Wen 丨 Qingxin Junyue
Zhang Ailing's "The Complaining Girl" is hailed as "one of the most beautiful harvests in the literary world", and most people think that her work is an expansion and extension of the plot of the earlier work "The Golden Lock", but I prefer to believe that these two works are relatively independent living lives.
There may be some similarities between works, but this similarity can also be understood as the same tragedy in different time and place in the same world.
After all, there are very few similar people in this world, but similar mistakes are not uncommon.
The more beautiful she was, the sadder she became at this time, and not only herself, but even the people watching next to her often had unspeakable regrets. Beautiful girls, regardless of their origins, always have unlimited prospects, or should be said to be unpredictable, and she herself has the mystery of fate. Once married, a queen dies, or a prostitute dies, and no one knows which one. ”
This is Zhang Ailing's description of the protagonist Chai Yindi's initial psychology when choosing marriage in "The Resentful Woman".
"The Lone King is drunk in the Peach Blossom Palace, Han Sumei was born with a good appearance", when the drunken carpenter at night unintentionally hummed to the section of "Chop the Yellow Robe", he thought of the neighbor "Ma You Xi Shi" Chai Yindi, she is the existence of "Han Sumei" in his eyes.
Chai Yindi, is a beautiful and sharp-toothed woman, she loves beauty and knows how to be beautiful, as described in the work, she can feel the little "red" in the eyebrow, but in the eyes of others how much "playfulness" adds to her beauty, so there is no summer when there is no time to "pinch the sha" in the eyebrow. Her beauty is not delicate, with a hint of pungency, and when the carpenter makes a frivolous gesture toward her, the vulgar swear words of the city servants are also casual and continuous.
After the death of her parents, Chai Yindi lived with her brother Chai Bingfa and her sister-in-law, and helped to take care of her brother's sesame oil shop on weekdays, although she was as beautiful as a flower, most of the people who coveted beauty, but because of her personality until the age of 18, she was not engaged, and her brother was not urgent about her marriage, after the death of her parents, her sister's marriage needed her brother to handle the dowry, so she was willing to drag it on. Last year, her brother also mentioned a marriage for her (the Wang family, opened a branch in the Eight Immortals Bridge), because she refused and did not, and soon, a Wu family aunt (who had worked as a maid in the Yao family) who her sister-in-law knew made a matchmaker for Yin Di, proposing that she be the aunt of the second grandfather of the Yao family, the Yao family is the official eunuch family, but the second grandfather of the Yao family is a blind man, under the resolute refusal of Yin Di, this matter can be postponed, but for this family affair, brother Bingfa and sister-in-law are quite recognized, the reason is probably as described in the work:
"Her brother and sister-in-law probably never thought of making a sum of money on her, and she has always been a money loser, and she does not have to do a dowry for the second room."
Yin Di's rejection of this marriage also made her and her brother-in-law have a little more "different" atmosphere between her and her brother-in-law, in fact, in her heart, there is already a more favorite object - Xiao Liu, a guy in the pharmacy opposite, he is tall, his eyebrows are clear, and he is from a village with his grandmother's family, and he knows the roots. However, Xiao Liu's courage seemed to her to be weaker, and she did not take this opportunity to come to chai's house more often, and the means of expressing her heart were sneaky (when she helped her sister-in-law to go to the pharmacy to dispense medicine, Xiao Liu secretly gave her a bag of white chrysanthemums).
In fact, her feelings for Xiao Liu are somewhat contradictory, just like the description of Yin Di's state of mind when she saw the pharmacy late at night in the work:
"I don't know how to feel a kind of sadness, but my heart is quiet."
Perhaps this sadness is a lament about the unknown road ahead, and that quietness is the greatest comfort he can give her. It was also this affection for him that made her know that when Xiao Liu's mother asked her grandmother to come and propose to her, she was disappointed in joy:
"She doesn't have to wonder about the future anymore, her fate is already predestined."
It's just that the fate that is doomed may not really be what she hopes for, especially this time when her grandmother came to talk to her brother about her sudden feelings about her marriage. Her grandmother's family is very poor, after the death of her mother, all by her brother Bingfa to help, every time she sees her grandmother will always feel inexplicably sad, this time grandma and grandfather came together, she as usual to take out the rice for them to eat, the two of them ate "three bowls of hard rice", each bowl of rice according to the grandmother's requirements "the focus" (pressed very solid). Under the sympathy for my grandmother's family, I hesitated about the marriage I had been looking forward to:
"Xiao Liu doesn't look like someone who can drill camps. If he had been a lifelong companion, she would have become a poor relative of her brother-in-law, just like her grandmother. ”
If you marry Xiao Liu, it is likely that your future life is to return to the countryside to grow vegetables with his mother, his family is not well-off, and unlike the "people who have a job", she is worried about the hardships and hardships of future life, and she is more afraid of attracting criticism from others because of this, saying that she has failed her beauty. As a result, Yin Di used lies to let her grandmother go back temporarily, and on the same night, the Wu family aunt came to the media again, and under the rendering of the Wu family aunt, marrying the Yao family became an extremely rare thing and worthy of the envy of others.
In the words of the Wu family's aunt, the old lady of the Yao family selected the aunt to be the head of the house (equivalent to the wife of the main house), and at the same time, the daughter-in-law who entered the Yao family had a good birth and appearance, just like the two young grandmothers of the Yao family, one was Miss Ma Zhongtang, and the other was the daughter of Wu Guanbao, who was born well, and the most important thing was in the description of the Wu family aunt, others said that the second master was the best of the three Yao family brothers. Yin Di, who was listening in the next room, had gradually accepted this family affair in the special mood of the day. The reason is that Xu wants to escape from the difficult life in the future, Xu wants to become a character like grandma and grandma of the Yao family, and Xu is selected to meet some needs in his heart because of his appearance... But whatever the reason, one of them is more or less influenced by one key reason: caring about what others think.
As for the fact that the second young master of the Yao family was blind, under the mutual influence of various emotions, the impact on Yin Di was already very weak, and even in her mind, even if it was not as good as the Wu family aunt described, it might not be too bad, even if it was only self-comfort:
"How can the matchmaker's words be believed, but on the one hand, she is alert to herself, and she has seen him, like a little student on the stage, sleeping with her elbows bent on the table and her eyes closed, and her beautiful face is red and white."
She fantasized that the future life would be so beautiful, maybe everything would be like on the stage, the electric lights under her feet, the accompaniment of music between moves. As for the feelings with Xiao Liu, they were all predestined, and the hesitation she had in her heart became firm at this moment: "She has had enough of the pain of no money." No matter what little things are embarrassing, remember hate. ”
However, will the result really be as Yin Di thought? If it is really as beautiful as imagined, perhaps Chai Yindi will hardly become the protagonist of "Complaining Girl", and the degree of her "resentment" will not be so deep, which leads to the cause of all tragedies, combined with the whole work, the choice of this marriage bears the main responsibility.
Yin Di and the second grandfather of the Yao family's marriage, the first unsatisfactory is the wedding, the wedding is cold and the dowry is rare, so that she can not raise her head in front of the man's relatives and servants, which has broken the initial expectations for this marriage, and then there was a storm on the matter of returning to the door (at first I did not agree, and it was reluctantly achieved after Yin Di communicated with Second Master Yao). On the day of returning to the door, his brother Bingfa was surprised when he saw Second Master Yao, "He was carried out by the maid, the front chicken breast was hunched over, like there was panting, and the eyes were blind", the sister-in-law was also very disappointed after seeing this scene, but the marriage of "Wood has become a boat" had to comfort Yin Di:
"Grandma don't be upset. Although the uncle is not in good health, and he does not rely on him to go out to earn food, what else are people like them worried about? Your uncle relies on you to take care of him, and he is different from the usual couple. Grandma has always been the strongest, others are red in the eyes of you are not too late, you don't want to be stupid... Next year you will have a son, according to a family like them, and you will pay it back in the future? Your blessed days are yet to come. ”
In the future, it is difficult to comfort the current predicament, at least at this moment, the "red eyes of others" in the mouth of the sister-in-law are inconsistent with the facts, and the surrounding neighbors learned of Yin Di's marriage in exchange for everyone's "smiles", especially those she knows well, carpenters and Xiao Liu of the pharmacy, and these are undoubtedly a great harm to Yin Di, who is particularly concerned about the "vision" of others:
"All the people she knew were here—all under her window, in the daily afternoon sun. She was eager to pour buckets of water down and burn them all. ”
But should the "resentment" in her body really be vented on others, and it can't, even if this ending arises, she can't blame others, it all lies in herself.
This is like Zhang Ailing's "Love in the Fallen City" in the last "melancholy" of the white tassel, the final "brokenness" of Nixi in "Serial Set", the last silent "crying" of Ge Weilong in "The First Burning Incense", etc., leading to the cause of these mistakes, it is impossible to blame others, because all of them are their own choices, but the slight difference is that Chai Yindi cares more about the eyes and views of others.
<h1>In "The Grudge Girl", living in the eyes of others is one of the main reasons for yindi's tragedy in her choice of marriage</h1>
Chai Yindi's marriage choice, on the surface, is to pursue a better life and get rid of the poverty and destitute environment, but when she tastes it carefully, she can find that her approach actually stems from the eyes of others, fearing that others will "belittle" her marriage choice (if she chooses Xiao Liu in the pharmacy, she will live up to her beauty), and she is worried that she will become a poor relative "disliked" by her brother and sister-in-law in the future (affected by her grandmother's situation)... For this reason, when she thinks of Xiao Liu in the pharmacy, she will always be accompanied by hesitation, and even in the end, Xiao Liu has been kissed before the Wu family aunt said the second time, but it has developed into a desolation that she and Xiao Liu are "destined" not to be together.
Chai Yindi may not care much about the superior life of the Yao family, but more about the judgment of others on her marriage choice.
Zhuangzi once said such a passage in "Journey to the North": "Between the world and the earth of life, if the white colt passes the gap, suddenly", in addition to the purpose of explaining that life is short, it is also intended to remind the taste of cherishing every choice in life, which is like Jobs said: "Your time is limited, don't live for others", short life, every choice is crucial, whether right or wrong, at least do not interfere with your choice because of the "vision" of others.
In fact, in real life, there are not many people like Chai Yindi, whether it is in the choice of marriage, work, future road, etc., or because of the interference of elders, friends, and various people around them, it is recommended that you can refer to it, but you still need to do it yourself, you know that many times, others cannot be responsible for your life, but you have to cherish yourself.
"She's also acting, and she's very happy, pretending to be a respected and loving person."
This is Zhang Ailing's description of the situation on the way when she went to the Bath Buddha Temple to do the sixty-year-old yin birthday for the old lady of the Yao family in "The Complaining Girl".
For the old lady of the Yao family, Chai Yindi's merit, in addition to taking care of the second master's life, the rest should only be that point of beauty:
"The old lady is most proud of her relatives saying that her three daughters-in-law are the most beautiful, and as for which one is the most beautiful, there is no end to the debate."
However, this beauty did not allow Yin Di to get the treatment that the young grandmother deserved in the Yao family, otherwise there would not have been a short period of time on the way out, happily playing "a respected and loved person", creating a kind of "success" in the eyes of outsiders, and being proud of this unwarranted "success". The desolation behind this "vanity" is yindi's various unhappiness after marrying into the Yao family's life.
After marrying into the Yao family, the number of servants equipped with Yin Di is the same as that of the other two rooms, but in order to make up the number of "this room sent to that room, no one wants, because she loves to eat garlic, and bald" Old Xia Ma assigned to her, the status of the second room in the Yao family is not high, so that the maid Lamei of other rooms can "come later" to take away the hot water kettle that Old Xia Mama made for Yin Di, and even dare to joke with Old Xia Mama about the second grandmother Yin Di:
"The cook doesn't know where to buy oil now. Not angry about buying a second grandma elsewhere? ”
In addition to the old lady of the Yao family in addition to yindi just entered the door, there was a period of "polite" time, soon after, began to become cold, and even sometimes because of some small things to sneer at it, the old lady of the Yao family was once the wife of the official eunuch, the widow was in charge of the family for many years, in addition to abiding by some "old rules" on weekdays, the style of life was quite the style of the old lady when she was at its peak, Yin Di was incompatible with this family style, or perhaps in the heart of the Yao family, she had never really entered their eyes, the best evidence for this, It is the delicate atmosphere between her and the other two young grandmothers:
"The two of them joked with each other all day long, and when she said a joke, their faces stiffened, as if she was a little unproductive."
Being in this atmosphere of the family is cruel to a woman who cares too much about the eyes of others, she has never enjoyed the "treatment" she had fantasized about getting, and the only privilege may be only to curse the servant, who also has a certain indignation in his heart, but only superficially indifferent.
△ Stills of "The Grudge Girl"
Yin Di's relationship with her husband is also very delicate, his husband has been lying in bed for a long time, in fact, he suffers from hypochondria in addition to being blind, smoking opium all day long, it is said that he suffers from asthma, in fact, it may be more to fill the emptiness of the heart," he is indifferent to family affairs, and he mentions to him that the uncle and the third master have money from the family account, and he does not have any attitude:
"He has money and nowhere to spend anyway, and he's happy and generous." Maybe he was only willing to be enough, like this white look bustling and lively, without his share, even she followed him like a secluded in the downtown. ”
His presence did not provide any convenience for Yin Di, nor did it satisfy any of her "needs", whether psychological, physical, other, or her own. Not only that, but sometimes it becomes the object of praise and irony in the name of others:
"It's not like you and the second master love husband and wife."
Are they really in love, they know each other with Yin Di. If she and her husband Yao Erye's husband and wife relationship is delicate, then her relationship with Yao Sanye is even more delicate, in the Yao family in addition to her husband and servants, the only men she can usually contact are Uncle and Third Master, and Uncle Is bent on "going up", and is dismissive of the existence of YinDi, so only the relationship with Third Master is close, and even occasionally can "frolic" with each other.
Zhang Ailing said this in "The Resentful Girl":
"Only now did she realize that the pressure of the vacuum was simply irresistible, the power of the life force itself."
At first glance, this sentence will be a little abrupt, or unclear, but it is actually a kind of perception of "loneliness and emptiness" in Yin Di's later period, she thinks that some loneliness and emptiness can be suppressed or ignored, but finds that sometimes the desire from the heart is difficult to suppress. Is it really irresistible? It is not so, but first of all, we must really read the "desire" in our hearts, and then we must properly guide or dissolve, and the feelings of Yin Di in the later period are somewhat one-sided, not to mention the Silver Di before that. It was precisely because of a trace of desire in her heart that she inexplicably had some feelings for Third Master Yao.
This affection grew in the frolicking with Yao Sanye, in the "ambiguous" atmosphere that Yao Sanye deliberately made, in a frolick, he let Yin Di sing a song, which made Yin Di mistakenly think that she had some special concern for her, did not sing at the time, and then she secretly sang to him the next night, but the unintentional words of the second master after hearing it revealed their true views of her:
"There are still people out to sell songs this day."
Yin Di sings the song "December Flower Name", which reveals the woman's deep desire for happiness, when this song comes from her mouth, it is a different taste, may be more of the loneliness that accompanies the emptiness, and this may also be part of the reason why Yao Sanye is happy to "frolic" with her.
Yin Di's relationship with Third Master Yao is not finished, with the development of time, Yin Di's last "conscience" for her husband Yao Er Ye is gradually exhausted, and when he asks Yin Di to help find his "favorite peach rosary", Yin Di's actions have hinted at a change in her heart:
"She went to the chest of drawers, took out a pliers with walnuts, sat down at the table, and broke the rosary beads one by one."
Soon, Yin Di gave birth to a boy for Second Master Yao, as if to indicate that her sister-in-law's words came true for a short time, her situation began to change, and the old lady of the Yao family began to pay attention to her again, but then came another distress - Yin Di's family wanted to prepare a full moon ceremony for her children, which was a matter of face, she had to rely on this to turn over, and the heavy responsibility would fall on her brother Bingfa.
But the difficulty is that his brother and sister-in-law have long been "discussed", or really have nowhere to raise money, "full moon ceremony" has become a tricky thing, they proposed that Yin Di go to the old lady for help, but Yin Di thinks it is not appropriate, one is that the old lady's liking is unreliable, which is likely to lay hidden dangers for the future, the second is that the old lady has been away from the "noisy market" for many years, does not understand the outside market price, the money given will not be much, the family arranges for people to buy will only be "rough", and if they go to buy it themselves, they will be blamed by people who have hearts for not buying things , not on the counter... Later, they mentioned that Yin Di went to Second Master Yao for help, but she also vetoed it, and she had some "resentment" for her brother and sister-in-law at this moment:
"She just gave birth to a son at this time, everyone has face, the next strand of strength to stand up, everywhere to be particularly responsible for people, who takes you as a serious relative?" She hated them for not being angry, having small eyes, and only coming to force her. ”
But even so, for her own face and future life situation, she pressed down the resentment and resentment in her heart, secretly let her sister-in-law put her "head" in the "basket box" brought by her brother to bring out, short-term when it was dropped to buy a full moon gift, this matter seems to be a satisfactory time, but did not achieve the expected effect, but was secretly ridiculed by some people:
"Anyway, the wool is out of the sheep. People are big, the basket box is taken out and taken in, who knows what to put out? ”
Just at this time, something more unfavorable to Yin Di happened, a pearl flower that the third grandmother wanted to wear again was accidentally lost, and no one suspected that the real thief, Yao Sanye, pointed the spearhead at the second room: Yin Di and her sister-in-law, the facts were not pursued, and the storm was also suppressed by the old lady, but the impact made Yin Di's situation in the Yao family more difficult - especially this woman who was particularly concerned about the eyes of others.
Two months later, everything seemed to be calm, bathing in the Buddhist temple, so that Yin Di once won the envy of passers-by outside the Yao family, she worked hard to play the second grandmother's due manners, no one mentioned her husband Yao Second Master, she liked this feeling, this is what was once expected:
"She likes to go out, she likes to be one of the three (Yao family's young grandmothers)."
On that day, Third Master Yao was the last to arrive, when Yin Di carried her son to secretly "pity", the two met in the corridor of the temple, in the side hall to continue the "ambiguity" of the past, she told the pain of the heart, compared him to the wrongdoers in the past life, can not forget and can not hide, she let him give a reply, he could not answer, but gave a response with action, the child's continuous crying will want to spread the breath of desire suddenly scattered, the two awakened, did not let the mistake continue to the end.
After returning home, she began to complain about the indulgence of that moment, worried about the future road, worried about Yao Sanye's mouth, afraid of the eyes of Yao's family after learning about this matter, in the middle of the night, Yao's family had fallen asleep, and she wanted to be relieved alone - hanging.
Although she knows that this kind of behavior is meaningless, if she hangs herself after the Pearl Flower Incident, at least she can show her own heart to prove her innocence, and may not be able to get the approval of others, and even say: "The women of small households are worried, quarrel and lose, and gamble to do things", but the things that may have been concerned about it, this moment does not care, she does not want to think about the future, even if there are worries that cannot be put down, but if she can let people dig out the hidden secrets, It can even be detected that she has other people besides Second Master Yao, which may also be a kind of satisfaction- deformed psychological satisfaction.
Dante once said: "Our only sorrow is to live in wishes and have no hope", for Yin Di, she seems to have no hope, but in fact, if you put aside the eyes of others, a good life may not be so bumpy.
<h1>In "The Grudge Girl", living in the eyes of others is one of the main reasons for Yin Di's bumpy life in the Yao family</h1>
Her ups and downs and misfortunes in the Yao family have a large part of the responsibility of the Yao family, but it is undeniable that there are also Yindi's own problems, she will have the pain she originally endured become more and more painful, because she cares about the eyes and opinions of others, whether it is face or vanity, she has evolved some things that could have been "laughed through" into a major event related to "face" (the full moon ceremony is so, so is the Pearl Flower Incident), and the inner pride is not given by others, but a kind of affirmation and recognition of the self, which is like Xi Murong said:" People should live for themselves in their lives, they should learn to like themselves, and they should not care too much about what others think, or what others think. In fact, how to measure you is all about how you measure yourself. ”
Chai Yindi may not really be afraid of the "hardships" of life in the Yao family, but more often afraid of the evaluation of her by others.
There is a very hot sentence in the network: "Don't find happiness in the eyes of others, otherwise you will always be sad; don't find dignity in other people's mouths, otherwise you will always be humble", it is particularly appropriate to evaluate Yindi's living state, she longs to be recognized and respected, but she uses the wrong method, takes the wrong road, so the more she goes, the farther away. If not, even if it is bumpy, it may not be impossible to find a reason to comfort the inner happiness and go on from the difficult situation, whether it is the companionship and heart of Second Master Yao under objective circumstances, whether it is indeed out of the difficult living standard, whether it is the new life she gave birth to, whether it is the light that can be spied on in the future...
Goethe said: "Nature traps people in darkness and forces people to yearn for the light forever", but Yindi, under the shackles of other people's eyes, gave up the distance and turned around into a colder darkness, which is an unfortunate and unspeakable sadness. As for her love affair with Third Master Yao, it can be said that it is completely a manifestation of self-love and indulgence under repression, she thinks that she can get warmth from his body and enjoy the beauty of a certain love, but getting rid of the ambiguity of love will only bring countless troubles and hurts to herself, and it is difficult to conceive into true love.
In fact, in real life, there are not many people in a state like Chai Yindi, whether it is work, married life, or daily social interactions, some people are easy to focus on others, and measure themselves and their lifestyles with the preferences and evaluations of others. Different people have different values, and it is difficult for us to compare them one by one, so many things go their own way, without shame, and responsible for themselves, which may be the best choice.
"Every time she sees a relative, everyone calls her grandmother, there is always a strange feeling. The eldest grandson and the young grandmother are small, people who are almost sixty years old, holding their grandchildren, or being a daughter-in-law, standing all day long, and do not dare to stand on the back of the chair, so as not to say that she shows off her small feet. Passing words for the mother-in-law, handing it over to Take, scolding and blushing. Yin Di is still inferior to her, and the mother-in-law can't serve her in front of the wheel... The head always gives her no face, how can she control her daughter-in-law? When the old lady died and the family was separated, the sons and daughters-in-law were not small, and there was no place for her in the next generation of the previous generation. ”
This is Zhang Ailing's psychological description of Yin Di after the death of Second Master Yao and the old lady in "The Complaining Girl".
In a flash, Yin Di's sixteen years in the Yao family have passed, and the last time she hanged herself, she was found by her husband, Second Master Yao, and summoned someone to save her in time. After that incident, the Yao family talked about the reason for her hanging, but no one pointed this matter to Third Master Yao, and the old lady was even more cold to Yin Di since then, and basically did not let Yin Di serve her again on the grounds that Second Master Yao was not in good health. Soon after, the Yao family went to Putuo Mountain to make a wish for the second master, leaving her alone at home, and then called some of the old people who were watching the house in Nanjing back to guard day and night, Xu was worried that Yin Di would not be able to think of an accident again, Xu was like Yin Di's guess, worried that the "Pearl Flower Incident" would happen again that year.
Since then, Yin Di has begun to truly sink, and as the second master smoked opium smoke, if the second master is to deal with emptiness, perhaps Yin Di is more to escape the status quo and paralyze the heart. Until the death of Second Master Yao and the old lady one after another, her state of mind has changed, and the beautiful expectations she once had before marriage have long been decayed:
"Actually, what about her getting the money at this time?" It's not just about living the same way. But waiting too long, too bitter, as long as you move out to live by yourself is a blessing. ”
Even so, Yin Di still hopes to get more industries, Xu is to compensate for the hardships of the past, Xu is to compensate for the passage of time, Xu is to better "eat tobacco", perhaps for her last glimmer of face and no security... The last person to preside over the separation of the family was the Yao family's father-in-law, the Ninth Old Lady, and the distribution was not fair, but Yin Di's resistance had no effect.
Separated from the Yao family's big family and assigned to a certain industry to live alone, Yin Di could have lived a comfortable life, but because she cared about the opinions of others, her life was still unbearable, and the new home did not dare to arrange:
"Not only to save money, but also not to reveal what she likes, afraid that people will laugh at the upstart... The things that are assigned, in addition to the habitual ones, do not take them out, so as not to be like picking a little cheap, but also very proud. ”
The only thing added was a cigarette shop, which was placed in his room, and the former maid Yin Di did not replace it:
"She uses old people, if she goes out, she will change people, and some people say... However, there are also advantages to keeping them, otherwise it is not likely that the status quo is her world. ”
Once her personality in the "strong", seems to have returned to her body, but has become another look, she wants to fight, for the other rooms have discriminated against her, she cares about the eyes of others, conservative and unwilling to provoke right and wrong, unable to pursue a new life, slowly at a young age, but she has become a "widowed old", she follows the old rules, in addition to eating cigarettes, all in accordance with the old lady's appearance before she was born.
During the period, Yao Sanye went to the door to find Yin Di twice, both to borrow money, the first time Yin Di gave, the second time Yao San Ye wanted to forcibly continue the broken "love" of the Bath Buddha Temple in order to achieve the goal, and the timely sober Yin Di stopped the development of the situation, and finally the relationship between the two ended in Yin Di in front of outsiders to give Yao Sanye a "mouth".
Her son Yuxi, became the last emotional support in her life, she avoided him from learning badly with the children of other rooms, they entered the study, Yin Di invited him alone at home, the son of the grandmother's family, Xiaofeng, went abroad to study, Yu Xi also showed envy for this, but in Yin Di's heart this is useless, that era after studying abroad, she still has to stay at home, not to mention in Yin Di's heart, she would rather Yu Xi stay at home like Second Master Yao", "Tao Guang Yang Obscure" with her, they are Yao family concubines, There's no need to touch something new.
Later, he inadvertently learned that Yuxi had accompanied Third Master Yao to play in the "Tangzi" for a while, and he was furious. In order to appease her son's "restless" heart, she had not yet promised her son to marry a wife and first promise to marry a concubine for him later, and the concubine she married was the drama of her son's heart- Pink Yanxia. In fact, Yin Di had another plan in mind:
"At his age, he needs a dream to be able to restrain himself. Let him think that if he is obedient, she is really willing to take out money to marry Fan Yanxia for him. When he eats a cigarette, he will be more down-to-earth and know more about the weight. ”
Perhaps, this is the reason why Yin Di "ate tobacco" in the first place, paralyzing all expectations for the future. When she chose relatives for Yuxi, she chose the feng family, the old relative of Wuwei Prefecture, because this was the only opportunity in Yin Di's life to talk about "family lineage", she was not willing to let her son borrow Zuyin to go out to become an official, she could only reflect her own "nobility" when choosing relatives, the Feng family was actually the next choice, the Daughter of the Feng family looked extremely ugly, but there was no way, the surrounding relatives did not want to be close to the second house, and she was unwilling to choose the general family to increase the joke, so she had to "retreat and seek the second time".
On the day that the daughter-in-law entered the door, in order to show her status in front of the daughter-in-law, she was difficult for the daughter-in-law, and there may be another part of the reason for this, the daughter-in-law's entry touched the pain of Yin Di's marriage into the Yao family, Yin Di's beauty did not make her in a flat situation in the Yao family, and how could Yin Di make her daughter-in-law who once looked "thousands of miles apart":
"She looks for ballast with her all day long. Thirty years of daughter-in-law and thirty years of mother-in-law, anyway, every woman is in turn. ”
Under the oppression of Yin Di, her daughter-in-law fell ill - tuberculosis, she let Yuxi take Dongmei into the house, she invisibly raised the status of Dongmei everywhere, and threatened to "help correct" after Dongmei gave birth to a son, but after Dongmei gave birth to a second son, after the daughter-in-law was forced to die, Yindi promised Dongmei that the matter was not resolved, but began to target Dongmei:
"As long as the position is vacant, if Dongmei is on her head, she can threaten to entrust someone to be a matchmaker at any time, and she is not afraid of not being able to stop her."
Perhaps, part of the reason for Yin Di's state is also the fear that others will touch her position in the family, which is something that can make others fear and envy her, even if it will cause others to criticize, even if this criticism will make Yin Di uncomfortable, but it is undeniable that the "negation" is also accompanied by her "authority". Just like her handling of her son Yuxi's marriage, she attracted criticism: "Not marrying her son to fill the house is more criticizing than forcing her daughter-in-law to die", her heart will hurt after hearing it, she will think of the face of the speaker, and even touch the various injuries brought by the past, she herself also admitted her illness - she cares about her people's vision, but she is willing to do so. As her frugality is criticized for saying:
"Her dishes are notoriously salty, supposedly to save money, but few people actually taste them."
She was angry whenever she heard it, but the end result she was happy to see:
"'How are they doing now?' They have money. ’”
Since eating tobacco, Yuxi has slowly trapped himself at home like Second Master Yao, occasionally wandering in the "Tangzi", but mostly in the posture of a bystander, not easily promising, nor falling into it, his behavior makes many people ashamed and disgusted, but he does not think so, as for what, he himself is not clear, but Yin Di is very proud of this, thinking that Yuxi: "He is her representative who lives in the enemy country, and he actually does not shame her." Yin Di and her son Yuxi became more and more compatible, often "eating cigarettes" together, chatting about the people around them, talking about their respective views, sometimes laughing, sometimes speechless. They don't know what the future holds, nor do they know what they mean, they just live numbly, trapped in their own world, living in the eyes of others, which is unfortunate and even more sad.
<h1>In "The Grudge Girl", living in the eyes of others is one of the main reasons why Yin Di's "numbness" eventually loses herself</h1>
Looking at the whole plot, it can be found that after leaving the Yao family, Yin Di has the opportunity to start a new life, but she gives up, or she does not know how to start a new life, Seneca once said: "If a person does not know which pier he is going to sail to, then any wind will not be a tailwind", which may cause Yin Di to be numb and lost, and the reason why yin Di is numb and lost is also this, what she does is basically more or less affected by the eyes and opinions of others, whether it is for "face", whether it is for "strong".
Was she happy later in life? Perhaps she has long lost a clear definition of a happy life, only knows that to make others look up, she regards money as a sense of security to rely on, "eating cigarettes" as a spiritual consolation, sinking in life, Hugo once said such a passage: "People have material things to survive; people have ideals to talk about life." Do you want to understand how survival is different from life? Animals survive, while people live", the discourse seems to have a certain aggressiveness, but it is a "proper" evaluation of Yindi's way of life, losing the self, losing the expectations (ideals) for the future, how can happiness be obtained?
Perhaps, when Chai Yindi paralyzed her heart, she had already distorted her psychology and destroyed her humanity.
Wang Zengqi wrote in "Light is the Strongest Taste of Life": "The greatest pain in life is that the soul does not belong", and this is also the source of all her tragedies, living in other people's worlds, how can she pay attention to her own spiritual needs? What paralyzed her "eating tobacco" was not "pain", but the resistance of the beauty expected by the soul to her.
In fact, in real life, there are many people like Chai Yindi, in life, marriage, and even in the long journey of life, they have long forgotten what they think and expect, what they do, good or bad, are waiting for others to judge, life is aimless, but physically and mentally tired, do not know the way forward, only know how to follow the way forward, and this is likely to be because of the living self bound in the world of others, want to get out of trouble, but there is no way to get rid of it. How can people break through in the world of others? There is a passage in "The Shawshank Redemption": "What can really trap a person is not a cage made of steel, but a high wall standing in the heart", perhaps being careful not to be disturbed by others is the best way to get out of trouble and break the "high wall" in the heart.
At the end of "The Grudge Girl", there is a special description, Yin Di almost knocked over the smoke lamp in the dark, reminding her of the night before the wedding, the drunken carpenter hummed "Cut the Yellow Robe" late at night, found Chai Yindi, inexplicably given courage, let him tightly grasp Yin Di's hand, in a hurry she burned his hand with an oil lamp to escape. It's been a long time since the incident, but the carpenter's name for her is still haunting:
"Big girl! Girl! ”
Yin Di's years have passed, the beauty has dissipated, she is no longer the "Sesame Oil Xishi" in the eyes of others, and she no longer has the opportunity to re-choose the unknown. Maybe she hopes that time can turn back and start over, but her "resentment" can only become a sigh.
We, on the other hand, have infinite possibilities, and our fate is not yet predestined.
Qingxin Junyue, original author of headlines, senior mental health instructor, well-known emotional blogger. Warm you, me with words.