01
Yu Hua wrote in "Shouting in the Drizzle":
"I no longer pretended to have a lot of friends, but returned to loneliness and began to live alone with the real me."
"Sometimes I can't bear the torment of emptiness because of loneliness, but I'd rather maintain my self-esteem in this way than trade shame for that superficial friend."
People, the older they get, the less they care about having friends. This may be a kind of experience, or it may be a kind of maturity. All in all, what the years bring us can only be the epiphany of "thin feelings".
Thinking back to the past of the self who followed the trend, I feel funny, obviously others have no feelings for me, why should I use my hot face to paste other people's cold ass?
In a word, it's just that I'm too stupid and naïve.
Life is already difficult, why do we still have to meet others? Not necessarily. Living in the days of drama is like living with a mask on, not only did not live out the real self, but also became a vassal of others.
After the age of 50, we may as well push ourselves, take off the mask that has been worn on our faces for many years, abandon unnecessary friends, and thus choose a "solitary" life. That, perhaps, is the right way.
02
People will only realize the truth of human nature in the vicissitudes of the past.
There is a saying on Zhihu: "The more you experience, the more you understand the hypocrisy of the world." ”
When we first came out to work, we all thought that it was best to be in the group, so we all chose to go into the group, and we didn't think about whether we were suitable for this circle. In the end, the more we live, the more confused we become.
After spending some time in the circle, we will find that this circle is not a big deal, and what exists in it is just some strangers who make a scene.
Usually, when we eat, drink and have fun, you and I will also put on the shoulders and call brothers and brothers. However, when something happens, in fact, everyone will "evaporate in the world". This is the reality.
No matter how many friends you know, as long as there is no emotional basis, then they are just some "hypocritical" passers-by, whether there is or not, it seems that the problem is not big.
He has more friends, not necessarily he can live a very happy life, when it is time to be calculated by friends, he is still calculated by friends. When it is time to be betrayed by a friend, it is still betrayed by a friend.
Conversely, if you have fewer friends, you may not live a bad life. Sometimes, you have plenty of freedom and time to use, so you can live in the moment and be much happier than the people you are.
A group of people getting along is nothing more than cheating on each other and meaningless. Only by being alone is the beginning of self-cultivation and embracing a better life.
03
If you are over fifty, you may wish to learn to be "alone".
There is such a case.
A manager who often socializes gradually feels that the connections at the wine table are like that, meaningless. As a result, the more he lived, the more depressed he became, and he didn't want to deal with too many people.
Later, he told his friend who was a psychiatrist about his heart and asked him what to do.
The friend replied to him: "Are you really happy at the wine table?" ”
It was this question that made the manager ponder, and then he said: "I have been socializing for more than ten or twenty years, I have long become numb, and those big bosses and customers have seen a lot, but they are just passers-by who meet in the mountains and rivers, and they may not be able to be much happier." ”
Friends continue to respond: "Since you are not happy with them, why are you depressed?" When I look at you, I just can't get out of the already closed world of the mind. ”
Later, the manager also reduced the number of socializing, but took the time of socializing to read or exercise, and traveled when he encountered long holidays, anyway, the more he lived, the more dashing he was.
Now 52 years old, the manager has long since retreated to the second line, thinking about living for himself, and fiddling with calligraphy and poetry all day long.
In his opinion, it is better to be a person or learn to "be alone". I'd rather do something I like to do than pull my face to meet someone. Freedom is the pursuit of middle-aged people.
04
Being alone, that is the maturity that the years bring us.
Aristotle believed that the solitary were either gods or beasts.
A flock of sheep seems to be very happy, but they can only become sheep, and they cannot change their lives and destiny. A wild wolf, no matter how lonely it is, is also a powerful beast, enough to traverse the valley and dominate one side.
Man, why should he live more and more "alone"? I think there are three reasons for this.
First of all, people, if you want to be better, then you may as well become a solitary person.
Take the matter of making money, do you still want to pull others to make money together? Not only is it unnecessary, but it also drags down our progress in making money.
Secondly, man, if you want to live more and more freely, then you may as well become a solitary person.
Being bound by others all day, will you be free? Living all day for others, will you be free? Care about other people's ideas all day, will you be free? Not free at all.
Finally, man, if you want to make life worthwhile, you might as well be alone.
How can we realize the value of life? The best thing to do is to live for the sake of your heart. If you want to travel, then pack your backpack and head off into the distance. If you want to delve into a certain area of business, then calm down and study.
Value will never be shown in the group, but only in the pursuit of one person.
Man, not to be the sheep of the flock, but to be a wolf alone.
Wen/Shushan has deer