"Madame Bovary" tells the dark and depraved history of Emma, a young woman in the countryside, and Emma's selfish, depraved, and abusive image is also despised by posterity. However, after reading it, I sympathized with Emma more than I hated it.
Her tragedy originated in the love novels she read as a child, and the root of it was her inability to deal with her own desires and the inability to balance the gap between ideals and real life. But all this is not to blame herself, but more by family and social realities.
From Emma's tragic story, we as parents can also draw certain lessons from it. More precisely, I have more thoughts and insights about how to raise an independent, confident and full-hearted girl.
You think you've given your child everything he wants, but you're ignoring the most important things
Papa Lueu loved Emma and almost held her in the palm of his hand: he never let her work in the fields, hired a maid to take care of the housework, and sent her to the best local school for an aristocratic education, which he thought would be good for her, but ignored her deep emotional needs.
Her father never asked Emma about her life at school and never talked to her. After the death of her mother, when Emma wrote back to her bitterness at school and asked to be buried with her mother in the future, the father's first reaction was that his daughter was ill and wanted to take her home.
There is a term in psychology called "emotional neglect", which means that parents only focus on meeting their children's material needs, never neglect or abuse their children, but ignore the most important thing: never interact emotionally with their children and give them continuous attention. This kind of child who grows up under emotional neglect, thinks that he has a perfect childhood, and the parents who care and love them the most, only to find unspeakable problems when they grow up:
They often feel incompatible with their families, like to be alone, often feel empty, feel the emptiness of life, and cannot establish normal emotional relationships with others.
Seeing this, I suddenly realized that it was no wonder that Emma would be dismissive of the pampered life, blind to Charlie's concern, extremely disappointed in his incomprehensible style, and then begin to hate him for being rude.
She just blamed him for not understanding the style, "If Charlie saw through her mind, even once, her heart would immediately gush out, like a fruit tree touched by her hand, and the ripe fruit fell down."
Because what Emma needs is never the lowest level of care, but the understanding and resonance of deep emotions. This deep emotional need, Luo's father can not give him, so she began to look in the novel, eager to get compensation from marriage, but Charlie can not give him, only his fantasy ideal lover can give her.
We, as parents, truly rich children, never give them simple material satisfaction, but more importantly, their emotional interaction and empathy. Giving children unconditional care and love, paying attention to their inner world, and paying attention to their emotional needs is the most important thing for us as parents to understand.
The marriage of children is a lifelong thing, do not let children casually walk into a marriage
In the book, Charlie opened his mouth to mention the details of luo's father to be very well described: Charlie held back for a few days, still very ashamed to say it, he shouted twice "Luo Daddy", "Luo Daddy", Lu Ou Daddy will understand and say: "I can't ask for it, needless to say, the girlfriend and I should have a thought, but we should always ask her..."
In fact, seeing that Charlie blushed at the sight of Emma, Papa Luo had already seen through Charlie's mind. He was also secretly investigating Charlie: although Charles was not his ideal son-in-law, he was of good character, frugal, very learned, and most importantly, he certainly did not care much about dowry. He remembered the debts he had on his farm, the machines that needed to be re-purchased...
Finally, the decision was made: "If he asks me if I want her, I will give it to her." ”
Before Charlie could speak, Papa Luo agreed.
There are many such parents around us, always according to external economic conditions to choose the child's partner, some even hope to take a sum from the child's marriage, never consider whether the child likes it.
In the hit drama "Xiao Min's Family", the reason why Xiao Min married Jin Bo, a rough man who did not match her quiet temperament at all, was that she was thrown by her mother. At that time, the mother was optimistic about Jin Bo's superior conditions as the son of the factory director, and did not care whether Xiao Min liked it or not.
Later, Jin Bo's father's factory closed, and Jin Bo, who was well-bred and accustomed, began to be idle, drinking every day and going home drunk, Xiao Min wanted a divorce, his parents did not agree, and his mother even hid the household registration book. After Xiaomin finally divorced, she went to Beijing to break out.
Years later, Xiao Min spoke her heart, and her mother was furious, saying that everything she did was for her own good.
How many parents have ruined their children's futures under the guise of love.
Although we rarely have arranged marriages with parents now, blind dates and forced marriages are still common. As parents, we have to respect our children's wishes and ideas, only give advice, let the children make their own decisions, and bear the consequences of their own decisions.
Of course, sometimes, the child's ideas may not be mature, and parents should guide them appropriately.
Aside from the fictional love in the novel, Emma knows nothing about love and marriage. She only felt that leaving the boring life of school required a little passion, a man who could bring her stimulation, so she agreed.
Later, after reading the letter given to her by Lou's father, she began to miss the freedom, hopes and dreams of her pre-marriage girlhood, and when she saw the woman in the play rejecting her lover in the theater, she regretted how easily she chose a person and happily threw herself into the "abyss" of marriage.
If there had been an elder around her at that time to tell her about marriage and the ideal partner, she would not have easily walked into a marriage.
As a parent, it is important to respect the child's willingness to marry, and it is more important to correctly guide the child not to choose a marriage at will.
It is important to educate children about financial intelligence and learn to manage their finances
Emma grew up in a greenhouse and never cared about money, so she didn't know that aristocratic life required a material basis, and she didn't know that it was not easy to make money: she threw a few silver coins at the poor when she was in a bad mood, bought something she didn't need to resist the temptation of a businessman, bought some luxury goods to reward her lover and her own vanity, and deferred the bills indefinitely when the bills piled up. Never calculate every account, and when you have the heart to calculate, it is too complicated and cumbersome, and you simply throw it aside.
Unable to deal with the relationship with money, Emma gradually fell into the trap of consumerism and was swallowed up by her own desires.
If I had a daughter, I would have taught her to realize the importance of money, to learn to keep accounts, to learn to manage money, not to be dragged along by lust and vanity.
Cultivate a correct view of reading and help her stay away from the poison of garbage ideas
Although Emma also reads, she reads some love novels, some ethereal and ethereal content, advocating the values of worship and vanity. This kind of book, like some of the current garbage literature and violent literature, corrodes people's hearts.
At the same time, Emma does not really want to cultivate her emotions through reading, or to explore the wisdom of life, but more to pass the time, fill in the inner emptiness and loneliness, and even escape from reality, such reading is not helpful and harmful to her.
No wonder Emma's mother-in-law, when she saw through her heart disease, said to her son Charlie: Don't let her read those novels, those are bad books, only make her think about it all day long.
Many parents know that it is important to develop their children's interest in reading, but it is more important to guide their children to read what books.
Parents should teach their children to establish a correct concept of reading, help them stay away from the corrosion of garbage ideas, and read more classics and books of wisdom that have been handed down, so that children's souls can be nourished rather than defiled.
Write at the end
Looking at Emma's later death from these perspectives, I can't hate it, and I even feel a little sad. Of her death, Flaubert once said: "At this very moment, my poor Madame Bovary is weeping in 20 village buildings in France at the same time".
Some people say emma is a romantic who has been brutally destroyed in real life. I strongly agree. Her tragedy was largely caused by the historical and social realities of the time.
But we also can't blame her father too much, after all he has given his daughter the best he thinks, just as we can't blame our parents for not being able to give us superior material conditions and a better education.
Through Emma's tragic life, we need to reflect more on how to get more useful wisdom for educating our children from her story.
--The End--
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Shao Xiaoqian
A post-85 generation who focuses on reading, writing and personal growth for 2 years, loves life, and firmly reads to change his destiny, only writes warm and valuable words. Willing to use their own light to illuminate a corner around them.
Zhu Yongxin once said: The history of a person's spiritual development is his reading history, and the spiritual realm of a nation depends on the reading level of the nation. Mr. Yang Dai once said: The problem of many young people is that they read too few books and think too much.
In this impetuous age, reading is especially important for us. People who want to grow through reading, who want to recognize through reading, who want to think high-quality, please pay attention to me.
Read a book every week, write a dry reading article, and output a high-quality book list every month, please supervise me together.
Let's read a book together