Speaking of the Swiss psychologist Jung, we are all strangers. Jung's best-known theory is the MBTI personality test, which is particularly popular now. But in fact, from Jung's analytical psychology, an important branch called Archetypal Psychology was derived.
According to Jung, a person's psychology is divided into "four archetypes", namely Self, Anima, Animus, and Shadow. Archetypal theory holds that the formation of most psychological problems generally boils down to the fact that a "prototype" is not well developed and is hindered, and the mental system adjusts itself to manifest itself as neurosis or other problems.
The essence of love is narcissism
Of the four archetypes mentioned above, we can roughly guess what "self" and "shadow" mean, and the words "Anima" and "Animus" are somewhat unfamiliar.
The word "anima", which originally meant "life, soul," was interpreted in Jungian psychological terms as "male feminine intention"; accordingly, "animus" was interpreted as "female male intention".
Every man has an image of a woman in his mind, and the prototype of the female image in the male unconscious is "anima", that is, the female component in the male mind; correspondingly, every woman has a male image in her mind, and the prototype of the male image in the female unconscious is "animus", that is, the male component in the female mind. Interestingly, men often have only a single Anima, while women often have a group of Animaus.
As a gender-loving man, I'll start with my experience of Animus.
"Anima" and "Animus" are bridges of communication between the mask of personality and the self. When we are looking for a love object, we are actually looking for someone to project our unfulfilled wishes, you think that you are in love with a man, in fact, you are in love with your own desires, so "the essence of love is narcissism." There is still a rumor that the prototype theory was proposed.
At that time, Jung had been breaking with the "love and killing" teacher Freud for several years, and had been in severe depression for many years, with a very poor mental state. He had seen the apparitions many times, and he had also felt many ghosts gathered in his home. One of the apparitions is of a winged and lame old man, and the other is of a beautiful lady, both of whom are said to have been the inspiration for Jung's later theories of "Anima" and "Animus".
Due to the restrictions of traditional gender rules, parents and teachers have always taught us from an early age: girls must be gentle, boys must be masculine. However, due to the existence of Animus, women have actually had a lot of yearning for the so-called "masculine" elements of strength, rationality, bravery, and leadership since childhood.
Stage One: Power Animus – "Girls can't like Transformers? ”
At this stage, women will aspire to have the strength and physique of men, hope that they can become as strong and indestructible as their fathers or brothers, and even hope that they can compete with men at the level of strength. Many girls not only like rag dolls when they are young, but also like 4WDs and Transformers, which is the embodiment of the early "power animus".
(Don't look at the fact that I don't have the strength to tie the chicken now, but when I was in preschool, I also broke my wrist with the little boys in the same class, and because my strength was more proud than all the boys, I guess I must have been "Power Animus" at that time... ）
Stage 2: Behavior Animus – "The Lecherous Boy Is the Most Attractive"
At this stage, women's Animus no longer stays at the physical level, but at the behavioral level, they are more likely to be attracted to men who behave bravely or even unruly, the most typical example is that many well-behaved girls in middle school will be inexplicably attracted to the naughty boys in the class. If a boy is angry, sleeping in class, making trouble after class, usually not disciplined, and occasionally lifting the bar with the teacher, the key is that the results are still quite good, then there must be a lot of little girls who are secretly willing to him.
However, this phase does not last long, and as women mature mentally, their preference for men will soon move towards the third stage.
Stage Three: Language Animus – "I think we don't have three views"
From this stage onwards, women's judgment of men deepens to a higher level, and they begin to pay attention to each other's character, thinking, and three views, which are expressed through language. It is also from this stage that some women begin to consciously label the men they have been exposed to one by one, and the titles of "licking the dog", "warm man" and "scumbag" come from this way.
However, smarter women are not in a hurry to label men, they will promote their own mental growth by observing each other's words and deeds, such as, "I want to be a rational person like him" or "I don't want to be a frivolous person like him". At this stage, women began to consciously weaken the gender difference, but simply from the "human" level to appreciate the excellent character of others, no longer overemphasize the feminine characteristics such as gentleness, cuteness, and virtuousness, but tried to learn the male traits they appreciated, such as rationality, decisiveness, and adventure, and slowly learned to deal with things in a rational and logical way and constantly improve themselves.
(Anti-bar exclusive tip: The so-called "masculine traits" and "feminine traits" are divided by traditional social concepts, not that women are irrational and indecisive and dare not take risks.) ）
Stage Four: Meaning Animus – "I just want to find someone I can talk to"
Under the guidance of Animus, women's judgment of men at this stage is no longer "what he has done for me" or "what is the good or bad of other people's character", but only one point - to talk. This requirement may not seem high, but people who have had a certain amount of experience must understand how rare it is to meet someone who can always talk to themselves.
At this stage, women no longer criticize each other or forcibly reform each other with their own standards, but pay more attention to the resonance and improvement of the spiritual level. For women at this stage, ideological resonance is the most romantic thing, you can talk about the soul, talk about the universe, talk about Shakyamuni, talk about all metaphysical things, you can also talk about work, gossip, talk about crayons, talk about all the bits and pieces.
But the reality is that many married people are "drowned" in trivial matters, and there is a serious lack of communication at the level of meaning. In this way, neither the high-ranking "Anima" of men nor the high-ranking "Animus" of women is satisfied, so many marriages end up as an immortal flower that looks beautiful at first glance but is actually lifeless.
If every conversation with a male person gets a new inspiration on a spiritual level, it's more fascinating than ten thousand "I love you." Women at this stage are to some extent "hermaphrodite", her sensibility and rationality, wisdom and emotion, gentleness and coldness, shyness and freedom are all mixed up in a secret recipe of almost golden ratio, tender as water, but also decisive, not chaotic, not trapped in love.
For love, women actually have more initiative than men
It is said that men are affectionate and affectionate, and women are obsessed and desperate, in fact, this is also Anima and Animus at work.
Men will constantly project their inner Anima onto a specific woman, so men often "love at first sight" because of a certain characteristic of women, and feel that they have encountered true love at every turn. After catching up, I found that the goddess was different from what I imagined, she didn't seem to be her own "Anima", so she gradually became cold, and some people would split their legs to find "other Anima".
However, years later, when they dream back in the middle of the night, they will inevitably miss the "Animas" who appeared in their lives. That is, the mechanism by which men project anirana onto a specific woman causes men to be affectionate and affectionate, with a group of white moonlight and cinnabar moles.
Just like Yongzheng in "The Biography of Zhen Huan", his Anima is the Queen of Chunyuan, and he takes so many concubines to collect Chunyuan peripherals - "They are all a bit like you, but they are not you." ”
Unlike men, women are not inclined to project the inner Animus onto a specific man on the outside, but observe and judge the behavior of different men, and discard them. So women like to test and test men for a long time, and finally choose a person who best fits animus at this stage.
Sometimes we see women struggling to retain their changed partners, the posture is low to the dust, in fact, their deep psychological mechanism is "I want to see if the man I have painstakingly selected is still saved", once I find that there is no salvation -
"I'm sorry, who do you love?"
Or take "The Biography of Zhen Huan" as an example. After the blackening, Zhen Huan of NiuHulu can not be described as incessant, and he is not soft on Yongzheng's revenge. Even if there are tears, it is to commemorate the love that once made him intoxicated under the apricot blossom rain, not for the selfish and desperate dead old man in front of him.
The ultimate goal of love is to find the lost self
Speaking of which, we may vaguely feel that the highest state of Animus is actually self-actualization.
When it comes to the relationship between the sexes, it is always inseparable from love and hate, division and union, right and wrong, but the best love is actually mutual achievement. Like Mia and Xiao Sai in "Philharmonic City", at the end of the film, with the melody of the city of stars and the seven-and-a-half-minute montage, the appearance of love changes from blur to clarity:
You're the one I've ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I regret not being able to be with you in the end; Your presence makes me better and I appreciate it; My presence has given you the courage to realize your dreams, and I am honored.
Yes, the ultimate purpose of love is to help you find your lost self.