#A little psychology every day #Once bitten by a snake, ten years afraid of the well rope, this saying is known to everyone, that is: because of the fear of snakes, see the broken well rope are afraid. Fear is not a big thing to say small.
For example, people who are afraid of heights have no fear until they go up to high-rise buildings, and they have no impact on ordinary life. But people with social fear, unable to avoid the large number of social activities that exist in large numbers, will always be deeply dominated by fear, except at home, they will be extremely sad when they leave home.
Although fear brings us very bad feelings, a deep study of fear psychology will reveal that fear is actually a necessary emotion for survival. In the book "Mothers Who Understand Psychology Are Amazing", the author uses 1/3 of the page to analyze the self-relationship in addition to talking about the parent-child relationship and the intimate relationship between husband and wife that mothers are most concerned about. And the matter of fear is analyzed at the beginning of "Self-Relation".
Isn't it a little strange why the theme of fear is mentioned in mom's book? As a mother, do you have such an experience: in fact, you are very afraid of bugs and these things, but the child is very curious, to pick it up and show it to you, pull you together to find, and tease with you.
At this time, you not only need to overcome great fears, but also show great enthusiasm to cater to your children, because this is the best way to protect your child's curiosity as a mother.
So with children, mothers must become brave, in the eyes of children, you are superhuman, invincible. Fear is something that mothers must learn to deal with and deal with.
The author of "Mothers Who Understand Psychology Are Great" is also a psychological counselor, who summarized a large number of practical cases, combined with psychological theory, through a real and common case to tell mothers: In fact, it is not difficult to overcome fear, as long as three steps, you can break the paper tiger of fear in one fell swoop.
Step 1 Accept fear
Don't do it because you're scared – that's what most people think. Not doing it is an escape, but what you actually escape is not this thing, but the consciousness that you are afraid of.
"People do not perceive fear first and then have a physical response, but recognize fear emotions according to physical reactions."
Everyone has the experience of exams, if it is a subject that we are not sure of, or have been very poor, as soon as the teacher explains the exam tomorrow, we immediately start to be afraid. At this time, the exam has not yet started, where does the fear come from? Your mind, your consciousness, the memories of your previous bad exams are produced.
Mothers should be familiar with this scenario: tomorrow there is an important exam, the child has a headache, stomachache... In fact, the child is afraid after thinking of the scene of being scolded for not doing well in the test, and the body has a protective reaction - uncomfortable, hoping to escape the hurt of being scolded.
At this time, the correct approach is to soothe the child's emotions, weaken the influence of the test results, and let the child face up to the object of his fear and fear is actually imagined by himself, not real. It is the acceptance of fear. Exams, who are afraid of not taking the exam well, you are worried about being afraid is a very normal psychological reaction.
Step 2: Familiarize yourself with the fear
When embracing fear, realizing that fear is a physical mechanism that mobilizes self-preservation, the author proposes to become familiar with and adapt to fear.
"If you are familiar with it, you will not be afraid, which is the basic characteristic of our psychology."
Jiang Shuying, who has an elegant temperament and self-confidence, is a goddess in the eyes of the audience, but in a reality show "Speak My World", she confessed: "In life, I am extremely unconfident and have social phobia. ”
In this show, she not only boldly exposed her fears, but also actively faced them, constantly allowing herself to challenge, confronting fear again and again, thus overcoming fear, and finally she won the overall championship of the show that year.
When you are constantly exposed to things that make you afraid, you are also seeing the essence or natural laws of the thing that makes you afraid little by little. After you see it clearly and become familiar with it, you will find that even if you are afraid to do it, you have not produced any terrible results because of it.
Without terrible results, your sense of fear will be reduced, and you will become less and less afraid of fear to do this.
In the end, what you were afraid of became a normal thing, and even because you kept doing it became something you were good at.
Step 3 Relax your body and breathe abdominally
The first two steps are known in psychology as "exposure." After exposing yourself to the object and situation of fear and familiarizing yourself with it, you can reduce the awareness of fear in an objective way.
So how do you deal with the physical response to fear? The book explains in detail the way to relax the body and breathe abdominally.
Our usual breathing is chest breathing, when nervous anxiety and fear, it will breathe quickly, but because it is inhaled quickly, it cannot be inhaled deep into the lungs, and soon there will be a situation of breathlessness.
Physical discomfort will exacerbate the awareness of fear, on the contrary, relax the body, with inhalation and exhalation of air are relatively large abdominal breathing, you can alleviate physical discomfort, and then weaken the fear awareness.
When doing yoga, abdominal breathing is often used, which can not only pranayama, but also help relax and soothe the shoulders and neck. When we are nervous and afraid, we often involuntarily tighten our body, which is very effective in relieving it with relaxing the body and abdominal breathing.
The above three steps to solve the fear can be adjusted in order.
For example, when encountering a sudden event that makes you unexpected, and when the huge fear makes your body have a rapid heartbeat, panic, dizziness, etc., you can first do the third step, let the body relax, use abdominal breathing to relieve physical discomfort, and then do the first and second steps.
What you want to address is the fear that has been bothering you, such as speaking in public.
That is, the first step is to accept that the fear consciousness caused by public speech is actually caused by one's own hypothetical bad results. The second step is to overcome this fear by constantly practicing speaking in public to familiarize yourself with it. If the body reacts violently during the overcoming, it is possible to relax and soothe with the third step.
Fear this paper tiger is actually very easy to solve, according to the help of "mothers who understand psychology are amazing", we can easily solve the fear, more positive view of the problem and challenge, from fear to fear, and then to victory!
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