Author | Fan Deng Reading · Dream leaf
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Xia Han
What do you want your child to look like when they're 18?
On February 8, Almighty Girl Gu Ailing showed us her 18-year-old and stunned the world.
At the age of 18, she is calm and brave to challenge in the world's eye-catching arena.
With a difficult move that no girl has ever challenged in history, she won the first women's snow gold medal in Chinese history, setting a new record.
What is even more amazing is that skiing is not the whole of Gu Ailing's life, but only one of her areas of expertise.
She knows piano, equestrianism, ballet, likes to run, swim, and is also the darling of the fashion industry, not only appearing on the cover of many international magazines, but also appearing in many big name advertisements.
In addition, Gu Ailing's studies have never been delayed, she is a full-time high school student, ending her high school courses a year early.
He scored 1580 points in the SAT of the College Entrance Examination for American high school students with a score of 1600 points, and was admitted to Stanford University.
The all-round Gu Ailing is called a top idol by netizens, how did she cultivate such an excellent one?
The glory of all this is inseparable from the "rabbit mother" Gu Yan in her mouth.
Today, Readers share the story between their mother and daughter.
After reading Ms. Gu Yan's 6 sentences, perhaps we can find her educational secrets.
In a news interview after winning the gold medal at the Olympics, Gu Ailing said that after the second jump, she called her mother, who suggested that safety should be the mainstay and go to get a silver medal.
But she still chose to challenge the new move, sliding to her 100 percent best.
Mom saw her determination and did not stop her anymore, but said:
"Well, the final choice is yours, this is your game, so I still hope you enjoy it."
Let the child challenge a difficult action that has never been challenged in the competition, as a mother, Gu Yan is undoubtedly extremely worried about Gu Ailing's safety.
But in the face of Gu Ailing's insistence, she did not argue with reason, nor did she force her daughter to follow her ideas.
Instead, choose to support her, let her try, and enjoy her game.
As a mother, she only had to do it now: to win, to cheer with her; to fail, to bear with her.
It is precisely with her mother's trust that Gu Ailing will have the courage to challenge herself continuously, not afraid of difficulties, not afraid of failure, and show the world the best of herself.
In the book "Sense of Security", it is written:
"The greatest happiness in life is the belief that there is someone who will always love us behind our backs."
For children, parents are the best candidates.
The pure love of their parents will make them more confident in facing the external world and more confident in exploring the world.
Because no matter how high he flies and how badly he falls, there will be a warm embrace waiting for him.
There is such a story in the documentary.
It was the winter of Gu Ailing's thirteen-year-old, and when it was time for school on Friday, her mother came to pick her up on time.
They had to drive together to Lake Tahoe, 300 kilometers away, for training.
The road is covered with snow on both sides, the cold outside the car is forced, and the two people in the car are warmly accompanied.
For Mom and Gu Ailing, the 300-kilometer rush and 4-hour drive are not accidental.
From the age of three to thirteen, every weekend and holiday, they have walked this road for ten snow seasons.
From the age of three to the current eighteen,000 years old, Gu Ailing's study and training have been accompanied by her mother, and Gu Yan's efforts and hardships are obvious.
But Gu Yan never said her hard work to her daughter, asked for her daughter's gratitude, and let her daughter return her efforts.
She said: "You don't have to thank me when you grow up, you don't owe me, I should thank you." ”
Skiing was originally Gu Yan's own interest, and now her daughter is better than her.
The two of them can enjoy the world of ice and snow together, and they have more fun because of their daughter's company.
In the time when her daughter grew up, she never felt that her daughter owed herself, and this gratitude also let us see the respect of mothers for their daughters.
I once saw such a sentence in the article:
In family education, there are two extremely terrible things, called the sense of giving and the sense of sacrifice.
There are many parents who often say this to their children:
I have paid so much for you, you have to reach the goal to be worthy of me;
If it wasn't for you, my life would be much better now.
Parents, the feeling that children owe themselves, will be transmitted to the children through the parents' words and behaviors, so that the children feel guilty.
This feeling of guilt can create emotional blackmail on the child, depriving the child of a sense of security and making them uneasy.
Eventually, they may change in order to please their parents, but more children will sink into their own guilt and consume themselves.
There must be hardship in raising children, and this hard work is not what children owe us, and in the process of accompanying children to grow up, we also become better selves.
Let's thank our children for giving us the opportunity to be their parents.
Gu Ailing's family is a proper school bully family.
My mother graduated from Peking University and Stanford, my father graduated from Harvard University, and my grandfather also graduated from Stanford University.
From an early age, she aspired to attend Stanford University.
At this time, Gu Yan would always tell her:
You don't have to go to Stanford, just go to your favorite school.
Most importantly, don't give up on learning for the rest of your life.
What a wise sentence to give the child full decision-making power while telling the child the concept of lifelong learning.
There is no doubt that children who are lifelong learning are able to continuously reach their potential, have a higher motivation to learn, and believe that they are capable of achieving their goals.
Going to college is a stage of life, and lifelong learning and scientific learning concepts will affect a child's life.
Obviously, Gu Ailing also lived up to her mother's teachings, and she achieved her childhood goals.
In the book "100 Years of Life", it is mentioned:
Human life expectancy is increasing rapidly, everyone may live to a hundred years old, the traditional three-stage life - school, work, retirement will be doomed;
A multi-stage life is about to appear, self-renewal and good at accepting new things will become everyone's primary survival skills;
All those who are stuck in their own ways and are unwilling to learn for life will be abandoned by the times.
As Gu Ailing said: "I will do a lot of things in the future." ”
I believe that the concept of not giving up learning in her mother's life will accompany her for a lifetime and benefit her for life.
While actively preparing for the Olympic Games, Gu Ailing was interviewed by China News Agency.
In the interview, Gu Ailing mentioned:
When I'm playing, I just have to think about my own movements and skate seriously, and I don't need to think about coaches and other contestants.
My mom always said that ski training should be like a race, and when it's a race, it should be like training.
Training is like a game, when playing is like training, a simple sentence, but it contains philosophy.
Treat every training as a competition, prepare carefully, and strictly require you to practice excellent skills;
Relax your mindset during important games, adjust your state, and don't let the atmosphere of the game affect your performance.
Only with strong psychological quality can we have a stable and excellent performance.
In our daily lives, many things have the same truth.
For example, when studying, only when the child takes each practice question seriously can he avoid too many mistakes during the exam;
And when you adjust your mentality during the exam, don't be nervous and not anxious, you can play an extraordinary role.
You usually have to focus on your efforts to look effortless at key moments; if you lift a heavy weight at key moments, you will not suffer from gains and losses.
Ten years offstage, one minute on stage.
Ten years of polishing and a minute of excitement are indispensable elements of success, let us tell this truth to the children.
Gu Yan said of her educational philosophy:
From Gu Ailing's teachers, I heard two ideas, one of which was to praise them less for their intelligence and more praise for their efforts.
She has always insisted on doing this, and the way the mother praises the child has a great influence on Gu Ailing.
Although most netizens call Gu Ailing a talented girl, she herself does not think so.
"Excellence is more about hard work, a balanced distribution of time and a self-disciplined lifestyle," she said. ”
Obviously, such a recognition will promote Gu Ailing to constantly surpass himself.
As Carol Dweck, a professor of developmental psychology at Stanford University, has been proving over a decade of research:
Children who are often praised for their intelligence are prone to falling into "fixed thinking", while children who are often praised for their efforts will have a "growth mindset".
Dweck argues that:
Praising children for their hard work will make children think that success is in their own hands;
Praising children for being smart is tantamount to telling them that success is out of their control, and that they will be helpless when they fail.
Parents should learn to praise their children in the right way, be good at discovering every effort in the process of their children's growth, and help their children develop a growth-oriented thinking mode.
Appreciative education convinces children that they have unlimited potential and that they can get better.
Gu Yan believes that the best family education is for parents to lead by example.
She said: "I have loved to play since I was a child, that is, words are not as good as teaching by example. ”
She likes poetry and chess to draw and she does it herself, and then she creates an atmosphere.
The child will join if she wants to, and if the child does not want to, you do not have to force her.
Gu Yan is an authentic Beijing girl who studied at Peking University.
In college, she was a member of the Peking University Short Track Speed Skating Team and a ski instructor.
He later studied in the United States, pursued an MBA at Stanford Graduate School of Business, and later worked on Wall Street.
Her mother is a ski instructor, providing Gu Ailing with the opportunity to contact skiing from an early age, and she has been practicing skiing skills in the snow since she was three years old;
Mom was a graduate of Stanford University, so Stanford University became her goal for college.
As Dong Qing said:
What kind of person you want your child to be, it's very simple, you want to be what kind of person.
A parent who is addicted to mobile phones cannot cultivate a child who loves to read;
A parent who always complains about life cannot raise an optimistic and grateful child.
Instead of exhausting the energy behind their children, parents should do their best to improve themselves.
The best look in your life is the brightest light in your child's growth.
The growth of every child needs the guidance of parents, and the excellence of every child needs the support of parents.
Perhaps, Gu Ailing's excellence is difficult to replicate, but we can learn how Gu Yan gets along with her children.
Treat your children with tolerance, give them pure love and full trust, and your efforts will also make your children shine with his own light!
Click "Watching" and encourage the book friends.
Author | Dream Leaf, a lifelong writer, talk about education with words, write about life, and grow up with you.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Stone Piano - you don't have to worry
Image | The pictures in this article come from the Internet, and are invaded and deleted
References |
1. Tencent documentary "Gu Ailing: I, 18"
2. World Wide Web, interviewed by China News Agency