Author: Insight Book Girl
Take care of yourself and act in a measured manner.
Liang Shiqiu once said:
"The fun of middle age is to know life quite well, to know yourself, so that you can do what you can."
When people reach middle age, they have gone through years of hardship and tasted the bittersweetness of life.
I have a more transparent understanding of life and a deeper understanding.
Gradually understand that if you want to live comfortably, you must learn to restrain yourself: not much to say, not to do much, not to be affectionate.
01
Not much to say, less evil.
The ancients said that evil comes out of the mouth, and more words will be lost.
Talking more and more tongues is easy to cause trouble and cause unnecessary trouble for yourself.
After Zhu Yuanzhang became emperor, one day, a partner who had herded cattle with Zhu Yuanzhang asked to see him.
When this partner saw Zhu Yuanzhang, he danced happily.
Immediately, he recalled that the two of them had herded cattle for the rich family together.
He also talked about the experience of stealing beans together:
"Once, we put the stolen beans in a crock pot and cooked them, and before they could cook them, everyone rushed to eat them.
As a result, the jar was broken, and you just grabbed beans from the ground to eat, unfortunately you were stuck in the throat by the red grass root, and you almost lost your life..."
In front of the civil and military officials, this kind of trouble was actually revealed.
Zhu Yuanzhang was angry and annoyed, embarrassed.
So, he drank the order left and right: "Where are the crazy people, come people, drag this nonsense-filled person out and behead him!" ”
In this way, the man with many mouths lost his life.
"The heart is open, and the mouth is a curse."
If you can't keep your mouth shut, you will only end up cursing yourself.
Being a person, not talking too much, in order to have less misfortune, not to say more, and only then can we live with peace of mind.
Wang Yangming once met a deaf and mute person, this deaf and dumb person because his mouth could not say right and wrong, his ears could not hear right and wrong, there were many fewer bad things in his life, and his life was very comfortable and happy.
Wang Yangming was deeply inspired by this, writing that "there are many things to say, and there are many troubles." Morality is in deeds, not in words. Saying that people are right and wrong, there are more than six sentences, which is used to warn themselves not to say that people are wrong, and to cultivate their hearts with less words.
There is a cloud in the "Aphorisms": "Meditation is often thought of oneself, and small talk is not about others." ”
After middle age, keeping your mouth shut, not being short, not talking about people, is a kind of advanced cultivation, but also a wise way of dealing with the world.
02
Not much, no worries.
The "Disciple Rules" has a saying: "Don't care about yourself, don't be idle." ”
Things that have nothing to do with oneself, not interfering casually, are a person's basic cultivation.
There are always some people in life who like to meddle in other people's private affairs for no reason, thinking that they are helping others for pleasure, but they are not welcome, and they are still aggrieved, thinking that they are treated as donkey liver lungs.
As everyone knows, not taking yourself as an outsider and stubbornly interfering in other people's affairs is not only difficult to get the approval of others, but also easy to cause fire.
The Kun opera "The Lion's Roar" records a story about Su Dongpo.
Once, Su Dongpo and his friend Chen Ji often took a prostitute on a spring trip.
When Ji Chang's wife Liu Shi knew about it, she punished Ji Chang for kneeling by the lotus pond.
Su Dongpo couldn't see it, and said to Liu Shixiao, saying that she had not come out, and that she should let her husband take a concubine and become a beautiful thing.
Liu Shi listened to the anger and chased Su Shi with a stick, frightening him to flee.
If other people's affairs, especially family affairs, have nothing to do with yourself, don't interfere casually.
After all, everyone has their own way of doing things, what you think is good for others, others may not feel good.
I have seen a passage about "Journey to the West":
Tang Monk was very careful and always liked to take care of his disciples.
One day, he found a hole in Sun Wukong's pants, so he silently sewed the hole.
But the next day, when he looked at it, he found that the sewn hole had opened again, so he sewed the hole again.
On the third day, he sewed it again.
Although he was careful and thoughtful, Sun Wukong was on fire and said impatiently:
"Master, don't you want to be nosy?" You sewed the hole for me and told me where to put my tail? ”
"The Man Who Stole the Shadow" said: "You can't interfere in other people's lives, even for the good of each other." ”
Blindly interfering in idle things that have nothing to do with oneself not only wastes one's own mental strength, but also tends to end up in a situation of "good intentions without good rewards" in many cases.
When people reach middle age, they grasp the measure of getting along with people and do not care much about things, which is respect for others and also a quiet return to themselves.
03
Not affectionate, less hurtful.
Writer Zhang Meng said:
"The most terrible thing about a person is to want to be friends with everyone, which is neither realistic nor necessary."
In this life, people will meet all kinds of people, but there is no need to give their true heart to others.
Because many times you think that you are good to others, others will be good to you, but in fact, there are not so many hearts to hearts.
In "The Tale of Wulin", Zhu Wushuang has been digging his lungs out for everyone in the inn since he stepped into the "Tongfu Inn".
Not only is it always rushing to help everyone do the dirty work, but it is also often taking care of everyone's emotions and feelings in great detail.
Someone fell on the pillow, and she immediately made buckwheat pillows for others intimately;
Someone broke up, even if she was in a mess, she still immediately stood up and patiently comforted.
But she has always paid all her enthusiasm and sincerity, and instead of exchanging the same degree of gentleness from others, she has been treated as a little transparent.
Once, she and Xiao Guo competed for talent, and if she lost, she would leave the inn.
There were four links in total, and she had already won three rounds, which was the right victory.
But when the final vote was made, the other partners in the inn, as judges, were all towards Xiao Guo.
No one cared about the fact that she had nowhere to go if she lost.
Not all good intentions in this world will be thanked, and not all sincerity can be exchanged for true feelings.
As one passage says:
"If you have feelings, others may not have righteousness; if you have your whole heart, others may not be fully intentional." If you give a true heart, it may not have a good result. ”
To interact with people, you don't have to be good to anyone.
Learning to discriminate is the best social principle.
Actor Liu Tao has been in the entertainment industry for more than 20 years and knows countless people.
But she admitted that she only had two girlfriends in total.
It's not that she's not well-liked, but in her opinion, her energy is limited, and there is no need to invite too many people into her life.
It is enough to leave only three or two confidants and treat them wholeheartedly.
Enthusiasm must have a choice, and there must be a threshold for paying, so as to have less disappointment and hurt.
When people reach middle age, don't try to be nice to everyone, don't be indiscriminately enthusiastic about everyone.
Spending precious time and energy on people who are truly worthy is the wisdom of the effort.
▽
Read a sentence:
"When a person reaches middle age, it is no longer the law of the outside world that constrains him, but the rules of the heart."
After middle age, take care of yourself and act in a measured manner.
Don't say what you can't say, don't do what you shouldn't do, don't give it to people who don't have to.
The second half of life can be lived peacefully, comfortably, comfortably, and comfortably.