Behind the negative emotion is a sense of powerlessness: a euphemistic rejection of the person with the right temperature is to cultivate a sense of competence

There are many scenes that happen every day in life, most of which are negative emotions or thoughts.

For example, if someone calls for help in order to get funding for a project, this is a scenario.

If you do not agree at this time, then there will be negative emotional reactions, such as blunt rejection and harsh tone.

What we care about here is, where do the intense emotions come from? Why is it that a word is not ashamed or indignant?

The answer is automatic thinking, although it was as fast as lightning in the mind at that time, but it must be known in retrospect, such as the automatic thinking of this matter above, perhaps "you need to ask others again, not your own ability range".

Since it is not within their own ability, then it is better to directly refuse, the question is why is the tone still very blunt, even hostile?

This requires continuing to "dig deep into core beliefs."

For example, the next question will be asked, "What does this automatic thinking that needs to ask for people mean to yourself?"? The answer is "asking for someone is a painful thing, and not being able to do it means that you are incompetent."

"Feeling powerless" may be the core belief!

From this, we can sort out this mental process:

1. The situation is to receive a phone call and want to get help.

2, automatic thinking this is to ask people to do things that they can't do.

3, the core confidence is to avoid seeking people, can not do to seek people, activate their own incompetence performance.

4. Emotions are expressed as nervousness, impatience and impatience.

5. The behavioral response is particularly blunt and refuses.

The focus here is on overreactions, which are excessively irritable, indicating that the matter is beyond self-control, feeling particularly uncomfortable, and touching on the so-called "complex", that is, the activation of core beliefs, that is, "feeling of incompetence".

It can be understood that a person exhibits particularly negative emotional reactions, such as small stimulus reactions, overexcite reactions, irregular reactions, etc., which really have nothing to do with others and are the result of the activation of the core beliefs in the individual's heart.

One of the most common core beliefs is the sense of powerlessness, a sense of powerlessness, will feel powerless, so a little wind and grass, will be restless, panic will not last forever.

For example, when people who learn to drive on the road, although they know that they should not be nervous, they cannot control the tension and fear, which is incompetent and powerless, and no amount of encouragement from others is in vain, they must slowly adapt to the experience, accumulate psychological energy, and once the strength is there, they will slowly learn.

This adaptation process is learning, the process takes time, and the time required varies from person to person. The significance of studying psychology is that if you can know that this is the core belief at work, you can better accept reality and give yourself enough time to adapt, otherwise you will not be able to achieve it quickly.

People often say, "Seeing is healing", this seeing is not a comfort at the conscious level, not a superficial word or deed, or even an automatic thinking idea, but a core belief at the subconscious level, a deep inner complex.

The above story can be reasoned in this way: the sense of powerlessness - asking for someone must be able or they will be rejected and humiliated - encountering something that requires asking for someone - too blunt refusal.

It is normal to ask for people to be rejected, just as we are often rejecting others, what can be done at this time is a gentle and resolute warm refusal, which is within the scope of ability, and doing so is just cultivating a sense of ability and strength.