Write on the front
One sunny day, Jin Xiaoyu accompanied his father to the newspaper to send photos. Looking at their distant backs, I thought that standing in front of me was a genius translator and his father.
Learn about their stories and you'll burst into tears. It's certainly a sad story, but it's also imbued with a tenacious love, a love that can't be destroyed. Love can give birth to a strong will, can withstand the heavy pressure of life. Only fatherly love can make a father firmly believe in his children and not give up on his children. This commitment is not a year or two, but always, forever.
In the face of fate, in the face of misfortune, a family is like a drifting boat, chopping waves, sinking and floating together. We believe that this small boat will eventually find a place to live in a huge harbor and a stable life.
The following is the self-statement of Jin Xiaoyu's father, Jin Sexyong
On the morning of November 11, 2021, I put my wife's urn in the Hangzhou funeral home and felt my hands tremble and my walking legs shaking. I asked a few relatives and friends to go first, and I wanted to accompany her for a while.
When my wife was sober, she once told me that when she left, the urn would be placed in the funeral home first, and whether it would be buried or spilled into the river and the sea later, and she would have to wait for the eldest son to come home and then decide what to do with it.
But I didn't call Jin Xiaotian, now the world is in the epidemic, he can't come back. Nor did he tell Jin Xiaoyu that he had been hospitalized before November.
Let the children think that their mother is still alive.
I looked at the box and said to my wife: I'm going to call, do you agree? The day I left, no one would know about our son.
From the small bag hanging from my wrist, I felt the elderly mobile phone and a copy of the Hangzhou Daily. On the masthead was the phone number of "Listening to Life" that I copied. The phone was connected. I said, "Can you write my son's story?" My son is a genius, he's in a mental hospital now, and his mom just left today. ”
Jin Xiaoyu and his father Jin Shengyong
At the age of 6, a needle was shot out of his playmate's toy pistol
One of my son's eyes was blind
My hometown is in Tongxiang, Zhejiang, my father was the principal of the primary school, and my wife's mother was my teacher at that time. Our two families live in the same doorway, which is a green plum bamboo horse.
My wife's name is Cao Meizao. I was admitted to Shanghai Institute of Chemical Technology, and Meizao was admitted to the Department of Chemistry of Nanjing University. After graduation, he was assigned to work in Tianjin. In 1967 we got married, first having the eldest son, Jin Xiaotian, and in 1972 the younger son, Jin Xiaoyu.
Family photo of Jin Xiaoyu in his childhood
In 1984, we returned to Hangzhou with our two sons. I was so determined to come back because I had stuck a knife in my heart, and I never thought it would become a knife. How could Xiao Yu's life be so bitter?
When we were in Tianjin, we lived in a dormitory, a room of fifteen or six square meters. When he was six years old, Xiaoyu played with a neighbor child, who had a toy pistol in his hand and could shoot out a small paper ball. Wan did not expect that day he put a needle, a shot into Xiao Yu's eye, the left eye crystal shattered.
One of Xiaoyu's eyes has since become blind, and he can only squint at things. He, in turn, comforts us: it's okay, get used to it.
Both sons are smart. After returning to Hangzhou, the eldest son was admitted to Fudan University, and later to Australia. Xiao Yu was in the top class in his first year of high school, and the teacher said that it was no problem to enter the university. But one day, Xiaoyu suddenly said to us, "I'm not going to college, and I don't want to go to high school." ”
In high school, he suddenly became bored with school and his mood changed dramatically
The appliances in the house were smashed by him
We thought that the child was tired of learning to talk and play, but he really lived at home every day. I asked my friend to help and introduced Xiaoyu to The Xinhua Bookstore on Jiefang Road as a salesman. I think that after a while the child will want to go back to school.
In less than two months, the bookstore didn't want him anymore. The reason was that there was an old customer reading in the store, and Xiaoyu said that the people were thieves and quarreled. I introduced Xiaoyu to the exhaust fan factory as a worker, and within a few days he refused to go to work, saying that the workers were not good to him.
After he didn't go to school, my mom and I went to work every day before he went to work, he was in bed, and when he came home from work, he was still in bed. He doesn't talk to us either, he loses his temper suddenly, is extremely emotionally unstable, and is a completely different person.
A group photo of Jin Xiaoyu with his father when he was a teenager
One day, his mom and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and there was a loud bang. Xiaoyu pushed the refrigerator down in the kitchen. This was the first time he had been violent.
Because of this, our family has always been "four walls of the family". The whole of Hangzhou may not have a TV set in my house, but I was smashed by Xiaoyu three times before and poured water into it. The fridge, washing machine have been changed several times, and there are tables, bookshelves, cabinets, doors... Okay, suddenly a bang, you say what to do?
Xiaoyu's mother asked me desperately, "Is he crazy?" ”
Admitted to college, he still could not stay
The doctor said that my son was manic and depressed
For a long time, we didn't know that the child was sick. When he said he wanted to go to college, we were overjoyed and let him into cram school. Xiaoyu basically did not go to high school, and after a few months, the college entrance examination results were surprising, only 3 points away from a line.
The second volunteer filled in the Department of Foreign Languages of Hangzhou University, and the score also exceeded the line. We were happy to wait for the school announcement. Who knew that the school returned the file, which recorded Xiaoyu's lack of discipline and absence from high school.
After seven turns and eight turns, Xiao Yu entered Shuren University, but after only one year of studying, he fell ill. According to the students, several of them went outside to drink, Xiaoyu showed great excitement, and after returning to school, he climbed on the top of the teacher's car, and He couldn't hold back.
The school thought he was drunk and sent him to the hospital. Xiao Yu saw me and was very angry, "What are you here for?" Pull the needle out and I'm going home! ”
I took him home. I knew this kid was out of touch with school.
Jin Sex Yong
For two years, he immersed himself in self-study, more diligently than going to school. Two years later, he received a self-examination diploma from the English Department of Zhejiang University.
But then something terrible happened, and I wasn't home at the time. Xiaoyu couldn't wake up when he slept in bed, and his mother found out that he had committed suicide by taking sleeping pills, and quickly took him to the hospital with his neighbors to wash his stomach. Fortunately, the medicine was insufficient, and the child was saved.
After a while, we heard a rattling noise and rushed into the room to see Xiaoyu fall to the ground, a circle of belts hanging between the ceiling chandelier and the window. My mom and I hugged him and cried, "Son, don't do stupid things! ”
I am a researcher of medicine and chemical industry, the child's performance is not a personality problem, I read books to find the cause, Xiaoyu's symptoms are in line with mental illness. I went to several hospitals and diagnosed it as manic depression, also known as bipolar disorder, and the patient would alternate episodes of depression and mania. Xiaoyu does not go to school, is depressed, does not sleep at night, and even commits suicide, all of which are in the depression period; groundless suspicion of accusing others, manic and restless, destructive behavior, is turned into a manic period.
It is acceptable not to study or work or to become a family
We just want our son to live
Psychiatrists say that the disease comes and goes quickly, the danger is that it does not know when to come and go, and it cannot be controlled by taking medicine, and the only thing that can be done is to send it to the hospital in time. Since 1992, Xiaoyu has been sent in basically every year.
I bought a lot of mental illness books to read. In the end, there are two things that make a father not collapse: one is that usually such patients rarely have this thought after one or two suicide attempts, and they will cherish life more than before; second, such patients will be extraordinary in the spiritual field, and even show genius creativity.
I read a book called "Manic Depression multi-talent", written by an American psychiatrist, which listed 25 historical celebrities: Beethoven, Van Gogh, Newton, Hemingway... They have typical manifestations of bipolar disorder throughout their lives, and have endured pain beyond ordinary people. They are all talented artists with great imaginations.
After understanding this knowledge, my greatest relief is that Xiaoyu may not commit suicide again. As for "genius", I did not think about it, after all, not all mentally ill people can become Van Gogh and Newton, and even if they become geniuses, they need two things: one is to live, and the other is opportunity.
My son didn't want to die, and my mom and I suddenly felt that nothing mattered, that we didn't go to college, didn't work, didn't start a family, and we could all accept it — as long as he lived.
Blaming others, being manic, having acts of destruction, is turning into a period of mania.
A classmateship with his wife changed his fate
"Can you ask your son to do the translation at home?"
Ten years later, in 2010, my wife went to the 50th Anniversary Alumni Association of NTU. Maybe it was Heavenly Pity, or maybe it was the sincerity of a mother, and this classmate meeting actually changed Xiaoyu's fate next.
When I heard that my child had no job due to illness, a classmate who stayed at the school as a professor asked her: Can you ask your son to do a translator at home?
My wife said that Xiaoyu's English and Japanese are very good, please give him a chance to try it.
Xiaoyu's computer
Back in the 1990s, it was the most difficult period in our family, it cost money to treat diseases everywhere, and children had to lose money when they went out to cause trouble, but I still did my best to meet Xiaoyu's requirements. His biggest request was to buy books — English, Japanese, ancient Chinese, Go, music, painting, geography, etc. More than two hundred books.
In 1993, at the risk of being smashed, I spent twelve thousand yuan to buy Xiaoyu a computer. Xiaoyu said happily that day, "Daddy, thank you!" ”
After that, he also fell on the sick, but never touched the computer. Computers have become another world for Xiaoyu. He also doesn't play games, but does two things: teach himself a foreign language and watch an acoustic movie. It took him six years to teach himself German and Japanese, consolidating his English. Watching foreign language movies, he first looks at the subtitles with Chinese, and after reading them, he makes a note to block the subtitles and then watch. Watch a movie N times until you fully understand it.
The excitement and investment brought by all this to Xiaoyu is the performance of the child's increased creativity during the manic period. "Opportunities are always given to those who are prepared", I never thought that this sentence had anything to do with Xiaoyu. It wasn't until ten years later, when his mother came back from a classmate's meeting, that I suddenly felt that what I had experienced with my children over the years was like a training camp.
It turns out that opportunity is really for everyone who is prepared.
Nanda Publishing House quickly sent eight short stories by American female writer Andrea Barrett and asked Xiaoyu to try one.
Jin Xiaoyu's first translation of "Ship Fever"
He translated one of them, "Ship Fever," as fast as he could. When handing over the manuscript, I told the publisher that if the review is approved, please leave the rest to me.
I'm surprised, this is literature, translation is equal to re-creation, a piece of paper does not know whether it can work, a whole book can you translate well?
Xiaoyu said, OK, Dad, you can rest assured, I will not be worse than others, these years I went out to the Zhejiang Library, I am not going to play, you go to Zhejiang to check the borrowing registration card, every book I have borrowed, there is Jin Xiaoyu's name.
"How many novels have you read?"
"I finished reading all the foreign language novels in the library."
In ten years, he translated 22 books
My wife and classmate said: You have raised a genius!
Back in 2010, Xiaoyu accepted the task of publishing house and began his life as a translator. In ten years, Xiaoyu translated a total of 22 books at the rate of two books per year. His short and prolific translation career was the rarest and happiest time for our family.
In 2013, Xiaoyu translated and published the English novel The Seducer by Irish author John Banville. The original title of the book is "Mefisto", when Xiaoyu and the editor discussed, the other party said that this can not be transliterated, use transliteration, that is, "Mephisto". But Xiao Yu knows that Mefisto is a character in Goethe's masterpiece "Faust", this character is a seducer, then it is possible that the seducer is the author's intention. Xiaoyu decided to use "The Seducer" as the title of the book, which was greatly appreciated by the publisher and became a sought-after book.
When translating the novel "Dog Son-in-law" by Japanese female writer Tawada Leaf, Xiaoyu watched Japanese sumo wrestling matches every day in order to improve the accuracy of the translation. Below the screen, a note that blocks subtitles flutters. On the screen, two Hercules wearing only belts are rolling and fighting. Our father and son laughed at the sight. Xiaoyu has translated five novels by Tawada Yezi, and the response has been very good, and the publishing house plans to publish another bound edition.
Another example is "Andrey Tarkovsky: Elements of Cinema", which is very difficult to translate, and Xiaoyu specifically went to see all the films directed by Tarkovsky. Nanda elected Gu, a foreign literature major, as the responsible editor of the book, and Professor Gu invited Peng Xin, a doctoral student of robert Bird, the author of the book, to write an appendix for Xiaoyu's translation. The book was published in 2018, the impact is very large, the website has a film researcher posted, "I thought that Jin Xiaoyu's translation had errors, I deliberately bought the original book to compare and look at, only to know that The Golden Translation is not wrong, and it is better than the original text, and the text is more delicate ..."
Children have no friends in their lives. As a father, I am most fortunate to be my child's best friend and assistant in this decade. I bought a scanner, a printer, ran the post to help him receive samples of foreign texts, bought information books, translated and printed samples for him, each translation was hundreds of pages, the same as a hill, and then helped him proofread the manuscript and send out sample books... I am the first reader of every book, from sample to publication. Surprisingly, I never saw a single typo, 22 books, nearly seven million words, you say I'm not easy? It's even harder for Xiaoyu!
The head of the editorial department came to my house to see Xiaoyu, and he said that Jin Xiaoyu's translated manuscript was sent to the editorial department, and everyone rushed to be responsible editor, because there were no typos, sentences, and mistranslations in the whole book, and every book was selling well, and the readers responded very well.
Nanda students called to congratulate the child's mother, "You have raised a genius! ”
Jin Xiaoyu's translations span novels, films, music, and philosophy
But except for NTU, no one in the translation community knows who Jin Xiaoyu is, no one in the society knows how much effort my son has put in, and no one knows that these books were translated by a bipolar patient. Xiao Yu, who had never shown a smile, told me for the first time with a smile: "Dad, there are books I translated in the Zhejiang Library, and I also deliberately checked the book registration book, and many readers have borrowed books translated by Jin Xiaoyu!" ”
After the new book is published, Xiaoyu will go to check the Douban score, "Dad, Dad, all of them are above 8 points, and there are many readers who comment on it well..."
I couldn't say a word, just smiled and nodded, "Good, good."
The son is on the right track, but his wife's body can't hold up
Dementia for several years, the son took care of her every day
My wife lived a very hard life, she was a high-achieving student, educated and professional, she was industrious and frugal, and the whole family made her own clothes for all seasons. Xiao Yu didn't know how many things he had smashed, and he never smashed his mother's sewing machine.
Around 2000, my wife began to speculate in stocks. We had a tacit understanding of the division of labor, I was at home to guard my son, and she went to the stock exchange every day. I understood that she was speculating in stocks to save money for Xiaoyu, and after she was blinded by one eye in her childhood, her heart was on Xiaoyu. Later, Xiaoyu's illness made us helpless, and her despair and helplessness were buried in her heart. Xiao Yu translated at home, letting her see a glimmer of light, but her own light was about to go out.
In 2015, my wife said that she had a bad memory, did not speculate in stocks, and wanted to give me all the deposits. I learned that she had 2 million yuan of wealth management products and could not get it back, I wanted to do my best to recover the money, or 500,000 yuan was lost. After this incident, his wife's health deteriorated, and then he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and then he could not take care of himself in daily life and lay in bed for three years.
Xiao Yu was very sad, and he said that I was able to translate the book because of my mother's credit. Every time the publisher sent ten sample books to Xiaoyu, he rushed to the bedside for the first time and sent them to his mother and told them to his mother. Later, his mother began to be unable to speak and recognize her family.
Family photo of Jin Xiaoyu when he was a teenager
As the old saying goes, there is no filial piety in front of the bed, but my son is a true filial piety. Mom was demented for several years, he never lost his temper with mom, and he did a lot of things for her. During the day, he takes care of his mother, is responsible for buying vegetables, buys shrimp that his mother likes to eat every day, washes dishes after meals, and then washes his mother's face. I take care of the evening's affairs, make three meals, and feed my wife shrimp.
His mother hadn't been to the toilet in three years and had to pick up and defecate every two hours. Before her feet still had strength, she was carried to sit on a toilet chair next to the bed, and then she could only hold and drag her down. I'm 80 years old, I really can't hold it, thanks to Xiaoyu. Without Xiaoyu, we would all be dead.
Xiao Yu was very careful and patient, and sometimes when Xiao Yu did these things, there were tears in his mother's eyes. Every day, Xiaoyu hugged his mother and shouted, "Mom, Mom." He remembered his mother's kindness in his heart, and from the age of six, he had one eye left, and his mother shed tears for him, holding him and crying for an unknown number of times. I want to say in my heart, son, when you grow up, I don't know how many times your mother has cried for you.
In the past three years, I really understand what is called interdependence, these three years are also Xiaoyu's translation sprint period, in addition to Nanda, other publishing houses have also found him to translate, the book is thicker than one. The child's illness also miraculously decreased, taking care of the mother, turning books day and night, Xiaoyu has been quiet and hard, until last November.
Xiao Yu's 22nd book is a German book. As early as 2016, he received an invitation from a publisher to translate the Collected Letters by the German thinker Benjamin. The book is 530,000 words long. After getting the German manuscript, Xiaoyu consulted the information all night, forgot about the onset of the disease, and handed over the translation in only one year.
Unfortunately, the book was delayed due to the publisher's reasons. Xiao Yu was waiting every day.
Over the years, we are very grateful to the community, the Hushu police station, the Gongshu District Disabled Persons' Federation, and the Federation of Returned Overseas Chinese for their care, so that my son can go to the society healthily and make more contributions to the society.
Over the years, some people have not understood, saying that I want my son to do translation in order to make money, and I can only smile bitterly. They don't know that translation doesn't make money at all, and that new books are just a tonic when my son's life hangs in the balance.
The son went to Wenzhou alone without a mobile phone
When he came home, he did nothing, but my heart tightened
After waiting for a long time, my biggest fear happened, before November last year, Xiaoyu ran to Wenzhou.
From November to March of the following year, it is Xiaoyu's most difficult day. Last October, my son hadn't been out for a long time. At six o'clock after dinner that day, he said, "Dad, I've taken the medicine in the evening, I won't go far, and I'll definitely come back at 7 o'clock." "I told him to go home early, and I didn't dare to ask more.
Xiaoyu never brings a mobile phone when he goes out, 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock, 9 o'clock... At 11 o'clock, I was in a hurry and ran to the police station to report the case.
In the past, he was wandering on the road, and the police would bring him back when they touched him. The next day, the police checked the surveillance and found that Xiaoyu took the 151 road to the Chengzhan Railway Station at night and bought a ticket to Wenzhou. He probably had more than a hundred dollars on him.
I was in a hurry, but Xiaoyu went home. Asked what he was doing in Wenzhou, he said he got out of the car and ate something and came back. Seeing that he had nothing to do, I cried bitterly in my heart, which was a precursor to the onset of mania.
A few days later, Xiao Yu crossed the road and faced a courier, who punched out the front teeth of the man... Soon, the Seventh Yuan came and took Xiao Yu away. The son cried out to the heavens: Daddy save me, I don't go to the hospital, don't go.
One night, my wife was gone
I couldn't do anything for her
On the night of November 8, I touched my wife's forehead and face before going to bed as usual, and then touched my feet. I'm afraid she's cold and hot, and I don't know until I touch it.
On this day, everywhere I touched it was cold, and my feet were like ice cubes. I quickly turned on the air conditioner, hit it to 25 degrees, and hugged a blanket to add to the quilt. After half an hour of touching it again, there was still no trace of heat.
I panicked and held her head in my arms, "Hold me tight," my face pressed against my face, but it was getting colder. "You can't go, you can't go!" I pressed my face closer, my hand shook and touched her nose, out of breath, touching it down, my heart stopping beating.
I didn't know what to do, I was completely unprepared. She's gone, and my son has no mom.
I was still planning to intubate my wife, and a neighbor in his 90s was in the same situation and was still alive after the operation. Why didn't I do it for her sooner? This night I watched my wife's increasingly cold body, weeping, blaming myself, regretting it.
Although she had long since not known me and had long since known nothing, I knew that she was still alive and that I lived every day for her and for my son. She was gone, and I didn't have the slightest relief. I'm used to her being alive and used to doing things for her every day. For three years I slept on the couch at the head of her bed, and at night I could hear her purring, breathing, coughing... I was on time like a clock, and I would wake up in two hours, talk to her, turn her over, feed her water... It's so quiet now, you can't hear anything, you can't do anything.
Last week I went to the hospital to see Xiaoyu and bring him something to eat. Every time I went there to see him, I heard him crying, "Please take me home, Daddy let's go home..."
The son would be back in the spring, and he would let his mother read his new book.
The Benjamin Epistles was finally delivered.
The latest news
Jin Xiaoyu's 85-year-old father, Jin Shengyong, told reporters: Xiaoyu has been discharged home from the hospital, and the long-awaited sample book of "Benjamin's Collection of Letters" has also been received and is expected to be listed next month. He is currently working on the translation of his second benjamin book, The Arcade Project. The old man thanked everyone for their concern, but also refused all material help.