In the previous part, we talked about the importance of commitment and consistency in educating children, and this psychological principle in the emotional world also has a wonderful chemical reaction and profound impact on two people.
To put it simply: "Couples or lovers often set common goals and promises to each other, and their happiness will be greatly improved, and it is relatively easy to go to the end!" ”
Speaking of this, women often pour cold water: "I'd rather believe that there are ghosts in the world than believe in the mouth of a man." Yes, it is not excluded that some "scumbags" make a lot of promises and finally do not deliver. But most people have a hard time making a commitment until they've made a decision.
For example, lovers who have just known each other for a few days suddenly want each other to commit to marriage, and even people who run trains with their mouths will be stunned. Because once a commitment is made, there is an effort to be consistent. In the public mind, consistency is a good characteristic of the person, and people who do not have this will be regarded as impetuous, indecisive, and unstable; people with this will appear rational, confident, and trustworthy. Obviously, most people want to be the latter in their hearts, at least as they appear.
So commitment and consistency always have an extraordinary impact on love
Hearing the other person take the initiative to say that I want to be the perfect lover in your heart is often easier to achieve than what kind of person I want you to become for me.
In marriage, we always ask each other to become a good wife and mother, a good husband and a good father for themselves, and once the other party can't do it, we will be so lost that we will quarrel. But we have never explored the real reasons.
For example, the husband often returns late due to work for a certain period of time, and the wife does not ask the reason for a scolding that splits her head and covers her face, but she has not thought that it is because the husband has recently changed to a new job and needs to learn new content, so it is inevitable to work overtime to complete various tasks. At this time, the wife demanded that the other party must return home on time, which was unreasonable in the husband's view, and the two sides were deadlocked in the long run.
If at this time the wife returns more warm care and understanding, or brings a cup of hot tea when returning home, and tells the mother and son's pain of expecting him to be more accompanied, I believe that the husband will say it himself with a sense of responsibility: "Adapt to the new job as soon as possible and get the family life back on track."
Public commitments often have lasting effects
Many people are distressed by the two people who are obviously in love, but the other party is unwilling to announce the relationship to outsiders or send an "official announcement" of the circle of friends. That's because public commitments are often harder to make than private commitments, and they're easier to try to follow.
The eminent psychologist Morton Doich did a public promise experiment: show three groups of college students straight lines and ask them to estimate the length. The first group needed to make the initial judgment public and write out the valuation to the experimenter; the second group also had to make a commitment to their own valuation, but only quietly wrote the value on the magnetic board and erased it when no one was there; the third group of students did not need to make a commitment at all, as long as they remembered it. In the end, the researchers came up with new evidence to tell them that the valuations were all wrong and now had the opportunity to correct their own valuations. The result is that the third group without public commitment immediately changed its original value, the second group, although it did not fully promise to the outside world, hesitated to change it, but finally insisted on what it wrote; and the most reluctant to change the valuation was the first group of public commitments, and found many reasons for themselves to insist on showing their correctness.
This experiment shows that people always insist on their own public decisions, and it is clear that a little use in love will make our romantic relationship stronger.
For example, if we want to determine a relationship, we will have a sense of ceremony and announce the relationship or send an official announcement of the circle of friends at dinner; on the contrary, we are extremely reluctant to do so and there is no special reason, we must consider whether the other party in this relationship is sincere. For example, in order to show that they are willing to pay, in front of both parents or friends, they will publicly explain that they will learn to cook certain dishes for each other, and strive to earn money to take each other where to travel this year, which will become a booster of happy love. Even if the material promise is not fulfilled in the end, it will be moved by the attitude of the other party's efforts.
Written commitment sublimates love further
Love has entered a certain stage, more or less can not avoid the above mentioned public commitment. But what is easier to keep than public commitments is a written commitment. Because a written commitment puts more effort than a verbal public commitment, the more effort is put into a commitment, coupled with the subconscious "spirit of contract", the greater his influence on the promiser.
It's like people often say, "The harder it is to get it, the more precious it will be, and the more it will be cherished." ”
The divorce rate is getting higher and higher in this era, and it is not only the post-90s and post-00s who are more open-minded than the older generation. Moreover, because of the development of science and technology today, it is often communicated with the other half by voice or typing. Instant messaging replaced the previous correspondence, and the thoughtfully written promises of love letters became what they are now, and the words that may have been said were quickly forgotten.
So when we feel that the other party does not care so much about each other, we may as well find time, stay at home quietly, each with a piece of paper and a pen, and write down the advantages we see in each other, the shortcomings of our own existence, and what kind of life we hope to work together in the future, and so on. With the promise of black and white, there are goals and hopes, and we can also see more advantages and concerns of the other party. Naturally, the hearts of the two people are firmly locked together!
Finally, I would like to say that beautiful love meets unexpectedly, and to maintain a good love for a long time, you also need to take the initiative to operate. Understand each other with your heart, and strive to let each other take the initiative to say their inner commitments, public commitments, and even write beautiful promises, and happy love will always flow for a long time!