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"I like money because I haven't suffered from money— although I've experienced some of it, it's really nothing compared to what people have really suffered—I don't know the disadvantages of money, I only know the benefits of money."
Among the modern literati, there are many people who are passionate about food, but there are not many people like Zhang Ailing who frankly love money.
Saying that she has loved money since she was a child does not seem to be empty.
When she "grabbed Zhou", she reached out to grab a small golden pound, which should give her family a lot of stimulation. Years later, her aunt still remembers and mentions it to her.
And Hu Lancheng even said that she regarded money as her destiny:
"In terms of human kindness, I always owe people money, but Ai Ling is two things, everything is like a knife cut, always do not drag mud and water." She lived with her aunt, and the two of them had to fight. But she also knew it herself, and she said to me, "My aunt said I was a money fan." Talking and laughing, very happy. She and Yan Sakura rarely go to the coffee shop to eat snacks together, and they must first explain who pays the bill. Yan Sakura is an Indian woman, very playful, she has the ability to say that the shopkeeper Jew also softened her heart, less than her money, Ai Ling told me and was very happy. Ai Ling's regard for money as fate reminds me of the first day of the first month of the first month of the hour, using a red head rope to weave a string of pressed old money, all of which are the white and bright copper coins of Kangxi Daoguang, and there is also this joy. ＂
Hu Lancheng is a man who has always spoken in clouds and mountains, making people confused, but the credibility of this passage is quite high.
According to Zhang Ailing's own account, her worship of gold seems to be inseparable from her mother.
"My mother was a very tall person, and when she had money, she never mentioned money, even when she was forced very hard for money later, she still took money very lightly. This spotless attitude aroused my disgust and provoked me to go to the opposite side, so as soon as I learned the term "money worship", I insisted that I was a money worshipper. “
The implication is that her common bones are due to her parents.
Considering her family background, it cannot be said that she is unreasonable.
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In the Xuanhe years of Xiangfu Mendi, Zhang Ailing only caught up with a tail.
She was born in Shanghai in 1920, Li Hongzhang and Zhang Peilun had been abandoned for many years, and her grandmother Li Juren, who was supposed to be alive, had passed away. In particular, the demise of the Qing Dynasty sounded the death knell for the Li family and the Zhang family, which were high-gate giants.
Zhang Ailing's ancestors had been greatly broadened.
Li Hongzhang, as a major minister of the late Qing Dynasty, is a part of China's modern history and is known to the world. But what the world does not know is the property of the Li family.
Like most officials in previous dynasties, Li Hongzhang's expansion of family property through legal and illegal channels was regarded as one of the main goals of his life. He ran the "Huai Army" and "Beiyang Army" for forty years, and no one knows how much he embezzled from military expenses into his private pockets. However, among the generals of the Huai Army, there were many people who were rich by deducting military expenses, such as Liu Mingchuan and Wei Rugui.
At the same time, Li Hongzhang, in the name of the "foreign affairs movement," founded countless government-run and private enterprises, and the general office and supervision of all enterprises were all served by his close associates, and the illegal benefits he obtained from them were an astonishing secret.
There was even gossip that he accepted a bribe of 300,000 rupees when he signed the Sino-Russian Secret Treaty.
In his lifetime, Li Hongzhang snatched up how many people's fat and people's ointment, and some good people made statistics, about 40 million silver, equivalent to half of the annual revenue of the Qing government at that time.
According to the "History of Modern Chinese Agriculture", the six Li Hongzhang brothers, only in their hometown of Hefei, each has an average of 100,000 mu of land, "and it is even more important in the outer counties"; "the wealth of the six houses can be an empire". These accounts are not false statements. When he was alive, there was a folk proverb of "The Prime Minister of Hefei Tianxia", but those who are similar to the great greed and actually end up with goodness are not alone, but cannot but be said to be a tradition in China.
Here, you can borrow Lin Yutang's words to sigh: "In China, although a person can be arrested for stealing money, he will not be arrested for stealing state assets. ”
The so-called "thief who steals the hook, the thief of the country" is also.
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However, the tide of the times, with the trend of destruction and decay, gushes down, and no one can stop it.
The prosperity of the former Xiangfu Mendi was blown by the wind, revealing a ruined foundation.
Even if the dowry brought to the Zhang family by the grandmother is thousands of times, she can't help but sit on the mountain for one generation, two generations or even three generations.
The money is gone, but people are still alive and have to live.
Zhang Ailing often mentions the "threat of confusion" in her text, which has something to do with the decline of the family.
In "Fairy Tales", she talks about the embarrassment of reaching out for money:
"I can't forget how I asked my father for money to pay for a piano teacher's salary when I was a child. I stood in front of the smoke shop for a long, long time, and I didn't get an answer. Later I left my father and lived with my mother. Asking my mother for money was at first a kind and intimate thing, because I had always loved my mother with a kind of romantic love. She was a beautiful and sensitive woman, and I rarely had contact with her, she went out of the ocean when I was four years old, came back several times and left. In the eyes of the child she is distant and mysterious. On two occasions she led me out, and when she crossed the road, she occasionally took my hand and felt a strange irritation. But later, in her predicament, I reached out to her for money for three days and two days, and suffered for her temper, for my own ungratefulness, and the embarrassment of those trivialities ruined my love little by little. ”
It's quite strange to see this.
Small doors, small households, still know to do their best to let their children receive a good education, not to mention the former high-gate giants? A hundred-footed worm, dead but not stiff. When Zhang Ailing was in middle school, her father had a car, had many bungalows, and could smoke opium with her stepmother.
But the children of the Gaomen giants seem to have a common disease: selfishness. This stems from the fact that on the one hand, they have developed the habit of luxurious life, and on the other hand, they are afraid of sitting on the mountain and eating the air, and they squeeze the money very tightly, lest they fall into the hands of others, even their children are no exception.
Zhang Zhiyi neither approves of Zhang Ailing learning piano nor is he happy for Zhang Ailing to go to college, not because he can't afford it, but because of a lack of responsibility and responsibility - he can't always smoke opium because of his children's education, right? Later, he finally wiped out a little of the family property.
Zhang Ailing should have looked at her father thoroughly long ago. Otherwise, she would not have taken advantage of a chance conflict with her stepmother to resolutely escape from her father's house and run to her mother.
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Before running away, her mother had entrusted someone to send a message to her: "If you follow him, you will naturally be rich, and if you follow me, you will suffer a lot." “
In this regard, with Zhang Ailing's mentality, she must have considered it.
Living with her father, relying on the inheritance of the Zhang family, she can naturally live a life with basic security, such as finishing middle school and becoming a "female marriage worker", but she wants to live a clean and neat life, I am afraid that it is spent in the mirror of the moon in the water. And she is a girl, even if the Zhang family has an inheritance to inherit in the future, it may not have her share.
It is better to follow her mother, who at that time is a symbol of her new life:
"When my mother returned from studying abroad, the family lived in a garden house, with dogs, flowers, fairy tale books, and the family suddenly added many beautiful relatives and friends. My mother sat on a piano stool with a fat aunt to imitate a love show from a movie, and I sat on the ground and watched, laughing, and rolling around on a wolfskin mattress. ”
As for her mother's real life, she knew very little. Although her mother studied in the United Kingdom and France, her mother was not a woman who wanted to make a living from her professional ability. Huang Yifan, who also came from a large family, although much better than Zhang Zhiyi as a father, still has a limited sense of responsibility for his children. Although she was willing to provide for her daughter and pay for her education, she could not raise her daughter in a way that sacrificed herself, like a traditional mother, carefully arranging a small amount of money and staying by her daughter's side. Shortly after Zhang Ailing came, she planned to go to Europe again.
That night, Zhang Ailing took advantage of her father's sleep and successfully escaped: "What a lovely world! I hurried along the street, and every foot I stepped on the ground was a loud kiss. “
But Zhang Ailing did not expect in her dreams that a kind of panic of "standing naked under the sky", with her escape, would truly come to her side and become a nightmare that she could not haunt for a lifetime.
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When life peels off the cloak of illusion and illusion layer by layer, what people grasp intuitively is often the most important and essential thing.
Soon after arriving at her mother's house, Zhang Ailing immediately felt the embarrassment of not having money: "To be able to love someone to the extent that she asks him to take pocket money is a strict test." "It can be seen that my mother has sacrificed a lot for me, and has been wondering if I deserve these sacrifices." I doubt it too. “
She often wandered around alone on the roof balcony of her apartment, her face facing the blazing sun, feeling that she was standing naked under the sky, being judged by underage people like all kinds of trepidation, trapped in excessive boasting and self-contempt.
Although her mother hired expensive tutors for her, she also helped her pay for the tuition fees of the University of Hong Kong. But the bits and pieces of life made her lose her love for her mother little by little.
Because her mother's living expenses were quite low, she was almost the poorest student at the University of Hong Kong, and she wore a blue robe all year round. At that time, most of the people who could go to college were outstanding, not to mention the vague creeping habits between girls, and she was so delicate as a needle, and a little ups and downs were terrifying waves for her. In the sonorous battle of the flowers and willows, she had no choice but to be silent, just as she later remained silent about this unpleasant memory.
But in the end, I didn't hold back, and Wrote everything in "Little Reunion", quietly, hesitantly, and wrote back and forth for thirty years. Until her death, she was reluctant to publish the book.
She did not expect that this autobiographical novel, which she had exhausted all her energy to examine family, love and friendship, would finally come out. Once again, she was "standing naked under the heavens" and was judged. It's just that she can no longer be trapped in excessive boasting and self-contempt, and she is relieved.
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Although the influence of the family and the sadness of homelessness after the divorce of her parents have contributed to Zhang Ailing's tendency to "worship gold", in the text, she does not talk about money in the end.
But in many places, full of human breath, sound and warmth: the smell of boiled pumpkin and the bright orange red give her the feeling of "warm old and warm and poor"; on a cold morning, someone builds a small stove on the sidewalk, choking people very much, but she likes to walk in that eye; a green-clad postman riding his old mother, she is moved; someone has a small red light on the bicycle wheel, she looks at it carefully, and praises: "The most beautiful." A child, in the small vegetable market where the stalls were collected, full of garbage, rode a bicycle, spread the handlebars, and skimmed over very flexibly, falling into her eyes: "The cutest moment in life is that one hand, right?"
Without these words, it is difficult to imagine that Zhang Ailing could win today's literary status by simply portraying the dark humanity into the bone.
Wang An remembered her, saying that even if she was thousands of years away, the Hall of Eternal Life, where there were no bones, she had to find the warmth within reach of the human world.
"At night, I sat by the brazier, and I was about to go to sleep, and I poked and smashed the charcoal base, and there could be a very warm moment; the charcoal chips emitted a great heat, and the stars were red, scattered in the ash piles high and low, like the first night of the mountain city, and the fireworks were put out, which could not help but remind people of the records of the Tang family's lamp market. But I was so ridiculous that I clamped the red charcoal base like a fire bayberry with iron tongs, but I was reluctant to break it. After it was broken, it burned brilliantly and there was no more. Although I was about to go to sleep, and it would not help me to burn it any longer, it was still very heart-wrenching. I like this kind of miserliness. “
It's a heart-wrenching moment. At this moment, this woman who said that she was a vulgar bone, liked money, and every time she saw the word "little citizen", she thought of herself in a hurry, transcending the limitations of her fate in life, and was the confidant of this fireworks world.