When it comes to female writers in the Republic of China, most people will think of Zhang Ailing, the impression left by this young and famous talented woman, just like her works: strange and colorful, right and wrong. She is suffering from her famous and flashy colleagues, and she is also suffering from the loneliness of erosion. Any of her love classics can make men and women in love today feel timid. In desolate words, she describes to us the hustle and bustle of that era and the fables of love that have been scattered.
"Born in this world, there is no feeling that is not full of holes" She saw through the glitz and glamour of the world, and human feelings changed, but did not see through herself.
On February 4, 1944, perhaps Zhang Ailing will remember this day for the rest of her life----- on this day, she met Hu Lancheng.
At that time, she was a tassel in a broken skirt, smiling and smiling, and was a well-known female writer on the beach. And he is a traitorous and beautiful man who is free to flow, buy flowers on the threshold, and drink in the car.
At the sight of him, she fell at the first sight, as she wrote, "When I saw him, she became very low, very low, low to the dust." But her heart was joyful, and flowers blossomed from the dust. ”
And her talent also conquered this amorous talent of Phi Sha Picking Gold, he said, and at the first sight he identified her as a Linshui Zhaohua person of the Republic of China.
Before, he had seen her in the "Heaven and Earth" magazine edited by Su Qing, and now, when he really saw her, Hu Lancheng only felt that it was completely wrong with what he thought. Zhang Ailing is very tall personally, but when he sees her sitting there, he thinks that she is childish and pitiful, not at all like a female writer, but like an immature female student. The two people talk for five hours at a time, from the evaluation of popular works to Zhang Ailing's monthly writing income, the two have a sense of friendship. When parting, Hu Lancheng sent Zhang Ailing to the entrance of the alley, and they walked side by side, and he suddenly said, "Your body is so high, how can this be?" He is worthy of being a veteran of the love scene, and he suddenly brought the two closer with just one sentence.
Since then, Hu Lancheng has gone to see Zhang Ailing every day. Zhang Ailing said that in the tens of millions of people to meet the people you want to meet, in the tens of millions of years, in the endless wilderness of time, there is no step earlier, there is no step later, just caught up, there is nothing else to say, only to ask softly: "Oh, you are also here?"
Soon, they were in love. This year, Hu Lancheng was 38 years old and Zhang Ailing was 24 years old. Although he already had a wife, although the cannons were rumbling outside and the lamentations of Japan's defeat had sounded, she could not take care of so much. She thought to herself, she loved him, and he loved her.
She was naïve because of the glory of the years, and he was so thin because of the vicissitudes of the years.
In August 1944, Hu Lancheng's second wife filed for divorce. This provides an opportunity for Zhang Ailing and Hu Lancheng's love to sublimate------ get married.
They were married, there was no legal process, just a handwritten marriage certificate. She remembered the expectation of love that she had read with him in the Book of Verses: life and death, and Zi Cheng. Holding the hand of the son, growing old with the son. Then she solemnly wrote nine words on the marriage book: May the years be quiet and the present world be stable.
May the hearts of one man be won, and the white heads shall not be separated. Hu Lancheng was much older than her, but that may have been the reason why she loved him. She lacks paternal love since she was a child, and she is prone to special feelings for older men, and she longs for dependence and security in her heart. It is a pity that she is a sincere Zhuo Wenjun, but he is not a deeply affectionate Sima Xiangru.
She should have known, but she didn't dare or want to think about it at the moment. The situation is uncertain, Hu Lancheng said, "In the future, after Japan's defeat, I will probably be able to escape this fate, that is, I am afraid that I will have to hide in anonymity for the first year or two, and we will not be able to be together again." ”
She sighed, "At that time, you changed your name, you can be called Zhang Zhao, or Zhang Zhao, and I am leading you to recruit you at the end of the world." She thought, Chun Xin to cuckoo, silver and han to hold each other is also good.
On August 15, 1945, Japan surrendered, and the end of Hu Lancheng also arrived. He fled from Wuhan to Zhejiang, under the pseudonym Zhang Jiayi, claiming to be a descendant of Zhang Ailing's grandfather, Zhang Peilun, and living in the Wenzhou Si family. Hu Lancheng, who was not willing to be lonely, quickly reappeared in the wind, and he took Fan Xiumei, a country girl.
Zhang Ailing could not resist the lovesickness, and half a year later found Wenzhou, and the three met in the hotel. Hu Lancheng vaguely felt abdominal pain, but he endured it until Fan Xiumei came and said that he was uncomfortable. Fan Xiumei pulled over the chair next to the door and sat down, asked him how much he hurt, and said that it would be better to make a cup of afternoon tea later. Zhang Ailing was very sad at the moment, because she clearly felt that Fan Xiumei was Hu Lancheng's relative, and she was like a "third party" or a guest.
In fact, Hu Lancheng understands better that the man who is outlawed in the end of the world is the only motivation and purpose to escape alive. Now he does not need poetry and songs, the ideal of life, he only needs a person to take care of him like an old mother, to tolerate him, without him to coax and love. The trendy, independent and sensitive Zhang Ailing obviously can't do it. Affection is a burden that cannot be borne, and love words are only lies that are accidentally fulfilled.
When leaving Wenzhou, Hu Lancheng sent her, it was raining, and it was really heavenly justice to leave her feelings. Zhang Ailing knew that she once thought that the most beautiful love had come to an end, and there was no room for redemption.
In June 1947, Hu Lancheng received a farewell letter from Zhang Ailing:
"I don't like you anymore, you don't like me anymore. This determination was something I had considered for a year and a half. He does not want to increase your difficulties. Thou shalt not come to me, even if you write to me, and I will not look. ”
At this time, Hu Lancheng had escaped from the danger and was teaching in a middle school. Zhang Ailing chose to write a farewell letter when everything was settled, and attached her own 300,000 yuan manuscript fee. She really loves him, but when she wants to understand that "I don't like you anymore, you already don't like me", she is still determined, and the 720-day couple will inevitably be sad. Hu Lancheng's two years were a lifetime for Zhang Ailing.
Later, Hu Lancheng wrote to Zhang Ailing's friend Yan Ying, trying to save the relationship, but Yan Ying ignored him, and Zhang Ailing did not pay attention to him. The two-year marriage has scarred Zhang Ailing, and she loves her completely and decisively.
Zhang Ailing has never said a word about this relationship, and she has spent decades almost all the love between her and Hu Lancheng into the novel called "Little Reunion". She eventually used such an autobiographical novel to make a complete reckoning with the relationship between her and Hu Lancheng.
Love to the depths of the flowers exhausted, withered not only love, but also her literary talent, after this love, Zhang Ailing's creation also fell into a low.
In 1951, Zhang Ailing left Shanghai, traveled to Hong Kong, and finally went to the United States, marrying Lai Ya, a writer who was much older than her. It was as if that love had prematurely burned out all her youth, enthusiasm and love.
On September 8, 1995, the 75-year-old Zhang Ailing took the story that outsiders relished, but she did not want to mention the past in the United States.
If life is only like the first sight, what is the west wind sad painting fan. Waiting for idle changes but the old people's hearts, but the old people's hearts are changeable. Lishan language strikes midnight, and the night rain bells do not complain. How to be bo lucky Jinyi Lang, than the wings and branches of the day wish.
-------- Naran's "Mulan"
He is like Bo Xing Jinyi Lang, who wished to ------ on that day, probably delusional thoughts.