Don't dare to divorce after being cheated on, be brave

"You fat pig, talk about a fart!"

It's a very vicious phrase, especially when it comes out of a partner's mouth.

When the husband and wife have begun to curse and start personal attacks, it means that one of the parties does not want to live a good life!

He didn't want to hold back his anger any longer, he didn't want to suppress his emotions anymore, he didn't even want to continue the marriage anymore.

"Our husband and wife relationship is no longer saved, and it is not worth being saved!"

This is a sentence that the consultant Xiaohong said to me, and it is also the wife who was scolded as a fat pig at the beginning.

Xiaohong's figure is indeed a little fat, typical of middle-aged women.

This is also the reason why her husband often dislikes attacking her, saying that it does not matter if she is fat and cannot control her mouth. Not as attractive as other people's wives, he can't take him out, and he can only lose his people when he goes out!

Xiaohong knows that she is indeed not as beautiful as the partners of other colleagues in her husband's company.

They are all senior managers of the company, so the partners they are looking for are also the right ones, and their looks and families are worthy of each other.

Only Xiaohong and her husband started from the bottom and climbed all the way to the little foreman.

Later, when she wanted to have a child, Xiaohong couldn't bear it when she was eight or nine months pregnant, so she went home to give birth.

After the confinement, Xiaohong found that her position as foreman was gone, but her husband became a middle-level manager.

Since then, my husband has drifted.

Began to dislike Xiaohong's out-of-shaped figure and mediocre appearance after giving birth to a child.

The relationship between the Xiaohong couple has become worse and worse with the drift of the husband, and there is still a chance to save it.

If the husband just hates himself, there is nothing to taunt, and xiaohong can bear it for the sake of the child.

The only thing that Xiaohong could not accept was that her husband and a female leader of the company got involved.

At first, Xiao Hong was so angry that his eyes turned black and his stomach cramped. Xiaohong wanted to put down the child immediately and rushed over to question her husband, but the child's crying pulled Xiaohong.

After feeding the child and packing up the diaper, Xiaohong suddenly calmed down.

An idea clearly came to her mind:

This marriage is over, there is no salvation!

But what about children? I just lost my job, and my children still need to be taken care of.

(Xiaohong works in a KTV, there is no labor contract)

When you can't give up this marriage, you also have weaknesses!

Xiaohong knew that she couldn't open this matter, otherwise her husband wouldn't be able to mix in the company, and he would be finished without income and children.

Even she couldn't let her husband know about it, otherwise she couldn't imagine what would happen.

Xiaohong knew that she had to endure, at least until the child grew up!

In the next three years, Xiaohong lived through three years of incomparably dark and painful days.

It should be said that Xiaohong was born for three years and held back for three years!

Just like the days three years ago when the clouds were thick and there was no sunshine, Xiaohong finally did not hold back one day and said it.

Xiaohong said, you hate me for not being in good shape, not looking as good as others, it doesn't matter.

If I'm fat, I can lose weight, and if I don't look good, I can dress up well. I was really angry during that time and tried very hard to get you back. I began to control my diet, eat less and exercise more, as long as I can slim down, I am willing to eat anything bitter.

But dieting did lose weight, but it also made me not produce milk, and the child was hungry and crying.

You began to dislike me again, saying that even the child could not be fed, what use did you want me to do?

I remember all of this, I remember it all in my heart!

Poor me just after giving birth to a diet to lose weight, I never thought I would live such a life, you never seem to hurt me.

I didn't dare to mention this to you before, because I felt that I could bear it for the sake of my children, and I could live this day.

But in the past few years, I have found that I am wrong, and I am not happy with such a day, but you are out every day like a fish, and you don't even touch your home. You had a great time, didn't you?

Or does it taste so good for others? So you don't even want to kiss your own son?

Husband after the showdown

In recent years, my husband's life has been really good, the red flag at home has not fallen, and the bunting flag is fluttering outside.

There is also a leader who takes great care of himself at work, which can be described as a spring breeze.

Didn't he think about what to do if Xiaohong found out?

But then Xiaohong gave birth to a child, and the look of resignation and scolding made him let go of this concern.

He knew that Xiaohong couldn't do without himself.

The female leader was also panicked in her heart, after all, it was someone else's husband, or the same company to work, this was found to be the end!

So the two of them summed up, simply quit Xiaohong's job, and then promoted her husband's position, saying that in order to take care of Xiaohong, who had just given birth, let her take care of the child with peace of mind.

In this way, Xiaohong has just given birth to a child and found that the position of the foreman is missing, so that the husband and the female leader can feel at ease to steal love.

How much courage does a housewife who has no income and has just given birth have to leave her husband who betrays her?

I have to say that the person who knows Xiaohong best is her husband.

After all, if a loved one wants to design and arrange you, isn't it hand in hand?

Who will prevent the people closest to them from harming themselves?

Xiaohong really did not dare to divorce, and even did not dare to let her husband know that he knew that he was cheating.

The husband also pretended that he did not know that Xiaohong knew that he was cheating, and all he needed was for Xiaohong to maintain a good family and take good care of the children, and the rest was not important.

It's scary, it's scary!

Even though I have been doing cheating advice all these years, when I analyzed this possibility, it made me feel cold behind my back and deeply feel the evil of human nature!

At any time, you are free! You can choose your own life!

Xiaohong felt that she was powerless for her marriage, and she did not dare to divorce her children so that they would not starve to death.

She had to put up with her husband's scolding because he was the only financial pillar of the family.

Moreover, divorced, she is a single mother with a child, who wants it?

Is it to be laughed at to death when you go back to your mother's house and follow your parents?

The heavens and the earth were so big that she didn't know where to go, she didn't dare to say anything, she felt lonely.

She was trapped in the same place, unable to move!

Even, dare not forgive, like martyrdom, I will sacrifice myself.

It was clear that the husband had a better partner in this marriage — the female leader.

She is more beautiful than Xiaohong, more helpful to her husband, and more attractive, except for the fear of being discovered.

It seems that Xiaohong has nothing but this son, and if her husband doesn't care about this son, Xiaohong will have no way to take her husband.

For the sake of the child, she can only sacrifice herself as before, in exchange for the "smooth" growth of the child.

I asked Xiaohong if losing this marriage means losing your financial income in a short period of time. What does that mean to him?

Xiaohong said that for him, it might be to complete him and the woman, so that they could be together in a fair and honest way and be together in my house. I don't want to see this, and I won't fulfill them so easily, and even if I occupy it, I will occupy this position.

I said, that female leader has a family, right?

Xiaohong, yes, she has a family. It's just that she seems to have been at odds with her husband, as if she has been unwilling to have children for her husband, and we are all saying that she can't give birth.

I said, so his husband doesn't know about it, right?

Xiao Hong, I don't know if her husband knows it, but I should not know it, who can accept wearing a green hat every day, except for me!

I paused for a moment and told Xiaohong:

Let's try to smooth out your concerns and see what can be done.

1. Your biggest concern is economic problems, right? You can consult a professional lawyer for this, but in my experience, a full-time wife can divide the property equally although she has no income, and you should pay attention to whether the husband has "hidden property" in this regard. (Xiaohong's cultural level is relatively low, so she thinks that she has no income after giving birth to a child, and she can't get much money when she divorces);
2. The second is the child's growth problem, you think the child must grow up in a complete family, otherwise it will not grow up healthily, that is to say, he cannot live without a father. So if the child grows up and sees his father treating you so much, so much to his mother, can he handle this inner conflict? What's more, you personally told him with your own example that you have to endure in the face of pain, and do you hope that your child will be such a cowardly person in the future who faces pain?
3. Finally, you think you can only tolerate such a marriage at the moment, otherwise you will not only be looked down upon by your relatives, but also let your parents be laughed at because of you. In fact, you are already in the worst marriage, if your parents really love you, you will not care about being laughed at, only whether you are having a good life! Moreover, people who really care about you and understand your situation will not laugh at you. Only those strangers, people who have nothing to do with you will laugh at you and gossip about you, but do you need to care about those strangers?

Xiaohong listened to the silence for a while and said, Teacher, you are very right, so what should I do?

I asked Xiaohong, are you willing to start now and try to change your life and make it unfold as you wish?

Xiaohong said she would.

Let life move toward hope

In the next few consultations, I designed the corresponding behavior exercises with Xiaohong.

include:

1. Really start to face the matter of partner cheating, try to talk to your husband about how to deal with it, show that you have the idea of divorce, and are willing to divorce, and poke this matter away to retaliate, so that everyone has no good end of the fish dead net broken;
2. Change your beliefs, I am not a victim of life, nor a victim of marriage. If this marriage is destined to be painful for a lifetime, leave early, if not, then try to change. No matter what, I want to move and change my life in the moment;
3. I don't have the ability to influence and change my partner's behavior and thoughts, I can decide and control only my own life and thoughts! If I had waited for his cooperation, I would have been controlled by his inaction. That's not what I want to see.
4. Connect with your parents, confess your feelings, and know that you are not lonely by feeling the love of your parents, that you are loved, that you are worthy of being loved, and that you are valuable!

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In order to ensure the reading experience, all the behavioral exercises, I will not release it.

(I have compiled the content of the weekly exercise in the planet, if this marriage is similar to your situation, you can download it yourself)

The final result was that seven weeks later, Xiaohong and I used some means to make my husband turn back and break off the relationship with the female leader. The female leader of the colleague resigned from the company, and the husband's income was all returned to Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said that she didn't want such a marriage, and now she was just retaliating, seven years, and after seven years, she would let go.

That was the time when she was truly free, and she knew what she wanted, but she couldn't let go of the past three years without such revenge.

So far, I have not advised her that everyone has the right to have the life that everyone wants!

All I can do is push for these changes.

I am Teacher Zhang, and I hope to use my experience to help your marriage take fewer detours!