Text | Ginger Shuqing
father:
I had just finished dinner before I wrote this. When I was eating, eating and eating, I couldn't hold back tears, covered my face and cried, and your second daughter-in-law asked me what was wrong. I told him that I just saw on the computer a video of you sitting on the kang and pulling the erhu. Your mouth is slightly open, your attentive and serious expression is so real and kind, and your ears are always haunting the melody and your humming sound like a dream. Seeing my crying eyes and nose and red eyes, he comforted me a few words, and then sighed deeply and said, "Alas, our father has been gone for a full decade." After saying that, his eye circles were also red. Dad, we all miss you.
Dad, you left a lot of images and photos before you died, especially after your illness, which is first of all thanks to the times. Today, when my girlfriend colleague and I walked the dog in the community, they said that her mother did not leave too many images before she died, which became her lifelong regret. I only hate that at that time, the technology was not developed, the mobile phone was not yet popular, and I wanted to take a photo to go to the photo studio. Thinking of this, I suddenly felt that you who were far away in heaven must have begun to smile and squint again: "Look, how blessed I am." ”
Contentment, optimism, gratitude, and tolerance will always be the greatest asset you have left us. In the eyes of everyone who knows you well, you never ask for anyone, and you never want to add to the hectics of others. Children bring you water and rice, eat more, eat less, in your mouth, never more, no less, just right. During your illness, in order to relieve your pain, I put my head on your shoulder and asked you if you were comfortable? You squint your eyes, smile, and say pleasantly, "It's exciting!" But after a while, he said: "Don't press, just press your tired panic, rest, people are not finished according to their strength, people can't get used to it." "You are silent and taciturn, but every word you say is a pearl of words, you are not good at expressing, but every sentence you say has a connotation, which makes the listener sincerely admire and be convinced." You think of others all the time, even if you have wronged yourself. You are a person who never thinks enough and doesn't hurt enough.
In the days when you were lying on the kang after your illness, I chatted with you and said that you are great. You laugh and say, "How can you be a teacher and use words indiscriminately?" The word great must be used to describe Chairman Mao and Premier Zhou, who have made great achievements and whose merits are great, and they can be regarded as great. Your father and I have planted all my life, and I have not contributed anything, what is great? "But Daddy, you are the heaven of our family, you are the god in the hearts of the children, the shining points in you are worthy of our eternal pursuit and worship, maybe we study for a lifetime, and in the end it is not half as good as you."
On the second day of the first lunar month of this year, your little niece invited our three sisters and the other children of the family to dinner at Haidilao. Haidilao you may not know what it is, it is a very famous hot pot brand, there are many branches all over the country, our Zhangqiu store opened in the Harmony Mall. Of course, you don't know where Harmony Mall is, it was still a vacant lot when you left us. After you were just diagnosed with the disease, the eldest brother drove us to Laiwu to see where he had made his fortune, and when he came back, I asked the eldest brother to drive a corner to my current new home address - how worried I was that you would leave us before I could live in my new home. At that time, the off-plan house I bought was under construction, and I pointed to the new building that was being built and told you that this was my new home in the future. You stand on the side road in front of the building, look around, and say happily, "This place is good, close to the government." Following the government can never be wrong. ”
Your words are really golden. Now the community I am in has been basically completed, has become the largest and most luxurious park-style community in Zhangqiu, with a beautiful environment and high quality of residents, called "the place where rich people live" by our Zhangqiu people, Dad, you listen, your second daughter is also listed as a rich person in Zhangqiu, hey hey, are you proud? In particular, your second daughter-in-law also changed a new building with a better location and a larger area in this community the year before, just in the northeast corner of the building that I told you about before, near the east gate. When it was still a deserted slope, I thought: How nice it would be to buy a building here in the future, and lo and behold, it really came true. I once said to Babe: "People must have dreams and expectations in this life, and the happiness of life lies in the process of continuous realization of small wishes." "Dad, if I had a little hesitation and a lot of trouble, my new home now would be someone else's." Shuhong often said to me: "Don't look at your small things, big things are quite sharp." "Haha, although she stinks at me before she praises me, I'm still happy." In major matters, if you are indecisive and circuitous, why can you go forward on this day?
After talking for half a day, I still haven't explained where the Harmony Mall is, just two miles northeast of my new home where I live now, and it takes Babe and her father to drive me there for less than five minutes. By the way, Dad, in the third year after you left, I bought a sedan, the black Volkswagen of the German series, with a sturdy body, and a good match for its proprietor, your steady and generous second-daughter-in-law. In the same year, Shuhong drove our family of three to the Zhangdian Pet Market to buy back the Chihuahua Tintin, because Babe has always wanted a puppy, Ding Ding is small and cute, handsome nose and handsome eyes, everyone praises it handsome, if you want to be there, you will definitely praise it handsome. Worried that we went to work and was alone at home, she found a teddy girl to accompany her. In November 2020, your little niece found me a blue cat group, and the hairy children were cute and cute. There are many small animals in the house, cleaning is definitely a problem, this work is basically contracted by your second daughter-in-law and son-in-law, he is diligent and capable, people see people praise, others praise me for my blessings. If you're here, if you praise him, he may behave better, and I'll be more blessed.
During dinner at Haidilao in Harmony Mall, we talked about you in small talk. We remember this moment in the year you left. Since the ten years since you left, as soon as you enter the first month, the hearts of the family will reflexively remember the situation ten years ago - the mother with waist pain lies on the east side of the big kang, and the stomach cancer you lie on the west side of the big kang, what a bleak and sad, unforgettable years.
At that time, Shuhong's factory was in the midst of being demolished. Mother's illness, the fate of the tree red factory, the double blow makes you who are not good at talking become more silent, you have never seen upset before, but just before your illness in 2011, my sister said that I always saw you anxious from time to time. At your funeral, your mother, who has been pampered by you all her life, cried and said to the fellow villagers that it was her illness that scared you to death, and in front of your tombstone, Shuhong cried and said that if it were not for these disasters and disasters in her factory, you would not have left us so quickly. Father, in the face of your departure, relatives are constantly remorseful and self-blame, if you are still there, you will certainly smile and squint and repeat this sentence: "Where do people eat grains that do not grow sick?" There is no feast under the heavens, and compared to your grandfather, I can live to be 80 years old and should be satisfied. ”
When we ate at Haidilao, we all remembered your illness bit by bit, talking and talking, everyone was blindfolded with tears, covered their faces and cried, and finally they couldn't cry. You don't easily criticize your children, but if you were still there, you would have criticized us that day: "What are you doing crying and crying for the New Year's Day, tell you that I am not allowed to cry and be sad after I leave!" That would hurt your body. ”
Dad, what I want to tell you is that in addition to our crying that day, in addition to the sadness and thoughts of you leaving us, it is more the heartache and emotion brought to us by your strength. When I saw the big pool of black and red that you vomited from your stomach to the spittoon, I couldn't help but cry loudly, but you comforted me and said, "Don't cry, Shuqing, I don't feel bad." "When on the fifteenth night of the first month, I stuffed your favorite tangyuan into your tongue, which you could no longer bend, you, who were already delirious, said vaguely, "Delicious." "Daddy, that's your favorite dumpling, but did you swallow it?" You don't! I know that you must have tried your best to swallow that dumpling, because you will never refuse any kindness from each of our children, because you have always known that to cooperate with us is to respect us, because you will never bear to disappoint us. However, in the end, on the last Lantern Festival you left in the Yang, you failed to swallow the tangyuan that your daughter fed you your favorite, Dad, do you know how much our hearts hurt? In order to make up for the regrets, every year before the grave and your death day, your sister will bring you tangyuan, as well as your favorite candy snacks, and your sister will prepare you every time.
You said that the three of us girls have their own advantages: the old man cooks, the second loves to pull, and the old man is good at driving. If you are not to say that you are great, you have summed it up in a real way. Every time I went to see you at the grave, the meals I took were made by my sister. Other people's graves pay attention to the sacrifices to be several styles, but our family does not pay attention to these, because we feel that if according to the old rules, we can't get all the things you love to eat, especially what you didn't eat before you died, we must let you taste. So we can take as much as we can, as well as burn paper, we are also a bundle of more can burn more, you can't eat and spend it on the other side to help the difficult households, right? Didn't you always have compassion for poor poor people when you were alive? Now I often hear about the second generation of officials and the second generation of rich people, and I once said in front of your tombstone: "I have not been the second generation of officials and rich second generations in my life, and we must let you be a "rich father" over there." If you are rich in heaven, our days on earth will flourish. My sister and Shuhong praised me well.
I feel sad when it comes to the fact that you haven't eaten or seen it, because I think you left too early and many of your wishes haven't been fulfilled yet. For example, a brand-name hot pot like Haidilao, you don't know what it tastes like. When you fly and watch the clouds drift around you, you don't know how it feels. Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Jiangnan, Suzhou and other metropolises are so brilliant and colorful that you have never witnessed. You are a person who likes to travel, but the embarrassment of life limits your hobbies. I have led you to Pu Songling's former residence in the third year after marriage, and I have also taken you to the Sanwangyu Scenic Area, and I feel great satisfaction and satisfaction when I see the curious, inquiring and focused eyes that you reveal everywhere you go. You never let your child down, you know what to do is the best way to conform to the child's filial piety, because you know that as long as you conform to the child's filial piety, you will let the child be satisfied, let the child feel comfortable, and respect the child.
However, Dad, we have too few opportunities to take you out to play, when you were just found out sick, I had discussed with Shuhong that I wanted to take you to a plane, maybe you are weak and you really don't want to leave, just say"Let's not go in the cold winter moon, right?" We'll go again when the flowers bloom in the spring." But who knows, before the spring blossoms, you left us on the sixteenth day of the cold and bone-chilling first month of 2012. Wise you already know that your illness will not last long, and that you are only a gentle procrastination, for fear that a direct rejection will hurt our hearts.
Dad, you are too wise, too far-sighted. When diagnosed as a bad disease by the local hospital, we were like thunder, holding back tears and hiding that we took you to the Qilu Hospital in the provincial city to confirm the diagnosis again, hoping that the results would change well. Because the illness is nearly the most advanced stage, and you are old, the doctor told us that there is no need for surgery, but this makes you silently wait for death to come, and our hearts are as unbearable as the bite of a bug. People's survival instincts generally take surgery as the only straw to save their lives, maybe surgery can keep daddy? Maybe Dad is willing to have surgery? Therefore, in the entanglement of helplessness, we go to seek your opinion, perhaps the clever you already know that the operation is meaningless to your disease, so you resolutely made a decision: "Whether the disease is good or bad, resolutely do not operate!" Let's go home and raise it! "Father, do you know how wise and decided to reassure our children?" Do you know how entangled, sad and sad their children are in the most advanced stages of terminal illness and have to clamor for that pointless operation? Know! You know everything! You know even more that your children have always been filial piety, and you are afraid of being difficult for your children, so you have made that decision categorically, and you cannot change it, Dad, you are so distressed about us, you are not letting your children suffer at all.
As the saying goes: Wise man is speechless, Father, these four words are so appropriate to you. You understand everything in your heart, but in the face of our strong smile, gentle explanation, white lies, never exposed. You obediently cooperated, gently and calmly chatted with us: talk about my grandparents I have never met, talk about your childhood with my aunt, talk about how you went to the northeast, talk about your apprentices and colleagues who work in the Wuqi Factory to help our family work, talk about when you took me to the Wuqi Factory, I obediently danced and sang to my uncles and aunts, and they bought me white-faced steamed buns to eat. Talk about my grandparents, talk about your and my mother's acquaintances, the days after marriage, talk about when we were young, usually you were busy volunteering to make new clothes for other people's children. And our new clothes are only waiting until Chinese New Year's Eve evening when you start to make them, and when you're done, you put them on the cotton pants. Talk about the hardships of you to find that life-saving Chinese medicine for my mother, talk about how you led the members to work to tell them stories when you were the captain of the production team, talk about how much tired your sister has suffered since childhood, let's not forget your sister, talk about how you helped your eldest brother and Shuhong make gadgets for opening a shop, talk about how you helped the second brother draw drawings when he was in school in Beijing, talk about the twenty-eighth of the month, you led me to catch the New Year's fair, I fell off the back seat of the bike and didn't know how to cry, talked about the character of your aunt and daughter-in-law, told us whether it was between husband and wife or colleagues, Friends must be tolerant and humble, talk about being a person must know gratitude, do good deeds and accumulate virtue, talk about the future development of grandchildren, talk about the future life arrangements of your mother, tell us that the obedient are filial piety, don't always expect to change your temper - you are like a nagging in the two months of leaving Qilu Hospital on weekdays, saying endlessly, even in the last few days of your life, you never forget your father's duties, arrange everything after your death for the children: you tell us that as long as you feel uncomfortable in the future, you will immediately go to see, You told Shuhong and your brother-in-law that no matter how difficult and bitter the factory is, you can't owe a penny on credit to the workers, you also tell us: People will not be smooth sailing in this life, no matter what disasters they encounter, they must straighten their chests and run forward, you tell your sister: When you leave, where are the wooden planks and adobes that support your body at the funeral, where are the straws taken, you let me put your photos on the kang, put them in front of you, and choose the photos used in the spiritual hall, you said that when the time comes, others will come to mourn, the whole beautiful photo, It will not lose face to the family.
Especially me and my second brother, both are public families, and when the people in the unit come to pay tribute, it looks good. You told your sister that in the future, when you go to the grave, you will often cultivate new soil on the grave and pull up wild grass, and even, you tell us that when you are about to breathe, you must be farther away from you, you are afraid that the breath is poisonous, worried about hurting us - Daddy, I usually never see you ask us, but just a few days after you are about to die, you have made so many requests, because, all of this, except for entrusting others, you can no longer do it - Daddy, who can keep up with you? Who can match your strength? You are not great who is great? You said you wouldn't let us think or cry after you left, but you told us, how to do it? We can control it-------
You lost your father and your family were poor, and your aunt lived a single-door life on your grandmother's door with an eye disease, but who in the village would bear to look down on you? Your wisdom and wisdom, your low-key humility, your tolerance and kindness, your kindness and selflessness, your charity, your gentleness and easy-going, your strong righteousness, your foresight - all of them deeply infect the people around you, how many households have you made such as spike cars, small electric mills, pestles and other household tools? Who can say clearly? At your funeral, the relatives and neighbors who came to mourn were all sad and tearful, and they comforted us with these words: "Your father is a good man." ”
You and my mother-in-law sang along with the woman, and the piano was harmonious, painting a simple and happy emotional picture for our five children. In this beautiful and harmonious relationship, you play the most role. Remember when I gave you and your mom a year-end rating? I gave you a higher score than your mother, saying that I wanted to give you the biggest red flower, and my mother actually cried like a child, and you laughed and said, "Give the big red flower to your mother, your mother should get the highest score." "You spoiled and loved my mother all my life!" You made all three of our daughters envious of how my mother could be so blessed to find a man who made her feel comfortable! I was touched by your relationship with your mother, and as early as the summer vacation of 2001, I began to write your love story. When I wrote about 3,000 words, along with the sudden collapse of the computer system, the words placed on the computer desktop were also lost. Words such a thing is a fleeting spark of inspiration, once lost and then recovered is too difficult, I have told you this chagrin, you advise me not to be discouraged, said wait for inspiration to write.
At that time, I also vowed to write it out and read it to you as soon as possible, because I enjoyed your praise for me, and I was fascinated by your proud tone and smiling Mimi when you praised me as a "noma girl". However, it was not until the year before 2020 that I wrote "Poor Boy Marries Rich Girl", and at this time, it has been eight spring and autumn since you left us. Since you left, I have deeply felt that the greatest sorrow in the world is that the son wants to be raised and does not wait. I put the article published in the book in front of your tombstone, Dad, did you see it?
Dad, please forgive me for calling you a poor boy in the text, when I first learned to write, I didn't think that it was the most appropriate topic to give the article, and then the father of my girlfriend colleague - like to read books and newspapers, the thoughtful Uncle Yu suggested that it would be more appropriate to call you a poor boy after reading the article, and I also felt that this title was full of respect and respect than the poor boy. I have to study hard, especially from the elderly. I have always felt that nothing can compete with time and history. All those who have gone through years and time, no matter who or what they do, are the most worthy of reverence and respect.
Dad, although your family is poor and poor, you are rich and intelligent. If the connotation and cultivation can also be measured by money and wealth, you are the real wealth (talent) master. You always say that the poor you married the rich mother is lucky to climb high, and we feel that it is not you who climbed my mother, but my mother who is high on you. Your connotation and cultivation cannot be bought with much money. So whatever you say, I really shouldn't call you a poor boy, don't be angry?
Dad, in the ten years since you left, the country has undergone earth-shaking changes, and now China's status in the world is high, thanks to the leadership of the party and the good policies of the country. Just by looking at the current development of the epidemic, we know that in the face of major disasters and disasters, we are still the most bullish in China. There are many international analysts who say that the non-Oriental Chinese dragon that will control the world in the future is the only one, because the nature of our Chinese is kind and mellow, which corresponds to your sentence: Honest people are always there! Now every village has become clean and beautiful, especially the construction of "village and village, road and road" has hardened the streets and alleys in the village. By the way, on this topic I also wrote a traffic essay won a third prize, people say that my article is well written, especially the name, I am quite proud, called "Twenty-nine Years of Marriage Road", you listen, both in line with the theme and in line with my reality, is not bad?
The year before, after I wrote the love story of you and your mother, I joined the Zhangqiu Writers Association, and this year I joined the Jinan Writers Association, most of the texts I wrote in the past two years are family and family affection, I turned our family's spike car, small electric mill, pestle head these three heirlooms into words, counted as a big wish of mine, these three heirlooms are condensed with your wisdom and painstaking efforts, when writing with admiration and miss for you, so writing on the tears, people said that if you want to let the words move others first have to move themselves, the brother-in-law said to Shuhong: Looking at our second sister's article is laughing and shedding tears", and many people say that the words I write often "poke at their tears", for this reason, I am very pleased. The feeling that one's own words can be appreciated and resonated by others is like the praise of one's own hard-earned child, not to mention how comfortable it is in my heart. Dad, you can rest assured, I will stop being arrogant and impatient, and continue to work hard.
With the development of the country, the changes in our family are also huge. First of all, everyone in the family is in good health, that is, I did a breast surgery the year before I didn't grow up, which made the whole family uneasy, right, my mother doesn't know now, she is older, don't report good news to her, we don't tell her. My illness is good because of your and my mother's protection, everything is safe. You bless us in heaven, my mother prays to us all day on earth, what a blessed child we are. Now our whole family is all right, by September this year, my mother will be ninety, and now she is physically strong, this is all your credit, Dad, your stoic and selfless temperament is to go to heaven is still the same, but where you are selfish, you may have called my mother to accompany you, but you would rather be alone in heaven, but protect my mother to wait around the children to enjoy happiness and joy, but let us children be "mother's treasure". You love your mother, you hurt your children even more, how can we not be distressed and revered by a father like you?
Now that everything is well in the house, let me say it briefly: your granddaughter and granddaughter-in-law are both teaching in the army, standard big officers, and majestic. The little baby born is smart and cute, and everyone praises it, which has a lot to do with the fact that your granddaughter will educate her children. Your eldest niece was promoted to vice president of the bank last year, she is quiet and calm, her popularity is excellent, everywhere she goes, people are praised, and it is only natural that two good people like my sister and brother-in-law can give birth to such a girlfriend. The eldest niece and son-in-law is a leader in the town office, in charge of several villages, very busy all day, in the end is an honest and generous person, doing a very good job. The two baby girls born are obedient and well-behaved, the big one goes to primary school, the learning is excellent, the small one is also in kindergarten, lively and cute, the two children love to live in the grandmother's house, which has a lot to do with the sister's personality, we all agree that the sister is the most like your child, whether it is the brain IQ or temperament personality, are like. Sister's little daughter - your little niece has not yet found a partner, everything in the sister's family eats and drinks, she is all-inclusive, Babe often said: "If you say according to the happiness index, the happiness index of the aunt's family is the highest." "My little niece took my sister to eat all the major gourmet restaurants in Zhangqiu, which she used at home and wore. Your nephew married his daughter-in-law last year, the daughter-in-law is beautiful and sensible, and the relationship with the mother-in-law in the tree red place is harmonious, and the tree red has no daughter, and there is also a girl. Now the nephew is still in the army, waiting for two years after the third term of non-commissioned officers to be ready to retire and work at home. Through the struggle, Bei Bei finally got her wish last year into CITIC Securities, stayed in the Beijing headquarters, just like you said, she is better than me, is a small girl, she often calls her grandmother and grandmother, my mother said who if you look for her can be regarded as an open eye, but so far, has not met the eyes of the open eyes, you also take care of the point in heaven, let her find the satisfactory in-laws as soon as possible. She knows that I like to dress up like my mother, and she has bought me more high-end clothes, and I am quite expensive to dress up, so that I live in a honeypot every day.
The eldest brother, sister, second brother, me, Shuhong's life and work are all going well, sisters-in-law, brother-in-law and brother-in-law are also in good health, everything is fine, you can rest assured.
Dad, I have written down all these things that my grandfather pulled, according to common sense thinking, to give these words a title should be called "A Letter to the Father in Heaven" or "Tenth Anniversary Sacrifice Text" or "Commemoration of the Father" and so on, we are not so cheesy, let's call it "and Daddy La la". You once said that I am good at pulling, you like to listen to me talk to you the most, you have been away from us for ten years, although I also read a lot when I went to your grave, but in my opinion, the words are always more thoughtful and perfect than the language, so on this special day of the ten years after you left us, I will write some words to commemorate it. Just said, most of the words I write are written about my family, write about my mother, write about my in-laws, write about my children, write about my sister, brother, sister, I have not yet written a complete one for you, I can't be biased, each has one, I am at ease, although I know, even if I don't write it for you, you will never complain if you don't argue.
Father, there is another matter, before you died, you told me not to bury the erhu you bought in the grave, saying that I would keep it as a souvenir in the future, but I did not listen to you, so that the erhu accompanied you with the songbook you often read. You don't blame me, do you? I just want you to play happily and sing happily in heaven as well.
Dad, although I know that you can see everything in heaven, but let me talk to you about it, this feeling is still different, right? Okay, let's stop there. Dad, rest and wish you all the best in heaven.
Second daughter on February 11, 2022 (11th lunar month)
About the author: Jiang Shuqing, senior middle school teacher, member of Jinan Writers Association, Zhangqiu Writers Association, like literature and music, love to use words to record people and things around him, many articles have won awards and been published by newspapers and new media.
In January 2012, his father pulled erhu at home and died a month later
Before his death, my father read the author's homework notebooks for students to mark in the author's office
In December 2011, after being told by Qilu Hospital that the operation was hopeless, the author went through the discharge procedures, and the author accompanied his father to Jinan Quancheng Square, which he had never seen before (his father died two months later).
In December 2011, my father was hospitalized in Qilu Hospital and died two months later
One point number Shandong financial literature