To yourself
In fact, what torments you is not anyone's desperate feelings, but the expectations you have always had fantasies about. Instead of missing a disease, it is better to give deep regret to the years, and one day those obstacles that you can't cross will be filled in as you walk. What can't be forgotten is memory, and going on is life...
If you feel too tired, just sleep well, don't blame yourself too much, I know, you have worked very hard to get to the present, you have been great.
New year, come on!