In ancient China, there was a saying: "Go out to have a different room with your wife, and go out without visiting the grave of your father-in-law", what does this mean? Does it make sense?
Let's start with the first half of the sentence, which means that the husband and wife are out of the house and cannot have sex together.
In the ancients, women generally did not go out easily. If you go out with your husband, you basically go back to your mother's house, so this saying mainly refers to the fact that when the husband and wife go back to their mother's house, they cannot have the same room.
So why is there such a statement?
In the eyes of the ancients, intercourse is an extremely private thing, but also a filthy thing, which can only be carried out in one's own home.
Although the daughter returned to her own mother's house, the son-in-law was an outsider after all, and when she arrived at her mother's house, she had to abide by etiquette and not to share room in other people's homes. If the taboo is committed, the little two will not only be regarded as uncultured by others, but also bring bad luck to the mother's family.
In addition, if the mother's family is in the same room, after the couple returns home, the bedding and bed sheets and other supplies in the room need to be cleaned by the mother's family. This is obviously unacceptable, inconsistent with the ancient concept of etiquette, and inconsistent with filial piety.
Going out without worshipping the grave of the father-in-law means that the son-in-law cannot worship the ancestral grave of the father-in-law's family, and it is emphasized that the grave in it refers specifically to the ancestral grave.
In the eyes of the ancients, daughters can only be regarded as relatives after marriage. Unless the mother's family is extinct, the daughter cannot go to the grave, otherwise it is a great disrespect to the ancestors. The ancients said: "The girl goes to the grave, and the mother's family has no one", which means this.
In ancient times, there was a great deal of importance to the inheritance of incense, and only their own descendants were eligible to worship their ancestors. Even if a daughter is not qualified, the son-in-law is even more inappropriate. If the son-in-law worships, this is an act of insulting the father-in-law's family and no one to succeed.
In addition, the ancestors are generally sacrificed on the Qingming Festival, and if the son-in-law does not worship his ancestors at this time, but runs to the father-in-law's house to worship, this is obviously a manifestation of filial piety. Filial piety was one of the ten evil sins in ancient times. Therefore, from any point of view, the son-in-law cannot do this.