Text | Rice grain mother
Two years ago, there was a case of driving into a father that shocked the Chinese community in the United States.
It was a girl named Jenna, she was only 17 years old at that time, figure skating, Xueba, Stanford, every label, all shining, it was simply a replica of Gu Ailing.
Such an excellent child, actually slammed on the gas pedal and impulsively crashed into his father who was blocking the car ...
Although his father was not life-threatening, he was seriously injured, leaving permanent sequelae. This incident left the girl without aura overnight, and she was in a lawsuit, and Stanford also removed her.
Two years have passed, and recently there is an update on her. She transferred from community college to the University of Southern California as a sophomore and is now studying hard and interning on a program offered by JPMorgan Chase.
But her once favorite figure skating, she should say goodbye to it completely.
Goddess of school
Jenna has been a "child of others" since she was a child, with excellent grades and beautiful appearance, and in the figure skating arena of "aristocratic sports", she is like a little swan with flapping wings, and was once regarded as the "future star of Chinese figure skating".
At the age of 10, Jenna set foot on figure skating for the first time. In the past four years, she has competed in major competitions and won numerous awards.
The 14-year-old Jenna represented the Guangzhou Arctic Figure Skating Club at the National Junior Skating Championships in the United States, where she finished 12th.
When he was 17 years old, he also received an invitation letter from Stanford University in the United States.
Such an excellent scholar, no matter how you look at it, is a goddess-like existence, and the future is limitless. But what happened at the age of 17 became a major turning point in her life, and after being rejected by a prestigious school, her life plummeted.
That afternoon, Jenna and her 50-year-old father had a heated argument. In a fit of rage, she drove away from home. Unexpectedly, my father made a super crazy move: jumped up and lay on her hood to stop her.
Jenna was inspired by her father's actions to rebel, and directly slammed on the gas pedal to accelerate, knocking her father in front of her into the air!
Mother Migrain saw the operation of this father and daughter, and really felt that there was a problem with both of them.
A normal father will never intercept his daughter in an extreme way by jumping on the hood, and a normal daughter, seeing her father so crazy, will inevitably stop and turn off the fire, and will not crash into her father in a frenzy ...
What was originally just a family quarrel directly caused irreversible serious injuries, and when Jenna received a court lawsuit, Stanford University also withdrew her acceptance letter.
Although this matter is too much for Jenna no matter how you look at it, it seems that under the exterior of an angel, there is a devil's soul hidden. People scorned her, and she set up a collapse and became the target of everyone.
But in fact, the way father and daughter deal with problems is exactly the same. All are violent, extreme impulsive, reckless.
This similar style of acting is most likely due to genetics, after all, the strength of genes is well known, and everyone will carry the shadow of their parents throughout their lives, whether you want to or not.
In addition, acquired education and the edification of the original family atmosphere are the key factors in the formation of children's personality.
It can be said that Jenna's impulse is not accidental, it is a certain inevitability, just like many children admitted to prestigious schools, they have excellent brains, are top students, are elites, but under the influence of their original family, they can still play a good card thin.
The native family of the figure skating girl
Later, the incident became so big that the local prosecutor came to the house to investigate, and learned that Jenna's family had reported to the police more than a dozen times, and each time involved arguments, quarrels and even violent clashes.
Neighbors also said that the family often quarreled about whether Jenna should continue to learn figure skating or continue to pay high training fees.
Figure skating is a particularly money-burning sport, and ordinary middle-class income cannot support high training costs.
Jenna's father is a software engineer at a car company, and although his income is considerable, it is really difficult to cope with this aristocratic sport.
Rice grain mother was previously in this article: "What is more terrible than poverty?" This movie tells you with the life experience of the heroine! Tanya Harding, the figure skating girl she writes about, is particularly similar to Jenna.
Tanya fell in love with skating at the age of 4, which can be said to be a genetic talent. Her poor family, her strange mother was full of foul language, and all she was taught was to ruthlessly belittle, curse and suppress her self-esteem in the name of her good (isn't this PUA).
When her mother brought 4-year-old Tanya to the coach, the coach did not want to accept her because of her family's poverty.
But she shocked the coach with her wonderful skills like mutation, so the coach decided to admit her out of the ordinary.
This is where Tanya's career began.
How strange is her mother? That's really weird, how weird.
She would teach Tanya to spit in the milk of classmates who questioned her;
She didn't allow her to talk to her classmates because they were competitors;
During training, she was not allowed to go to the bathroom because every penny she spent had to be spent on training, so much so that Tanya peed her pants while training.
Even when scolding his daughter, the more he scolded, the more vigorous he became, and he threw throwing knives directly at his daughter.
Race after race, Tanya went technically and crushed the game, but the score was lower than that of the fallen fighter.
She angrily asked the judges for theory, but the answer was: "The criteria for scoring are not only technology, but also the taste and grade of clothing, she is far from enough." ”
She comes from a poor family of rude violence, and her race costumes are all made by herself. Her aesthetic taste is fancy and tacky, and the music she chooses is all rock music.
Her movements are more than rough and feminine, and the coach just can't see it.
But Tanya's rival, Nancy Kerrigan, was as modest as a princess.
When she was preparing for the Olympics with Tanya in '94, she even had her own private skating rink.
Although Tanya can do the difficult "three-and-a-half-week jump", it lacks the advanced artistic expression of Nancy, so it still cannot win.
Jenna is like another version of Tanya, although her family conditions are much better, but her father's income is a drop in the bucket for paying for high training costs.
First of all, it depends on crowdfunding to maintain training, which makes her skating career full of uncertainty; Secondly, the whole family always quarrels for training, and in this family environment, don't say train well, even the minimum of talking well and getting along well can't be done.
Strong parents and twisted children
The rude and gifted Tanya Harding, who lacked love since he was a child, did not receive care from his native family.
She hated her mother, wanted to run away from her mother, and refuted her mother countless times in her heart. But she became more and more like her mother.
It's a lot like the grumpy Jenna, who has been arguing with her irascible father, but she has also unconsciously become like her father.
Daniel Siegel, MD, Harvard University, points out in his book Parenting from the Inside Out:
Childhood experiences shape our brains, largely determine the way we think, and later influence the way we behave in our intimate relationships and the way we educate our children.
When introducing the book "Behavior", teacher Wan Weigang mentioned the concept of "warrior gene".
For the average person, this gene is hardly expressed. But people who have lived a difficult life since childhood and often face threats have this gene that makes them violent and show more aggressive behavior in adulthood.
After turning on the warrior gene, there is a loving environment and educational support that will make them change; On the contrary, indifference and contempt will make matters worse.
Because Tanya's husband violently framed her opponent, rich female player Nancy Kerrigan, Tanya was imprisoned and banned for life.
After her release from prison, Tanya went to boxing for a living, and the bloody sport seemed more suitable for her, she said: "Anyway, I am already so familiar with violence." ”
What a poignant sentence!
Like Jenna, who crashed into her father, never touched her skates again, and completely gave up her figure skating dream. It was not material poverty that ruined her dream, but the violence and imbalance in education, which devastated her psychologically.
Remember the Wu Xie Yu mother-killer case? Wu Xieyu, a student admitted to Peking University, personally killed his mother, who cultivated his talent, with cruel means, and he was also sentenced to death.
Recently, a "Japanese version of Wu Xieyu" broke out, this girl named Xiaoxi killed her mother with her own hands, and posted on the Internet: "Finally defeated the monster, you can be at ease from now on." ”
Xiaoxi's daily routine is to bear her mother's disgust and count every second, from getting up to eating, all the time.
Mothers often say:
"Why are you so stupid! Don't hurry up and work hard! ”
This is very similar to Tanya Harding's mother's repressive education.
She firmly believes that such high pressure must be maintained so that her daughter can successfully achieve success.
After that, she felt that verbal reminders were not enough, and the supervision of Xiaoxi's study must be "all-round without dead ends", so she ordered Xiaoxi to be with herself when bathing, and not allowed to bathe alone.
However, under such high pressure, Xiaoxi still failed the college entrance examination.
When her mother found out, she was very angry, and her oppression of Xiaoxi went further, she asked Xiaoxi to repeat her studies and must be admitted to medical school, forcing her to prick her finger with a needle and write on the paper with her bleeding hand, "Study hard, you will pass the exam".
When she killed her mother, Xiaoxi was 31 years old. Her personality and psychology have long been distorted under the high pressure of her original family, and have led herself and her mother to a dead end.
The education of the original family has a lifelong impact on children. This is often not related to the child's academic performance, it guides the child's behavioral logic, bad education, is likely to make the child even if he climbs to the top, he will fall fiercely.
Just like the former college entrance examination champion who gnawed at home for 9 years and was sent to a psychiatric hospital by his parents 4 times, what happened to him? The boy Liu Qi, he has the IQ of the college entrance examination champion, graduated from a prestigious school, and should have a bright future no matter how you look at it.
However, after graduation, he repeatedly hit a wall, and then simply went home to lie flat and gnaw on the old man for 9 years. The most shocking thing is that Liu Qi was forcibly sent to a psychiatric hospital by his parents four times in the past 9 years.
The reason is also because of his parents' strong education, which interferes in all his decisions, so that his character has problems.
The wrong education of the original family, the child may have to spend a lifetime to heal. Without knowing it, children's life paths will be guided to the wrong path because of wrong values. When I wanted to look back, I realized that I had gone too far. Jenna ruined her dream of a prestigious school, and she was afraid that she would have to start again in her future life.
The child is a mirror of the parents. Driving into the father, there is a rebellious side of adolescence, but in the final analysis, the whole family fails to tolerate each other and does not know how to talk well; When you encounter a problem, the solution is caused by endless arguments.
Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.