Proficient in the art of heart-to-heart dialogue
No matter how good, honest, loving, or wonderful the relationship between couples is, it is impossible to avoid friction. Every couple has some questions that need to be addressed, and this is something that inevitably happens in a relationship between the sexes. Without the art of dialogue, I can't imagine whether the relationship between the two can continue, at least not thrive.
Heart-to-heart is a special form of dialogue, and ideally it's appropriate — as you guessed — a topic related to the heart. You can use the open speaking skills of heart-to-heart to discuss difficult, painful, and difficult topics, or use it as a way to resolve conflicts, problems, or reach consensus.
The art of dialogue is a loving and powerful way to communicate with your loved one. The power of this strategy is so strong that it creates a situation in which nothing will be painful enough to be talked about.
Heart-to-heart dialogue is an agreement between the two sides that each other is willing to listen, that they will not tit-for-tat each other, but that the heart will be opened, and that every reaction will be under control. The highest goal of heart-to-heart dialogue is to make sure that both parties feel their words are being heard, and that both parties have a sense of closerness regardless of whether the problem is resolved or not. The key is to channel the need for heart-to-heart conversations with gentleness, without a sense of coercion, and then continue your discussion with the same attitude. In heart-to-heart dialogue, the focus is on learning, not preaching, that is, learning to listen, not rushing to speak. The most important thing is to let go of your preconceived conclusions and habits.
In general, communication skills between partners are very poor, whether it is a daily trifle or a major event in life, so that most partners have a variety of reflexive responses: blame, jealousy, refusal to listen to take it for granted, answering angry words, and so on. These habits inevitably cause both parties to lack trust, have a cold attitude, produce a sense of alienation, or directly provoke and insult each other.
If you value this communication skill and are willing to practice the heart-to-heart way of talking, you can solve most of the problems, if not all problems.
It only takes a partner to bring heart-to-heart communication into their relationship to have a positive impact. Heart-to-heart conversations have many different levels of depth, but no matter what level of conversation, it can be of great help.
Sharing intimate words or communicating deeply and honestly is a major need of the human heart. Simply put, this nourishes the mind and brings a sense of intimacy. Sadly, whatever the reason, if you can't or won't share this level of conversation with your partner, your partner may leave you, both mentally or physically. Many times, many people would rather share their feelings with friends or even strangers than with their partners or loved ones.
There is no fixed pattern of heart-to-heart conversations, and there is no right or wrong approach. Basically, as long as you agree that it's time for a heart-to-heart conversation, you can let it go. You're going to have to work with your partner to find the right time if you both have feelings of self-preservation or tenacity, it's not the right time or you're clinging to the issue you're going to discuss, and it's best to wait a while. Pause when you start arguing and honestly reflect on how well you're doing? You can even ask each other, "Is this okay?" Something like that. Or calmly confirm with your partner what he said: "I hear what you said... Am I hearing the right thing?" The most important thing is not to be too domineering, self-protective, overreacting, or too aggressive. If you're going to do that, it doesn't matter, take a step back and try to start over. Be patient and, more importantly, loving.
Discuss anything from messy kitchen cabinets, lost household utensils, to financial and career issues, or children's matters, disputes between husband and wife, and so on. Heart-to-heart conversations play a major role in helping us solve problems.
Don't underestimate the power of love
In fact, I can't imagine anyone who doesn't need this practice of love. There are few exceptions to this, and we all need to practice expressing selfless love and insist on being less self-protective, unselfish, and unresponsive. If we could all be better listeners, more kind, gentler, and a little more measured, most people would live better. But it takes practice to possess these traits, not just when our partners love and support us, but also when they show a lack of affection. In other words, when your partner has already done so, it's easy for you to be loving and kind, and if things are different, it's time for you to work on it.
If you can respond with love rather than frustration; If you have love in your heart, not a moment of self-defense; If you can open your heart, even in moments when it seems superfluous, you will find the power of love and find the most effective ways to ensure that people's relationships are long-lasting and nourishing.
To fully use the power of love, it is easier said than done, but it will never be as difficult as you think, but you really want to do it, and then add frequent practice. When your partner is considerate and loving, enjoy and be grateful. But when he is not considerate, it is up to you to open your mind. Instead of insisting that he should change, it is better to try to understand him, love him unconditionally, and let things pass. Be forgiving, listen carefully, and maintain a sense of humor and support.
The most magical and mysterious trait in the relationship between the two sexes is the sense of interconnectedness that the two develop. When your heart is full of anger, your relationship will also be affected. When you ask for a lot and are aggressive, the partner stops communicating. When you criticize your partner's mistakes in your mind and have negative thoughts, your partner will naturally feel your pathological feelings, and keep your distance from you, vigilant. It's hard to feel connected, not even a little closer.
On the other hand, when your heart is full of love, your partner will feel the same way! When your partner says or does something wrong, you think not of harsh retaliation, but of letting it go easily, and there is still love in your heart, and he will quickly return to you.
If you maintain your inner love and don't interfere with some undesirable behavior, many problems will soon be solved automatically. I'm not asking you to bury your head in the sand or endure some violence, but to put down the little things and keep the door of your heart open.
The next time you feel anxious or angry with your partner, try this different strategy. Instead of asking him to change according to worldly practice, let go of everything and respond with love as much as possible. You'll be surprised to find that the situation quickly and dramatically improved.
Stop being so demanding
Stop and think about how you feel when someone else asks of you. When they are impatient, domineering and picky, what do you feel, someone standing behind you staring at you, see if you are doing your part and whether you are handling things according to their expectations, what will you feel? All these feelings can be described as abominable in a very simple word!
Generally speaking, people will resist rude requests or feel angry, especially if the other party and you should have a good relationship.
Most people think that people who are asked to be very unpleasant and overly demanding also seem to be difficult to get along with, appear selfish, self-righteous and critical, and they will go crazy as long as others do not do something as they want. Demanding people are difficult to get along with, and unfortunately, it is also difficult to fall in love with people. Around a demanding person, you will always feel the pressure and always worry about whether you are up to standard. If they have a demanding partner, these people will often describe themselves as "walking on thin ice" or being watched all the time.
A friend of ours married the most demanding person in the world. His demands on her ranged from not allowing her to party with her female friends to the time she spent at work. He asked her to explain every penny she had spent, as well as to provide a full explanation for the phone bill. He examined the food she was going to eat and insisted that she read certain books. Things got so repulsive that she left as a result. However, in some small places, it is still easy to nitpick. For example, we would like to know who our partner is with today; Or share specific ideas or preferences together, and participate in collections and activities that they don't have as much fun as we do. Demanding personality traits present their true colors in many different ways.
We tend to associate the characteristics of demanding with domineering, but the demanding people do not necessarily always do so. Sometimes they are quiet and sulking; Sometimes they take the so-called "negative attack", which means that they pretend to avoid showing demanding characteristics, but when their requirements are not met, they will attack people in a clever way.
Always remember that there is a lot of pressure around a demanding person, and there is a little fun to invest. It's a good concept, and it's best to think about it first when we're demanding of others. If you find that you have a tendency to be demanding, try to take a step back and leave such thoughts. You're likely to get some proper feedback, and you'll also get a relaxed and easy partner to get along with, making life much more fun and easy.
Surprise with compliments
To me, it's natural to praise someone like brushing your teeth. I always like to praise people and to be praised, and I have married an incredible, generous husband who is willing to praise people all the time. But after I've discussed this topic with many people, I regret to find that not everyone gets the praise they deserve, especially from their partners.
There are many reasons why a person is reluctant to compliment others. First, many people feel that their partner does not need praise.
For example, a friend once told me, "Sarah already knew that I liked her cooking, and I didn't need to praise her in particular." Others simply forget how important this is. It's easy to take for granted that all the contributions they make seem to be automatically invisible. I once spoke to a man about his family who had three children who were still in school, and for many years his wife volunteered to help out at least once a week in the children's classroom, sometimes spending more time. He had never done anything like this himself. I said respectfully, "Wow! You must be grateful that your wife loves children so much!" Suddenly, he realized that this was something that could only be done with a lot of spirit and dedication. He was ashamed to admit that he had never thought of this, and he never thanked his wife for her hard work. "When I think about it," he added, "I've never thanked her for her hard work at home!" Some even see compliments as a weakness.
If I give too much praise, it should imply that I am not doing enough, or that I am not good enough. A woman named Beth told me that when her husband helped with housework, she was reluctant to compliment her because "I do so much more than he does, and if I compliment him he thinks he does more than me!"
These reasons (and all others) are serious mistakes. All people need the nourishment of praise and appreciate the praise of others. Part of the source of our vitality is also due to these praises. After all, if we don't know why our partners love us, it's hard to please them.
You just have to understand the importance of praise and then practice it. Once you can sincerely praise others, there will never be any loss. Think more about how much your partner is doing that is worthy of praise and gratitude. What would you do without him? Don't you want to hear you say it yourself?
Let her know what you like about him; Tell him, and not just once, to say it often. If you like what he does, let him know. If you appreciate your partner's sources of provision or responsibility for the family, let him know how you feel.
If your husband or wife is stir-frying, don't take it for granted. Instead, you have to say out loud, "You're really amazing, thank you so much." "The more you think about it, the more you find that it's easy to do.
Never assume that praise is unnecessary, it is one of the few "more is better" things.
Take a moment today to think about what your partner has done. Think about what he did to make your life better, easier, more perfect. Think about his talents and positive traits. The next time you see him or talk to him, surprise him with a compliment, and then make the compliment a part of your life.
Don't let your partner be ugly on the spot
In other words, forcing your partner to make immediate decisions in the most embarrassing situations where he makes decisions that may make him ugly.
Here's a classic example: the phone rings and you don't have the emotion to talk, so your partner answers the phone. On the other end of the phone are your mutual friends who want to invite you both to spend the weekend together.
You've been expecting a quiet weekend for weeks to have a good chance to deal with some family matters; And your partner is in high spirits and happy to have this opportunity to spend the weekend together.
Here comes the trouble. Your partner takes the phone off the phone and says, "Honey! I'm so happy! Susan called. We're getting together this weekend, and that sounds great!" Susan is on the other end of the phone, can hear everything you say, and is very uneasy waiting for your response.
If there is any uncomfortable situation, this is one. "What to do? To be honest, you don't want to spend the weekend with Susan. She's really a good friend, and you haven't seen each other in a long time, not to mention that she's excited to see you — and your partner is excited.
At this point, you are going to be ugly on the spot. You don't have a little time to review priorities, or how much time you need to do other work. You don't know what's going on or what someone else wants you to do. If you tell the truth, it seems selfish, hurts the feelings of friends, and makes your partner very frustrated. But if you agree whether you really want to go or not, you may feel hurt or even a little indignant. All you can do at the moment is try to find a balance and remember that these are small things, no matter which decision it is.
However, it is a pity that there is a solution that is very simple and decent, and it is not necessary. Theoretically, it could be called "it's unfair to make your partner ugly on the spot."
To apply this theory, all your partner should do is be to be honest and tell the other person that she would love to meet with the other person and then politely state, "I can't promise for my husband, but I would love him to come with me." I'll ask him if he has any other plans and then call you back right away. I really can't wait to meet you!
That's enough. The problem was solved, everyone won, no one felt hurt, and no one was ugly on the spot. Now that you have time to think about your options, hear how important your involvement is to your partner, analyze all the facts and make a decision, what could be easier than that?
Perhaps the most embarrassing way to be ugly is to lose face in public, which is worse than being ugly on the phone line. In this situation, others can not only hear you, but also see your posture, body language, etc. You can have a lot of public appearances that will only cause rebellious or negative emotional reactions, which will always cause stressful situations.
One of the easiest ways to learn not to get mad at small things is not to do unnecessary trials. If you don't want to test your partner, don't do it. It's not always possible, but usually you can avoid making your partner ugly. If you do, the reward you get is to have a more relaxed and loving partner.
-THE END -
Welcome to Forward, Comment, Like