Memories of first love

I vividly remember that it was the summer of 1980, when I was twenty-three years old and worked as a dispatcher in the sales department of the Jihua refinery. One day, I happened to see the "Jiangcheng Daily" publish the news that the Jilin Municipal Literary Association held a novel lecture class at the Jiangnan Exhibition Center, and I, who loved literature, immediately opened a letter of introduction in the unit, and the next day I went to the Municipal Literary Association to apply for a hearing certificate.

Encounters are predestined in the dark. In the mailroom of the Municipal Federation of Literature and Literature, I was greeted by a girl of about twenty years old. Her fair face, slender figure, big eyes, black hair, although not beautiful, but she is generous and cheerful, there is a kind of shyness and quietness between her words and smiles, and I suddenly have a feeling in my heart that has never been felt before, there is a surge, like a tide.

During the conversation, I learned that her name was Li Xiaohua, because her father worked in the Municipal Federation of Literature and Literature and was a famous writer in our province. When she was unemployed at home, she went to the Literary Association to do temporary mailing and receiving work. I still remember her pen writing very well, generous and vigorous, not at all like a girl's handwriting. The first time we met, the conversation was very harmonious. So she asked me to help check tickets and maintain order during and during the novel lecture class. So I was like an in-house worker, busy with her before and after the lecture.

After meeting her, I was immersed in the restlessness of youth and the longing of love. During the day, her voice and smile swirled and lingered in my mind. At night, the thoughts and admirations made me toss and turn, sleepless at night, and for the first time in my life, I experienced the feeling of first love. After several hesitations, I finally couldn't restrain myself and decided to open my heart to her. It was a night when the lights were first lit, I sent her home after the novel lecture class, and we walked together on the Jiangnan Bridge, the evening breeze blowing her hair, at this time I plucked up enough courage to confess my admiration to her. After listening to my words, she looked at me in surprise, smiled and said, "I'll consider it." ”

Along the way we laughed and talked, time passed quickly, and unconsciously arrived at the place where it was time to break up. At the intersection of South Road, she told me that her home lived not far in front of Beijing Road, asked me not to send it, afraid that my family would see it, waving goodbye and laughing: "I used to see others fall in love early and laugh at them, but now I myself..." Before he could finish speaking, he shyly waved goodbye to me, turned and drifted away.

This night, I lost sleep all night. What I never expected, however, was that a few days later, on the phone, she told me that because she did not understand my situation, my parents did not agree. And she is the only daughter of the family, and she cannot but listen to her parents' opinions in lifelong events, and our business ends here. My first love ended before it had officially begun. For quite a long time after that, I was immersed in great thoughts and pain. In fact, I had no experience when I was young. Her parents don't know me, they can find a way to let them understand, if I really like her very much, I should not give up and continue to pursue. But I was too young after all. I only know how to like, dare to confess, encounter obstacles, but there is no way.

There are some moments in life, and some emotions are unforgettable, especially first love or unrequited love. Even according to the aesthetic standards of the time, Li Xiaohua could not be regarded as a beautiful beauty. But to this day, whenever I think back to her shadow, I still have a feeling of excitement in my heart. I think this is not only the scar left by the failure of the first love in the depths of the soul, but also shows that for a man, no matter how long time has passed, the woman he has loved will never disappear in his heart. Although my acquaintance and contact with her was short, it allowed me to experience the youthfulness and beauty of my first love, and in the years since, every time I passed by the Jiangnan Exhibition Hall, it made me feel as if I saw her coming to me from afar in my dreams.

Author of Shu Shi