, she may be doing something stupid! ”
Is it only possible to admit it? Why? Isn't it natural to pay off debts? Why should an elder play a rogue with a junior?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The kind of problem she encountered seemed to be something she could only admit.
Normal people play rogues with rogues, and they can't win. She did not have any evidence to prove that her mother-in-law borrowed her money and insisted on making her mother-in-law pay it back, as long as her mother-in-law cried and made a fuss, she would lose the battle, and she might be pointed out.
From the perspective of the "maturity of the spiritual level" we mentioned earlier, when she encountered this inexplicable problem, she could only adjust her mentality, do not let her spirit and soul be distorted because the mother-in-law borrowed money and did not repay it, still have good thoughts, but do good things.
But it is not enough to pursue spiritual maturity, because in the future it is possible to encounter the same things and the same people, which requires the pursuit of "maturity at the practical level", and needs to become sophisticated and practical.
After planting a heel this time, she should learn a lesson, eat a long and wise, and then distinguish between "love points" and "duty", calculate the account clearly, do not easily borrow money, even if you want to borrow, you must leave evidence to avoid bad debts, and do not feel that the IOU is different because the other party is a friend or family.
Only in this way can you eat less losses and make fewer mistakes that make you feel bad.