Let's take a look at that old picture -
Above this is the current test-taking system, a cartoon that is unfair to many children.
One year, I also entered the college entrance examination, which was really a scene to seduce children to revolt.
It's almost time for the college entrance examination, and recently, children face such a scene in online classes every day, which is not easy.
There is a Buddhist mother, who wrote such an article, it is worth learning, after reading it can be calm.
Everyone is a genius. But if you use your tree-climbing ability to determine how much talent a fish has, it will believe in its own stupidity for the rest of its life. — Albert Einstein
1
Every snowflake is unique, and every child is born with its own unique temperament. Even identical twins can have very different personalities and abilities.
When raising children, if we parents do not see this, we may get lost in the way of teaching and demand our children in the way most people think is right.
Now the mainstream Chinese families' expectations for their children are: go to a famous school, get the first, piano level ten, Olympic gold medal...
When I was in school, my family's expectations for me were: I must find a state-owned enterprise, an iron rice bowl, before the age of 24, I must get married and have children, and I must have a stable life. Unfortunately, none of me listened to my parents: I quit the iron rice bowl in the second year of work, married at the age of 32, and had children at the age of 34, but I felt that I was still living happily.
Sometimes we involuntarily demand children according to our own experience and the universal standards of the world, and we have not considered whether it is suitable for him. If a child is born left-handed, parents and teachers will correct him until they succeed in turning him into right-handed.
We also like to compare the weaknesses of other children with the strengths of other children, and constantly remind children which aspects are inferior. When I was a child, my hands were very clumsy and I often made mistakes when doing housework. Because I was born as a night owl, every day my family dragged me out of the bed and hurried to school.
So my mother often nagged: "Zhang XX of the next door family, your classmate Wang XX, not only has good grades, but also helps the family to bring younger brothers and sisters, but also does housework." They go to bed early and get up early every day, and get up at dawn to read. Why have I never seen you read in the morning? You sleep so late every day that you can't get up in the morning. If you don't do a good job at home, you will definitely not be able to marry out in the future..."
The result of my mother's nagging is that I seriously lack self-confidence in doing housework, and now the housework is still very poor. I didn't do a good job of going to bed early and getting up early, and after being corrected for decades, I was still a night owl who slept late and got up late.
2
Some children are born with good health, intelligence, a wide range of interests, their homework is done by themselves, their grades are among the best, and they do not need parents to a dim sum.
Who wouldn't want to have such a perfect child? However, this probability may be one in millions.
Anyway, I know that my own children do not belong to this type. My son Alex is the kind of kid who is naturally gifted, bold and naughty, who can't keep his hands and feet idle, who jumps around every day, and doesn't have a knee that doesn't hurt. He had just turned seven, and he would drool at night when he went to bed, grinding and dazed with his homework, writing for half a day, and asking if I could drink milk from a bottle.
Alex's cousin Conan was two years older than him and was a handsome, gentle, obedient boy. Conan was raised by my mother-in-law, so the elderly often compare their two children. Cousin was clean and tidy. The clothes he had worn for a year were still the same as new. But as soon as his clothes were put on Alex, they immediately hung a piece here, and a thread was opened there, and it was immediately depreciated.
In the eyes of the mother-in-law, Alex is simply a case of parenting failure.
Alex was reading the Horrid Henry series some time ago. The protagonist of the story, Horizon Henry, is a mischievous and often troublesome little boy, while his brother is considered to be the perfect Peter of Perfect Peter, who never makes a mistake and is a well-behaved child in the eyes of parents.
As he read the book, Alex sighed a long time, he thought it was too difficult to be a little boy who behaved every day in the eyes of adults. "Mom, can I be naughty for three days, obedient for one day, and neither naughty nor obedient for one day?" After reading the book, he asked me seriously. It can be seen that sitting still every day, Sven Wen is not an easy thing for him.
It's like a fish that is required to learn to climb a tree, and the fish struggles to work hard but never learns to climb a tree. So, I learned to accept my child's active, playful nature and not force him to change.
One day a few weeks ago, I went to pick up Alex from school.
While waiting, I suddenly heard a mother shouting at her son in Mandarin: "I always take the first, how can you be the first in the class?" My face has been lost by you, how can I give birth to a son like you... You see so-and-so's daughter, how are they better than you? All the waiting parents turned their heads to look at the mother and son. Her child looked like he had just started his first year, tearful in shame, and his head was so low that he was almost in the crotch of his pants.
This child should be like Alex, who just transferred from the mainland to Hong Kong.
For a 6-year-old child, from a kindergarten in the mainland to a primary school in Hong Kong, adapting to Cantonese and traditional Characters is a very big challenge, coupled with the high English requirements of Hong Kong primary schools, the subjects are more arduous, and the children should bear a lot of psychological pressure.
I remember that in the first few weeks of school, Alex couldn't understand what the teacher was saying, and many traditional characters were not recognized. There were times when he didn't want to get up and go to school. At the first school assessment, he scored only 20 points (out of 40) in Cantonese. Therefore, I think it is very normal for this boy to be the first to last in the examination. His mom should care for his fragile heart after setbacks and relieve his stress, rather than humiliating her own children in public. It is conceivable that this child should feel how stupid he is, even his mother feels that he can't do it.
I can understand the pressure of this mother, but I feel that even if adults move for their children's education and pay a lot, they should not be angry and angry because of their children's failures in the exam, but should actively find ways to help their children.
The requirements and expectations for the little boy could not have been too high. If a little boy is compared to a little girl of the same age, and the little boy is measured by what the little girl can do, then the boys are even more compared.
I know this. We enrolled Alex in the school's elementary violin interest class to see if he liked it. After a few months of study, he still played the piano as badly as sawing wood. One night, Alex's dad suddenly said to me, "Did you notice a pretty little girl in Alex's violin class?" It was the girl who sat very firmly every time, played the piano fast and sounded nice. One mom told me she was still the first in the first grade of general subjects. Boys really mature two or three years later than girls! ”
So, I never compare Alex to other kids, especially girls my age. I also never ask my child how many exams I have. The school has a large list of outstanding students in various subjects at the entrance of the school, and we do not look at it.
But I asked children to conscientiously complete their homework every day, pack their school bags, and ask us about their homework that they didn't understand. If he is criticized by the teacher because he has not completed his homework, it is his own responsibility for not completing it well.
Albert Einstein once said, "Everyone is a genius." But if you use your tree-climbing ability to determine how much talent a fish has, it will believe in its own stupidity for the rest of its life. ”
We should guard our children, observe and discover their interests and traits. According to the nature of the child, help them to walk a suitable path. Children who can't read may have intelligence in art, music, sports, space, or interpersonal communication.
But if we force them into an assembly line and measure their qualifications and smartness according to the quality of the test results, it is to let the children compete with other children's longboards for the shortcomings they are least good at. In the end, the child's innate intelligence is not improved, but it is possible to lose self-confidence, feel that they are really stupid, and are a loser.
3
I just read the new book "Teaching Children's Viability" by the internationally renowned trend master Kenichi Ohmae, and I feel very useful. Kenichi Omae shares his unique parenting philosophy of raising children into self-supporting adults.
He believes that cultivating children's viability is the most important task of parents, and school education does not necessarily have much value.
Both of his sons dropped out of school and, in their teens, were off what everyone thought was a stable, correct track.
His second son liked video games since he was a child, was enthusiastic about programming in middle school, and put aside the school's homework, and later decided to study in the United States, and after entering the computer engineering department of a prestigious school, he said that there was nothing to learn and decided to drop out.
His eldest son, too, did not follow his favorite chemistry path, suddenly switching tracks in college, and eventually did not graduate. Although they were out of the framework of traditional education, the two sons of the Daizen family survived strongly. The eldest son started his own business in his twenties and ran an online consulting company with about 40 to 50 employees. The second son is the director of the Japanese region at a technology company that provides software for game development intermediaries, and he also opens another company and serves as the president himself.
For the cultivation of children, Mr. Omae believes that in fact, parents do not have to worry about the performance of their children in front of them, because life is very long, as long as they do not take the wrong road, do not get infected with gambling and poison, and take some wrong roads. Help the child find the right way for him, let him use his talent to the extreme, and no matter where he is thrown into the world in the future, he will live. Even if you are bare-handed, you can earn a mouthful of food on your own - such viability is the biggest purpose of education.
For many Asian parents, the problem of face is the first priority, so they would rather die than let their children drop out of school. On the contrary, Mr. Omae believes that the better the children who perform well in traditional schools, the more they need to worry about in the future. In the future, without the right answers, it will not be those who are good at memorizing standard answers, but those who can come up with answers on their own minds, no matter what the situation, and have the ability to convey information and inspire people' hearts.
However, the outstanding students taught in traditional schools are those who memorize textbooks according to scripts, follow instructions without question, and are good at exams. Such education not only cannot cultivate students' diverse group management ability and leadership ability, but also cannot cultivate the ability to think independently, insight, judgment and communication. Those who are well-tuned by the school and can't do anything without answers and models are the least valuable and least viable.
Therefore, he wants to tell all parents that even if their children are not doing well, there is no need to worry. Instead, there are those who are very well adapted to today's education system, especially those who have graduated from first-class universities.
These high-achieving students have always mistakenly thought that they are excellent talents, and they have the mentality of "I have learned enough in school" and "I am very good", and they are more vulnerable to setbacks. Coupled with their weak viability, they often collapse after falling.
Across Asia, we judge a student by whether he or she is good at memorizing, memorizing, and taking exams. All public and private primary schools in Hong Kong require children to memorize Chinese and English.
What are the consequences of this cultivation method? David Brooks records in Social Animals a "Russian journalist solomon Sheliszewski (born 1886) who can remember everything." David describes: "In one experiment, the researchers showed Solomon Sheliszewski a piece of paper with a complex formula of 30 letters and numbers, and then they put the paper in a box and sealed it for 15 years. When they took the paper out, Solomon Shelishevsky could still remember exactly what it was... Solomon Sheliszewski remembered the formula, but did not know how to extract the main content. His mind was filled with all sorts of chaotic, peculiar facts, but he could not organize them into repetitive patterns. This eventually led to his inability to read metaphors, metaphors, poems, and even complex sentences. ”
Solomon Sheliszewski's neurological deficits prevented his brain from prioritizing, synthesizing, and controlling memories to form a perception of himself and the world. This is the same as the students produced under today's Asian education system, who can experience but cannot perceive. Our schools are creating large numbers of Solomon Sheliszewskis, students who have camera-like memories and instantaneous memories, but are never creative.
Think about it decades later, when the era of intelligence comes, what kind of people can have the skills to support themselves? Was it a kid who took exams as a kid, or was he passionate and creative about a certain field? If we force our children to adapt to the current examination system, will it be at the expense of their children's future viability and happiness?
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