Text: Xi Xihuan
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As a social animal, people always need to deal with various people, etc., so interpersonal relationships have become a person's survival in this society.
But many people say that they have social fears, do not like to deal with strangers, and become very nervous in a new environment, both worried that they are not good with others, and do not want to try that kind of attempt.
However, if we want to better integrate into this society, we must learn to deal with others, there are many principles of getting along with people, and different people have different choices.
Some people think that when getting along with others, the most important thing is their own interests, as long as they protect their own interests, then even if they hurt others, it does not matter, so such a person is often considered selfish, even if he gets the benefits he wants, he can't get the sincerity of others.
There are also people who feel that as long as they pay their hearts, then others will always return the same sincerity to themselves, but the cruelty of reality often tells such people that sometimes your kindness cannot be exchanged for good rewards.
The human heart is actually a very complex thing, and sometimes a person who looks at a big grin on the surface actually has the most delicate scale in his heart, and he will measure the pros and cons that everyone around him can give him, so as to make a choice about who to be close to, or who to alienate.
From the perspective of psychology, there is a truth that psychologists have not said, that is, how others treat you, in fact, you "teach" it.
Maybe some people don't understand the meaning of this sentence, they naturally hope that others can treat themselves well, but sometimes they meet people with narrow hearts, or people who want to hurt themselves, how can they have a relationship with themselves?
01 The character of the "good old man" will make you suffer a lot
There was once a series that was very popular, and the heroine in it was a girl who was called a "post-it note" by her colleagues in the company, and it goes without saying that this girl is like a post-it note, wherever she is needed, she will go wherever she is needed.
In the work, we all know that the really capable person will not be arbitrarily instructed, he has his own unique ability and talent in the workplace, so not only the leader attaches importance to it, colleagues will also look at him with disdain, unconsciously such a person will win the respect of others for himself.
If you look closely, you will find that such people often have a common characteristic, that is, dare to say "no", he will refuse to ask for unfavorable to himself, and will also refuse the unreasonable requests of others.
Only in this way will you save more time and energy to improve your business capabilities, so that you can make real progress in your work.
And although those so-called "old good people" seem to have won a good reputation, no matter who asks him to do things, he will not refuse, but in fact, he does not dare to refuse.
Such a person is often full of unconfidence in his heart, and he feels that once he rejects others, he will offend others and will face the situation of isolation and helplessness.
But they forget, never understand, do not dare to say no, not only will not let them win the favor of others, but will make others feel that let him do everything is taken for granted, over time, everyone will not only not be grateful to him, but will be very contemptuous of him.
The "good old man" usually has no principles of his own, even if what others ask him to do has violated his own principles, he will not resist; even if doing it will make him feel uncomfortable, or even hurt his own interests, he will not refuse.
Over time, such a person will become more and more miserable, suffering from others always using himself, suffering from his inability to do what he wants, and even suffering from why he always meets people who do not understand himself.
In fact, if he wants to understand, he will understand that the reason why others do not take him seriously is because of his connivance and lack of principle.
If you want others to value and respect yourself, you must learn to say "no", but also learn to protect your feelings and interests, when your self-confidence is revealed from the bones, others will begin to respect and look up to you.
02 Unprincipled giving causes others to take excessively
We are taught from an early age to be a kind person, to help those in need, to do what we can to help others, which is a manifestation of goodness.
But in real life, around us, there is such a person, they are actually very kind in their hearts, no matter who has difficulties, he wants to help, even if he does not have this ability, punch the swollen face and fill the fat man to help.
It is reasonable to say that such a person should finally gain more gratitude, and even the "spring of retribution" of others, but the real situation is that others do not think of him well at all, and even feel that he takes it for granted.
Once this person stops helping others, the other person will instead blame him and feel that he has become unkind, and all the good deeds he has done in the past are written off just because he stopped doing good deeds.
Artist Sun Li once sponsored a student when she was not very famous, and at that time she did not make much money, but she was also bent on doing good things and sponsoring students to continue to study.
Later, Sun Li's fame became greater, and this student began to be dissatisfied with what he had received, and he believed that since Sun Li had made more money, he should fund himself more, and even give himself more benefits.
After several requests, Sun Li refused to continue to fund him, so the student beat a rake and began to smear Sun Li everywhere.
Netizens who learned the truth undoubtedly sided with Sun Li, because a person who did not know gratitude was not worthy of sympathy.
We are very pleased that Sun Li can make such a timely stop loss choice, if she chooses to pay all the time, then the final result can only be the other party's more unrestrained demand, not only did not get the kind treatment she deserved, but will become the role that is hurt.
Some people want to be a kind person, which is a good thing, the original intention is also good, and pay is our first step towards kindness, but the payment is measured, in the face of unworthy people, we pay more is meaningless.
All good deeds should be attributed to being appreciated and treated well, not to be blamed and over-asked without conscience, so if you don't want your kindness to be treated badly, learn to give in a measured way.
We all hope that we can be treated kindly and respected, so we must first start from ourselves, draw a principle boundary, and protect ourselves in order to get the kindness we want.
END.