I have seen such a question on the Internet: How difficult is it for a married woman to remarry after divorce?
The answer given by most people is: it is difficult for women after divorce to remarry. Especially for divorced women with children, it is even more difficult.
Although the answer is the standard version known to everyone, the ending that varies from person to person is unexpected.
In that era of male superiority and female inferiority, Zhang Youyi, who was divorced, spent her life telling us a perfect answer.
On December 29, 1900, the Zhang family in Baoshan County, Jiangsu Province, ushered in a new life.
The Zhang family is a local rich family, whose ancestors used to make a living by operating the salt industry, and began to change to medicine from their ancestors Zhang Zuze to Zhang Runzhi's generation. Zhang Runzhi also inherited his father's mantle and became a famous doctor in the county.
In the old days, large families would give their children two names. As a well-known doctor, Zhang Runzhi is naturally no exception. He gave this new life the big name Zhang Jiayue, and the nickname Zhang Youyi.
In that era when "a woman without talent is moral", the solid family situation did not give Zhang Youyi more opportunities for education. Although Zhang Runzhi attaches great importance to the education of his children, he only allocates high-quality educational resources to the men in the family.
And the women in the family learn nothing more than the rules of being a person and basic etiquette and morality, to be precise, how to become a qualified bridesmaid. This also allows Zhang Youyi to be a "conformist" person all her life.
In a flash of light, Zhang Youyi ushered in her fifteen-year-old. In this year, the fourth brother Zhang Jiaxuan found a good relationship for her. Married to her is the famous Xu Zhimo.
Although Zhang Youyi came from a wealthy family, she was never free. In this family, it was as if her father, mother, and even her brother could write her destiny, but she herself could not.
Unexpectedly, her misfortune also began...
Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo
Before Zhang Youyi got married, she had countless beautiful fantasies about Xu Zhimo. She thought he was a steady man who was both advanced and traditional, like her brother. She thought they would stay together as their father and mother did, plainly for the rest of their lives.
Until the moment she was unveiled Hippa, all her beautiful fantasies collapsed. After Xu Zhimo unveiled the hippa, he looked her up and down and said to her dismissively: "Rural buns." Then turn away.
That turn seemed to doom them to have no part in this life. At this time, Zhang Youyi also thought that as long as she abided by the way of women, filial piety to her in-laws, and had children, she could exchange for a stable marriage.
In the winter of 1920, Zhang Youyi embarked on a journey to Britain. She thought that this reunion allowed Xu Zhimo to find her good and slowly fall in love with her.
However, she was still wrong after all. Xu Zhimo never regarded her as his wife, let alone her thoughts. What's more, at this time, he already had a heart.
Once, Xu Zhimo took Zhang Youyi out to watch Chaplin's movie, and on the way Xu Zhimo met his friend, who thought that Fan Lun Tienuo's movie was better, and Xu Zhimo turned around on the spot and went in the opposite direction, completely ignoring Zhang Youyi's thoughts.
Despite this, Zhang Youyi still thought that her forbearance could be exchanged for the desired ending. Who knows, the ideological gap that cannot be crossed has long been torn apart by their marriage in name only.
Xu Zhimo's infatuation gave him the person he wanted, and his ruthlessness was left to Zhang Youyi. When she was pregnant, he let her have an abortion, and left her alone in the rental house, so that his friend Huang Zimei would like to bring her a sentence: "Would you like to be the daughter-in-law of the Xu family instead of Xu Zhimo's wife?" ”
Her heart was as shattered as her marriage. Soon, he became the first divorced man in China, and she was forced to become the first woman in China to divorce.
Lin Yutang wrote in "My Country and Our People": "The degree of enlightenment of a person is exactly equal to the degree of suffering he has suffered. ”
Zhang Youyi, who suffered great psychological pain, turned all her injustices and unwillingness into courage and strength, pushing her to continue to move forward until she went to another life she had not thought about.
After Zhang Youyi gave birth to her next son, Peter, she suddenly realized that she should no longer be as obedient as before, and she should be able to go out to work like a foreign woman and live a decent life with a salary.
So she thought about reading. She first found a German teacher, studied for several months, overcame the language barrier, and successfully applied for the notice of Pestaloch Academy.
In this way, Zhang Youyi studied her studies while taking care of her children. Unexpectedly, the nightmare struck again. One and a half years old Peter contracted a parasite and died suddenly.
Zhang Youyi couldn't accept it, but she had to accept it. She gradually understood that grief was meaningless, and that only by not giving in could she hope to win back what she had lost.
Recalling the most difficult days, Zhang Youyi said: "In fact, it is not so difficult, it is to learn to admit your fate." Accept the worst, see how bad it can be next, and then call it wind or rain, and go forward. ”
She chose to return home, facing everything she had not dared to face before. Zhang Youyi used what she learned in Germany to get a job at Soochow University, where she taught German.
She conquered her students with a fluent German language, and she became one of the most popular teachers at Soochow University on her own.
After that, she served as the vice president of Shanghai Women's Commercial Bank and also founded Yunsheng Fashion Company. She made money in the stock market, hyped cotton and gold, helped banks through one difficulty after another, and led the trend of female independence throughout Shanghai at that time.
When she is faced with a variety of problems, she never compromises, but constantly learns, improves herself and has the ability to solve problems on her own.
When Zhang Youyi was 53 years old, she married Dr. Su Jizhi. Su Jizhi gave her the love she wanted. Their lives are plain and happy.
Unlike Xu Zhimo, Su Jizhi has great respect for Zhang Youyi. She had lived with Dr. Su for twenty years and she felt truly happy. They chatted together and discussed issues. No matter what kind of life problems they face, they always have a business, husbands and wives follow, and live happily and happily.
She never spoke publicly about her later love, but she gave her surname "Su" on her tombstone. This happens to tell the world about their love with actions.
Regardless of gender, as long as we don't succumb to difficulties, we have the opportunity to take charge of our own destiny. The difficulties faced by married women in remarrying after divorce do exist. But does divorce depend on who you are?
When you have an independent personality, an independent economy, and live yourself as a beam of light, the happiness you want will quietly come.
Make a living first, then love. If you bloom, the breeze will come.