9 years ago saw this movie "Blue Valentine's Day", the specific plot is not remembered, vaguely remember the depression and helplessness of married life, now has been married for 5 years and then watched again, combined with the bits and pieces of married life, I have a deeper understanding and reflection on this movie.
Blue Valentine's Day poster
The plot of this movie is simple, telling the story of a couple who have been married for 6 years, from love to divorce. Although the plot is simple, the daily marriage shown in the play and the huge personality differences between the two people make people often look new. The first time I saw it, I categorized the film as "Powerless Love", and now it has been reclassified into the "Midlife Crisis" series.
The world of middle-aged people is depressed and depressed, and the married life of middle-aged people is even more difficult to find an exit, how to add a little "easy" to the dull middle-aged marriage, which seems to be a difficult and difficult problem. Only from the perspective of the male and female protagonists in the play, in-depth analysis of why the two went from sweet to broken.
▶1. The influence of the original family.
The heroine, Cindy, grew up in a tense family atmosphere, her mother is a housewife, she treats her father cautiously, and her father is grumpy and impatient. In the play, the father is faced with a dinner that he does not like to eat, loudly reprimands his mother, and overturns the table. Cindy and her mother were afraid to respond in fear.
The father's violent tyranny causes Cindy to desire the love of the opposite sex, and in the face of the boy's pursuit at a young age, she responds with sexual relations. The non-self-love seen by outsiders is only her desire for male care, unable to get her father's care at home, and wanting to get it through other means outside. The alienation and fear of the relationship with her father made her not know how to deal with the relationship with men, facing the suitors, and the comers did not refuse. Even dating 2 boyfriends at the same time, resulting in pregnancy without knowing who the father of the child is.
Not good at dealing with the relationship with the opposite sex, you can not really follow the heart, when choosing to marry her husband, she thinks that she is really in love, after marriage suddenly found that she "does not love", perhaps the triviality of life wears away the sweetness of their love. But the most essential premise is that she actually does not love him as much as she imagined.
The male protagonist, Dane, whose parents divorced since childhood, has not enjoyed maternal love, his father is a janitor, he has not read any books, so that Dane did not read in high school, he believes that "reading is not interesting", he advocates simple and free work, such as porters, painters. Work with him, just to earn money to survive. It has not yet risen to the level of ideals and pursuits.
After marriage, Cindy tried to communicate with him many times, hoping that he could find a stable job, dann scoffed at this, and even went to the hospital where Cindy worked to ask Cindy why he left alone. In his view, work is the least important of all social relations.
Neither of them can jump out of the framework of their original family, refuting each other with each other's most naked needs, and ultimately losing both.
▶2, you don't grow, I want to bloom.
Cindy has a very clear goal before marriage, she wants to be a doctor, and after marriage, she is also working hard for this, she cherishes job opportunities, performs well, and has a good reputation among leaders and colleagues.
Dane never thought that there needed to be other pursuits in life, and his understanding of life was to get up in the morning and drink until eight o'clock, then go to work, and come back after work to stay with his wife and children, which is his happiness. He changed jobs many times, but they were all the same hard work.
The huge difference in educational background between the two determines the two people's different world outlook and outlook on life, neither of them is wrong, there are thousands of ways of life, where is the absolutely correct kind? The fault is that they are never on the same channel, and for a long time, like two parallel lines, they can never intersect.
▶3, you give, I don't want
Dane is delicate in his mind, he can easily find Cindy's unhappiness and boredom, he thinks the best solution is for the two to go to a couple hotel for one night, he believes that fine wine and sex life can buffer all the bitterness.
Cindy's bitterness comes from the fact that when she prepares oats for her children and is accused by her husband of asking why she didn't soak it in water, the puppy gets lost and is asked why she didn't close the door. The husband's inaction suffocated Cindy. She was so tired that she needed someone to help her share the burden, someone to comfort her.
But the husband's comfort is sex, a thousand ways of comforting, and he gives her the one she least wants.
The difference in the personality of men and women makes the two people never be able to make a voice about something, most people's marriage is difficult here, obviously very hard to communicate, but always chicken and duck to talk.
In fact, put your eyes on the trivial matters of life, stand in the other person's point of view to deal with trivial housework, make breakfast for children who get up early, clean the housework for the wife who returns late, the deepest love between husband and wife, is that you understand my hard work, I share your pressure.
▶ Conclusion:
Ma Yili once said many years ago: "It is easy to love each other, marriage is not easy, and it is easy to do and cherish", there are thousands of failed marriages, but good marriages must have some commonalities: find a partner who is spiritually "right at home", do a job in the eyes, have your partner in your heart, and maintain a consistent learning concept. If love is the first sight of the heart, then the marriage is the two people after the game of equal strength, if one side is unbalanced, the other party can not be balanced for a long time, enduring love is the result of long-term business maintenance, marriage is the same! May all middle-aged friends be able to work hard and harvest happiness after recognizing the essence of marriage.