Psychology: This is the reason why a person "likes you" but does not take the initiative

He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.

In his book The Charm of Boredom, De Botton wrote the following passage:

"One of the ironies of love is that the more you dislike a person, the more confidently and easily you can attract him; the strong desire makes people lose the carelessness that is essential in love, and if you are attracted to people, you will have a strong inferiority complex. Because we always give the most perfect qualities to the people we love deeply. ”

Amazing.

This passage bluntly describes a person's psychological state in love: restless, timid, cautious, brave and contradictory.

Many readers left messages saying:

Why do you like someone very much, but you never have the courage to open your mouth? In front of the other party, he will pretend to be cold and pretend not to like him, but behind his back, he will always stare at his every move.

There are also people who are liked, they say:

Obviously, I can feel that the other party likes me, but he is not active; I have hinted that he is so obvious, why is he still so wooden?

In fact, a person who likes you but is unwilling to take the initiative is essentially because of inner weakness and inferiority.

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Like a person, will become "inferior"

Gu Cheng said: "In order to avoid the end, so I avoid the beginning of everything." ”

When it comes to people you like, there are many people who think like this.

Because they are afraid of rejection, they prefer to hide this love in their hearts and always have a "crush" posture to get along with each other.

This reminds me of the romance and crush of my student days:

Like a man, we dare to look at him silently behind our backs; when his face turns to look at us, we will look down in panic or look left and right, pretending not to see him.

Like a person, is so sensitive, timid and inferior.

The desire to take a cautious step forward, to test the other person's intentions; but the thought of the indifference when the other party knew his own intentions and completely drew a line with himself discouraged his enthusiasm.

One of the contradictions of love is this.

There is a "halo effect" in psychology.

The great literary hero "Pushkin" fell in love with a woman, Natalie.

This woman was known as the "first beauty" at that time.

Pushkin fell in love with this woman at first sight, and just by meeting her, he could no longer bear the torment of love.

In order to be with this woman, Pushkin tried everything.

He would read poems to her, read articles to listen to, and the woman would cover her ears and say in disgust "you don't read anymore".

He gave her romance, said all the love words, and the woman was still disgusted.

At that time, how could a poor and sour literati want to be with such a famous woman?

Women always attended high-society dinners, proms, and made friends with all sorts of wealthy people.

In order to accompany her, Pushkin gave up his creation and stopped his career.

In the end, Pushkin owed a bunch of money, and the end was tragic.

Because such a beautiful woman has wasted her own great life, even her own life.

The halo effect means:

It is easy for us to cover up the shortcomings of each other because of one of the advantages of the other party.

This is a "cognitive disorder" that can also be understood as "partial generalization".

In the relationship, the halo effect is more often appeared, such as "the lover's eyes out of the West".

Feeling inferior and ashamed in front of the people you like, in fact, this is a normal psychological phenomenon.

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In the face of people you like, why don't some people take the initiative?

A man likes you, and you know he likes you; you wait for him to take the initiative, even to give him some hints, but he stays where he is, without the slightest intention of getting close to you.

You like each other very much, but your heart is in a struggle and insecurity; one voice is active, one voice is timid, and in the end you still choose timidity and hide this love in your heart.

If you like a person, shouldn't you be brave and take the initiative?

In fact, the main factors leading to this phenomenon are:

Evasion type Yori lover case.

And the most obvious characteristics of this personality are:

Treat feelings negatively, believing that you are not worthy of being loved;

Lack of love from childhood, longing for love and not daring to love;

Lack of courage, inner inferiority, cowardice and fear.

"I'm not good enough, so I like it, and others don't care."

Before a relationship had even begun, he had declared "failure" in his heart.

From the beginning, he was timid, because of his inner timidity and lack of self-confidence, so he chose to give up.

In essence, this is an inferiority complex, and it is precisely because of the lack of confidence in oneself that one dares not make any moves.

Indifferent in the face of the person you like, you can only watch your feelings get farther and farther away from you.

Even if the other person likes himself.

"Only a perfect person can get love".

Perfectionists' view of feelings is also very tired.

Especially one's perfectionism + avoidance attachment.

He thinks he's not good enough, he's not perfect; so he wants to wait until he's better to pursue someone he likes.

But emotional things, never wait for people.

While longing for love, there is a strong expectation for love; on the other hand, it is afraid of love, thinking that love is crumbling and will leave itself sooner or later.

Such people are particularly contradictory.

Inside there are two little people, one little person is brave, and one little person is timid.

If you meet someone you like, I won't tell you: be brave and pursue.

I'll just tell you: just don't regret it.

People will be upset because they have made decisions that they regret, and they will also be sad because of the feelings they missed in vain.

Leave no regrets, no regrets, you know how to do it.

Today's Topic:

In front of the people you like, will you have low self-esteem?

(Article with picture source network)