I often hear people discuss this issue: love at first sight or long-term love, which one is more reliable?
In fact, there is no comparison between these two modes of feelings; just like some people like to eat vegetarian dishes, some people like to eat meat, and some people can both, which is completely compatible.
A person who thinks that love at first sight is reliable, if he has not met the person who makes him fall in love at first sight, then he will also choose the person who has been in love for a long time.
On the other hand, the person who firmly believes that long-term love is reliable, once he meets a person in his life who makes him feel excited at first sight, he will not be able to suppress his passion.
From the perspective of psychology, it is analyzed: love at first sight, not only the appearance, but also the feelings brought by the other party.
There is a saying on the Internet that love at first sight is just a matter of seeing the color, and long-term love is just a trade-off between the pros and cons.
This sentence is true, but it is one-sided.
Because of the feelings of love at first sight, after being together, the happiness is higher than that of long-term love; because the freshness, passion, and emotional fluctuation value brought by love at first sight are higher than the long-term love.
-01
The psychological principle of "love at first sight"
There was a psychology experiment in which psychologists invited 100 single men and women.
Then, these single men and women were matched with 10 opposite sexes to conduct random blind dates, and they were asked to rate each blind date. (These people don't know each other.)
Then, after the experiment, psychologists found that women valued men's appearance more and needed less than 30 seconds to determine what they liked; while boys valued feelings more, and it also took tens of seconds to determine what they liked.
This experiment tells everyone: the so-called love at first sight, the other party's appearance is only a part of the factor, the more important factor is the feeling that the other party brings to you.
What is the feeling of love at first sight?
Probably, the first time you see the other person, you feel that your heart is beating faster, and there is an electric sensation from the top of your head to the palm of your foot.
And, at that moment, you firmly believed: Yes, it is him, he is the person I have been waiting for.
First Impression Effect:
The so-called first impression is the impression that you have the first contact with someone, and when you first meet, the other party leaves you.
For example, when you see someone, you label them.
A person is very handsome, very beautiful, a little fat, very tall, very good image, good temperament, etc., these belong to the label you attach to the other party, can also be said to be your evaluation of the other party.
And some people, you see it for the first time, you have a good feeling for this person, so if you have the opportunity to get along with each other next.
But there are also some people who, even if you have met many times, have no feelings for him, and even some disgust.
Another psychological effect is the "primacy effect."
The first cause effect is similar to the first impression, which refers to the fact that you are in contact with the other person, and there are many opportunities for contact next.
And how you feel when you first come into contact with the other person affects the rest of your time together.
In gender relations, the primacy effect is often the decisive factor.
At first glance, it is difficult to have a good feeling for him, even if you feel that the other party is not bad after understanding; on the contrary, if you like this person at the first sight, then you will imagine the other party as a "perfect" image of the person, and his shortcomings will become advantages.
-02
Love at first sight not only looks at the face, but also looks at the "feeling"
There is a passage on the Internet that says:
"I met a girl on the road, and the first time I saw her, I felt as if I was in love with her."
"Then why didn't you pursue her?"
"Because I looked at her a second time."
Saying that it is a paragraph actually shows that when we observe a person, the other person's appearance does affect our evaluation of him.
After all, deep down in people's hearts and subconscious, they all desire to be exposed to "beautiful" things.
Just like in "Tang Bohu Dian Qiu Xiang", if you first met "Ru Hua", would you like her?
In contrast to the flowers and autumn fragrances, the two are of course "visually" more different.
At this time, it can be shown that love at first sight is indeed related to the appearance of the other party.
But from another point of view, love at first sight is also related to "the feeling that the other party left you".
What is feeling?
If analyzed from a psychological point of view, the feeling is even more "similarity".
The first time you see each other, you think that the other person's appearance, figure, temperament, dress, etc., are all in line with a certain image in your mind memory.
Either similar to your parents, or similar to someone you like very much, so the first time you see each other, you have a feeling of "déjà vu".
Just like in "Dream of the Red Chamber", Jia Baoyu and Lin Daiyu met for the first time, and Jia Baoyu said: "Good life is strange, I feel as if I have seen this sister somewhere." ”
Because the other person feels better for you, we have a "reward theory" in our brains.
You can't help but look at each other a few more times, and even want to have more opportunities to contact each other.
Once you miss this opportunity, you feel that you will have a great loss and will miss a love in vain.
Fromm said: Love is an art, but also a positive emotion.
And two-way love at first sight is a rare and strong feeling.
If two people love and combine because they fall in love at first sight, then after being together, their love will go more smoothly.
Compared with the long-term love, love at first sight has a great advantage from the beginning, more freshness, passion.
It feels like every day you spend with each other is a new experience.
Because two people who love each other at first sight, after being together, also need to run in, invest energy, and pay a sense of responsibility to make the feelings more solid.
Today's Topic:
Do you believe in love at first sight or love over time?