In the process of growing up, children will encounter all kinds of people and things. After becoming a mother, I found that parenting is a big historical problem, and what I can do is to continue to learn and accumulate, let the child know how the mother is, and set an example for the child.
Recently do not know how, when writing articles always have no clue, no inspiration, always spend time in brushing videos, unconsciously wasted day after day, a sense of guilt floated in my heart, let me be ashamed, after all, I was still unashamed to tell my lover that I would definitely deepen my cultivation in the field of parenting.
However, the state of confusion in recent times has led to a break. Until last night, a sentence from my lover made me feel like a child who had done something wrong, and I tried to cover up my words, but he poked at the point of the problem sentence by sentence.
We sat on the couch and listened to his encouragement to me and the direction of writing, and the biggest feeling was: "People can't output forever, but after continuous learning, think about it, stand in the direction of parenting, and you will use ways and methods to help everyone guide." ”
At that moment, I suddenly felt that when you have no clue about writing, someone next to you will open up and suddenly open up.
Today, I took a copy of Wang Shuo's "Book to My Daughter" from the bookshelf, read 60 pages, and read intriguing sentences or paragraphs, which I drew with marker pens and tasted them twice.
From this book, let me know that a father's love for his daughter is so tender, delicate, and what makes me even more admired is that Wang Shuo revealed his childhood experience, bad emotions, and interests, how he came over, what kind of consequences the missing will cause, so that the child knows the pros and cons.
The original family growth environment
Wang Shuo, who has lived in the army compound since he was a child, said that for a long time he did not know that people were born by his parents, thinking that he was born by the state, there was a factory, specializing in giving birth to children, and he was born and raised in a nursery school.
Wang Shuo's father was a teacher at the National Defense University and treated people extremely harshly, and the young Wang Shuo was beaten by his father. He said that one of the most memorable beatings was when his father beat him until he was exhausted, smoked a cigarette, and slowed down to continue beating.
The mother, on the other hand, "wants a child to always be right, and that is her love." ”
The lack of original family care and the trauma left by his youth made the scars left in Wang Shuo's heart unable to heal for a long time.
Therefore, after Wang Shuo experienced this period, he hoped that her daughter would not have such an encounter in the future, so he loved and treated her daughter more lovingly and attentively.
In 2019, there is an animation film that is very popular, "Nezha's Demon Child Descends". There is a very distressing character in it, and this person is Ao Bing.
In order to let the Dragon Clan see the light of day, Ao Bing's father put all the expectations of the Dragon Clan on his son Ao Bing. He let Ao Bing bai Shen Gongbao as a teacher, and practiced kung fu hard since he was a child, so that one day he could get rid of Nezha and become famous all over the world.
Even when Ao Bing went to kill Nezha, the old Dragon King combined the two hardest dragon scales on his body, together with the dragon scales of other dragons of the Dragon Clan, into an indestructible ten thousand dragon scale armor to help Ao Bing fight. But he didn't know that this scale armor was like a shackle, pressing heavily on Ao Bing's body.
Ao Bing was originally a spirit pearl that saved Cangsheng, but he had to go against his own wishes and do such a thing as burying Chen Tangguan alive.
Is Ao Bing happy? Of course not, even if he finally becomes a great hero admired by thousands of people, it will be difficult to heal the pain in his heart.
This reminds me of what Jiang Fangzhou said:
"Many people have problems with their original families, and the essence is because of the power structure. Because when you are young, the parent is a being who is stronger and more authoritative than you, and you must obey such a being. ”
Fear of skin thirst
Wang Shuo recalled: "When I was a child, my first impression of my grandfather was fear. ”
Because Grandpa was from intelligence, he knew everything under his eyes, and every time he heard Grandpa shout, he felt that his scalp was tingling.
The most impressive thing is that Grandpa has yelled at other people's children.
Wang Shuo's most envious neighbor, because the neighbor's parents are very friendly to the children, very welcome other children to play at home, will not shout children home, so hysterical with evil, but so natural and gentle, is very caring for the child's soul.
Compared with Wang Shuo's home, their family does not welcome children to play at home, and the few children who can come to play at home will be frightened to run home when they see the faces of their grandparents, because sometimes Grandpa will train other people's children, and when they see children being naughty, they will beat other people's children.
Then the feeling of the father is nervous and worried, because the father left the house in the morning, the impression of him is very vague, vaguely remember is a small gloomy and grumpy black fat man, and the family photo of the hair combed close to meticulously, although it is black and white photography also appears white and clean young man has nothing in common, every day he comes back from work, in the crowd of people wearing military uniforms, this first side, always like a face that suddenly appeared, every time it scares me, strange is more than familiar.
It can be seen from this that Wang Shuo lacked love at that time, his parents were busy with work every morning, and they may work overtime when they came back at night, the frequency of touching the body dropped sharply, and the lack of affection and love between relatives made him somewhat indifferent, and slowly had "skin hunger and thirst".
So Wang Shuo likes to hold his daughter and kiss her face since he was a child? He was afraid that his daughter would get skin hunger and thirst, and the manifestation of this disease was indifference and shyness, afraid of intimate contact with others, unnatural next to the skin, embarrassing, cold hair upside down, the person he liked in his heart kissed it, pulled his hand, and blushed.
I also finally understood another meaning of why my husband likes to kiss my daughter, since the birth of my daughter, the first thing my husband did when he came back from work was to kiss his daughter, and I sometimes laughed and said, "How does it feel like a pig eating." It wasn't until I read this passage from Wang Shuo that I knew that fathers love their daughters in a very special way.
Everyone has shining points and shortcomings, and will magnify the advantages and thus cover up the shortcomings.
However, in the letter to his daughter, Wang Shuo informed his daughter of his shortcomings at a glance, telling her daughter that he had many hobbies that he had practiced alive, such as drinking, such as smoking, not liked, and no need, just to keep up with everyone, the feeling of smoking and getting drunk was ten thousand times worse than drinking, and the sky swirled and swirled, and the nausea that could never be spit out could never be heard.
It can be seen that many of the habits in his body originally did not belong to me, and in essence, he is a pure person, and if he has the conditions, he will go to the ideal.
Everyone has shortcomings, no one is perfect, and when Wang Shuo tells about his shortcomings, he is very real. He is not afraid of his daughter's many bad shortcomings, he said very frankly, do not hide, truthfully tell these shortcomings how they come from, the purpose is to tell the daughter, everyone will have shortcomings, boldly admit, which shortcomings will cause what kind of consequences, to the daughter as a warning.
In fact, often parents show the real side in front of their children, and their children will be more respectful.