Gu Jiegang
"Unprovoked encounters with Bihu Mei, willow whiskers in the promenade of doubtful dreams, thousands of tears for fifty years, poor alleys are the end of the world."
This is a prime thought written by Gu Jiegang in his later years of grief, loving a woman for more than 50 years, and finally missing it, and not knowing each other.
Gu Jiegang is a famous historian in China and the founder of the "ancient history discernment" school in China.
He was born in Shuxiangmendi, enlightened at the age of 4, studied at Peking University as a teenager, graduated and stayed in school to teach, exploring folklore and history all the way, and achieved a weight-taking position in this field.
However, it is this character who seems to have a smooth career, but he hesitates in love for half a life.
He was married 3 times in his life, and he married wives who were not his beloved.
He had been in love with Plato for more than half a century with another woman, but he had always adhered to etiquette and never made a mistake by half a step.
Until his death, this woman was a dream that he could not ask for, but all of this, he was willing to eat, and he was happy to taste.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="5" > teenagers are unaware</h1>
In 1893, Gu Jiegang was born in a very ordinary family in Suzhou, Jiangsu Province, which was a family of readers.
When he was young, he often snuggled up to his grandparents and listened to them tell various mythological stories, which also sowed the seeds for Gu Jiegang's later historical research.
Because he was the only son in the family, in the era of paying attention to family inheritance, his parents were also very concerned about Gu Jiegang's marriage, and set a family affair for him who had just turned 13.
The girl is 4 years older than Gu Jiegang, a typical traditional woman in a traditional family, who can't read big characters and can't read pen and ink, which can conflict with Gu Jiegang, who loves literature.
However, the orders of his parents and the words of the matchmaker, Gu Jiegang only sighed and helplessly obeyed.
When Gu Jie had just graduated from middle school and was not yet 18 years old, his parents urged him to get married.
After getting married, Gu Jiegang was often upset because he and his wife Wu Zhenglan did not have a common topic, but he did not show any impatience with his wife.
Only because he knows that this is the wife he is marrying, the person he wants to accompany for a lifetime, and it is his responsibility.
Wu Zhenglan's affection was all on himself, and how could he ignore it.
"The love of men and women should not have a second ear except for my wife."
Gu Jiegang warned himself that in order to cultivate friendship with his wife, he taught Wu Zhenglan to read and write by hand, and specially submitted articles to the Women's Times in the name of his wife.
In September 1924, Gu Jiegang took a group photo with the editorial board of the Quarterly Journal of Sinology
Wu Zhenglan understood her husband's meaning, that period, when the collision between the new wave and the old ideas was the most intense, how many men were honored to rebel against the family arranged marriage.
In the eyes of those people, after marrying home, whether it is sneering or turning a blind eye, as long as you give food to eat and give some living allowances, it is already considered to be the end of benevolence and righteousness, and everyone praises it.
Gu Jiegang was able to live with his old-fashioned woman, which was really rare.
She has never wasted her husband's heart, on the one hand, she actively learns knowledge, on the other hand, she takes care of the housework and perfects the care of the family.
Just a year after marriage, Gu Jiegang left home and went north to study alone, leaving Wu Zhenglan, who had just given birth to his first child, at home, taking care of housework and taking care of the elders.
In the blink of an eye, 5 years have passed, and the days have passed without being salty, husband and wife, one focusing on school, one focusing on family.
However, in 1917, Wu Zhenglan accidentally contracted a wind chill when giving birth to his second child, and his condition worsened, and there was no medicine for medicine.
The young couple, who had been married for only 6 years, was already facing a parting, and Wu Zhenglan left his life in Gu Jiegang's sad mood, leaving only two daughters for him.
Because it is a daughter, for Gu Jiegang's parents, there is still no family, and a year after Wu Zhenglan's death, he began to give his son Zhang Luo a second round of marriage.
This time, Gu Jiegang's parents learned the lesson of the last time and introduced a new woman to Gu Jiegang, Yin Lu'an.
Perhaps it is more responsible for the first wife than love, or perhaps the fate of the parents is difficult to resign, and the two daughters in the family do need a woman to take care of, Gu Jiegang accepted the parents' proposal.
Gu Jiegang and Yin Lu'an
In 1919, Gu Jiegang and Yin Lu'an held a grand wedding at home.
The feelings between the husband and wife this time are much more smooth than the last time, Yin Luan is quite talented, and Gu Jiegang has more common topics.
However, Gu Jiegang was still studying at Peking University at that time, and just 4 months after his marriage, he had to rush to Beiping and stay at home to take care of the family.
At that time, Yin Lu'an was actually not happy.
Gu Jiegang's parents often criticize her, and what they really value is the old-school woman who takes her husband as the sky and has three virtues and four virtues.
Yin Luan, on the other hand, accepts the ideas of the new era, and the two sides often have a clash of ideas.
The main thing is that Yin Luan has never given birth to a child. Wu Zhenglan gave birth to two daughters in a row, and it was good that he could still have children, but Yin Luan was not pregnant once.
There are three filial pieties, and no queen is greater. Before Yin Lu'an gave birth to a boy from the Gu family, she could not stand up in front of Gu Jiegang's parents.
Gu Jiegang's former residence
The only person who could support Yin Lu'an was her husband, Gu Jiegang. She could feel that her husband was more responsible for her and less loving. This is his flaw, but also his strength.
Gu Jiegang is obviously a man with a heavy sense of responsibility, as long as she is still his wife, he will keep this marriage and never betray it.
Obviously, Gu Jiegang was willing to be a good husband, he gave Yin Lu'an sweet words, went home to bring her gifts, and the letter sent to his home was also full of thoughts.
"Lu An, I left you in the distant blue and black West Mountain!" You can wash a few more photos and send them! I'm going to hold it in the book, the box in it, and the hat in the bag, so that I can see you everywhere, as if you're really here, to soothe the pain of missing! ”
There is no accident that the couple will naturally live like this, and maybe they will really have a love affair between them.
But Gu Jiegang met his "True Destiny Heavenly Daughter". On an outing in April 1924, Gu Jiegang couldn't hide his thoughts and developed a crush on a woman.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > deeply in love</h1>
On April 23, It was Tan Muyu (later renamed Tan Tiwu) who first appeared in Gu Jiegang's diary, only mentioning her name, and there was no clue at this time.
But only half a month later, Gu Jiegang mentioned Tan Muyu again in his diary.
"To all the people who travel with you, the most respected lady Tan, with her fall and widowhood, not in a group, like a cold plum in a valley, making people's eyes refreshed."
Like a cold plum in winter, proud of the wind and snow, open alone, the fragrance is dark. Gu Jiegang couldn't help but feel good and curious about this cold woman.
If you have the idea of getting to know a person, that is the beginning of the fall of love. Gu Jiegang began to pay attention to Tan Muyu uncontrollably, and he learned more about her.
Gu Jiegang (third from left in the front row)
In 1925, the "May Thirtieth" massacre occurred, and a wave of anti-imperialism and anti-feudalism was set off in China, and Tan Muyu actively participated in it.
She and her classmates put the collected British flag and slogan into the British Embassy in China, despite the danger, which caused admiration from the outside world.
The Morning Post of the same month also reported on this matter with great praise, and Gu Jiegang exaggerated in his notes, calling Tan Muyu "China's Virgin mary".
The girl with good feelings is a person who feels the sorrow of the people's livelihood and cherishes the righteousness, and her good appearance and shining soul make Gu Jiegang marvel every time he thinks of it.
Gu Jiegang himself is also a person who is sad for the country and the people, and he can't help but have the idea of pity for her, and since then, the person he loves has a look.
Knowing that he was in love with a girl, Gu Jiegang's first reaction was not shyness, nor sweetness, but panic.
Yu Pingbo
In his anxiety, he wrote a letter to his friend Yu Pingbo to talk about it.
"In recent years, I have lived a life of reason and will, bent on striving, and forgetting my feelings."
"I've never been interested in women, but this time I saw a very desirable woman... As soon as I saw her, I felt a strong sense of love and respect, and I didn't feel a trance. ”
If so, it is still just a simple emotional confusion, but Gu Jiegang then stated in the letter:
"I don't want to marry her, and I don't want to have a deep relationship with her. I just thought she was cute, I just thought I couldn't handle the love affair I loved her. “
"I also don't want her to know that I love her, much less to get her love. Pingbo, my intellect and feelings are separated..."
Why did Gu Jiegang want to explain that he did not want to have a deeper connection with the people who thought of Him?
If you love someone, you can't block your own vision, block your thoughts, and you can't control your behavior, and your every move is only to be closer to the person you like.
But the news revealed in Gu Jiegang's letter only conveys the pain of him after he found out that he liked other women.
He saw the boundary between himself and Tan Muyu very clearly, a husband with a wife, a single woman.
Is he going to abandon his wife who is supporting the elderly at home in order to pursue the so-called "love"?
No, for Gu Jiegang, responsibility is the foundation of his life. As long as he still has a wife, he must think about her.
He also did not want Tan Muyu to know that there was a man who liked her, so as not to cause trouble to this woman.
Gu Jiegang (front row, first left)
It is he who has the wrong thoughts, the others should not pay for his mistakes, and if someone must be tormented, let him bear it all.
At this time, Gu Jiegang still naively thought that reason alone could be suppressed.
However, the word "love" is the most confusing and confusing. If it can be easily controlled, how can there be so many love and hate in this world, parting pain, and acacia and breaking tears.
Gu Jiegang is still falling into it step by step, it is difficult to extricate himself, he is suffering from this love that should not appear, and he has written to his friends many times to talk about it.
This did not alleviate anything, and tan Muyu began to appear in his dreams.
The first time I dreamed of her, it was still relatively normal. Gu Jiegang recorded it in his diary.
Gu Jiegang's diary
Seeing a person in a dream, in the night can be close but not close, to say: "I have no way to be good to you, you are not worthy of being good with me, we still keep this point of pity forever." "Wake up and think about it, and don't feel the tears."
At this time, Gu Jiegang still remembered to refuse even in his dreams and maintain his due sanity, even if he was very sad.
But he vaguely felt threatened, if this relationship continues to be uncontrolled, in the end he will become a slave to the feelings, just to chase the shadow of the iceberg and snow lotus, harm others and harm himself.
The next day, Gu Jiegang wrote home and told Yin Lu'an that he had a crush on a woman.
It's confession, it's also a rush. In short, Yin Lu'an, come and see your husband, with a wife around, you can't think about it.
After Yin Lu'an received the letter, he rushed to Beiping with a wrapped bag.
Gu Jiegang's family photo
She was extremely gentle with Gu Jiegang and took care of his life airtightly, but the situation did not alleviate anything.
Perhaps it was the bottoming out, Gu Jiegang dreamed of Tan Muyu again, and this time they had a closer approach in the dream.
He dreamed of Tan Mu Yu Shui Qiu Qiu's eyes, with a pulse of affection, telling him the meaning of lovesickness, and then doing warm things with him. When it came, Gu Jiegang refused with difficulty.
In the dream, he had just refused the invitation of the beauty, and in reality, he woke up in a hurry and was sweating.
His wife, who was sleeping nearby, was awakened by his movement of getting up, and the sleepy eyes also struggled to get up, relieved him: "But you have a nightmare? ”
Gu Jiegang nodded his head crampedly, and lay down again in the comfort of his wife, his eyes open, looking at the darkness that pervaded around him, and his heart could not stop the fear and regret.
At the same time, he was also full of guilt for Yin Lu'an, Madam, do you know this man next to your pillow, he just dreamed of being close to another woman.
Gu Jiegang's suffering continued, on the one hand, he persuaded himself to suppress it, and on the other hand, he could not control his behavior.
In his mind, there was a ruler admonishing him, flogging him over and over again, not to be transgressed, not to fail his wife at home.
But when a friend sent an invitation to play and informed that Tan Muyu was present, the string of reason broke.
"Good for a short stay"
When Gu Jie just reacted, he only heard his blurted out consent, and his voice was low and slightly trembling, which was an irrepressible excitement.
Swimming with Tan Muyu in the West Lake, admiring the scenery of the lotus leaves in the blue sky, and then returning home, Gu Jiegang dreamed again.
The dream escalated further, and he dreamed of further intimate measures with the woman he loved.
Gu Jiegang took a group photo with his wife
Dreaming that Jian Chang (Tan MuYu) was in the same bed as Yu, he drowned, swirled and slept, and exhaled: "Yu Yu Hu? As he said, he told him: "I have always suppressed feelings with reason. Before he could finish speaking, he said angrily, "Fore, if so, I will not be a prostitute!" "Although Yu has always suppressed his feelings with reason, he has failed so far!" "At this point, I woke up."
Gu Jiegang did not hold on to it in the end, and completely fell in the dream.
When he woke up, he sat at his desk all night, until it was dark and the sun was pouring, and then he moved his stiff body and smiled, but it was worse than crying.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="24" > a lifetime of pain</h1>
The biggest difference between man and other creatures is that he has reason and understands what to do and what not to do.
Gu Jiegang, who thinks that he is a reasonable person who knows "etiquette, righteousness, and shame", understands what is secular morality, and knows what the essence of marriage is.
Tolerance, commitment, chastity, this is his ideal full married life, and he will continue to maintain his marriage in this way.
He could not love Yin Lu'an for the rest of his life, but he couldn't do anything to be sorry for her. Gu Jiegang still did not tell Tan Muyu his affection for her.
He framed himself in the framework of "Tan Muyu's mentor and friend" and "Tan Muyu's confidant friend", and began to exchange long-term letters with this woman.
If you like someone, she is full of her in her eyes and between the lines. Gu Jiegang did not hide it for a long time, and the clever Tan Muyu soon understood the man's unspoken love.
She decided to go with the flow, after all, Gu Jiegang had never confided in her, and most of the conversation between the two was literature and revolution.
On the other hand, Tan Muyu did have some selfish intentions. In a chaotic world, precarious, it is enough to have a person who thinks about himself all the time, just thinking about it, it is enough to warm people's hearts.
Gu Jiegang and his wife Zhang Jingqiu and their children took a group photo
After all, love and love are only a small plan, and when the refugees of the country are in trouble, they must do the flood of salvation, even if the ephemera shakes the tree.
In 1926, under the leadership of the Communist Party of China, Tan Muyu and his classmates went to the door of the State Council of Duan Qirui's government to petition, which is known as the "March 18 Movement".
This event, casualties were heavy, Lu Xun also specially wrote an article "Remembering Liu and Zhenjun" to commemorate the warriors who died in this activity.
She traveled non-stop across the country, going wherever there was a war and wherever she was needed.
Gu Jiegang was also doing his best to help Tan Muyu, he was not a soldier, he could not take up his weapons and rush to the front line to kill the enemy, but he was a scholar of literature and history, a literati.
Gu Jie just stayed in the rear, writing about Tan Muyu's every move, where she went, what she did, and what impact she had. He knows better than anyone.
Gu Jiegang manuscript
He quickly wrote a book about Tan Muyu, "Inner Mongolia Inspection Record", which was later published at the Commercial Printing House and renamed "Tan Tiwu: The Present and Past of Inner Mongolia".
Within two years, Tan Muyu also took advantage of Gu Jiegang's literary aura to publish articles such as "Traffic in Xinjiang" in the society he led.
For a time, letters between the two were endless, and Gu Jiegang also specially wrote poems for Tan Muyu, comparing her to Yue Fei and protecting the country and the people.
For Gu Jiegang's encouragement, Tan Muyu was touched, "The one who knows me best is Sir. ”
They didn't seem to say anything between them, and they seemed to say a lot. Many emotions, many thoughts, all in silence.
In this way, this delicate balance was maintained, and they lived as friends for 20 years, never crossing the line.
In 1943, Gu Jiegang's second wife, Yin Lu'an, died, and his wife who had been with him for about 20 years left, which was extremely sad for Gu Jiegang.
But at the same time, the shackles that bound him for 20 years finally disappeared. Only 16 days after Yin Lu'an's death, Gu Jiegang couldn't help but want to erupt this volcano that had been suppressed for many years.
He couldn't wait to express his feelings over the years, and this letter Gu Jie had just written for 6 days and 9400 words.
In the letter, he wrote: "For twenty years, Yu and Jian have always loved each other, and they have been in peace with themselves, and they have been careful about etiquette and righteousness, and the suffering of this heart is not known to others. Now that I am in peace, this kind of heart can be revealed, because I have sent it in a long letter, and I do not know what will be expressed in my book? ”
Children's Book Couple and Gu Jiegang (middle)
Tan Muyu, who saw the letter, was not too entangled, at this time she was 41 years old, earlier than the young and rambling years, in order to see feelings more than anything.
She is now unmarried and has no intention of getting married in this life.
"I'm an active person and can't manage the housework."
This tacit "crush" of 20 years was ended by this light and fluttering sentence.
After the words were finished, she bid farewell to Gu Jiegang and continued to walk her own path without any nostalgia.
Gu Jiegang could no longer contact Tan Muyu, and it was difficult for them to even be friends. Disheartened, he accepted a recommendation from a friend and married a woman named Zhang Jingqiu.
But Tan Muyu was still the white moonlight that Gu Jiegang had in mind, a dream that he had always been out of reach.
Gu Jiegang and his wife Zhang Jingqiu lived in sanlihe apartment in Beijing
In his later years, he still recorded a lot of content about Tan Muyu in his diary, and his heart ached whenever he thought of her.
On September 6, 1978, Gu Jiegang, withered, sat at his desk where he was writing with the help of his children.
He trembled as he picked up manuscripts and diaries from recent years, carefully brushing open the folds, and seeing that there were two pages glued together, he squinted his eyes and raised his hand to gently separate the pages.
I only saw a poem recorded on it: "Knowing that the flowers are finished with the autumn, I am still hanging on to the red and purple." "It was written by Tan Muyu in his early years, and he copied it in.
Immediately, the sky shook, and the tears couldn't stop sliding down.
He picked up a pen and added in his diary: "Unprovoked encounter with Bihu Mei, willow whiskers in the long corridor suspicious dream fans, fifty years of thousands of tears, poor across the alley is the end of the world." ”
After writing, Mozi went through the pages several times and continued to write: "The pain of a lifetime." ”
The love between the two pairs, which has lasted for more than half a century, finally ended in "the pain of a lifetime".