Original | Pregnancy
Summary: Postpartum depression is not a pretense, but a cry for help!
01
Postpartum depression
It's a bloodless knife!
Heartache, heartache!
On January 16, a 24-year-old mother in Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province, jumped into the lake with her baby and both died, and the baby was only 2 months old.
According to news and local netizens, this mother caused the tragedy because of the quarrel between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Two days before the tragedy, the husband who was working in the field returned home, but did not find anything unusual about his wife.
It is hard to imagine what kind of despair it is that makes a mother take her child who is pregnant in October to the end of the road.
In the news commentary, someone reprimanded the mother: why not be brave, have the courage to die, why do not have the courage to leave with the child, so small child, how pitiful.
Indeed, no matter who, no matter how desperate or angry they are at the world, they do not have the right to deprive innocent lives, nor can their parents.
Some netizens also said: It is postpartum depression that deprives mothers and children of their lives, two months after childbirth, the hardships of parenting, changes in hormones, the husband who goes out to work for a long time is not at home, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she after childbirth, a little warmth is not felt ah.
The departure of two lives has stung the hearts of countless people, and also let more people know about postpartum depression and attach importance to postpartum depression.
A mother said: If you have a mother who is depressed after childbirth, please be sure to give her more care, attention, support, encouragement, understanding, and tolerance, only in this way can you help her get through the difficulties.
Yes, postpartum depression needs to be taken seriously, and if ignored, severe postpartum depression can kill people!
02
It was forced out step by step!
One mom said:
After becoming a mother, many invisible collapses were hidden in the middle of the night, before giving birth, I experienced October pregnancy, contractions, and ten degrees of labor pain and tearing before childbirth.
I originally thought that confinement was for the blessing and nourishment of the body, eating confinement meals, enjoying the care of my family, and having someone to help watch the children.
But after giving birth to a child, I found that the person who was most tired after the birth of the child was still himself.
The postpartum depression clip in the popular "Female Psychologist" a while ago made many mothers cry.
Zhan Lu, played by @ Zhang Yao, is a second-child mother, because of the birth of the baby, she gave up her job to become a full-time mother, since then, her life has been disrupted, and her relationship with her family has become worse and worse.
At home, she felt like a free babysitter.
Just finished cleaning, and was called by the mother-in-law to stir-fry, the dish just got off the pot, the husband was anxious to urge: is the rice ready?
There were four or five people in the family, and only she was busy like a top, constantly spinning.
The husband who should stand behind her is just a decoration, and when he comes home from work, he just symbolically teases the child, and his mind is all on the ball game.
After giving birth to the child, her husband did not feel distressed but disliked her increasingly bloated figure.
She felt sick and wanted to go to a psychological counseling, but her husband still only looked at the mobile phone and did not care at all.
Her emotions are not cared about, her husband only cares about her own affairs, and her mother-in-law only cares about whether her big fat grandson has eaten milk and whether he has been taken care of.
The slightest mistake is to be blamed: even a child can't hold it well!
Under such pressure, she was forced into postpartum depression by birth.
In real life, too many mothers are also facing such a dilemma as Zhan Lu.
In Zhihu, there is a mother who shared her experience, she vomited for 4 months when she was pregnant, vomited to the hospital to hang water, the pain during childbirth was a full 23 hours, the pain finally cried in the postpartum period, fought for half a life to give birth to the child, the husband only said one sentence: It is really good, it is a boy, and the pressure on us to have a second child in the future is small.
During the month, the mother-in-law and husband circled around the child, and everyone only cared about whether she had milk or not, whether the child was full, but no one cared about whether she was good or not, and the wound was still painful.
She was depressed, washing her face with tears every day, her whole being fragile and vulnerable, infinitely magnifiing another person's words, and falling into helplessness, pain and collapse every day.
And her collapse in the eyes of her husband is nothing but nothing to do, just a pretense!
For mothers who are depressed after childbirth, as long as there is a person who can stand up and accompany them, positively support her, encourage her, accompany her, they will not be forced to get sick and forced to despair!
03
Postpartum depression is not fragile, not pretentious
It's really sick
Severe postpartum depression can kill!
The Blue Book of New Moms' Emotions states:
More than 40% of new mothers have been told by their families because of postpartum depression that they are "too pretentious and born in a blessing"!
Before there was a very popular video on the Internet, several mothers told their postpartum depression experience.
A depressed postpartum wife said: I haven't been very happy since I had a baby, to be honest.
The husband said: I don't think you have postpartum depression, you just lost control of your emotions.
Another mother said: I am very sick, but because there is no cough, no runny nose, no one in the family knows that I am sick and does not think that I am sick.
Just like that, a serious illness, just so ignored, so delayed...................
And depression to a certain extent, it may really turn into suicide, or the mother with the child to commit suicide.
On April 15, 2020, a 37-year-old mother in Changsha, Hunan Province, because of postpartum depression, jumped off a building with her 5-month-old daughter and committed suicide.
Before the tragedy, her family knew that she had postpartum depression, but she didn't expect it to be so serious.
In her suicide note, a 27-year-old mother in Sichuan Miyi, who jumped into the river with her three sons, said that suicide was not impulsive:
"After giving birth to twins, I didn't sleep a whole night, of course this is the way my mother had to go, I don't blame, often bring three children myself, I can afford it."
Despite this, no one has really been considerate of me. For years, I was on the verge of collapse every day. There have been countless times when I wanted to leave alone, but looking at the cute children around me, I finally couldn't bear it.
"I can't stand it anymore, I brought the dolls, and now I'm taking them, and I hope your lives will return to normal."
Many people can't understand why they have to drag their children to die together, it's too cruel.
This is called in psychology: extended suicide, also known as "pity killing", which is one of the reasons for the killing of people with depression.
The mother, who has just given birth, has not yet been psychologically separated from the child, and the mother takes the child with her when she commits suicide because she cannot bear to leave the child in this world to "suffer".
Severe postpartum depression, mothers alone can not carry it.
When the pain in the heart piles up, when the emotions are suppressed to the extreme, the accident happens.
04
Self-help and being saved
It is the best way out of depression!
Almost every once in a while, there is news of a mother committing suicide, or a mother committing suicide with a child.
Every woman's family should know that postpartum depression is not something that a woman can completely overcome with her personal beliefs.
To focus on postpartum depression is to focus on a human life!
Knowing that under the topic of postpartum depression, there is a mother who said:
When I just gave birth to a child, I didn't talk all day, I kept crying, my husband asked me what I was crying, I said I didn't know, I just wanted to cry, my husband ran to the hospital for consultation, the doctor said that it was postpartum depression, to care more about the mother, my husband was scared to death, back home even did not dare to go to class, at home to help me see the child, chat with me, slowly it is good, now think about it is really afraid.
Know your emotions and ask your family for help in time to get rid of the dilemma of depression.
First, self-help - don't force yourself to be a 100-point mother
(1) Don't be demanding perfection. No one can be a perfect mother, don't have too high requirements for yourself, and lowering your psychological expectations can reduce some of the burden.
(2) Divert attention. Don't always focus on bad things, pay more attention to some pleasant things, or things you like. Communicate more with people and develop some hobbies.
(3) Relax appropriately. Taking care of children is a physical work, and children's sleep is irregular, so when children rest, they should also try to rest and adjust the content of life appropriately.
(4) Take the initiative to ask for help. When you feel helpless and emotionally broken, you can talk to your partner, girlfriend, parents, ask for help, and don't carry it all the time.
Second, be rescued - the support and encouragement of husbands and family members
(1) Timely communication, more understanding of the inner pain of the postpartum mother, from a little girl to a mother, the transformation of this role sometimes comes too suddenly will have a certain impact on the mother's emotions, this gap in the heart needs someone to guide, especially the husband.
(2) Understand the mother's mentality and identify with the mother's feelings. If the family finds that the mother is not in a good mood, they should empathize and give full understanding, rather than blaming the mother for being too fragile and sensitive, just like Xie Yilin said, when taking care of the baby tired to the point of out-of-body experience, it is really just the need to have enough love from the husband to be full of energy again.
(3) Give more companionship to postpartum mothers. Let her always feel the warmth and care from the family, hug her when she is tired, coax the child when she cries, and make her feel that she is not alone.
(4) The husband should take more care of the children and undertake the task of cleaning up the housework. Take the initiative to soak milk and change diapers at night, so that she can have plenty of time to rest and relax.
For many mothers, the companionship and understanding from the family is a kind of healing in itself, which can make the mother feel the sunshine from the family and help the mother to alleviate depression faster.
Third, make an assessment of dangerous emotions
If moms find themselves having postpartum depression, be sure to evaluate the state of depression.
One type is normal postpartum depression. Because of hormones, it is normal for anxiety, fatigue and mood swings to occur during confinement.
Few mothers have not cried and made a lot of trouble, but afterwards they feel strange, why are the emotions so intense?
It's not pretentious. It took a full 10 months of pregnancy, estrogen and progesterone increased by 10 times, and it took only 72 hours after childbirth to fall back to the pre-pregnancy state, and no one could stand it!
This depression can usually be slowly self-regulated, and gradually disappear after the confinement, and most postpartum mothers have postpartum depression and do not rise to the point of illness. As long as the family, especially the husband, is more around to accompany and take care of at this time, timely relief of maternal depression.
The other is severe postpartum depression. Insomnia, severe mood swings, intense irritability, difficulty getting close to your baby, loss of appetite, and suicidal thoughts may occur.
These symptoms can last for months, a situation that requires special attention, and if the effect of asking your family for help is not good, be sure to see a psychologist.
If moms still can't tell if they're depressed or depressed, you can refer to the following figure:
<上下滑动图片查看全文>
(Picture from WeChat public account: Xinqing Clinic)
Finally, I would like to say to all moms:
Before you learn to love your children, please be sure to learn to cherish yourself!
Let go of the excessive self-demands and treat yourself gently!
When you encounter difficulties, seek help from your family, don't stand alone!
If you are not lucky enough to meet a good mother-in-law, then keep your distance from your mother-in-law.
Eat well, sleep well, see a doctor quickly if you have any disease, and have a good body, more important than anything!
I also hope that every husband can give his postpartum wife a little more consideration and love!
Accompany her, encourage her, support her, understand her... Try to share everything with her!
Reference articles
https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/how-to-deal-with-postpartum-depression#get-active
Image source: Ergen Video, Huanjingjin Network, China Women's Daily, "Female Psychologist"