Throughout the New Year, I have been paying attention to the birth of Yang Mouxia, a woman with eight babies in Feng County.
Recently, I finally saw an investigation report on this matter. Very long, very detailed, a series of Feng County leadership groups have been implicated.
Although neither the trafficker nor the woman who bought and sold it has yet to disclose what penalties will be imposed, and the length of time the crime has been committed, it is certainly difficult to trace.
But at least, I saw the most important first step in the event's advancement.
At the New Year, I had the idea of writing about it, but I really didn't know where to start. As a person who lives by words, I feel powerless and guilty from time to time because I "can't write".
I shared this feeling with my husband, and he said to me, stay focused, attention itself is also a kind of power.
After seeing such a long investigation report, I understand the meaning of this sentence even more.
This matter has experienced the New Year, experienced the Winter Olympics, and experienced various hot searches, but it is every netizen who pays attention to it that this matter has not faded the heat.
Many times, I have worried that this matter will gradually cool down like many hot spots on the ever-changing Internet.
But this time, we didn't give up, and the incident was pushed forward.
It is true that there is still a long way to go to combat the abduction and trafficking of women and children and to protect women's rights and interests.
But I always believe that a person's attention may be insignificant, but the gathering of glimmers and the silence of moisturizing things can make the wheel of history go more steadily and the disasters farther away.
Because of this incident, I have recently received many private messages from friends, how to protect my children, and this topic has attracted our attention.
(When I received this private message that day, my eyes turned red.) Parents want to protect their children, Yang Mouxia is also someone else's daughter)
This friend's question itself is a good reminder.
Because simply telling children, "Don't talk to strangers," is actually the most useless safety education, and you may miss the opportunity to ask for help.
This is not alarmist, there is a real thing that happened in the United States.
An 11-year-old boy accidentally went missing with his companions while participating in the "Cub Scout" wilderness camping activity. Because this child has been repeatedly stressed by his parents since he was a child, "Don't talk to strangers", whenever a rescue worker passes by, he will deliberately hide and miss countless opportunities to be rescued.
It was not until day 4 that he was rescued when he was already dying.
This story touched me a lot, the safety of children is no small matter, but safety education must not be simple and rude.
1
The "stranger is dangerous" myth
What's the problem if you simply say to your child, "Strangers are dangerous, don't talk to strangers?"?
First of all, the concept of "stranger" is confusing for children.
Is the rescuer like the one in the story at the beginning of the article a stranger? Are the policemen? Are firefighters? So why can I sometimes talk to strangers, and why are some strangers safe?
The most taboo thing about any enlightenment education is to confuse children.
When we can't help the child clarify the definition, the child will explain it based on his or her limited knowledge of the world.
There was once a survey of kindergarten children who asked them which were "strangers who can't talk", and the most common occurrence in the children's answers was "people who are not good-looking, people who are fierce to me, and people who speak very loudly."
But we all know that people who want to seduce children must not be fierce, and they are all very friendly and kind.
Finally, and most importantly, most child sexual assaults occur between acquaintances, not strangers.
When we overemphasize with our children the concept that "strangers are dangerous", it undoubtedly indirectly reinforces that "familiar people are no problem".
2
Three "emphasises" on safety education
So how do we say this sentence that we have heard since we were young and now how to say it to our children?
I think the most important thing is not to reinforce a certain type of person, but to help children understand which situations pose a threat to them and how they feel that they can turn to.
1. Safety education should emphasize feelings
I will not use "stranger" for Little D, but will emphasize with her "comfortable feelings and uncomfortable feelings".
I would tell her, "Anyone, even little D knows, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can refuse, and you can ask your mother for help in the first place."
It also reminds us of the importance of emotional cognition in children, and I will very consciously help Little D to recognize various emotions in my daily life, and I will also use my thumb up or down to indicate whether these emotions are comfortable.
2. Safety education should emphasize the scene
Usually, I use various life scenarios to help Little D understand "safety". While waiting in line at the supermarket, I had a few conversations with the people standing behind us, and when I left the supermarket, I would say to Little D:
While the supermarket checkout is waiting, we can have a few chats with strangers.
But at no time can we leave with them. Before you can follow anyone else anywhere, you need your mother's permission.
Such a dialogue is not a simple one-size-fits-all "don't talk to strangers", but the use of a variety of life situations to let children understand where the boundaries are, what is ok and what is not.
3. Safety education should emphasize the "why"
When it comes to safety education, we are most accustomed to telling children "no", and sometimes even scare children to prevent problems.
But just telling "no", many children will not listen, and as children awaken to self-awareness, often the more we say no, the more they rebel.
Therefore, it is more critical to help children understand the reasons behind what we say we can't do.
I would repeatedly emphasize to Little D, "If you are outside, a strange adult wants to help, you will definitely find other adults, not children." If you encounter such a situation, be sure to refuse and tell your mother as soon as possible."
When you say that, maybe some discussion will open up, such as little D will ask me when I ask her for help, don't you mean that adults want to help, and they will definitely find other adults instead of children?
Then I would tell her that the situation my mother said was when strange adults asked for help, and we were family, and the family could help each other, because we knew each other's strengths, and everyone was good at different things.
Yes, such safety education is indeed more troublesome than the one-size-fits-all "don't talk to strangers" statement, but the trouble now is precisely to build up a comprehensive understanding of the world, which is the real once and for all.
3
Safety education should be done in peacetime
After I was over 3 years old, one of the games I would often play with Little D was, "What would you do if it were you?" ”
The scenes I saw on the road, the conflicts that occurred in kindergarten, the stories I saw in cartoons, I always asked Little D from time to time, and then discussed with her thinking.
Some questions Little D can't answer, I will tell her; some she has her own ideas, I will guide her.
When she doesn't have an answer, I share my answers, not just "how to do it" but also "why do it":
You went shopping with your mother to the supermarket today, there are a lot of supermarket people, if one day you and your mother go missing, what will you do? ”
You can go to the cashier to find the cashier for help, this is the easiest place for mom to find you. Don't follow anyone else, because then Mom won't find you.
When she knows the answer, I reinforce "How to Prevent." This is not about scaring, but about sharing with her why you want to prevent this from happening.
So what if you get lost on the road?
Wait where you are, and wait for my mother to come back to me.
Yes, if Mom finds you missing, the first time will definitely be to return the same way and come to you. So don't cry, just wait where you are, don't walk away.
So what if I waited for a long time and my mother didn't come back?
Go to the police;
Yes, go find a uniformed traffic cop. If you and your mother are separated, your mother will be very sad and sad, so when we go out together, you have to follow your mother;
Well, I'm going to be sad too, we're going to go out like this (Little D's hand is holding my hand) and won't be apart.
For me, whether it is the topic of safety education today or various other parenting issues, the core is to treat the child as an independent and equal person, not to require the child to "listen to us", but to help the child understand "why do this".
Strangers are good and bad, acquaintances are also good and bad, and what determines a person's quality is not who he is, but what he does.
"Safety education" should not be to build a thick wall isolated from the world for children, but to help children open the eyes in their hearts.
Let them understand what is dangerous, what it feels like to feel uncomfortable, and how to turn to avoid it. This is the true core of safety education.
Just like paying attention to the Fengxian incident, it is not to make us feel powerless, but to let us pay attention to it, to believe that the glimmer gathers, it will definitely illuminate the darkness.